What could this be - a brain problem?

[Klo]

Hi, I recently recommended someone to help a friend with his work. I don't know her really well, but her work performance is quite a problem: He sends her out to get supplies (just 2) and she gets only one and forgets the most important one; she paints the closet even though she forgot masking tape, and gets paint on the rug in the hallway; she gets water for him, but the wrong size after he emphasized a certain size; she doesn't pay attention and breaks things; putting a cartridge into the printer broke the printer; she keeps track of her hours but it's more than what she actually works (I don't believe she's intentionally dishonest).... etc.

I realize she's under financial stress and was also divorced this year but somehow this behavior seems strange to me and I'm concerned about her. I don't think he will be having her work much longer and honestly I don't know where she could work. By the way, this lady is in her mid 40's and has an absolutely *terrible* diet including cheese, meat, ham, etc.

Any ideas??

[Karen]

Could be a few things. My assistant just quit on me because she said she couldn't handle the the stress I caused her by making her get the amounts on invoices correct all the time!.

She had worked for us for at least 5 years, maybe more. She used to do excellent work, always correct, always professional. But last year she started doing just awful work and refusing to check her work. It got really embarassing because clients started asking me why everything was wrong. We cut down her responsibilities to less than 10% of what she used to do, but the "mistakes" she called them were getting worse and worse. The final straw was that she just started saying that things were completed when they weren't and she didn't have any reasons why.

She finally told me she had diabetes and she thought that's why she kept screwing up. That was no surprise because she is very, very heavy and her husband doesn't like vegetables so she doesn't eat any. Plus they eat at McDs about 5 times a week. Her doctor told her to stop eating all carbs due to her diabetes, so she just eats processed meat foods.

Anyway, I don't believe it was her diabetes -- I'm pretty sure she just didn't like the job and didn't understand why we had so many *rules* about taxes and invoices and accounting. She wanted to do things her own way and I believe she wanted me to fire her so that she didn't have to quit.

When she did quit she was a mess - she thought I'd be so mad. In fact, we were relieved that we didn't have to fire her. And I think she's going to be shocked to find out that her new office job isn't going to allow her to sleep for 4 hours during the work day or bring her grandchild to work with her when the boss is away.

So it could be a medical problem or it could be that your co-worker just wants to change jobs but can't do it herself. Many people think they have to hold on to a job just for pride's sake.

And stress can make your brain just break. I know mine does from time to time.

[Klo]

This is bizarre! More mistakes - she was supposed to bring cleaning supplies today but forgot them. Plus she was an hour late. She also looked for vacant houses for sale (this guy is a real estate investor) but instead of looking on mapquest as she was instructed, she drove around for hours and got lost. And she didn't deduct these hours from her pay!

Unfortunately, I believe she's dishonest now. Her record of hours are much more than what she's actually working. Plus, she's inconsiderate - her phone rings often throughout the day as she's working and she takes the calls! He's going to have to let her go.

Meanwhile, if anybody knows what could be causing that forgetful problem, let me know. I would like to recommend a professional to her, but I don't know who. Thanks!

[erin]

maybe she's doing drugs like crystal meth or something. has anyone talked to her about all the mistakes?

~erin

[hope101]

I am assuming this is a change from previous responsible behaviour. With the dishonesty that is happening, I too would suspect something like a substance abuse problem (hers or someone in the family) or gambling. People can have physical illness that can cause these problems, but they are rare. However, things like stroke affecting the front of the brain or a tumor are possible.

[Karen]

Seems to me it is the parents' job to promote honesty and pride in work, not the school system's.

[Anne]

I've seen a few people break down like this during my 24 years of work experience. Here are the likely causes in order of probability from my experience:

1. substance abuse, most likely alcoholism. Her behavior sounds very much like that of an alcoholic - forgetful, unaware of her own inappropriate behavior, impulsive.

2. clinical depression - people don't seem to understand that severe depression makes people dysfunctional. They CAN'T get to work on time, accomplish tasks, or think clearly.

3. early dementia, whether vascular or Alzheimer's - the forties is when this shows up. She could have blocked carotid arteries and be suffering mini-strokes.

4. severe illness like cancer, either undiscovered or being treated (chemo brain)

I realize that this woman will have to be fired or placed on upaid leave, but she seems to be crying out for help by screwing up in front of people. If she is clinically depressed, she may be a suicide risk. Do you know her well enough to sit down and confront her about her symptoms in a way that isn't about the job, but about what's going on with her?

This is a lot more than a poor work performance - this is someone having a breakdown.

[yamster]

. . . the likely causes in order of probability from my experience:

1. substance abuse, most likely alcoholism. Her behavior sounds very much like that of an alcoholic - forgetful, unaware of her own inappropriate behavior, impulsive.

2. clinical depression - people don't seem to understand that severe depression makes people dysfunctional. They CAN'T get to work on time, accomplish tasks, or think clearly.

I tend to agree with Anne's first 2 possible causes in her list of 4, but there is so much we responders do NOT know about your friend, so I have a few questions for you:

1. What is her work history? Did she work while she was married, or before marriage? Full-time, pt, consistent, long-term, or erratic?
2. Is this someone who did not have many responsibilities or people to be accountable to prior to taking this job?
3. How old is she -- approximately?

[Karen]

What ia meant is that while parents try to farm out the teaching of ethics, morals, and social skills to schools, it is STILL their own responsiblity to provide this teaching. Outsourcing does not absolve parents of their responsiblity.

I was amused the other day when a co-worker told me that her son hit her very young daughter AT HOME. What did she do? She picked up the phone and called her son's principal to arrange to have her son spanked at school "so that he could learn what's right and what's wrong".

That is just plain stupid. Why the hell does a parent think that it is a school's job to discipline their own children for acts they did at home? Her answer: "I don't want my son to grow up hating me". This whole "I want to be friends with my children" is why kids are growing up with no sense of right and wrong.

There should be a license to procreate....or at least to raise children.

And bring it back on topic: the final problem to assuming that the school is responsible for teaching your kids right from wrong is that there is a very grey and very large area in the middle. Guess where teachers get their nutrition teaching materials? The Dairy Board, the Beef Board, the Pork Board, the Poultry Baord, you name it. So little kids are being taught to sing songs about how happy the cow is to give her young calves up to become veal and how important it is to get enough protein...and that vegetable protein is "incomplete" or that not eating meat will make you weak and sickly.

And the teachers are happy to have someone else provide the material. Indeed, they most likely learned the same songs when they were in grade school.

Think I'm joking?

Check out this page from the National Dairy Council http://www.nutritionexplorations.org/ed ... .asp?tab=1

Or this page, from the Beef Board http://www.teachfree.com/HealthySchoolNutrition.aspx

Here's a directory of Ag-provided teaching materials, some about vegetables and most about Beef, Pork, Chickens, and othe meat products

So if parents leave the teaching of values, ethics, and nutrition up to the schools, I guess we are doomed.

I stand by my statement: It is the parents' responsiblity to teach their kids in what they believe and the right way to do things. Blaming the schools is not the solution; it's a cop out.

[Klo]

To answer your questions:

She's approx. 47 years old.

Actually, I don't know her that well, and I feel so bad about her and about recommending her. He did let her go but I'm not sure of the details of what he told her. I don't know her well enough either to feel comfortable talking to her.... especially since the things he told me were in confidence. I'm sharing them here since nobody would know who she is. After reading all the posts, I suspect alcoholism... She's talked about going to bars and drinking. That just makes a lot of sense with her behavior and the way she forgets things.

I really don't know her work history, but I think she and her x had some kind of business. I know she is having a hard time with menopause. She told me she goes crazy during the time of the month if she doesn't exercise. Her diet is absolutely terrible. All I feel like I can do at this point is pray for her.

Thanks for all the great info - very interesting posts and I appreciate it!