Journal of my journey

[Morris]

May 6, 2019

I had a bad day yesterday, mentally - I was in a bad mood that I couldn't seem to shake. Hubby did not help, just being around him made it worse. He has cold or allergies are kicking in - why are men such babies when it comes to being sick? Talk about whining. Man, we had to go to town so I was a captive audience.

Finally shook most of it when, right before sunset, I went for a walk in the woods and stopped at my favorite spot for taking pictures. It is a small pond and I just stood there and watched the birds and listened to the frogs. Sounds of nature. So calming to the soul.

I am busy raking the leaves in the yard. I have so much yard work to get done, but I love it when it is done because the yard always looks so nice when it is cleaned up. As I am doing this, I am looking for a place to set up my tents so I can add some waterproofing to them. I am hoping to try some "wet camping" also this year, camping in the rain. There is a you tube video where some guy goes hiking in the woods, sets up his tarp, starts a fire, heats some water and makes himself a cup of hot chocolate, sits there for a bit and then packs up and leaves. I chuckle about it, but I bet he had a good and relaxing time sitting there listening to the rain.

I was able to follow some of my meal plan yesterday. I feel like at least that is a start. I ended up eating some junk food because it was there. But I made myself eat the "good" stuff first. Is that not what we tell children, eat your meal first then you can have dessert?

I seem to do well with breakfast for following my plan, but lunch and dinner is struggle to stay with it, even if I prep it ahead of time. I am learning that if I batch cook I should only do enough for 1 more day - I find that we do not do well eating the same thing over and over and over. I am learning to freeze my leftovers that we do not eat the next day so I do not waste it. Then it is handy for when I do not want or have time to cook.

I am hoping today goes better than yesterday, eating and mood.

My eating plan for today:
oatmeal with fruit and nut mix
broccoli
sweet potato
beans
spinach
Romaine lettuce
Sweet Kale mix

If I can eat these ingredients today I will consider myself successful. Bad mood is still lingering, hope I am able to shake it.

Exercise today: raking and running class

[Morris]

May 10, 2019

I have been cutting back on my internet time a bit because it seems to be a time waster sometimes. I have been practicing my typing instead, I have a program that used to be used in some schools - it is old, but still functions on my current operating system. I am slow and am only on the number and symbol sections - these slow me way down. But if I can type faster, then I can get my posting here finished sooner

My mood has improved since the last time I posted, but then I have been busy with yard work and helping my parents; translate that to away from hubby and time to myself. I really need my "me" time. It seems my coffee time just isn't cutting it lately.

Yesterday I spent all afternoon digging up and transplanting some of the plants (honey berries) that SIL had planted and said he'd leave them behind for us and then mowed them over with the lawn mower. I noticed they were making a comeback, so I am hoping to salvage them. Fortunately, I also cleaned up a place where I tried to get wild flowers to grow, but they did not come up and so I got down on my hands and knees and was digging in the dirt. There is something that is so grounding (if you know what I mean) about getting my hands dirty. I love working in the garden for that reason.

I had a bit of a scare when a salamander popped out of one of the root bundles. At first I thought it was a snake, a funny looking snake, until I saw the legs. I hope it enjoys its new location.

I spent about 5 hours working outside and as I was finishing, I realized that I was getting hungry. It made me think of the technique to use distraction to keep me from eating. I was busy and therefore was not obsessed with thinking about food and what to eat.

My eating is slowing getting back to where it ought to be, I made a batch of Cathy Fisher's (Straight Up Food) Corn Chowder - not sure why she calls it that as it was a broth soup. I followed her recipe with the exception of subbing on cup of the liquid for some cashew milk. The spice mixture was good. Sometimes, the spices or lack thereof, will make or break a dish.

[Morris]

May 11. 2019
I took a break from working in the yard, only because on the 9th, when I was transplanting those bushes and then cleaning out leaves in brush my arm began to hurt. I am concerned that I did something to the rotator cuff - I hope that is not the case. I injured that once before and it took years to mend. But, it did not stop me from getting out there and doing a run. I managed to get 4 miles in the morning. And then I went exploring in a SNA (Scientific and Natural Area). Been in this area almost 15 years and I never explored it before.

The highlights of the area are a ridge, pond and stream. It has a mixture of woods and prairie grass. SNAs have no maintained trails, but I found plenty of trails throughout the area, whether human or animal made I don't know. It will be a great spot to go with my camera some day. I would like to go there often, just so I can keep a trail made throughout the summer.

Since I was not working in the yard, I set up my tents and sprayed some waterproofing on them. I did the two small ones, in anticipation of doing a backpack camp night with my granddaughter. It was cool around 40° so it was good to check out my cooler weather gear. First time I used a mummy style sleeping bag, it was rated for 10- 20° and my feet got cold and I ended up putting my jacket inside the sleeping bag by my feet.

I live near a gravel pit and the machines and/or trucks were running so it was noisy. But once they stopped, and the traffic from the highway was minimal, it was quite, I did not even hear any birds, makes me wonder where that owl went that we used to hear all the time. I am not sure i like the tent I chose for the cooler weather, the screen doors do not have a cover so there was a lot of air flow from the vestibule. But it should work great for the warmer weather.

I am going to give myself credit for my lunch yesterday: sweet potato and broccoli. But my other meals are not worth mentioning because they were processed, not really CRAP, but processed. At least my lunch was a step in the right direction.

What I plan to eat today:
oatmeal with blueberries and mango
banana

apple

bean burgers
salad
corn

vegetable unfried rice

[Morris]

May 12, 2019

Well, other than the banana and apple, I did not follow my eating plan. I don't know why it is so hard to follow my plan. I started out with the best intentions to follow it, but GS2 wanted pancakes for breakfast. So I ended up having my fruit with that. Then we went to town, GS2 needed new shoes.

Note of victory - no eating out while in town. We ate when we returned: sweet potato, black bean and mixed vegetable. Simple meal plan, only took a few minutes to prepare. I think I am making it too complicated.

[Ejeff]

I agree, sometimes I make it too complicated and then eating and thinking about food feels frustrating. I have gotten into a better routine now, I pretty much eat the same thing for lunch most days a large rice and veggie salad/bowl. Dinner is usually potatoes or pasta with veggies. My snacks are usually fruit and/or banana oat cookies which I always have in the freezer. I like to make sweet potato fries in the air fryer too.

I am trying to only make one or two actual recipes or new things each week so that it stays easy. Jeff Novick has mentioned this before with his snap meals, keep the cooking super easy so we can focus more on living life. You are very ambitious with all your camping and running, I enjoy reading your posts. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

[Morris]

May 13, 2019

I know I don't mention it enough, but I want to say a big thank you for all you who read and comment on my posts here. I appreciate all the support even if I don't say it enough: THANK YOU!

I am now keeping a "posting" of my weight weekly in an Excel spreadsheet, but still have an obsession on stepping on that thing daily - excited to see that it finally is showing a smaller number this morning. I am doing a streak of 1 mile or 20 minutes of exercise and I have completed 42 days. I have decided to take daily walks to my favorite spot on a road that takes me to an overlook of a pond, 1/2 mile in a wooded area. So, I get a 1 mile walk in. These past few days, I have chosen to go right before sunset. Unfortunately, I cannot stay and watch the sunset because I get freaked out with the sounds. But, if I am going to go camping, I better get used to it, so I will venture out a bit later each night. I am thinking that these walks are helping my relax a bit.

These next couple of weeks are going to be rough emotionally. My dad fell again this weekend - I am so glad I bought him a mobile phone, he ended up calling my mom in the middle of the night to have her help him get up. I told him to keep that phone on him at all times. So glad he listened and carried it with him to the bathroom. It is so hard seeing him lose his strength so quickly. It has to be so hard on him especially since he has always been an independent strong-willed person. Plus we all have memories of his dad, my grandpa in his last years of his life .

Went shopping at Aldis and got greedy with the bagged vegetables in the freezer section, sorry to the other shoppers. Plus I bought a bag of potatoes. - on my way to getting with a plan. If only hubby would get on board, it would be so much easier. But our tastes are so different - he likes his meat and like my vegetables, he like sauces and I like plain. We are so opposite. At least, I think he is not suggesting to go out to eat every time we go to town. I think that is because when we helped his friend move, we ended up with his freezer and the contents - that guy was a meat eater - so hubby has been getting his dose of meat - he usually wants to go out to get to fill that void. Makes it better for me.

We had one of his friends visit for about 5 days - a meat eater also. One thing I noticed is both of these guys use a CPAP machine. Hmmmm, coincidence?

What I plan to eat today:
riced cauliflower oatmeal with fruit

apple

potato
vegetables of some sort
salad

unfried rice with veggie
kidney beans
spinach salad with clementine and blueberry

[sirdle]

One thing I noticed is both of these guys use a CPAP machine. Hmmmm, coincidence?

Not a coincidence at all. Sleep apnea was the trigger that started my own journey toward health.

Not being able to breath was terrifying. The instant I fell asleep I could feel my throat contract and I would instantly wake panting and full of adrenaline. The only way I could fall asleep was by being so tired that I couldn't stay awake any longer. I would be awake for 28 hours then sleep for 12, then awake for 32 hours and asleep for 16... My mental health started to deteriorate... I can remember smacking myself in the head thinking: If I can just give myself a concussion, maybe I can get some sleep!

When I was finally able to get an appointment with my family doctor he told me to read "Why We Get Fat" by Gary Taubes and "The China Study" by T. Colin Campbell. Taubes rubbed me the wrong way. Campbell eventually led me here.

[Morris]

I agree not being able to breathe is scary - That is one reason why I am not a fast runner--when I was 16 I was riding my bicycle out in the country and I was trying to see how far I could get within an hour. I think I had am asthmatic attack - I laid in the ditch gasping for air as I was unable to breathe. Scared the daylights out of me. Now, whenever I run, if I push myself to the point where I feel like I may start wheezing or gasping for air (not the same as breathing hard), I slow down til I catch my breath.

I also read that book by Taubes - but when he did not make the difference between refined carbs and whole I sort of dismissed what he he saying. I want to reread the Chine Study, I have both editions, but seem to lacking the time to sit down and read.

May 16, 2019

This week, I have not been at my computer as much as I usually am so I got behind on my postings. Other than a detour with my eating to the land of Mini whoopi pies, I have been eating a lot better. It seems to be making a difference in my mood. I am still struggling with feelings that have been hanging on since SIL and D1 moved. It is time to mow the yard and knowing I have to go out and buy a new lawn mower because of SIL really ticks me off!

But, I choose to focus on because I kept my mouth shut at least I can still have a relationship with GD1 and GS1. GD1 is going to the running class with me on Mondays and she stays the night and then I take her to school on Tues. We are debating if we should take GS1 every other weekend this summer. He is the one that has been diagnosed with epilepsy and has been having grand mal seizures. Too be honest, I am worried about him having one when he'd be in my care. He has been having to be transported by ambulance to ER after his episodes and we live so far out in the country that it'd take a while for them to get here. So, not for sure what we will do.

These next couple of weeks are going to be busy busy busy for me. Not only do I need to get my yard work done, it is time to start prepping the garden and my parents are getting ready to move and they need to go through 60 years of accumulated stuff and get the house cleaned. Plus my dad cannot drive now and I am the appointed driver for them (they live almost an hour away from me).

It is a hard time for me -- my dad is having difficulty swallowing, they think it is because he cannot hold his head up and his muscles in his throat are contracting. On the plus, it is thought that when he had to switch doctors, the new one just put he had Parkinson's because of the medication he is taking for restless leg syndrome. So maybe he does not have Parkinson's after all? Or is that part of it. I really do not know.

Yesterday, marked the 39th year hubby and I have been married. As much as I complain about him, he is really sweet - he bought me a backpack for me to use for daytime hiking, a smaller on than the one I picked up for overnight. Now, I just have to get that thing packed and head out into the woods with my camera.

Race day is tomorrow and since the race is past my parents' house and I have to go there to help them clean and go through the stuff, I'll just stay there for the night. That will save me some driving time, both tonight and in the morning. So, I'll just bring some of my "camping" meals to eat and bring salad fixings too.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with blueberries and mango
apple
banana

rice and beans
broccoli

Vegetable tikka masala
salad

Plus, I need to stay hydrated so I will be focusing on water, water, water throughout the day.

[Morris]

May 19, 2019

My race time was one of my slowest that I have had in quite some time. But, I guess it is because I have not really put in much effort for training. But my average pace, according to my fitbit, was 11'33. I guess since the season is just starting, that I'll work on improving that. 3 weeks til the trail run - I better be serious about training for that one - it is a 6.55 mile trail run with lots of hills and sand. And then the next week is a 5 mile race. I'll most likely come in last for that one because it is a new distance and those are always smaller. But I know the director of the race so it'll be good at the end. I'll just tell her to make sure she waits for me before she tears down the timing stuff.

I had spent the night at my parents' because of the package pickup and the race on just west of the city they live in, it saved me driving time since I was in town helping them. Well, guess who calls right before race time? You got it; hubby calls me and asks, Are you done with your race?" - He said thought I'd be finished, but I am not buying it because of the time he called - it was too early for me to have been finished. (Remember last race he called while I was still running) I need to remember to put my phone on do not disturb.

I need to get serious about no junk food - too many people are commenting on how I cannot eat what they are serving (my mom, brother, and daughter) - that means I was eating better in the past. It could also be why my race time was so crappy yesterday. It was GS2's birthday yesterday and D2 had us over for dinner to celebrate. He wanted Mac and cheese. D2 made some mixed vegetables at the last minute for me. FYI - boxed cake mixes taste horrible compared to E2's Adonia's Cake.

Oh, by the way, I the race had a couple of sponsor's gift drawings - I won the Mother's Day drawing - a pair of earrings (I am going to gift that to GD1's 18th birthday that is coming up soon) and $100 gift certificate.

I broke my exercise streak on the 17th. I was so busy that I remember when I was almost ready to fall asleep, but it was 12:38 am (the 18). BUMMER, now my streak to beat is 47 days.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee ( I am trying to cut this back - I am make one large cup, exercise - then see how awake I feel, maybe the exercise will energize me more than coffee)

Riced cauliflower oatmeal with blueberries and mango

apple with sunflower seeds

potato
stir fry vegetables
salad

unfried rice with vegetables.

Well, it would normally be time for another cup of coffee, but I guess it'll be a half hour on the treadmill instead.

Happy Starchin'

[Morris]

May 20, 2019

I am on day 2 of cutting my morning coffee in half. I am hoping that maybe, just maybe, I'll sleep better. I wake up so often during the night. My fitbit tracks my sleep, but I am not sure I can figure out read the chart, but I am hoping with less caffeine I'll start seeing less "awake" time on the chart. That was not the case for last night's rest. I'll see how long I do the less coffee routine; I like my coffee time.

Yesterday, my exercise was done on the treadmill. I followed a workout from my Fastest 5k program and surprised myself by actually making it through the whole workout as planned. I am going to do that workout once a week and try to beat the mileage by increasing the speed on the run/walk segments. I found an old file on my computer when I did this workout in the past and saw that whenever I did it then, I went a bit further in distance. Thinking of my run on the treadmill, I am sure I can push myself a bit harder without going too hard.

I am also doing a solo 100 day challenge - I have a picture of a shoe that is divided into 100 segments and each day I do my workout, I color in a section. I think I will put these in a folder so I can see how consist I am. I am so disappointed that I broke my streak I started in April. I had so many things to do that day and when I remembered that I did not get my workout finished it was already after midnight. I think if I get that exercise in first thing in the morning, I should have no problem - that is why I an cutting out that second half of my coffee time - I am hoping to make my morning routine coffee and exercise time.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
oatmeal with flax, fruit and nut Omega-3 mix, apple, blueberries

salad
potato
Brussels Sprouts

"Alfredo":whole wheat noodle with broccoli and carrots

[Morris]

May 21, 2019

Well, I seem to be sleeping a bit better by cutting back on my coffee. Too bad because I really enjoy the taste of coffee, I guess I'll have to learn to like the taste of tea.

I managed to have the breakfast of my planned meals for yesterday and then the broccoli - other than off I did not stick with my plan. I really need to get more organized and prioritize my activities. The problem is that I just take the days as they come and work around what others have me doing. I have not yet put a lot of emphasis on what I need to get done. Whenever I do the Beck Diet Solution and it comes to making the daily list of things to do, I drop out. I get a mental block when it comes to organizing my activities for the day. That is most likely why it is so hard for me to plan and prepare my meals. I am hoping if I keep listing my plan here, I'll eventually carry it over into my activities for the day. Yesterday, was an improvement - I also wrote my menu on a piece of paper. (Unfortunately, that piece of paper just stayed on my desk. But it is a start.)

These past couple of days whenever I am working out in the yard a grouse comes up to me. Yesterday, it followed me around the yard. I am not sure what she is doing. She just walks around me and coos. A couple of times she has lunged at me, but those were moments when I made sudden movements. It is so weird to have her do this. She comes within arm's length. I was thinking she has a nest somewhere in the yard, but it does not make sense that she'd make her presence known to me - I'd think if that were the case, she'd stay hidden.

I have no idea what i plan to eat today, GD1 spent the night so we could do running class and I have to get moving so I can get her to school. I am so glad that despite all the difficulties we had with D1 and SIL that they still allow us to see the grandchildren.

Happy Starchin'

[Morris]

May 22, 2019

It is raining today -- just when I start thinking about when am I going to find time for camping and where and I going to go? I really do not want to go camping when it is going to rain all day. I don't think I'd enjoy hiking all day in the rain. I mentioned that to GD1 when we were talking about camping this summer and her response was, "We can always sleep in the car." So true, I'll just have to fold down the seats.

Yesterday was a busy day for me, "tiller guy" came out and tilled up our garden space. I spent 3 hours getting our garden ready for him, added some peat moss to the newer section. We had him till our regular garden space and then on the hillside around the house. The back of the house pulled up as great looking black dirt - I guess I'll be doing a bit more gardening than I was planning to do. I had told hubby that I'd be happy to just buy our veggies this year and kind of slow down a bit and recoup after all the stress we had from D1 and SIL - but now I cannot wait to get on my hands and knees and run filter that dirt through my fingers.

The hillside garden gets a lot more sun -- I may try tomatoes this year. I gave up on growing them because I never got a good crop, but the different location may give me a successful yield. The hillside location with more sun will also give us a bit more time for growing some items. Our first location always took longer to warm up in the spring and the cold air settled onto it early in the fall. Plus it gets quite a bit of shade from the surrounding trees.Fresh veggies from your own garden are the best. Also, GS2 bought some seed for carrots and watermelon. It'll be so fun to teach him to garden.

What I plan to eat today:
apple

Vegetable Red Curry - this will be off-plan because we are eating out at a Thai restaurant - best thing about that place is that they use fresh vegetables and my dish will be full of veggies.

? I usually do not eat after a restaurant meal, but this one will be earlier in the day and it is running class tonight (unless I wimp out because of the weather) - oatmeal and fruit, if I choose to eat.

Exercise - at least 30 minutes on the treadmill in case I wimp out of running class because of the rain.

[bunsofaluminum]

Oy, the rain this spring! We planted tomatoes a few weeks ago, and they've hardly gotten any sun! But we haven't needed to turn on the water for anything!

[Morris]

May 24, 2019

I think a bear was checking out our garden space last might. At least that is what it looks like by the tracks I see in the dirt. I went for a walk last night it was a pleasant experience and I felt refreshed afterwards.

Yesterday, I had to take my dad to his appointment for a botox injection. He has a severe case of cervical dystonia and cannot hold his head up. It always made me realized that he cannot even move his head. So, they inject a toxin in the strongest muscle to weaken in in hopes that he'll gain some mobility again. I am hoping it will loosen his muscles so that swallowing will be easier for him. Lately, he is needing to have his food ground up fine so he can eat it. But both my mom and dad are in denial about his condition and say that he is eating better and now the food is not being chopped as fine. Now, that means he is eating even less food. It is so sad seeing them both go downhill so quickly.

One week left before they move and their house is a mess with everything being sorted out: what to keep and what to get rid of after 60 years in one location. My mom is totally stressed: she wants to keep their phone number and where they are moving won't allow the transfer. So, I was checking out the no contract options and discovered the company I wanted to use is no longer having the device for the "landline" option. When I told my mom, she started to cry. Having to contact everyone with a new number just put her over the edge I guess.

It was a stressful day, trying to help my mom, but she was so has to go through everything first and if I start in one area, she'd call me over and get me doing 3 other different things so nothing gets done. I finally told her to let me focus on one area while she goes through all the papers she has - she does genealogy and has lots of paper for each family she has researched over the years.

Plus it was rainy all day, translate that to 'gloomy'. When I returned home, about 1 hour before sunset, I went for a walk to my favorite spot to take pictures. The air was so heavy, but as soon as I entered the wooded area and heard the frogs, the whole atmosphere started to change and I started to feel energized. Lately, I have been noticing how much better I feel when I just go and sit in the woods and watch and listen to nature. I love spots with water.

With the recent rains, the ponds I go to are at the highest level I have ever seen. I was going to go explore a particular area, but saw that is where some bear tracks came out of, so I think I'll put off my exploration of that area for a bit.

I was reading one of the articles here on the board about Jeff Novick's Fast Food -- I think I am making it way too complicated. 10 basic ingredients -
1. Frozen Vegetables
2. Frozen Fruit
3. Brown Rice
4. Beans
5. Canned Tomato Products
6. Whole Grains
7. Whole Grain Pasta
8. Dried Fruit
9. Raw Nuts/Seeds an d Nut/Seed Butters
10. Spices/Seasonings/Herbs

Of course, I use the majority of these most of the time making my meals, but putting them in a list as packaged and convenient foods to use gives me a new perspective on how quickly one can put together something to eat. It is just a matter of how I combine these ingredients and will offer such a variety because there are so many combinations to use. I just need to stop overthinking this way of eating.

Here is the link if you want to read the article:
https://www.drmcdougall.com/pdf/Advanced_Study_Weekend_Fast_Food_Handout_3-13.pdf
He even gives the formula to use and some recipes to put it all together.

I think I'l make some burgers so that I'll be able to freeze some to always have on hand.

What I plan to eat today:
Riced Cauliflower Oatmeal with blueberries and flaxseed
apple

Indian Curry Potato dish with mixed vegetables

Bean burger
potatoes
broccoli

rhubarb sauce

[Morris]

May 28, 2019

Well, despite everything going on in my life right now, I weigh 1 pound less than I did last week. This is the final week that my parents are going to be in their house. I am concerned about their finances because the realtor they chose has not even put up a 'for sale" sign in the yard, they signed with her 1 month ago - Now, yesterday a pushy salesperson came and barged into the house; he said he knew the realtor - RED FLAGS were flying high.

I cannot be there today due to obligations here at home. I asked my older sister if she can make sure to check on them today. I'll be there tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be there because it is the time the movers come to help them move some of the heavy stuff to the apartment.

My dad is eating a bit better now after he had that botox injection, but he is unsteady on his feet and has been told not to go downstairs. I took my mom over to the apartment and had to call my sister to come and watch dad to make sure he did not go down the stairs. Man, it is like dealing with toddlers. Watching them and seeing their health deteriorate is giving me some motivation to get with my eating plan -- I don't want to go down that road in the next few years.

These past few weeks I have spent more time with one of my sisters and brothers than I have in the past year. Yesterday, my older brother spent the afternoon with me while I shopped for a few things for our parents. It was fun and it has been years since we got together and actually spent some time together.

My eating plan for today:
riced cauliflower with oatmeal and berries
apple

tomato soup (creamy and thickened with potato)
salad

beans
potato
spinach

Exercise:
30 minute toning session with weights in a.m.
running class in p.m.