Getting Control Back

[katgirl55]

OK partner and I went shopping yesterday to buy FOOD. This might seem like a "duh" moment, but it has really ben a while since we went grocery shopping for actual food, not pre-made deli stuff or one or two things to tide us over between going out to eat. Last week we went out to lunch every day of the week. By the weekend we were feeling gross and just wanted real food! So, we spent way too much at WF but I feel good because we did not buy overpriced deli stuff. Is what we got 100% compliant? No, but it is leaning more that way than not. That is the start we need. Step 1) make food in the house rather than going out Step 2) keep doing that, and make better food Step 3) Repeat.

Simple, no? LOL. On this board we all know there is no simple. There is simple of "to do" and then there is simple "in your head". As patty always says, addiction is a thinking disease. It's so easy to look at someone who drinks, uses drugs, smokes, or eats unhealthy foods, and wonder why they don't just stop.

On another note, I am sleeping but still feel tired every day. My joints are sore, and I wonder if this is a side effect of the food I have been eating. I have been wanting to exercise, but I'm having a toe problem on one foot. I'm thinking it is inflammation, and hopefully this week with better food it will subside.

[Lizzy_F]

Hi Katgirl! First off, I just want to say that it must be very stressful dealing with a serious health care issue with your partner. I hope the dialysis routine settles into something more manageable than every 4 hours! And I'm wishing you lots of self-care so you are in good shape to support her. Wishing you both well!!

What are you studying? I'm a later-in-life college student about to graduate with a Masters degree!!

I can relate to so much of what you say about the struggle to get "time and adherence" on this plan. I know in my heart it's the most healthy plan but the mental battle with my food addicted demons rages on. I can relate to the struggle finding a balance with what is too restrictive (that is a huge trigger for me) v. what is so "unlimited" that I sabotage myself. The Pleasure Trap is real! I have also been down the merry path with WW. It works for many - wasn't the solution for me - hope it's helpful for you!

Anyway, just wanted to offer you words of understanding as we work towards figuring out what works.

[katgirl55]

Thank you Lizzy and lynns! I appreciate your supportive comments. I am studying general education to get my bachelor's degree. I was never able to finish up when I was younger because I had to work at a job that was more than full time and included travel.

Only a few more weeks of this chaos and I will likely take the summer off, or at least do an online course. Partner is getting a cycler machine soon, and that too shall pass.

We are eating FOOD that we prepared at home, and that is a great start. I'm failing WW though. I just can't get it together with my points. I also track by MyFitnessPal, and on days when calories seem low I am like 20 points over! Well, this is only an experiment anyway. I took the whole weekend off of tracking because it seemed a waste of time.

I read the NY Times article about the biggest Loser folks who gained weight back. That feels like me. I have some answers now. It doesn't make me lose weight but at least I can understand the mechanism of what is happening in my body. Onward and upward!

[katgirl55]

I've been in WW many times. Not knowing about the Pleasure Trap or eating whole foods during my earlier years, and not knowing about eating starches in my later try, I just failed miserably. Now, thank goodness, I don't have to count NUTTIN! NUTTIN! Yay!

Yup I think I will cancel my membership. It is not helping me anyway. I can't figure our their new Smartpoints voodoo system and seems like too much effort. I count in MyFitnessPal. I know Dr. McD WOE does not require calorie counting, but this is more of an accountability thing and it's habit now. It also works with my FitBit so I can have all my calories and steps and activity together and I'm able to see when things are working and when they aren't. I just love modern technology!

School is winding down. I think I have a plan for after this round of classes. Not having a direction earlier is partly why I am back in school at this age. I look forward to a less busy summer, when I am really going to focus on getting fit. I have a few vacations planned and I want to not feel tired, out of shape, and heavy when I go on them. That was partly why WW was a desperation move to kickstart something in me. Now I need a course correction, but that's ok.

lynns, I feel sick that I KNEW about WFPB for a long time but did not apply it until I got gallstones. Then I went back to SAD when I could have continued on a good path of eating. Oh well. Life is a journey.

[katgirl55]

I had a couple of nights last week when I ate a big lunch and skipped dinner. I actually felt better not stuffing more food on top of what I had for lunch. Does this count as a form of intermittent fasting? I have never bothered with that stuff because I am not really one to deliberately miss meals.

I am still exhausted. Yesterday I slept in, and took a nap about 2 hours later. So the day was mostly shot. I guess I needed the rest.

I don't usually post what I eat because I am not always compliant. Here is my breakfast and lunch for today:

B: Oats, banana, decaf, coconut sugar, almond creamer
L: Spanish rice, black beans, sliced olives, cherry tomatoes, avocado
D: Not sure....I have salad at home.

Breakfast for me is 95% compliant. Lunch is about 50-75%. Dinner has always been my problem and I continue to work on it. I have not been exercising regularly, mainly because my body has felt run down and with so much homework and school it is hard to fit in. Now that the weather has improved, I can walk during lunch.

[roundcoconut]

I had a couple of nights last week when I ate a big lunch and skipped dinner. I actually felt better not stuffing more food on top of what I had for lunch. Does this count as a form of intermittent fasting? I have never bothered with that stuff because I am not really one to deliberately miss meals.

YES, that's completely intermittent fasting! I don't know why we give it such a fancy name.

If you have any inclination to build that little window of fasting into your evenings a few times a week, it might be a game-changer. (It was a game-changer for me.)

For some reason, taking the computer offline (so to speak) builds an ease and a comfort for the human, and also gives the body time to be off-duty from digestion (whereby the body kinda gets to work on its to-do list, or else just relax). Either way, yep, you got a taste of intermediate fasting.

You can do a window daily, if you like, or only a few times a week, if you like, or never again, if you like.

[katgirl55]

It has been mostly out of necessity from a huge lunch. Also, I count calories, and when I see I'm over and still feeling full/satisfied, I know skipping dinner is the right choice. Mentally it helps me realize I will not die from skipping a meal. Physically it helps my stomach settle down. What is helping is that I stopped drinking caffeinated coffee, which would give me blood sugar lows which made skipping meals pretty much impossible. It was a roller coaster and I am so glad I am no longer on it!

Here is what happened to me the other night after having good intentions for dinner: my partner had a horrendous day at work and was stressing and venting and we were both upset by it so of course we went out to eat for dinner. I ended up eating way too much, and the rest of the night I felt sick and my heart was pounding and having palpitations. Dr. Esselstyn was also in a dream of mine which I decided was a message to myself. The next day I told my partner this had happened and that I can no longer do this to myself. And yesterday I signed up for a local event with Dr. Esselstyn speaking (this is probably why he was on my mind at all, I know). It's a process, but feeling sick is a good motivator.

[Werner1950]

You said that caffeinated coffee gives you a blood sugar low. That caught my eye. Do you use sugar in your coffee? Or does the caffeine do it?

[roundcoconut]

I hear you on the coffee thing! Someone cold-brewed some iced coffee at work with cardamom in it, and I had a big tall pint glass of that yesterday mid-morning. It was so delicious, and I don't regret it, but I recognized the signals all day that my body was sending me. They were just like hunger signals, only I knew I had already had eaten enough food to get me biologically through my day. The post-coffee body sends these total false signals!

Also, everything you say about doing an unintentional fasting window because of eating a much larger lunch than usual, is EXACTLY how it is done. People eat a pretty substantial lunch so that they can sail through the next 14 hours (or however much) and for whatever reason, having that window of non-feeding, seems impacts some people in a pos way. Just freedom from cravings, really, and enjoying the food you do eat, when that next meal comes around.

It is also much easier (my opinion only) to let your body use up some stored body fat when a few large-ish meals plus a large-ish fasting window, is undertaken daily, or a few times a week.

Totally not something you ever need to do, but since you stumbled into it, I wonder if you're being shown a pattern that might be useful to you???

[katgirl55]

I will be using this as needed, but so far it has only been after a big lunch. I have not tried it (intentionally) when having a normal-sized lunch. I say intentionally because I really only skip a meal because of illness. I guess I could build in a large-ish lunch and try it out a few times a week. I definitely think dinner is optimal because I'm less active and will sleep all night.

So, today is my partner's birthday. She spent the whole day at the clinic doing tests to see how dialysis is working for her. She has been very depressed lately, and I think we need some fun time.

I tried a couple of vegan items that a chef was offering as a special in my meetup. Last night was vegan bahn mi sandwiches. I really enjoyed it! Today was vegan chile relleno pot pie. Probably not totally on plan, but it was not oily at all and seemed like it had lighter ingredients had the name would suggest. There was a "crust" that was very light, and the filling was roasted green chiles, onions, and some type of bean pate type stuff but there was not too much of this. Overall I enjoyed it.

I should have slept well last night - I have a pesky kitty who likes to wake me up every 1-2 hours and I put him in another room for the night. Don't you know I woke up more tired?!? My fitbit says I was asleep more, less restless, and yet today I have been dragging. When I have to get up every 2 hours to lock him out or let him in (he meows either way) I do not wake up as tired. Any thoughts on this are welcome!

[katgirl55]

I wish I had more time to spend with all my kitties. Working full time and now school are taking a toll on home life. (My cats and partner pretty much are my life). He is a special case, the other two are pretty mellow. They all have their own unique personalities.

I get a break now from school! Three whole weeks and then 6 weeks of madness. I will have a class 4 nights per week, so dinner will be pretty light on those days. I'm fine with that because many times I find that eating dinner is harder on my stomach. Intermittent fasting might be the way to go.

[katgirl55]

Lunch yesterday was a smoothie (I know smoothies are not on plan). Dinner was mashed potatoes and vegetables. Breakfast was my usual coffee and oats with fruit. My day looked better as far as meals, there were a couple of snacks I could have done without. My goal is improvement, and this was an improvement over what has been going on lately.

I am still powerless over pastries. I cannot have this in my house or I will eat it. Partner's birthday was last week and there was cake involved. I am weak when it comes to certain things and cake is one of them. I mentioned in another thread that I do not bake. Well, having someone else bake it and have it in my house is also forbidden. Now, will I eat some occasionally? Yes. This is where I need to watch the slippery slope.

I have some groceries now, and I look forward to eating some light tasty meals. To be honest that smoothie yesterday was very good, but mostly because I have been missing fresh fruits. I have to watch what I eat with the FODMAPS, which for me includes stone fruits. Partner has been eating cherries by the pound and I can only look on with envy. She also bought peaches and nectarines yesterday which be off limits. I stick with berries and bananas.

[katgirl55]

I am hitting a wall as far as progress and doing desperate action #2 in my fight to regain control. I did the Kaiser program a few years ago, lost weight, had things under ok control until last summer when it all went downhill. I am in the process of contacting Kaiser to resume as a cohort participant having completed the 6 month program. I have now hit 30 pounds regained, and it is time for an intervention on myself. I really want to make WFPB work, but so far it just isn't. I will remain a member of the forums, but will be focusing on my SMART goals and getting things back on track as my main objectives. I will check in from time to time.

[katgirl55]

Just an update: I am back on Kaiser program, as far as replacing some meals with product instead. Counting calories, trying to get my routine down with two meals a day, three products and exercise. It has only been two weeks, and this is considered by me a transition time. So far I am feeling sad that it has come to this, but also relieved that I no longer need to worry about mid-day meal planning (which did not work for me when I was too busy). Breakfast continues to be WFPB, and dinners are leaning that way too. My stomach is enjoying the lighter digestion load placed on it. Last night's dinner was a big plate of pasta and I felt bloated after, so tonight will be a lighter dinner.

[roundcoconut]

Katgirl, please know that we are absolutely here for you and supportive, no matter what! Even two meals a day that are plant-based 90% of the time, will move you in a positive direction. That is the whole point! And moving in the right direction is a complete success.

I like that you have been able to say, "Here's what I think will be best for me, right now, given my circumstances" and you certainly don't need to apologize for that. Hold your head high! .

I do know that people find it much easier to re-find their old grooves, and so you too may be able to get back into a pattern you once followed with a fair amount of sure-footedness, than to try to build something from scratch. We are all like this! You'll notice people here who have had success doing food together with a walking program, so when they decide to pull things back together, it is actually easier and smoother to go right back to that food and walking program, than to "take things easy" and omit the walking. it is funny like that!

I too seek out old patterns that have worked well for me, if I start to get a little sloppy. One of my old patterns I've recently returned to is to drink unsweetened hot cocoa as my beverage of choice rather than give in to coffee. I've been about three months without a daily coffee (but have been having a cup or two a week) and just want to have an easier time of it, and a pleasurable time of it. So I am drinking cocoa (even right now, as I'm writing)!

Sending good vibes your way, and all energies of encouragement and approval!