Journal of my journey

[Idgie]

Morris, have you read The Pleasure Trap? I've been hearing that people are finding it really motivational for staying on plan, so I bought it and just started it. Want to read it together?

[Morris]

July 31, 2018

I survived my camping trip. The May Flies hatched (? - is that what they do) and they were all over everything. They landed on my tent and it sounded like it was raining. Plus some one said they only live for 1 day. The park I went to was on a lake and it smelt like dead fish. Someone said that perhaps it was not dead fish, but the dead May Flies.

I was not able to relax as much as I wanted to, I began to realize that camping can be a lot of work. But I did enjoy my "me" time. But this morning it seems like it was so long ago that I was away. My next trip is going to be a 3 nighter. Then maybe it won't seem like I set up the tent, start a fire, cook my meal and then tear down the camp. However, I will say it was a lot more relaxing than setting up camp in the back yard.

While I was away I did not think of doing my Beck Diet Solution exercises, out of sight out of mind I guess. But this morning I saw my card I set out on my keyboard - "I owe it to myself to be the best that I can possibly be." - I love this saying. Runner's world had an article where the saying I took from it was "This is not a practice life." reminds me of one of the advantages I wrote down on my ARC is "I only live once and I want it to be the best it can possibly be."

So, since this is true, why do I keep eating junk? I started over with the Beck Diet solution and I actually heard myself saying that I am going to start my "diet" in a week, so I'll go ahead and buy this candy (Cella's chocolate covered cherry bites) so I can try it. And of course, hubby chimes in and says, "Oh you might as well buy more than one." -- UGH! That is not being the best I can be. Time for a new start.

A positive, on my camping trip, there was thunder rolling in and my weather app said rain was to start in a half hour, so I did not make the evening fire - translate that to "no s'mores". I left my food in the car and did not think about it until lunch time, I had a fire going and was going to make s'mores but forgot the chocolate bars and marshmallows were in the car, which was sitting in the sun, when I went to get them both were melted. Must be a sign - haha

Today is a new day, my weight is 0.8 away from of the goal I wanted to reach by my birthday (tomorrow) I am not going to obsess about it because I have not given it serious effort to obtain it. However, I put on the first pair of jeans that I bought years ago when I broke that plateau that I was stuck at for 1 year. That was about 15 pounds ago - and when I was wearing them back then, my daughter put a song as my ringtone about "wearing too tight jeans" - I stopped wearing them for a bit and found them and put them on yesterday. Well, I had to wear a belt because they were too loose in the hip area.

So, if I don't reach that number on the scale - do I really care? Not really, because if I did, I would have made more of an effort to reach it.

[Morris]

Idgie, I already read the pleasure trap and too be honest, I am not sure I'd be able to stick with reading it again with someone. It seems like sitting down with a book is something I just cannot focus on right now. I am currently attempting to get through Super Immunity right now and am not being very successful in doing so.

[Idgie]

Great news on your loose clothes!

[WeeSpeck]

Happy Birthday Morris!

[bunsofaluminum]

Something about camping that melts chocolate, as the same exact thing happened to me when we went camping last weekend. Wylie told me to put it in the cooler, but I left it in my purse and it LITERALLY puddled. my lovely dark organic chocolate bar.

Darn it all, I couldn't eat it.

I can't remember why, but I couldn't finish The Pleasure Trap. It was recommended to me by a FB friend whom I actually met here, and I read almost all of it, and then something made me say "pfft" and I set it aside.

anyway, good on ya for getting out there and enjoying some solitude and quiet. I hope you find it helpful in your life. Alone time is extremely important, and out in nature? Oooh!

[Morris]

Thanks for the birthday wishes.

I received birthday wishes from my two grandchildren that live next door. Boy, I am going to miss them when they move. I went running with my grandson this morning, we did 2.3 miles. He wanted to run to the country store and back, but it is 1.5 miles one way and since he is only 8 I thought it was too long of a run for the first time running.

I set the pace so I could keep running and let him tell me when it was time to walk. He made it 1/2 mile before he wanted to walk. In the past, he'd take off in a sprint and I couldn't keep up. But with that dog attack, he wanted to stay close to me. It was actually a good run, kept the pace slow enough that we could chat while running.

I went out for a birthday meal at La Casita, a Mexican restaurant. I ordered veggie fajitas and requested no oil or dairy - it was cooked as requested and not seasoned (or if it was I couldn't taste it). Afterwards had a Starbucks cookie, Then the tai chi instructor made some zucchini cake that she shared with the class. Other than the cookie and the cake, I ate well. I'll need to work on resisting the so-called goodies in the future.

I think in the back of my mind I am making excuses now because I actually heard myself say, "I am not starting my eating plan officially yet, so I'll just eat this." The reality is, the other day, about a week ago, I binged on something and I think the binge is continuing to this day. Man, it's a hard cycle to break once it starts.

Oh, I forgot, I ate the chips and salsa also at the restaurant. But I am noticing a difference in how I feel after eating "good" food and "bad" food. - I need to remember this, why eat something if it's going to make me feel like crap. -- just saying

[VegSeekingFit]

Hi Morris,
Loved your description of running with your 8 yr. old grandson... Remember doing a 5K with my son about that age and it was sprint, walk, sprint, walk... crazy!!
Cheers,
Stephanie

[Morris]

August 3, 2018

I went to the county fair with 2 of the grandchildren yesterday. Hubby went along, but we left him behind at the first exhibit. He'll stand there and talk on and on and not even recognize that he came with someone. That is one thing I can't stand about going places with him. So, I usually just leave him where ever he stops and go about what I need to do. The grandkids and I were about half way through the exhibits before we saw him again.

We ate lunch before we left and the kids were going to eat supper with their parents when the returned home. I left my purse in the car, so no impulse buying for me. Hubby got triggered by the food smells and wanted to eat some fair food. I used to support two booths, but not having $$ made it easy for me to skip it. We left hubby on his own to eat because I told him I was not going to eat in front of the grandkids. Of course, he was not going to have that consideration.

Yesterday, I was on Day 8 of the Beck Diet Solution, create time and energy for dieting. (I have to revise the "dieting" part because I am not doing a diet, but way of eating.) This is a hard thing for me, to create a schedule because I have been so spontaneous and let others and their wanted me to do for them take priority of my day. So, I went to Fly Lady's website and took the advice of the first baby step - shine the sink. Absolutely amazing on how a clean kitchen sink can change the whole ambiance of the house. Of course, this led to a clean bathroom and clean floors. I am excited to apply the declutter part of her system. My take away from reading her website: "You need to declutter because you cannot organize clutter"

I know that I won't be able to get hubby on board with allowing me to wake up to a clean kitchen - he thinks he is helpless and cannot do anything for himself. I have given up on expecting him to do anything - it leads to a fight, he is so self-centered that I have chosen to pick my battles. It doesn't matter because with him, it's all my fault or someone else's fault. He has no blame in anything.
One thing that helps me deal with this is the book, Potatoes Not Prozac, I swear the author knew my hubby and used him for an example with the person who took no responsibility or accountability for his actions.

But he is not willing to change, so no point in discussing it. Whenever I tell him the changes I want to make, he'll go out of his way to sabotage me in my efforts. It is best he does not know what I am trying to accomplish. I remember one time, when I was hooked on chocolate donuts, I told him I was going to stop eating them. So, he goes to town, comes back and tells me he thought of me while he was out and bought me 2 chocolate covered chocolate donuts. Keep in mind that he never buys me anything. So, if I tell him I would love to wake up to a clean sink, he'll make it a point to have dirty dishes left in the sink. Better for me not to say anything.

And this is part of my problem - I cannot let things go, I keep thinking of all these things and I get upset. It is so hard to move on trying to reach my goals when I have to deal with the external as well as internal. I think it is a shame that we cannot work together in eating healthy. He knows he ought to but won't take the appropriate actions to do so, but he'll lecture others on what THEY need to do.

Anyways, I am already behind in the schedule I made for the day. I think I'll revise it so I won't feel like a failure on day 1. At least I got my "coffee time" done -- ha ha.

Yesterday, I made some "creamy Macaroni" using that curried butternut squash soup I made the other day. OH my! was that yummy.

Today, I am eating:
coffee
oatmeal with mixed berries and chia seed

I'll be making some more of that "creamy curried macaroni" and will serve it with collard greens and lettuce from the garden.

Race Day is tomorrow - I am so NOT ready for it.

[Idgie]

Please feel free to ignore the following. It's said in love, but you didn't ask for my advice, and I understand if you'd rather I mind my own business.


Morris, I think the two of you need couples counseling, and if hubby won't go, I think you should go and start forming an exit plan. This man is toxic to you and actively harming you whenever possible.

[Morris]

Idgie, Thank you for your concern, but I'll be ignoring your advice.Yes, I get frustrated with some of hubby's behavior and I am sure that I do things that irritate the daylights out of him also. But, it is part of my struggle, hence I am journaling it. Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone got along 24/7? Overall, he is really a good man, and he has chronic pain and sometimes I am not sympathetic to his struggles. So, I am sure, if he kept a journal, he could be expressing some of the same frustration about me and my behavior. But since this is my journal...

August 4, 2018
Race Day this morning and storms are in the forecast. I have not been running much lately so I have no idea how I'll do. Oh well, it my time will be what it will be. I will set a goal to come in under 34 minutes.

I am up to day 9 in the the pink book of the Beck Diet Solution - start exercising consistently - I really don't have a problem with that because when I take too many 'rest days' I crave my getting out there and going for a run.

Day 8 was create that daily to'do list. Man that is something I have been struggling with and I think that will help me commit to my eating plan if I can actually create a doable schedule. I visited flylady's website and along with the declutter, I am learning to take those baby steps - just do a little at a time and build up on that. I even managed to declutter a bit. I cleaned out my cookbook holder on my countertop, which sort of became a collection of old mail - not sure how that happened but it did.

[Idgie]

Morris, I'm happy to see there's a good side along with the bad stuff. Carry on.

I love FLyLady, even though she's a little religious for my tastes. Her way of doing things has literally changed my life. I am the child ofa hoarder, and I have a sibling who died a hoarder, and I have managed to have a healthy relationship with stuff, largely because of FlyLady's methods.

[Morris]

August 4, 2018 part 2

5k Race Update - 32:52 pace 10:34 Goal met! I wanted to come in at 34:00. I ran well, took walk breaks before I got too tired, and finished strong.

My granddaughter did not do as well, she is having trouble breathing when she runs. A couple years ago she needed an inhaler - she'll be checking with her doctor to see what's going on with her. I was right behind her crossing the line. I think she is still a bit competitive and did not want me to pass her enroute.

We had some light rain during the race and then a downpour while waiting for everyone to finish, temperature was about 68°F, It was good running weather.

For lunch I made another batch of creamy curried macaroni and also made up a huge batch of veggie loaded spaghetti sauce. We will be freezing some and also turn some into a Spanish rice type dish.

Now, we are taking the grandchildren bowling. should be fun.

[Morris]

August 5, 2018

We all had a great time yesterday bowling. It was so fun watching my 3 year old granddaughter bowl. The bowling alley had a little slide for the ball to go on and she pushed it down. She was more all about pushing the ball down the slide rather than knocking over the pins.

The grandsons had a lot of fun also. It was a great stress free time. Afterwards, everyone was hungry so we went to a Mexican place that was sort of a build your own burrito or bowl. I had a veggie bowl with rice, beans, lettuce, spinach, corn, onions, tomatoes and salsa.

[Morris]

Idgie wrote:

I am the child ofa hoarder, and I have a sibling who died a hoarder, and I have managed to have a healthy relationship with stuff, largely because of FlyLady's methods.

I have trouble throwing things away and save "things in case I might need it some day." It seems when I throw something away, a week or two later I find out that I needed it for a particular purpose. One time I was attempting to get rid of clutter and thought OMG! I graduated from pack rat to hoarder. But we sacrificed our large house for my daughter and her family and are living in a small cabin and we just do not have the storage space for our "stuff".

But I am looking forward to going through the boxes and sorting out what is truly needed and what is not.