Journal of my journey

[Morris]

February 26, 2019

I think I am getting ready to jump in and do this. I am getting some stiffness again in my joints, mostly my hips. At first I thought it was from all the movements I was doing when getting the house repaired and painted. I had spent a lot of time on the floor and up and down. But now that that part is done, I am just stiff whenever I get up from sitting too long --- that is what got me motivated the first time around. It hurt for me to get move after sitting. Time to nip this in the bud before it gets too bad.

This past weekend, we had fun times with the grandsons, we watched both of them over the weekend. Unfortunately, it was too cold to do anything outside.We were not able to go sledding, the windchill was dangerously low. I still have to make that quinzee - I have the snow pile, but just never got around to carving out the hole and it was too cold to do that.

D1 and GD! seem to be okay from the accident, I wonder is all the snow in the ditch helped soften the impact so they weren't jolted too bad. When D2 was in a rollover about 11 years ago, she did not fair as well and still has issues with her shoulder. So, hopefully there won't be any effects that will pop up later on.

I think I may have to really tweak my diet to start losing again. I am back close to my teenage/early adult weight - I am thinking this is a setpoint that my body is going to hang onto for a while. I have had these set points where it has taken some time and diligence to see any changes on the scale before. With all my frustrations and emotional eating I have been doing, I think I pushed my luck too far by continuing to eat all that junk. I need to remind myself that there are consequences for everything I put in my mouth - good or bad - even if I do not see them happen right away.

I think seeing hubby and how big he now is ; I remember how big I was before I decided enough weight gain. Plus, the other day, I bought of bag of salt to melt the ice off the patio. It was a 50 pound bag and I recalled how on the Biggest Loser they had the contestants carry weights to equal the weight they lost. I gained 40 pound in my adult life and carry that bag into the house made me remember that when I started to lose weight I had a lighter step. If you know what I mean. I don't want to go down that road again.

I did not tell hubby that I was planning on starting over on March 1. In the past, when ever I did and we would go to the grocery store I'd say something on the order of let's not have it in the house. Mistake, he'd then answer me by grabbing chocolate bars, cookies and chips. And then I'd have to listen to "Grains cause me to gain weight."

I am thinking he is wanting to lose weight because he is actually making salads for his dinner. It would be so much easier if we could both make the effort to get with this way of eating. I know, I know, I am just using this as an excuse for my shortcomings. It is just that I have this memory of when we both were focused on a particular way of eating and we weren't tempting each other with off plan foods. Plus our lives weren't so chaotic back then and our emotional state was better, so it was easier to stay focused.

The other day, D2 and her SO went to Living Bread Pantry, one of those you pay so much and get groceries in return. She called me and said, "Hey, can you come over, we got some food for you because we won't be able to eat it all." It was a lot of produce - and it was still good. She gave me some things I don't normally buy - heads of cauliflower, leeks, arugula. Plus some lettuce, tomatoes. I was impressed with the quality of what they got. I volunteered for one a couple years ago, but that one gave out rotten food and I did not want to be a part of that. By rotten I mean, past expiration dates, but it was the moldy rotten potatoes that made my decision to stop volunteering for that one. Plus that one was mostly junk food. I guess there are better ones out there now.

Well, I want to try to read a bit of The Starch Solution before I start my day, I am off to my parents to do some house cleaning - they are going to put the house up for sale this spring - that will be tough - I grew up in that house. Plus, I have to accept the fact that my parents are fragile and in not so good health. The fall my dad took last fall, scared him and he is ready to sell and not have to bother with the upkeep.

I started my day with coffee and a baked potato - let's hope I continue eating on plan the rest of the day.

[Morris]

February 28, 2019

Well yesterday I did a mini cooking session to cook some of that produce D2 gave me. I had some leeks, cauliflower to use. So, I made a batch of Leek Potato Cauliflower soup (celery, leeks, garlic, russet potatoes, cauliflower, broth, nutritional yeast) and roasted vegetables (onion, rainbow carrots, sweet potato, cauliflower)

I mashed the soup a bit and topped it with arugula. That was an awesome touch for the soup- the bitterness contrasted with the sweet of the soup. I ate two big bowls and then because my morning routine was out of whack, a tooth broke the night before and when I called the dentist, they said they had a cancellation and could I come in with an hour - (half hour drive plus I had just finished exercising before I called so I had to quick clean up - plus it snowed the day before so I had to clean off the car.) Needless to say, I did not have breakfast before I left. When I returned, I ate my overnight oats (oats, cauliflower rice, flax seed, cinnamon, turmeric, strawberries, blueberries and banana. Then I was busy all day shoveling snow and cleaning out the garage.

So, when dinner time came around I was hungry. I ate two very full bowls of soup, then 2 pb&J toast. My evening snack was Cracker Jacks.

Reviewing my meals, I could have skipped the toast and cracker jacks because the reality is I was not really hungry but just wanted to eat. I think this is the cram circuit that Doug Lisle talked about in one of his videos. I need to break myself of this. Plus, I am a volume eater and tend to be satisfied only when I am overstuffed - how do I break myself of this?

Tomorrow is the beginning of March and I really need to get a grip on what I am eating. I am not liking the weight I am at right now ans am feeling bloated all the time. I am adding the recumbent bike into my exercise routine and I am feeling like I am getting stronger in my core and legs - Here's where people say, 'You're gaining muscle that's why you weight is up."

That's wishful thinking - I know I am eating too much crap and it's catching up with me. Time to get with the program. It is so hard with the constant temptations. My SIL and his family have issues with alcohol and when they get together, those who don't think they have a problem openly have their drink in front of those who have the problem and need to clean up. I always thought it was so rude of them to do that to their family members - but I guess that explains why SIL treated us the way he did - it is the way he grew up.

I really want to get my eating under control before health issues come my way - my niece is being checked for bone cancer now. There is too many health issues that are hitting this younger generation. As Dr. McDougall says, "It's the Food!" - I am sure it all is not caused by the food we eat, there is some social aspects happening too (referring to behavior issues - GS1's teacher wants D1 to have him checked for ADHD - he does not sit still in class and does not listen very well (I think a lot of this is selective hearing because we have seem him totally ignore us when we give him instructions because he wants to do something else.)

Remember, the days when we went to school and had recess - time to burn off some of that excess energy, then came back to the classroom and sat down and did our lessons. Nowadays it is if your kid can't sit still, give him a pill.

What I plan to eat today:
Coffee
leftover soup and vegetables

Out for lunch with my parents

huge salad with leftovers

Exercise - run on treadmill and finish shoveling snow. I heard that more snow is in the forecast for this weekend - March (time for the heavy snow -- translate that to weight lifting -(we have a sunken patio that i have to toss the snow up and over).

[Morris]

March 2, 2019

Well, it snowed all day yesterday and finally stopped right before sunset. I got the most of my shoveling finished after dark. The sky was clear so I enjoyed a few minutes of stargazing.

I wish I could say that I ate on plan completely yesterday, but I absent mindedly ate some butter cookies that hubby had sitting out. It was when I realized I was on my 6th one that I realized I was hungry. I really need to have better choices laying around - like cut up vegetables (carrot, celery, bell peppers) But then, that would mean planning and prepping.

I made some mashed potatoes topped with madras lentils and Brussels sprouts. I added some riced cauliflower in with the potatoes - that was a nice touch, first time I did that.

I am having a hard time getting through the Starch Solution, for some reason it is a tough read for me. So, I switched books and pulled my copy of Maximum Weight Loss off the shelf. It is most likely the same information, but the MWL book seems to be an easier read for me.

My take away from this reading of the book is in the Guidelines for Healthy Eating #3 p. 68 "Allow Time for Digestion": fill my plate with a reasonable amount of food. Eat it and wait 20 minutes before going for seconds. I have a tendency to eat too fast and then always fill my plate again. Hence, I usually end up being overstuffed because I eat too much and do not allow for that time lapse for the signal to let me know I ate enough. I need to make application of this tip.

One thing that I am getting irritated with is sitting at the table with hubby when eating - he is a noisy eater and he talks, talks and talks. I get so frustrated because we are not having a conversation, I have to sit there and listen to his monologue. It is so hard for me to concentrate on what I am eating (mindful eating) because my brain is focused on wishing he'd just Shut Up! He is a talker and I am not. He talks to whoever he thinks is listening or whoever is captive (me), I cannot get away. plus it is always his opinion and he is always right. I notice that when I say I disagree and give him my opinion, he ends the conversation. Sometimes I do it just so I can get him to stop talking.

Yesterday, I weighed in at my highest in a long time. This morning, the scale read one pound lighter. I noticed that I felt different eating mostly food - real food -- and not so much crap yesterday. It was a different hunger sensation (and it was in the stomach not the throat - hahaaha (Joel Fuhrman's definition).

Reading through the guidelines for the MWL - I think I may have a bit of difficulty with the eliminate high fat food and no flour products and not fruit puree - there goes my peanut butter and jelly toast. But, with the way the scale is going and how my body is reacting, I need to get with a plan and stick with it. I do not know why I cannot seem to commit to this way of eating other than I am using too many excuses and have no motivation to resist the urge to eat junk. But I want to get a grip before I start having health issues.

I feel better when I eat better - that should be motivation enough for me. Well, my coffee is done now and time for me to get moving -

My meal plan for today:
coffee
dry cereal (my version of Rip's Big Bowl) with apple and banana topped with cashew/hemp milk

stir fry vegetables with sweet potato

black beans and rice
salad

snack: apple

Okay, let's see how I do today. I at least have a menu planned - I just need to follow it.

[sirdle]

Your meal plan for today looks very yummy (as well as being nutritious and filling). Good luck!

You eating environment sounds very frustrating and challenging: hubby leaving off-plan food lying around... talking at you while you're trying to concentrate... I don't know how I'd manage.

Best wishes,

[Morris]

March 4, 2019

I am going to admit that my attempts at planning my meals ahead of time are a total failure. I think I cater too much to others - I am finding that I have a tendency to give in to hubby's wants - and that is not good because he is not on board with this way of eating. I am doing the Beck Diet Solution once again - hopefully these activities will become second nature to me because the purpose of that plan is having the proper mindset.

I try to make a different set of advantages (my why) each time I do this program.As I reread them, I find there are lots of reasons as to why to have a healthy lifestyle. But, this time around one thing I wrote down was "TO BE FAITHFUL TO MYSELF". For some reason that is becoming a powerful motivation for me this time around.

Too many times in the past I have used excuses of being stressed out by a situation and/or a person. I know that eating junk food is not going to make the situation change but that giving in to that is just a lousy excuse to eat and feel like crap. By using that for an excuse, I am not being faithful to myself. I think it is time for me to focus on me and what I need to do for myself (not others).

Another thing I want to focus on is that the junk food I so readily gorge myself on is NOT FOOD, meaning it offers me no nutritional value other than extra calories, which I do not need.

So, moving on to more positive accomplishments. I had to take my grandson home yesterday and my first thought was, "Oh, I get to go by myself and I will stop at the General Dollar store and buy my stash of whatever. After I dropped of G2, I drove out of town and went the back way so I'd avoid the store. I fought the temptation to stop at the gas/convenience store on the way. So, from my past experience, I saved myself at least 1,000 calories.

Instead of focusing on potato chips, I made up my mind that when I got home, I'd make a batch of tomato soup and have it with rice and beans. But, because of my struggle I was having I gave in just a bit and made some Lemon Blueberry Muffins.

My tomato soup was made with: onion, celery, garlic, riced cauliflower, my canned tomato sauce, and basil. I mixed it with those beans I made the other day and some rice.


What I plan on eating today:
coffee
lemon blueberry muffin
apple
My version of Rip's Big Bowl Cereal with cashew/hemp milk

leftover rice, beans and tomato soup
salad

?

My exercise will be to get a run finished on the treadmill - I cannot wait til I can run outside again. Dangerously cold today -- again and it is March. I hope that we have spring this year, last year the snow fall was late and it seemed like it went from winter to summer.

Let's see how I do today...I slept well last night and feel rested

[bunsofaluminum]

I like it...the motivation for doing this "to be true to myself" that is wisdom right there. I'll remember it! Good going on not caving to the Dollar General or the C-store! you got this!

[Morris]

March 5, 2019

Okay, I admit it!! I am having cravings for junk and there is not any in the house or cabin. Hubby must be sensing my desperation because his stash went into further hiding. How long do these cravings last? But,hey, I feel good that I am at least struggling, that means I am not giving in!

Today is the Eat Slowly and Mindfully on my Beck Diet Solution Journey. I had a good meal tonight: romaine lettuce, sweet kale, guacamole, black beans and sweet potatoes. I ate slowly -- I am trying that suggestion to take a reasonable amount of food and if I am still hungry to wait 20 minutes before going for seconds -- but with a twist, I am turning on my stopwatch and trying to make the meal last for at least 20 minutes. It took me about 30 minutes to eat my meal.

Since I was taking my time eating, I was realizing I was actually enjoying that sweet potato with the black beans. Also, the crunch of the lettuce was a nice contrast with the softness of the sweet potato and beans.

My weight was actually up a bit this morning - since I am trying to get with the plan, it was almost a bummer - but then I noticed that my scale was showing a 2 pound increase in lean muscle mass. I realize these body scales are not accurate, but I guess I can say "I am gaining muscle." hahaha. I almost wish I paid attention to the body fat % so I could see if I were actually making progress.

But no matter, I fit into my jeans comfortably this morning. That is a bit more meaningful to me that a number on the scale

[Rosey]

The clothing is definitely a good sign no matter what the scales say.

[Morris]

March 7, 2019

Well, yesterday was a bust. My mom called me just as I began my coffee time and she was in tears. She couldn't speak and had to have my dad get on the phone. They went to the doctor and he put in an order for home health care and they wanted me to be there for the meeting. I had about 3 hours to get there - it is an hour drive. So, no breakfast for me, off I went.

One the way I had to go pee, so I stopped at a gas station - 2 chocolate covered donuts

The meeting turned out to be just an initial consultation - but they only qualified if they were homebound - NO WAY, my mom said - she is not ready to give up her casino trips (they take bus trips to various casinos - it is their social outings and only entertainment they do.

Relief - I guess she was in bad shape when they were at the doctor with her breathing. I am now committing to making it a point to help them once a week now rather than the random once in a while. Soon, their house will be on the market.

My mom planned soup for lunch --bouja -- and did not have enough for me. So, I called my sister, but she already ate lunch so we got together for coffee and I decided to have a soy ice cream cone.

Then I went back to my parents and finished up the house cleaning that needed to be done for the day. Time ot go home -- I got too hungry, so I pulled off at an exit where a subway restaurant was located - Veggie delight (other than the bread, it was okay) but I let myself get too hungry so I bought a bag of chips. After thought - should have made the sub a salad and if I was still hungry, then I should have bought another sandwich 6" instead of the chips.

Good news - no evening snacking.

Well, just got word of another snow storm coming in - expecting 8-13 inches this weekend - UGH! It has been a snowy winter. I am sure I am not alone in this - the weather is more like an old fashioned winter - I still need to dig out my quinzee.

I am planning on making a batch of split pea soup for my meals today, along with salad

[bunsofaluminum]

wow, sounds like a heck of a day! Too bad about heading out there without sustenance But I agree with you about the winter. This has felt like a more normal winter, first time in many years. I'm in Utah though, not northern Minnesota so we don't have nearly the amount, but we do have lake effect thanks to the Great Salt Lake so I feel your shoveling pain!

Take it easy, and keep on truckin!

[Morris]

March 8, 2019

Well, I had a nice long post, but must have taken too long and got logged out so it did not post. I usually copy it when I take too long but did not this morning, so I guess that was just a vent post - out of my system now.

I spent yesterday afternoon outside yesterday, pulling the snow of the roof in anticipation for this next snow storm they are saying is on the way. They are saying it will dump 8 - 13 inches this time around. Since it is March, I am sure it will be a wet heavy snowfall. So far, the snow has been dry, light and fluffy.

As I shoveled out my little tarp shelter that I have above the sliding hill, I noticed that it has not clumped together. Makes me think twice about digging out that quinzee (I still have not done that) but since I piled up that snow it may have joined together. I don't even know if I'll do it now,

I am eating too much of the higher-fat plant foods - read guacamole, nuts and coconut milk here. But, I am slowly getting my mindset to getting with the plan again. The other day, when I was looking at my fitbit stats, I saw that if I don't get a grip soon, I will be back to my highest weight that I was two years ago. I set that date for me to lose this excess that I gained these past couple of months - before they become a permanent part of me again. I just need to stop eating the junk and even with the high-fat plant foods, I should be able to do it.

Well, I gotta get moving - time flies by so fast during my computer time and I need to get my run done on the treadmill.

[Morris]

March 10, 2019

Well, I think I am getting some subtle hints that it is time for me to get with being 100%, I have been too complacent and have not really dedicated myself to doing this way of eating 100%. I just read landog's story in the Health issue forum - my take away from that is why wait until I have issues to get with being 100% compliant. Plus the Mastering Diabetes is having the 2019 summit going on now.

I am thinking hubby is wanting to eat better, I am noticing when we are out and about in town, he is skipping the "I just need something to tide me over", which was usually a piece of pizza from Costco, and he is not saying let's go out to eat. I made a comment on that and I hope he doesn't get in the rebel mode now. Because it is rather nice not eating out so much.

One thing hubby states often is "I don't eat a lot of fat compared to other people." -- that may be so, but how does what other people eat affect your health? I guess I could counter that with, "I eat a lot more vegetables than other people." But my eating vegetables is not going to affect another person's health.

Yesterday, I was really wanting some low-calorie vegetables, so instead of eating the Tika Masala I made (coconut milk), I made a big bowl of stir-fry vegetables (the asparagus mix) and loaded the wok with spinach. I am hoping to be able to sneak the MWL method in with my cooking and hopefully, hubby won't notice what I am doing and go along with it.

The other day, I had to carry in a 50 pound sack of salt for the ice on the patio and how I connected that with how much extra weight I carried around about 10 years ago before I started my weight loss journey. That was a few weeks ago and yet I am still stuffing my face with junk. -- Why is there such a disconnect with what we eat and the effect it has on our bodies? I am expressing my frustration with myself for letting my eating get out of control and now I am dealing with a 7 pound weight gain. To make it worse, I think my body wants to hang on to this weight. Frustration.

I am starting my day with:
coffee
Riced Cauliflower Oatmeal, with flax seed, blueberries, mango, and banana; topped with cashew hemp milk

Left over Tikka Masala over rice with added mixed vegetables, served with spinach

either a lentil stew or split pea soup - depends on whatever I find first when I open the pantry - either one will have onion, carrot, potato in it. If I go with lentils, I'll add some tomatoes.

Well, it is still snowing, but I need to get out there and get that sunken patio cleaned before it accumulates too much and it'll be too difficult to throw up and over. I have to remind myself that of that song: "Every thing is beautiful in its own way, a starry summer night or a snow covered winter's day...' -- that song always plays in my head whenever I shovel

[Morris]

March 11, 2019
I don't know why it is so hard for me to create a meal plan and then stick with it. At least I made it through lunch yesterday with what I planned. i honestly think it is because I do not plan my daily activities and just sort of go with the flow for the day.

Hubby has been getting a bit better about helping out around the house. I am wondering if it is because he criticized me the other day because I cannot keep up with the "clutter" in the house and I retorted with a "At least I am not sitting on my a** all day." - I get that he has pain, but since he wants to compare his diet with what other people are eating, maybe he should compare his activity with what other people do also. It is so frustrating that he acts like an invalid because of his chronic pain and relies on me to do everything around here.

I checked out a book from the library: Superfoods Weeknight Meals by Kelly Pfeiffer - she has a Quinoa-Lentil Blend that she adds to a lot of the recipes: smoothies, soups, salads, main dishes, even desserts - -- That' what I want to do with my bulk cooking. She is whole food, but not plant based; even so she has a lot of recipes I want to tweak to make compliant with SS.

I started my day with:
coffee

But I am already off my meal plan for the day, instead of my overnight oats, I had peanut butter and jelly toast with a banana. But I need to get moving earlier today; D2 and her SO are coming to help us move some heavier items up to the house and I need to get the path shoveled to the storage unit so we can get some stuff out of there.

I am hoping that yesterday's snow is the last for the season. We hire someone to plow our driveway and this year it is costing us almost the same as it is for heating. Lots and lots of snow - a good old fashioned winter. Not complaining, I like the seasons, but it is time for the warm-up. Come ON spring!!!

I have no idea what my meals will be for today - not a clue (as of right now)

[bunsofaluminum]

The other day, I had to carry in a 50 pound sack of salt for the ice on the patio and how I connected that with how much extra weight I carried around about 10 years ago before I started my weight loss journey. That was a few weeks ago and yet I am still stuffing my face with junk. -- Why is there such a disconnect with what we eat and the effect it has on our bodies? I am expressing my frustration with myself for letting my eating get out of control and now I am dealing with a 7 pound weight gain. To make it worse, I think my body wants to hang on to this weight. Frustration.

We really are slaves to our tastebuds, and that is the truth. People who smoke know that they are destroying their bodies. They KNOW. Everyone knows how terrible smoking is, yet tobacco addicts continue to smoke. That's the addiction. Well, food manufacturers create their tasty treats with the addictive trifecta of fat, sugar, and salt. That combination is so addictive that in studies rats even set aside cocaine to indulge in it. And they put it in snacks, fast foods, and other non-foods in spades, FOR THE PURPOSE of addicting us and keeping us addicted. It's hard to break away from it, even when we know the damage it is doing to our bodies.

At least you're catching yourself at 7 lbs and trying to put a stop to the gain. That's HUGE. You didn't wait until there was a 25 lb gain. Keep on trying!

[Morris]

March 16, 2019

UGH! I am having a rough time - first a snow storm then a couple days later it rained all day. The ground is still frozen and our driveway is all ice after the slush froze. I am parking the car by the road and putting my ice grippers on to walk up to the house, I measured our driveway it is 1/10 of a mile. Nice walk on the ice ---NOT! There is water under the ice so if I fall and break the ice, I'd get wet.

My eating is so bad right now! I am eating high starchy foods with some junk food included. I am frustrated. The Mastering Diabetes Summit was interesting and I am going over my notes. Roseanne Oliveria's session was very enlightening - Turning your Willpower into Why Power. She talked about focusing on the why you want to change your lifestyle and not rely on just willpower to make a new habit. One thing that she stated that was different from others is that it will take and average of 66 days for a new habit to be formed.

She also mentioned that for some going all out with changes becomes too overwhelming and to focus on just one change at a time. She also said that willpower is finite and is often strongest in the morning and then throughout the day it fades. -- Now, that explains why it is so much easier for me to be compliant with my meals and then totally blow it by late afternoon.

It seems like I have been using willpower, or my lack of, has been my excuse as to not sticking with the plan. So, I need to discover my "why", that is "What is the emotional reason why I want to change?" Rosanne states that "It has to be the why that makes you cry"; your why has to be very powerful to be successful.

New habits will be made by "emotion" not by willpower or a trigger. There can be no change in a lifestyle without changing who you are. In order to make a change (create a new habit), you need to make a change. That change is not about swapping one food for another, but rather "Who do I want to become?"

She states once you have the "why power", you'll never have to rely on willpower again because you will connect your "why", (a rational reason connected with an emotion), with what you are doing.

She talks about how we often associate pain with making a change and pleasure with keeping it. (Example: I could never give up _______.) The key to success is to reverse that and find the pain in not making the change, that is "what will it cost me if I keep doing it" and what is the pleasure if I do it. Roseanne states that it always should be an emotional reason because we need to make an emotional connection (find the pain). The pain needs to be at least twice the pleasure. It needs to hurt you -->it will really pain me if I continue this bad behavior. You need to create an association with the pain. If you eat ______________, then you will have negative consequence

She talked a bit about the Habit cycle:
Cue (an emotion is attached to this, trigger) --> Custom (what you do) ----> Carrot (an emotion, reward)

She stated the cue and the carrot are things that we can change and then the custom what will do will follow. But you need to be consistent for 66 days. Note: it can be less days for some and longer for another. 66 days is the average "sweet spot" in keeping the change permanent.

She also stated that the reward needs to be instantaneous and not put off until some future date. That reminds me of dog training, to change a dog's behavior the correction or reward needs to happen at the same time as the behavior.

I think in context that would mean for me to make the changes I want to accomplish I need to focus on the pain I will endure if I do not make the change and the pleasure I will have when I do make the change. MY reward? I will no longer be a person who failed to follow my eating plan and I will be a person that can say "NO" to those potato chips, candy or cookie.

To make a change --- Who do I need to become. She also mentioned that one needs to be honest with yourself. Is that not what I posted the other day with one of my advantages that I created in The Beck Diet Solution - to be faithful to myself.

I am thinking that I do not have a strong enough "WHY" at this time -- looks like I need to do some soul searching and really find my "WHY", what will it cost me if I keep doing these bad behaviors and really focus on the emotions that I am connecting with these behaviors.