Journal of my journey

[Morris]

November 13, 2018

My eating did not go too bad yesterday, I did eat some mini Snickers, though.

I made some mashed potatoes to go with my beans for later in the day. I boiled the potatoes in broth, added about 4 bay leaves and 2 cloves of garlic - then drained and mashed using some of the water -- YUM

I had some toast also. Hubby suggested I start baking bread again, but I don't want to because bread is an issue with me and I have no problem downing a whole loaf. But if I grind my own wheat berries, does that make it compliant? I am keeping all the outer stuff.

I was totally out of 'green' veggies, hubby was on his way home and ended up with a flat tire. We needed to replace them all, so he stopped at Costco, so since I have the card, I had to go to town. While there I bought: broccoli, Brussels sprouts, riced cauliflower, blueberries, and Three Berry mix ---- I finally feel like I have veggies in the house again. I only had kale from the garden.

We got quite a bit of squash from the garden so I had been cooking that up to freeze (and eat). I know this is a starch program, but it seemed like all I was eating was starches (squash, potatoes, beans, corn, mixed vegetables)

The temperatures dropped to -2°F last night. I should have cut the last of the kale, but did not think of it. I wonder if it'll still be usable.

I have to wait til this weekend before the hunters get out of the woods, I cannot wait to start running again outside. My mile a day streak ended yesterday. Having to go to Costco, was just enough of an excuse for me to discard my goal -- Man! I give too easy some times.

I am working on the mindset of doing a streak from Thanksgiving to New Years Day - Hubby has a doctor appointment today, that means a trip to town and he will want to eat out. I am hoping he want Thai - it is one of the places that has fresh veggies in their dishes - but I get a red curry and I am sure it is full of fat - but so good.

[Idgie]

If you don't put any milk/oil/eggs in your bread, it's compliant with whole-wheat flour for regular McDougall, but not for MWL. I love my own bread, but I'm not making it at the moment because of this. I do have a loaf of Ezekiel bread in the freezer, though, for when I just really really want a piece of toast.

[Morris]

November 17, 2018

OMG!!! I don't know what possessed me this morning -- 5 miler on the treadmill. And I worked outside in the yard yesterday for about 5 hours - I am feeling it now.

I just woke up from a morning nap, I got up too early to get that run in -- lol. Now, I am off to town to get some stuff for the "campout" we are going to have in the empty house. I am going to set up my tents, blow up the air mattresses and sleeping bags and go camping wimpy style (indoors). It should be fun for the grandkids.

I started my day with:
coffee
treadmill run
baked potato
salsa
guacamole
broccoli
carrots
2 slices zucchini bread

2 cups water

[Morris]

November 21, 2018

I haven't posted for a while, but I think I am in a relapse and I need to turn it around and turn it quick! I did real well a while back, I even dropped a couple of pounds, --- then my youngest accuses me of something, which she has a false memory of, but it seems I am the perfect one to blame for whatever. I am so tired of people blaming me for things I have no control over. Hubby does not help me with the every day chores, part of my frustration is I think he thinks it is beneath him to do these things. Plus we are getting the house ready to paint so I have to get that done also. Then son-in-law calls. Okay that put me over the top - I lost it and went on a binge. It has been three days and if I don't stop this it is going to spin out of control.

I have eaten so many calories in one sitting, more than once and I am hoarding food and eating when I am alone so no one sees me eat it. ARGGGHHH! And all the while I am reading Break the Food Seduction by Neal Barnard --- oh the irony of it all.

I am not even going to go on with the bad -- I need to restart and today is a good day to start again. As long as I don't quit, I am not failing and I can do it. I watched a video of a young lady hiking the Pacific Trail solo and she made one mistake that could have cost her her life if she had not turned back. Later, in another video she was discussing the mistakes that people make when backpacking and she brought up that incident and she said something on the order that one should not live in the past, that is yesterday and it is done and over with and things are different now. (I'll be honest, I really don't remember what she said, but it was something like move on, move forward,...)

So, my off plan out of control eating is so yesterday; today is a new day with a new start. I believe it is time I take control and get with the plan and stop making these stupid excuses as to why I ate junk -- I need to stop justifying my behavior and do what I know is the right thing to do because if I keep on eating the junk it could very well cost me my life, or my life as I know it now,

I am doing a 10 Day Challenge to run a 5k each day for a chance to have my name entered in to win $500 -- fat chance that I'll win, but I'll be greatly encouraged running a 5k for 10 days; my running is one thing that was put on the back burner these past stressed filled months. Again, the irony of it all, in the past, running is how I relieved stress.

Well, time for that 5k run. Tomorrow is the Turkey Trot and I want to be used to running at this time of day and in the cold. So, until later....

[Idgie]

Enjoy your run! I know you'll feel better now that you're back on track. I find that stress binges, if they're relatively short, do help in the short term to make me feel better, and if I can keep the shame spiral from making them longer, they do their job and I'm back in the saddle. Have a great time in the Turkey Trot!

[Rosey]

You can do this!!! I think most of us go through relapses. Mine lasted way to long as in months and I put a lot of weight back on getting it off now though.

[Morris]

Update -- I went for my 5k run this morning, I did not warmup and that slowed me done in the beginning and I was not able to get my pace back to where I wanted it. But, no matter, I know the lack of warm up slowed me done. My fitbit tracker gave me the 3 mile shout out and I realized that I was feeling pretty darn good - both physically and mentally. It was only 17°F and snowing, but my body warmed up and I felt like I could run more. But, with race day tomorrow, I decided not to continue running.

After I cleaned up, I made a batch of curried lentils and rice.




https://www.flickr.com/photos/164499837@N06/32119247238/in/dateposted-public/

Also, Cooked 2 large butternut squashes for tomorrow's dinner. I am feeling a bit more optimistic -- hope it stays that way.

[Morris]

November 24, 2018

WOW! I am officially into my 4th year of my journal. I am noticing that I am not posting in my "bad", meaning way off plan" moments. I finally figured out how to post pics of my meals. I wonder if I did a photo journal of what I ate if that would keep me accountable and help me stay on plan. Because, you know, it'd really be embarrassing showing a bagful of empty wrappers.

But, the fact that I'd consider it embarrassing tells me that I am having some serious eating issues happening. Last night, hubby and I went out to eat and I ordered and ALT (avocado, Lettuce and Tomato) sandwich. The soup I wanted was out, so I went with the french fries. I admit, they were good,but as I ate them I noticed how greasy they really were. I practiced one of the Beck Diet Solution techniques and left some on my plate. That was a chore for me because I usually always eat all that is on my plate. But, I survived. We were at Perkins and as we were paying, hubby got to talking with the cashier, all the while, I am eyeing the muffins and cookies on display. I was tempted, but left without. Yeah me!

We bought the paint for the house and now we can start painting, hopefully we will be able to start moving our stuff into the bigger house soon. When we built that house, we designed the kitchen for me and batch cooking -- lots of counter space. I cannot wait. It'll give me about 4 times the space compared to what I have now.

I am currently doing the 10-day Hug a Runner Challenge and am doing a 5k each day. Yesterday, was a rough one and I ended up walking a lot of it because I felt it was a lot less effort to walk than jog. I think my pace might have been better also. I think it was because my daughter stopped to take our granddaughter home (she came to stay with us so we could do the Turkey Trot 5k together) and it put me in a foul mood. (pun intended - fowl, get it). I know she is my daughter, but the stuff her and son-in-law put us through has put me over the top emotionally. I did not even want to talk to her and I left the room when she came in, but she called out to me to ask a favor of me.

It reminds me of the time hubby was trying to teach one grandson a new word and he stated, "I only have so many words and they are all out there already." - that is how I feel about my daughter and son-in-law, I only have so much goodness and kindness toward them and they used them all up, I have none left. I need to separate and regroup my thoughts and feelings. I will say, that this time she had a legitimate reason for asking what she did, but it is for a future day, so I will see what my mood is when the time gets closer. In the back of my mind, I keep thinking the more I help them, the more they will keep taking and taking and taking and taking from us. It needs to stop. But I don't want to cut ties completely because of the grandchildren.

My weight is at the highest it has been this past year, I am not even going to record it. I am going to focus on this weekend to get my mindset back to food is fuel. I feel miserable at this weight and it is still below my teenage and early adult weight. Plus I feel crappy eating crap -- let that be a lesson to me.

Hubby is gaining weight and he is stuffing in the butter cookies like their is no tomorrow. I told him to keep them out of my sight. He is my motivation for wanting to get back on track, I watch him eat unhealthy foods then I have to listen to him complain about how he thinks he is getting arthritis and his fingers hurt. And then he complains about his back hurting more than it has in the past and how he keeps having to fight headaches. Hey! One of the reasons I started this journey was because I was getting too many aches and pains on a daily basis.

Unfortunately, if I want to see improvements in hubby's way of eating, I have to "diet" for him. He won't eat the lesser calorie dense foods on his own, only when I prepare it for us. Yet, he will lecture to anyone who will listen about eating healthy -- but his idea of eating healthy is so skewed and his only focus is on GMO as if that is the only thing that is a problem with health and weight issues. I wish he'd put into practice what he preaches. Eliminating GMO food items cuts out a lot of garbage food. Just as cutting out overly processed foods eliminates of lot of the stuff that ain't healthy for you.

I am currently reading Breaking the Food Seduction by Neal Barnard. His focus is more on understanding what happens to the body physically when we eat certain foods like chocolate, cheese, and meat; and how those foods have an impact on the brain. He thought is if we can break the physical aspect of what is going on, then breaking the habit will be easier and will come naturally. So, I am hoping with this knowledge and the Beck Diet Solution, which gets you thinking like you ought to, I'l be able to get in the right mindset and leave the junk alone.

Well, here is to another day. I am going to plan what I am going to eat, prep my meals, run a 5k, then off to start painting that house.

[bunsofaluminum]

How cool, that you are doing a 5K every day! wow! And I'm glad you're getting your larger house ready to move back in. I feel ya, on that tiny counter space you currently have...it's that way for me too. About 3 ft long just to the right of the sink. Cooking with that limited space is tough. Not impossible.

Anyway, it really is cool that you are so active with your 5k's. Keep it up! I like the new profile pic, too

[Morris]

November 29, 2018

I am slowly getting back to eating on plan, still having some glitches, but at least I feel in control. I finished my 10 day 5k challenge this morning. I wimped out of running outside because there was fresh snow on the road and since there is icy patches, I did not want to take a chance of wiping out because of not being able to see where the ice was. So, I ran 5 miles on the treadmill. I did a 4:1 ration, that is 4 minutes running to 1 minute walking. I average an 11:08 minute mile pace. But, Best of all, I stayed with my planned speed for each interval even though toward the end I was gasping for air. It is good for me to do this every once in a while because it lets me know that I can make a plan and stick with it.

Hurray for me! I committed to run at least 3.1 miles for 10 days and did it! My last run, I committed to a particular run:walk schedule and stayed with it! I need to give myself credit for actually committing to do the 10 5ks and then finishing the challenge.

[moonlight]

Congratulations!! I wish I could get some of your energy and commitment to running!

[Morris]

December 1, 2018

Update on the house: one room is almost ready for us to start putting furniture in it. We chose a jean jacket blue and it is such a pretty color. It is a calming blue. I ended up putting the second coat of paint on after sunset, I am hoping it turned out okay. But no matter, we are going to go with it and move on to the other rooms.

I cannot wait to get moved in there and start doing my meal prep on that huge counter. Plus we are going to have so much more room and I'll be able to add floor exercises (Fitness Blender videos) to my routine.

My weight is not where I want it to be. I am lugging around about 5 extra pounds since my binge and am slowly working my mindset back to eating what I ought to be eating. I am still struggling with binge eating. I think I am stressing over getting the house painted so we can move into it before it gets too cold. It is easier to just grab something and not have to worry about the prepping of the meal. I am eating too much bread with peanut butter and graham crackers. I am so thankful that at least I am not having a binge on candy bars.

I told my hubby I was so glad I finished that 10-day 5k challenge and finished it with a 5 miler. Then I mentioned that I read another article that linked another 2 blood pressure medications to getting cancer and then I said, "Want to join me on the 7-Day rescue?" - He looked at me like I had three heads, so, I guess not.

It really bothers me that he won't get on board, not with the whole food plant based so much, but just let's cut out the junk. The last time we went shopping, most of the grocery money was spent on cereals, candy bars and cookies - all from hubby putting it in the cart. This is the guy that told me he cannot stop eating junk food because I eat too much of it. When we put the stuff away, I handed his "stash" and asked him to please keep it out of the kitchen so I am not tempted. I guess with my last binge, that got him worried because he hid the stuff so I won't see it.

I don't know if he's as bad as I am, but I am real possessive of my stash and get upset even if someone asks if they can have a bite. "Hello, my name is Nancy, and I am a food addict." I am so glad that today is another day, a new start.

I started my day with:
coffee
mashed potato/cauliflower with gravy
2 pieces toast

[Morris]

December 2, 2018

I am tired of carrying this extra weight and I am telling myself today is the day to start anew. AGAIN!

I started my day with coffee, then got on the recumbent bike for 63 minutes --- 23.4 miles Yeah Me! I was only going for 20.

Breakfast:
1/2 cup riced cauliflower
1/2 cup rolled oats
1 tbs flax meal
1/2 tsp tumeric
1 tsp cinnamon
1 cup water

1 banana

On the Engine 2 7 Day Rescue facebook group there is a lot of posting on having riced cauliflower in with the oats - Not bad, not bad at all. Cannot even taste it, but then I think the cinnamon is masking the flavor.

Okay, I started out well, let's see how the rest of the day goes...

[Morris]

December 3, 2018

Weighed myself today and am finally seeing some of the binge weight come off. Slowly getting back on track with my eating. Yesterday was a bust though - went shopping for wood for shelves that we are going to add, then to Costco, where I ate a few samples. I convinced hubby not to go to a restaurant to eat because I think that is part of my weight gain issue.

He insisted on having pizza (to tied him over, he said), I was so hungry that I ended up opening the bread and an guacamole mini that we bought. That was good. I never had avocado on bread before, even though I have seen it on menus.

Once home, I had peanut butter and jelly bread, 2 slices. Then I ate a package of graham crackers.

I am telling myself that it could have been worse. I am watching hubby eat horribly, much worse than I am and listening to him complain about how much he is hurting. I am biting my tongue and not saying a word. When we got home form Costco, I handed him his box of butter cookies and said, "Please keep these out of my sight because they will be a trigger for me and I don't want to eat them."

Why is there such a disconnect with the food we eat and how we feel? I am not going to say a word to him because if I do, I have a feeling he will make it a point to eat even worse than what he is eating now. What ticks me off the most is that he expects me to take care of him while he won't take care of himself. I look at my parents who are struggling to keep their independence and try to do everything themselves before they ask for help, rather than just sitting on their butts and expect someone else to do what they are still capable of doing. From previous experience - I have to choose my battle.

Well, enough of that...I am going to hop on the treadmill and then eat some Riced Cauliflower Oats with berries, then head up to the house and paint some more walls. I am so excited to finally see us move into the final stage before we can move our stuff - I am so looking forward to moving into the larger house.

[Morris]

December 6, 2018

Wow! I just had a revelation this morning. I was looking at my fitbit stats, and I recently bought a new phone and started using my new fitbit, so the app had a set your goal. I happened to look at my weight stats and noticed that since July I have had a steady increase in weight (at least from what I recorded on the fitbit app). That's when the tension between son-in-law and us peaked. I have been dealing with so much anger. I also noticed that my resting heart rate was up too.

I have been slowly working on getting it in control by recognizing that my being angry with him has no affect on him whatsoever. We have done nothing but help them while they were here, but there came a time when we said, "Enough, we cannot help you anymore, we have to start focusing on our goals that he turned on us." I saw a video on narcissism and realized that he is a "textbook" case. I also listened to a lecture on gratitude and it was said that when one does not have a thankful heart they become a nasty person and will turn on the ones helping them. -- Yeah, he's a textbook case. I am getting over it and the word A**h*** is becoming less and less part of my vocabulary. I don't think anyone has made me so angry as he has, he is worse than my sister.

You know the saying, "With friends like that, who needs enemies"? Well, some one took that a step further and said, "With family like that, who needs friends"

Just seeing the effect that relationship has on my well being, it is time to let go. He is moved away and even when he came to get his mail, I just left it in the mailbox and he did not even stop to say "hi, how's it going?' He is just an ungrateful little twit (to put it mildly) and since he has shown his true colors - we are better off with the separation. I just keep reminding myself that the condition of our house could have been a lot worse, considering... at least he still had a tiny bit of respect for us.

Speaking of the house, I have just put the finishing touches on one room - we have one room ready for our stuff. It is what we are calling the media room - the fun room, where we are going to put the Wii.

We have contracted with someone to make some built in bookcases on the fireplace wall (that is our secondary heat source). It was something we never finished while "those people" were there. But that is going to change the whole look of that wall - and hopefully our attitude when we look at it.

That 10 day 5k challenge has been a mood lifter for me and I am really enjoying getting back to exercising again. But, I find that I have to get it done and over with before I start my day's activities, otherwise it is too easy to say, "I'm too tired." It just feels good to start taking care of me again.

I am gradually getting my mindset back to choosing the right foods to eat. It is amazing how much attitude can affect what I put in my mouth. Exercising after I eat crap is a real struggle with the breathing - my mom and brothers have issues with COPD and when I was 16 I had an asthma attack when riding my bike out in the country. I was trying to see how fast and far I could go and ended up on the roadside gasping for air - scared the daylights out me. Ever since then, whenever I am exercising, I also slow down if I feel me starting to wheeze. But I try to push myself a bit whenever I run to build up stamina and endurance.

The other day when I ran on the treadmill, I chose to listen to a 5k 101 podcast, it is a couch to 5k program. It is the program I used when I started this journey and it took me 2 years to do the program from start to finish because I kept starting and stopping. But, you know what, when I made the decision to do it and committed to it -- I finished it. I committed to do a 5k for 10 days and I did it.

My next commitment is going to be getting through 7 days of the 7 Day Rescue Plan and then after that, continue on with the whole food plant based starch solution. I just need to commit to it and stand firm. I am not going to beat myself up over making the bad choices though. It is just that I have not made that solid commitment to it yet. Y.E.T., soon, very soon I will. I just need to work a few things out in my head. I realize that some of it is just mental.

I started eating those greens again (broccoli, cauliflower, kale, spinach, Brussels sprouts, etc) and that makes such a difference in what I eat. I feel so much better eating that kind of food that when I eat junk, the difference is noticeable. I need to remember that.