Journal of Magic & Happiness

[roundcoconut]

Yeah, i enjoy talking to people in small doses, but there are very few that I would enjoy spending any real time with.

I don’t think everyone’s going to be compatible with everyone. If a person is particularly unconventional, then they are going to find fewer people who can offer an enjoyable and compatible conversation. And I’m quite unconventional in some ways.

Anyways, so that is just one challenging thing about living life in America, is that people are often too different in their values, for us to form a meaningful or enjoyable connection.

I think it’s best to leave people alone, if I do not form a meaningful or enjoyable connection, so I do!

[bunsofaluminum]

Yeah, i enjoy talking to people in small doses, but there are very few that I would enjoy spending any real time with.

I don’t think everyone’s going to be compatible with everyone. If a person is particularly unconventional, then they are going to find fewer people who can offer an enjoyable and compatible conversation. And I’m quite unconventional in some ways.

Anyways, so that is just one challenging thing about living life in America, is that people are often too different in their values, for us to form a meaningful or enjoyable connection.

I think it’s best to leave people alone, if I do not form a meaningful or enjoyable connection, so I do!

Heh, I started a post in response to f00die, about introversion. How I lived in a lovely rural home for 10 years, eating omnivore, but trying for the healthiest version of it that I could find. So, I ordered pastured beef from a co-op for most of those 10 years. Come to find out, the week we moved away, there was a rancher within 25 miles of us who raised pastured beef! And sold it all around the area. And how I never even heard of him, because I am really bad at networking. Don't know how unconventional I am, but hob-nobbing and "connecting" gets exhausting for me real quick. And then I forgot to submit and lost my post...

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with having some down time in a hotel room. I love bringing a swimsuit and splashing in a pool or hot tub if they have one. I usually carry a sketchbook and pens, so I can doodle...etc. But I'll admit, I'd be zoning in front of the TV almost for sure. Not a good habit, and it's gotten worse with Wylie being a screen addict. And there's nothing wrong with not having loads of connections. As long as you aren't isolated and without some contacts. For some, it's exclusively family. Work acquaintances can bring some support, etc.

How awful about the enormous people, but those shows are really popular in the UK. When I recently watched one, I felt pretty good in comparison. Isn't that so bad? "Hey at least I don't weigh 800 lbs, or even 500 or 300 lbs" while my knees creak when I get up from the couch to hobble to wherever I'm going.

[roundcoconut]

Those shows about enormous people seem to mess up my aura! Just watching a camera exploit someone at their lowest, is still a vicarious bad deed.

Surprisingly, I am extremely social generally, and will go out of my way to smile and say hello to anyone I’ve waited on before, or anyone who goes to the same coffee shop as me, or anyone from my gym. Or even anyone who works at the grocery store I go to most often.

But again, these conversations are under five minutes long, and I enjoy it that way. The same people in larger doses, don’t feel good. It is hard work to try to carry on a longer conversation with someone who doesn’t seem to click w me on deeper levels!

[bunsofaluminum]

Me too...I'm an introvert but I'm not shy. Which means, my alone time is very important to me, but I really like people, too. I only have a couple of close friends and that's how I like it.

[roundcoconut]

For whatever reason, i often have ONLY wonderful acquaintances. The deeper connections — I’ll go many, many months without these. And then form a nice bond with some guy, which of course gets complicated by some kind of “you can’t be just friends with a guy” assumption.

It’s so funny because there is one guy who I have had a couple of three hour conversations with, (who I’m not interested in romantically), and when I texted him yesterday, his response seemed weird, awkward, etc. What a pattern!

[roundcoconut]

Useful Tools#1: zooming in

I am realizing that in some situations, thinking just of the very next, tiny, incremental step, is best.

Some topics throw me into overwhelm and anxiety, to even think of what the second step or the third step would be!

Coaxing is also proving useful. “How about y’just pick up your car keys? How about you just put on your shoes?”

It makes me laugh because everyone’s inner binge eater uses this exact strategy to bring about our downfall. “Just go to the cookie aisle”, “just see what flavors they have”, “just put it in your grocery cart”.

But using coaxing to help us to the right thing is a better version!

[roundcoconut]

Awesome tools that make you awesome #2 — find the point of diminishing returns

I think we will fail spectacularly until we understand where the point of diminishing returns lives.

One bowl of soup is great. Four bowls is a disaster. Where is that range of “just right”?

Sitting for 45 minutes is great. Sitting for 5 hours is crap. Where is my tipping point where I start to feel groggy and sluggish and depressed about life?

It is like spending money — spending a few bucks on something shiny and new can give you a lift. Coming home with lots of new crap you can’t afford, is a financial burden.

—

Starches have a point of diminishing returns for me, and that is becoming part of my idea of a nutritional safety net.

Cycles of eating my quota of starches, need to be followed by parts of the day where I let my body RUN and FUNCTION on those starches. Going overboard on calories (starches DO add up quickly for some of us) has limited joy, and zero health benefits for me. As people have said on these boards, “the famine isn’t coming”.

[roundcoconut]

Awesome awesome tools tools #3: the new normal

I’m pretty sure that if y’wanna be awesome, you just have to have a new normal.

When I was watching the shows about super-obesity, that is a really good example of how you can’t get healthy until something ELSE becomes your new normal. You can’t keep your old frameworks, and make a lasting change.

I am loving that conversation about spending 20 minutes living in your preferred weight outcomes and behavioral outcomes. Cognitively rehearsing the new normal is freaking genius, and I want to jump on board with this practice.

[roundcoconut]

Awesome tool of awesomeness #5:

Wash yourself clean by doing, saying, or thinking something nice for somebody.

There was a post a month ago about what are best practices for clean8ng up your act after a slip. Like, how y’gonna set that restart button?

Generosity of spirit is one really good answer to that question!

It’s easy feel life is workable if you are in a place of goodness. No one’s really gotta witness, just you.

I am writing down some tools, and then I cam find them more easily. No need for others to use them, I just like having it all in writing!

[roundcoconut]

Update from the Fitness Train:

I did my super long workout of the week at an average heart rate of 152. That’s higher than I thought I could sustain.

I don’t know if anyone’s noticed, but there’s this massive surge of people running events of 50K (distance) and more. And I think this comes from people like me, who enjoy doing some training sessions that last a long freaking time.

Last month, I kept my long run to 2 hours, then up to 2hrs,20min, and then (yesterday) just went for three hours. Once you find your forever pace, you just want to stay there, for longer and longer.

It’s like taking a ride on your legs! Just pure enjoyment. If it doesn’t feel good, go slower.

Anyways, three hours at 152 heart rate, tells me that I am still aerobic at 152 — my system is not flooding with lactic acid, I am not breathing heavy or erratically. No soreness at that intensity. So this opens up some major possibilities — to train more sessions in the 140s, and fewer in the 130s.

After training for a few months, the 130s (heart rate) are more relaxed than they once were, and the 140s feel less intense than they once felt.

So several months of training and I am getting some pleasant little surprises. More presents under the tree in future months, to be sure!

[roundcoconut]

So OK! I stepped on the scale, and am 109, which means I am getting back to the weight that feels normal and pretty. I was up to 115 or so, just last month, so I’m doing much better.

There is something weird about the weight thing, which is that you kinda gotta keep your focus on doing what works.

I personally think that people in all areas of life get stuck in a rut doing what they wish worked, and doing what hasn’t worked for them in the past, and doing what mainstream sources say will work. And I think it’s easy to get stuck in trying and retrying strategies that aren’t actually sound, or at least, they aren’t sound for you personally.

There are actually a ton of ppl who are eating big starch-packed meals, and they are getting healthier. But if you’re already very healthy, or are in the 18 to 22 range of BMI, then big starch-packed meals can weigh you down or slow you down. No matter what anyone else wants to say.

It’s funny, but i believe that men with ample testosterone, and ample muscle mass, are a whole different game, as far as eating and using major calories. It makes sense that this is so.

Women who have naturally low muscle mass, low testosterone, and even are past our prime fertility-wise — I wonder if the strategies are even the same!

Even though chef AJ says she eats “a lot”, I would be surprised if she is putting down the calories that people think of as “a lot”. Eating two fairly generous meals a day keeps you thin. Eating unlimited meals with unlimited snacks and unlimited starches is going to keep nobody thin. Not me. And not a post-menopausal woman either.

Well there’s my opinion!

[roundcoconut]

One thing I think people also get wrong, is that if you happen to have a go at a strategy that is sound, but you don’t do a spectacular job at execution, then you may want to return to that strategy again, only with better execution.

Like, when people say, “I’ve tried everything!”, that usually means that sound strategies like exercise WERE very good for them, until they stopped executing. If you stop executing, the strategy stops benefitting you.

People seem to say equally confused stuff re dietary changes — thinking the strategy was at fault, when only the execution was faulty. Like, “I tried staying away from sugar, but eventually started the binges again, so that didn’t work.” I honestly believe people who’ve binged on sugar in their past, do best when we Eat Savory. Eating savory is a sound strategy, but like anything, you’ve gotta practice till you’re good and reliable at the execution.

Falling back into sugar binges, never means that planning to eat sweets is a good strategy. Eating savory foods is the better strategy!

People who try to accommodate sugar, and give it a place in their food intake, nearly always find that unplanned treats work their way in, right on the heels of the planned indulgences. If you coulda controlled it, y’would controlled it. People who cannot control themselves very well around sweets, simply do best to eat savory.

The difference between strategy and execution, is the difference between baby and bathwater!

[roundcoconut]

Brutal truths about weight and health:
1. Ppl who spend 20 hours a day in the sitting and lying positions, don’t need rich food. If they eat rich food, they balloon up (and wonder how that happened).
2. Your glory days are probably over. If you had a period in junior high, where you could wolf down seconds for dinner, and still needed a belt to keep your pants up, you were lucky. Many kids do not even get that. Most of us are not in a growth spurt anymore, and have to eat for our age.
3. It is far easier, and takes far less time, to produce a calorie surplus. It takes more sustained effort, and more time, to achieve a calorie deficit of the same magnitude. A week of eating too much, too rich, too often, probably takes three weeks to dig out of.
4. Junk food is like cigarettes. There’s no healthy dose. There’s no safe level of cigarette smoking. Just because everyone around you eats rich foods, doesn’t mean that you get to have some too. Unless you are willing to compromise your health.
5. Basal metabolic rates lie. If you haven’t done anything physically active since lunch, you probably aren’t hungry. Pushing a pencil is not hard work. Circulating blood in the body, is not hard work. We have to eat for our activity levels. There is no magic fairy who burns the calories for us while we sleep, or sit at a desk. No matter what they tell you!

[roundcoconut]

Brutal truth #6:
Even if someone really awesome tells you something, that doesn’t make it true.

If Dr. McDougall (or anyone else) says, “Sugar is not the enemy”, y’gotta check for truthfulness. Don’t invite a binge food into your life, just because someone else tells you to.

It is a bit like saying, “cigarettes are not the problem” or “alcohol is not the enemy”. There is not just one substance that compromises health — meat compromises health; oil compromises health; sugar compromises health, etc.

[roundcoconut]

Brutal truth #7:

Heroics don’t pay big dividends.

Working on the infrastructure of your mealtimes and activity levels, is a better way to go.

Establish a walking practice, will bear fruit over time. Doing a three day fast may be nice to do in addition to building infrastructure, (I like fasting personally), but cannot take the place of having good day to day practices.

Heroics are things that really put you out, like paying a buncha money for a dietician, or an immersion, or a personal trainer. You feel like you should be richly rewarded for heroics, because they take a lot out of you, financially, or energetically.

But heroics often aren’t a good investment.