Birdy Takes Flight

[luvoatmeal]

Birdy,
It's good that you have recognized issues that may be hindering you from success. But the fact that you are adressing these issues, and openly on this forum, says to me that you are ready to move on and make healthy choices. You have taken the first step, now take another, then another, and so on. You can do it!!

Right now I'm a little heavier than ideal (about 10-12 lbs.) so I'm not the poster girl for McDougalling in that sense. But I feel good everyday, have lots of energy for the most part, my skin is clear, hair is shiney, and just overall feel like I'm in much better health than I was in my 20's (I'm 50). I don't ever want to be a burden to my boys where they have to take care of me in my old age, or my husband for that matter, so I know that McDougalling will help with that goal. The rest is up to God and His will for my life.

Take care and take baby steps forward each day. You deserve good health Birdy!

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

Birdy, you are doing very well. 7 pounds in 8 days???

Luvie is right, baby steps. Each day under you belt, no pun intended, makes it easier to keep going.

I did two big enchilada casseroles yesterday, and one is gone. They are great, although I wish I had used refried beans instead of the pinto and black beans. I like a mushy filling, it seems to satisfy my need for creaminess or something.

Oh, food and eating and the whole psycho-social aspect is so confusing and complicated. I see you have issues with family and mother things, food is a treat or reward. I am so stuck in that mode that when someone posted here that they read that dieters should use non-food things as a reward, and I thought "why in the world would I want to eat something that's not really food?" Seriously.

[Anna Green]

Mrs. Doodlepunk, I'm crackin up. Thanks.

[Becky]

Hi Birdy!

Just got done catching up on your journal. I remember you from the old boards (I was posting as REM at that time). I also remember Uncle Buck, he was very inspirational, having lost a lot of weight himself and able to motivate others with his enthusiasm and postive approach.

We also have a few things in common - I play the piano (but not anymore since living and traveling full time in an RV!); I'm in my 50's; I have family in Washington state (mother and sister in Aberdeen/Hoquiam and a daughter and grandchildren in Seattle); and although I don't knit, I've really wanted to take it up! (I'm afraid I'm too old to learn, though!)

And most importantly, I understand the struggle with knowing the rightness of the McDougall program, yet having difficulty getting to the point of being able to follow it completely. I believe this is a very complex thing, and the motivating factors and obstacles will be different for everyone. I first heard of McDougall in 1985; I tried off and on for years to make a total commitment to this way of eating without success, yet still believing in it, and still making progress, making improvements to my diet along the way. Then in November 2008 I had a scare with high cholesterol and something just clicked, and I was "there". I can't explain why that worked for me, and not for others. But when I finally got to that point, it really wasn't a struggle. I think of it as being "scared straight", lol! That was about 7 months ago, and although I am not in panic mode anymore , I continue to stick to this way of eating more than I ever have in the past. I did get my cholesterol down, and lost 17 pounds, which has stayed off, even with an occasional indulgence into the richer foods allowed on the McDougall program.

Well, I've rambled in your journal long enough! I wish you the best of luck, and look forward to sharing this journey with you!

Take care,
Becky

[Birdy]

I am really enjoying this journal format. It's a wonderful forum for "discussing" things that, in my experience, are not brought up on the other threads. Anyway, I so appreciate all of your responses. We do have a lot in common from our efforts to follow the McDougall plan, to our ages, piano and knitting (Becky, you're never too old to start - I just started a few years ago; it really helps to sit with someone who knows how to knit and can get you started). Mrs. Doodlepunk, you are SO funny and I, like Anna, got a good laugh from your post. Hey, I didn't lose 7 pounds in 8 days! I've lost 7 pounds in about 7 months, no kidding. Those ticker tapes can be misleading and currently I can't figure out how to update the thing without it also updating the whole graphic. First I had a swan, then briefly a turtle, now the sun. Who knows what's next?

[Mrs. Doodlepunk]

I've lost 7 pounds in about 7 months, no kidding.

But hey, you lost 7 pounds. Or RELEASED them. I just read somewhere else that saying you "lost" them means you miss them and want them back.

I got rid of my ticker, it was too confusing!

[luvoatmeal]

Hmm, released, not lost. Now that's a novel thought! Or how about "get rid of" which is what I want to do with my extra baggage.

Birdy, we are rooting for you and I'm so glad you are posting here. Have a great day!

luvoatmeal

[Birdy]

Wow, I can't keep up on these journals! I'm not able to sit in front of the computer often enough to post daily and I'm in awe of how thoroughly many of you are able to write journal updates. Oh well. I'll just post when I can. I'm posting a link here to a story about a "rising Star McDougaller" that I happened across when I did a search of the McDougall website for the descriptor"psychology." I don't know what ever happened to this woman, if she has continued to McDougall, if she posts here on the forums. But I can identify with her issues of struggling to do what was/is best for her.

http://www.drmcdougall.com/stars/june_ziegler.html

She mentioned Dr. Lisle's recommendation to just get right back to McDougalling if you eat something SAD! This is a very helpful idea, rather than the all-or-nothing, black-and-white thinking that I slip into. Do what you can, do the best you can, and keep going.

[veganfairy1]

Hey Birdy, I read your journal on your "mother" issues..I have the same problem..I love my mom..but being a heavy child was not ideal for her and she was always talking about it. She even put me in Weight Watchers when I was 7 years old. Very embarrassing to have to go into my elementary schools kitchen and get "my own foods" while the kids stood in line and laughed. I think this was the beginning of my self hatred, and it still continues today. I have been going on and off McDougall for 15yrs now. The first time the MWL book came out I did it for almost a year, and WOW did I look great, however, I didn't lose much weight but I was shrinking in front of everyones eyes. It was amazing, but I guess since the actual pounds were not coming off, I just passed a McDonalds one day and that was the end of it...very sad.
And now I have the hardest time getting back on track, and usually cannot last past that dreaded 3rd day..I have a caffeine and sugar addiction so the headaches are almost unbearable, and the only thing to get rid of them is caffeine and sugar. I am to the point where I don't even want to get out of bed, and my health is failing bad, and I have tons more weight then you do to lose, like 130lbs. And I am only 43yrs old. Well I will keep on reading, and checking up just like I do on the MWL site and keep plugging along.
Thanks
Take Care, keep up the good work.
Tracy

[Ege Bamyasi]

Veganfairy:

I, too, went through the "mother" mill as a kid. My father died from a combination of SAD and their marriage, I'm ashamed to admit. Once it was just she and I we ended up moving to some new part of the country almost every year -- classic "grass is greener" syndrome -- so from the age of 7 until the age of 13 I had no chance to make permanent friends. And that's far from the worst of it, to be sure.

Several times in my life now, I've lost 100 lbs. or so only to end up gaining back even more. I've McDougalled with some success twice now just as you have. In the past, it's usually been either romantic or family issues which have caused me to go off the wagon. Getting on to begin with was something I did just because I wanted to. I was in my 20s and didn't have serious health issues (at least outwardly). Now, for me, the situation is much more different and dire. I've realized that I really do like eating the McDougall way, and that I have no other choice but to do it with 100% compliance to save my life.

It sounds like you're in about the same boat, where it's getting close to "do or die" time for you. As scary as this all seems, I've found that my whole attitude has become more relaxed, focused and "Zen"-like than it has been in a long time. I would like to think that you could also adopt this kind of outlook if you give yourself a chance. To that end, I'd like to offer my encouragement and a couple of suggestions.

First and most importantly, you have made it resoundingly clear that the caffeine and sugar have got to go, yet you suffer from major withdrawal. What I recommend you do is try and take at least a couple of days off work, run concurrently with a weekend, so you have 4 or more days where you can just sit at home most of the time clearing some of the clutter from your mind and breaking these caffeine and sugar addictions for good. How I would do this would be to drop your caffeine and sugar intakes by 1/x each day you have off (which is why I say the more days, the easier this will be), where x stands for the number of days you have mostly to yourself. So, if you have 6 days off and tend to drink 6 sugary, heavy cups of coffee each day, what you would want to do is on the first day, either go to 5 cups for the day or mix 1/6 decaf into 5/6 regular coffee and drop the amount of sugar by 1/6 (say, from 6 teaspoons to 5). The following day, drink 4 cups or shift to 2 parts decaf to 4 parts regular coffee, and drop yet another teaspoon of sugar. Use something like stevia as a backup sweetener if you have to.

I think this will allow you a chance to transition out of the sugar and coffee with much less pain and discomfort than quitting "cold turkey". If it's proving difficult to do then please don't hesitate to come here for more support and shoulders to lean on! I honestly believe that once you have removed this obstacle, then the rest of your journey will be easy in comparison. But, no matter what you choose to do we're here to listen and help.

[Birdy]

I guess those of us who are posting on this board all face challenges of one sort or another. I've realized lately that I am consumed with anger, hostility, jealousy, resentment, lack of self-confidence, loneliness, and unhappiness, etc. I do a fairly good job of hiding it and I don't go around mistreating other people although I can be pretty grinchy. It's mostly myself that I beat up on all the time. It's a reinforcing cycle that is tied to diet, sleep and exercise or the lack thereof, family history and generally feeling bad about oneself. I'm reminded of Thoreau's comment about people leading lives of quiet desperation. But it's all a learning situation. From people who've had near death experiences, I've learned that we are here to learn and to love. And the Buddhists say that our enemies are our greatest teachers. Our enemies are not only other people but our own minds! Someone get me down off my soapbox!

[talkingmountain]

Birdy, your latest post is so beautifully honest (and I didn't see any soapbox at all!). Thank you for sharing those thoughts.

[Anna Green]

Birdy, I don't know about you but some of my beating up on myself is habit I think. So I've been working on breaking the habit. When I start to have the thoughts-I'm sure you know the ones- I have been telling myself to stop, cut the crap, etc. I used to tell my friend who did this that if the rest of the world was just half as kind as she then the change in all of our lives would be dramatic. I am trying to remember to tell myself things like that as well every time I start the dogging. I know the issues are deep but sometimes it helps to try to break the habit. It is work, that's for sure but really I am sick of feeling bad and I suspect I have passed some of this on to my boy. I want a chance at doing it different before he leaves the house and I want him to see it. I want to encourage him to love himself, make change and amends when he needs to as we all do but do it without all the shame and recrimination. I want him to know that at his core he is good and lovable, etc. This goes for me too. I bet you are too Birdy and as simplistic a response as that is to what you said I hope you will practice better self-talk, just telling yourself the good, drowning out the other voice, the one you think is the truth. I'd be willing to bet on it that it isn't the truth. Just go through the motions, say the good stuff until one day you actually feel it. We don't always have to have years of therapy (though I am not dogging it that's for sure) or some great big accomplishment to change how we feel. Sometimes it's just practice. What's more is I don't know about you but how I feel about myself affects my eating so I know if I am going to be successful at this I have to change the self-talk so I don't go off the deep end every time I slip. I just want you to know I felt compelled to write this because the pain in your post just hit me in the gut. Be nice to my new friend Birdy please.

[talkingmountain]

Anna, how well put! Having grown up in a hypercritical household, I never knew that there was another way until I met my husband. He's been as good for me as years of therapy.

You are so right, that it takes tons of effort to retrain those habits of negative self-talk. Thinking nice things about ones' self (in one's head and, God forbid, out loud even) can feel so terribly uncomfortable... like you are being vain or cocky or something, which means that surely you are setting yourself up for a good hard smack-down!

Every time I think about how great my life is, or how much I love my family, for example, images of tragedy striking hit me in the gut. It takes real effort to say "look, that's just because I learned that it wasn't safe to be happy when I was young... but now it is ok to be happy, and those horrible things are no more likely to happen to me than to anyone else."

I'm glad you and Birdy are trying to learn this kindness thing. I bet you both are incredibly kind to others, so you know you have the ability, it's just a matter of turning it in your own direction!

[Birdy]

Wow a week has passed since I last posted. School let out and instead of having more time, things seemed to have gotten busier! We had a great weekend though - I went to a wonderful concert of chamber music Saturday night and then we went to Mt. Rainier on a day trip yesterday with my husband and our two daughters. Our oldest daughter lives on her own now and it's a treat to have her join us for a family outing. The day was beautiful and so was the mountain.

I'm still idling with my diet, but I feel so tired and stiff all the time that I'm ready to McDougall today in order to feel better tomorrow and the day after that. This morning I'm driving a friend to a radiation treatment. I've gone with her several times and there are so many people being treated there. It's hard to see the young children especially.

Have a good day everyone and let's eat our plants!