Journal of my journey

[Morris]

Michele613
One thing I noticed is that I get less cravings if I eat more greens. Why I don't keep doing it, I don't know because it is helpful for me in controlling what I want to eat. I think it is because it is winter and cold and I prefer warm foods this time of year. Hubby wants me to go back to soup and salad and then the main course.

[Morris]

January 12, 2019

Today is the day that I will go up and finish the last coat of paint in the bathroom - then it will be touch up on all those spots that the brush hit where it was not supposed to. Finally!! The vanity and mirrors will be installed on Wednesday, hopefully we will have started to move some of our stuff in by then. Then I get to start cleaning and painting this place where we are now. I'll be using that orange color that we used up there because we needed just over 2 gallons for the rooms up there, but it was cheaper to buy the 5 gallon rather than 3.

I am slowly getting my mindset in the right place to eating as I ought. I am on chapter 11 of Breaking the Food Seduction and I am slowly getting my attitude to "I can do this". I am still struggling with junk food, but I think that I am starting to get it in more control. Anyway, I am noticing that I am at least getting a bit more of "I really should not be eating this" dialogue going on in my head.

When I struggle like this, I always think of that episode of Fraiser where he is asking his brother why he always ruins a good relationship every time he starts to get serious with a woman. His Brother, Niles, tells him that it is because he is afraid to commit to commitment. That is my issue, I am not committing to eating this way 100%.

Well, I have been adding that butternut squash to my riced cauliflower oatmeal and I am going to have to stop because it is a texture issue for me - I used to not be able to eat oatmeal because it gagged me and I am noticing that adding butternut squash to my oats is starting to give me that same affect. I still have some squash leftover, so I will make a butternut squash soup adding onion, celery, carrot, potato and apple, seasoned like a curry.

I saw a you tube video on How Buffets Make their $$. Guess how? They set out a lot of rice, potatoes and vegetables because those are the cheaper items and they fill you up --- kind of sounds like The Starch Solution on a budget

Other than Riced Cauliflower Oatmeal and Butternut Squash soup, I am not sure what's for dinner - unless I say "Stir Fry Vegetables", I still have not made that. I realize that not planning is part of my problem, but there is something about planning ahead of time that brings out the rebel in me.

[Morris]

January 13, 2019

I was feeling good about losing a pound this morning only to discover that I am a pound heavier than before the Holidays. Bummer! But at least this means I am getting my eating under control.

I did not follow my planned eating yesterday. I got everything ready for the squash soup, up to the point where I was about to add the squash, only to discover hubby ate almost all of it the day before, (after I saw it in the fridge). So I changed it just to a curry dish. It is a bit too spicy for hubby, so I guess I get to eat it all.

Still have not made that stir fry vegetables. I decided to make some bean soup instead. Since I used the same base for the curry and bean soup, I ate quite a bit of onion, carrot, celery, potato yesterday.

[Morris]

January 16, 2019

I should have stayed off the scale this morning - not a good number for me. Time for me to get serious and stop using frustration I experience as an excuse to get serious with my eating plan. I am watching the Live Longer Feel Better and in the introductory episode a couple of statements stuck with me:

"You have to make a decision and do it." -- That is my issue, I am not making the decision to do something, hence I have not taking any action. This is so similar to the "Commit to commitment."

"Little steps have big payoffs." -- If I take little steps, then at least I am making progress toward a goal. Little steps are better than no steps at all.

"Eat nutrient dense foods, mostly plants." -- This is one we've all been hearing for quite some time now.

And, last but not least: "Life is hard enough without you making it harder." -- All rightie! that is the one I really needed to hear. These past months I have been posting about my troubles and then my failure to get with a program. Eating junk has not helped me in one bit feel better and since I am already struggling with emotions, people and other issues, there is no point in me adding another issue to deal with (aka junk food and its affects).

[Michele613]

Hi, Don't get discouraged but DO COMMIT. It is so much easier when you decide that you won't budge off the program than when one is wishy-washy. This is week 2 and I feel more committed to eating 'those' foods than in the past and it has made my day easier because I don't have to fight the battle of choosing between what I used to eat and what I want to eat now.
You can do this. I know this is hard when our lives get busier in pleasant and even more so unpleasant ways. YOU CAN DO THIS! Stop talking and get doing I like some of those quotes. I might check out that video too.

[moonlight]

"Life is hard enough without you making it harder."

I love this quote! Thanks for posting it. I'm going to put it on a card and keep it with me today, in my pocket. Whenever I'm tempted I'm going to take it out and read it, until I can just remember it. It has so much truth in it. Actually, I need it on my nightstand so during the night when I decide I need a snack ...

[bunsofaluminum]

I'm excited for you putting the finishing touches on the house! Won't it be just exciting moving in, and living in those fresh painted rooms!

Good thoughts on committing. I'm in the same boat...I know what I should be eating, and I flub it every other day one way or another. But here's the deal...we are making those little changes, and they're adding up. We can do this!

[Morris]

January 17, 2019

I am going to make this sort because I slept in and my coffee if finished. More upsetting news - GS1, the one with the dye sensitivities and recently diagnosed with silent seizures got sick with Strep throat over the weekend and on Tuesday suffered a grand mal seizure at school. The episode lasted 5 minutes.

We are finding little petty issues with the house that are frustrating - like the clogged drain that D1 and SIL created is still not unclogged. We are trying everything we can do to unclog it before we call a plumber. Now the sink pipes are leaking despite new tubes and gaskets. ARGH!!!

But, we are starting to move our stuff - my cookbooks are on the list today - that should be an all day job - I have 5 bookshelves full.

My eating needs improvement and I have finished chapter 12 of Breaking the Food Seduction, by Neal Barnard which lists reason to find your "why" - The ones that stuck out to me are:
* have more energy
*be healthier is my old age
*be more likely to make it old age

I find it interesting that his list did not include - You will sleep better. I have so many insomnia nights - if I can stick with this way of eating, will I sleep better? Anyone?

Well, I need to start my day. I will get my exercise done first thing - I'll be riding the recumbent bike for at least 45 minutes. Then I'll steam some potatoes to have on hand. I am thinking, if time allows (it is my volunteer night so I may not have time) of making no-clam chowder.

So far today, I have had:
coffee
banana

[Lyndzie]

Hi Nancy. I like your journal. It’s nice to hear about your whole life, not exclusively food. They both impact each other. And sorry to hear about your grandson. That must be very challenging.

As far as sleep goes, mine did not improve until I quit the coffee. It really helped with my feelings of stress and anxiety, too. I know how daunting that can seem, I put it off for far too long because I just love a warm cup of coffee in the morning, especially in the cold winter. But it might really help.

Best, Lindsey

[keithswife]

So sorry to read about your grandson. I hope they can find the kid some relief from the seizures. It must have been so frightening for him.

Do you have a recipe for you no clam chowder? I think clam chowder is one of the SAD meals I miss the most.

[Ejeff]

I agree coffee really affected my sleep, I drink only decaf now one cup in the morning. Also alcohol especially any red wine always causes me to wake up in the night. You could try eating a potato before bed as for some reason that seems to help. You have a lot happening and stress causes me insomnia too. Sometimes I will wake up and my heart just starts racing. Hopefully once you are fully settled in your new house your sleep will improve too. I hope your grandson gets well soon.

[Morris]

January 19, 2019

Thank you for all the kind words of support and encouragement. Received with much appreciation.

I use the Plant Pure Nation's recipe for the No clam chowder as a guide. The key to the seafood flavor and texture is the 8 ounce mushrooms (diced to resemble clam pieces)and 2 sheets nori, diced fine. The first time I made it, I used oyster mushrooms and the taste was exactly how I remembered. Not sure if I should post it since it is in a book - so many sites do not allow recipes from a book to be shared because of copyright and the author's hard work in getting it published.

My weight is up a bit, but I am not eating vegetables and/or salad - you know, the lower calorie dense foods. I am eating the starchy vegetables, the root ones that grow under the ground, I think it is because we are having a cold snap and I want warm, creamy comfort foods. Plus, I am doing this 30 - day squat challenge and seem like the app is telling me I need to do a gazillion squats a day. In addition to that, I am on the recumbent bike to get in my mileage for the Amerithon and Run the Year. I feel like my legs are getting bigger - So, I guess I'll say I am gaining muscle - hahahahaha.

Seriously, I want to get my eating in control again. I don't like carrying these extra pounds. I need to let go of these negative emotions that I have. I passed a church that had a Martin Luther King quote on the billboard:

"Let No man pull you so low as to hate him."

I read that and I thought, "Oh, I am so close to that with my SIL" I keep telling myself that he is not worth my time and energy. The conflict comes because he is family and the father of GS1. But, never in my life have I been treated like he has treated me and lied to as much as both, D1 and SIL, have lied to me. Right to my face, and then act like I am the bad guy when I call them out on it. Both of them have given me looks of such hatred at times. If it were not for the grandchildren, I would let them go completely. The point of me posting this, along with the quote, is that I want to rise above that and not let them pull me down that I am on the same level as them. Lord, give me strength.

One thing that keeps me in check is the Bible verse that says one day we will all stand before the LORD and give account of ourselves - I realized that one day, I am going to have a lot of explaining to do, especially if I don't let it go and let it go soon. The negative emotions are really self-destructive.

[Michele613]

Hi Nancy,

I am happy that you are still in program mode and trying to take care of yourself as well as, it seems, preparing for some athletic events. Good for you.

I am sorry to read of your problems with your D and SIL....that must be heartbreaking. You have turned to the right Source for help...UPward. Only He can correct the situation as well as your relationship with Him will keep you focused on that which is right and good...patience and forgiveness. Silence is golden for a reason. You are just being challenged right now and you seem to know the real Truth as to how to handle it. You CAN do it with them and with your food. Just stay focused! I am rooting for you.

[Morris]

January 23, 2019

I need to get a grip and get it fast! Yesterday, I actually ate the SAD way and today I feel like CRAP! I actually reacted to the food and experienced shortness of breath for a bit. It has been years since that has happened. I need to stop making excuses and get with the plan.

I don't think I am on plan this morning because I am having a smoothie right now that consists of grapes, spring mix and hemp seed. Are smoothies allowed on the starch program? After what I ate yesterday, it is a step in the right direction toward food, real food, mostly plants.

I am hoping to follow it with mashed potatoes and the creamy mushroom gravy (Cathy Fisher's recipe - onion, carrot, celery, mushrooms blended with cashews). I am eating too many nuts and seeds but I need the calorie intake to help me feel full and satisfied longer. I really should eat more beans.

I managed to get 25.7 miles in on the recumbent bike, then did my day 23 of the 30-day squat challenge (70 squats). I am in the third week of the Run the Year Challenge and I am struggling to stay on my goal mileage for each week. It is so easy to be distracted and lax.

After cleaning up the house after my D1 and SIL, I am recognizing that I need to get a schedule for all those once in a while cleaning jobs, sort of like I did years ago when we had to sell our home and I used sidetrack home executives ideas. I wish I could find my book for a refresher - otherwise FlyLady -here I come.

Both hubby and I are experiencing weight gain - bot of us are uncomfortable - I recognize and admit "It's the Food", hubby does not. I am watching him struggling to move and I am feeling the aches and pains due to bad diet. Hopefully, I will get my act together and get it together well. I am tired of being so pessimistic all the time and journaling about my failures. But, it seems whenever I do right, I end up sabotaging myself. I am my worst enemy. The positive is that I have not given up - I am still here making the attempt.

I am almost done with reading Neal Barnard's Breaking the Food Seduction. I just found out that he now has an app for his 21-Day Kickstart program. I downloaded it, but have to give it a serious look. Seriously, why is it so hard to follow the whole food plant based way of eating. Neal's suggestion is to go 100% so you are not constantly seducing yourself with foods you really ought to avoid - good advice - I can now feel the alcoholic and/smoker's pain in trying to be set free of their addiction because I am addicted to junk food.

Not only am I addicted to it, but I am possessive of it - heaven forbid if I give a piece or two out of my bag to hubby when he asks. I get so upset when he asks, "Can I have a piece or two?" I am like, "You are buying your own junk food, why do you need to eat mine too?" I actually get upset and share grudgingly -- Help! I have a problem.

[Michele613]

I hear your frustration. I've had those same head talks with myself over the years and I too am tired, tired, tired of reading old journals that memorialize prior failures. I think I will just toss them because I don't think there is anything new to learn from them.

You're telling yourself the right things but it really is more about 'doing' the right things. I am chuckling over your scenario with your hubby over your stash. I assume you are referring to 'off program' indulgent foods. I have given some mean looks or maybe even words over an involuntary sharing of 'my' special stuff.

Give yourself more head talk about WHY you want to lose weight, get healthy, succeed in your physical activities. Try to inspire yourself by creating a stronger and more powerful desire for those things rather than the foods. Learn to protect yourself from others who might innocently (or not) throw us off program because they are not on it or maybe don't need to be on it.

If you can do 70 sqats you can do 70 days of WFPB eating. WANT SUCCESS MORE than failure....don't let the shame and guilt eat at you....just eat right. BTW nuts and seeds are not on the MWL...they are fine at some future time when one's weight is under control. However, if that would be your worst indulgence, then move on.

Hang in there.