by Jenna » Thu May 12, 2016 12:28 pm
I also have a non-McDougalling spouse, and I have a couple of thoughts.
1. You can't change your spouse. Put the idea out of your mind entirely. No more shows, podcasts, books, or conversations unless she actlvely asks you to watch or listen or talk. Not even a hint. And don't judge her silently, either.
2. If there is something that is not working for you (for example, junk food everywhere), work out a solution with her (for example, all junk food goes away in a particular cabinet that you never open). State the problem and your idea for a solution and see what works for her. "It is hard for me to stick to my diet when there is junk food everywhere. Can we find a solution? My idea is to put all the junk food into this cabinet, which I won't look in. Does that work for you?" If she says no, then ask her what solution works for her, and brainstorm until you find a solution that works for both of you. But make it entirely about what you need to stick to your diet, not what you think she needs to change about hers.
3. As far as going out for dinner is concerned, I you need to come up with a plan as to how often would like to go out for dinner. Different people here handle this differently. Some eat out quite a lot and are able to find good options. Some eat out, but it is a treat and not entirely on plan. Some eat out very little or not at all. You need to decide how much and what restaurants are okay with you, and then talk about that with your wife in advance (i.e. not at 6pm when there's nothing ready for dinner). Let her know that if she wants to eat out for dinner more often than you are willing, she can go without you or get take out, but you won't join her (or maybe you will join her but first you will eat your own compliant dinner at home--I don't know, you have to figure out what you are willing to do). Once you have a plan, don't discuss it anymore, just refer back to the plan. If she suggests eating out when it is not in your plan, tell her to go and have a great time.
4. Another thing to work out is cooking. Depending on what your arrangement was before you changed your diet, you may need to re-negotiate how the two of you divide chores. If mostly she cooked before, then you can cook for yourself and she can cook for herself and nothing needs to change. (This was my situation, luckily!) If you mostly cooked before, then you need to have a conversation about whether she will eat the food you cook for yourself or, if not, you will either cook food she will eat or take over another chore to compensate for the fact that she will now have to cook. Have a conversation about this, too.
As a final thought--I agree with Viv, you have changed the terms of the relationship, not her. Be thankful for your wife, and try to see it from her side. What if she came home tomorrow and tried to convince you to go paleo? What if she started showing you all kinds of paleo podcasts and webinars and books? How would it make you feel?