Journal of my journey

[Morris]

January 30, 2018

All rightie, today is the day that I logged in my weight on my little froggie ticker and it has shown a 20 pounds lost. It only took me 3 years to do it, but I did it. I have a bit less than 4 pounds for my next and final goal. Of course, this goal is one I just added a few months ago.

It has been a struggle to not eat the junk but I am finding that if I stay at least 75-80% being consistent with the plan it is easier to get right back to eating the way I ought to. I have found that if most of my eating in a day is not on plan, it will take me longer to get back to eating the way I ought to in order to get back on plan. What a hold some food-like items have on people.

Yesterday, for my salad, I made Ann and Essy's favorite dressing from the engine 2's Seven day rescue (hummus, orange juice and mustard), but hubby did not want any of it. So, I dumped it on my salad. I am used to eating my salad dry, without a dressing, and now I realize why I do that. I was not able to take my salad ingredients, all I could taste was the dressing. It overpowered everything. But then, I used it all so it most likely was way too much.

I have been eating that cauliflower mushroom walnut taco meat, as a taco and as a topping on a fajita (onion, green and yellow bell pepper and potato slices). For supper, I made mashed golden potatoes with chickpea gravy, rainbow carrots and broccoli.

This morning, after my coffee, I'll be having my carrot cake overnight oatmeal for breakfast.

[bunsofaluminum]

It encourages me a lot to read that you're down 20 lbs, and it took you three years. First of all, well done, Ms. Tenacity! and secondly it's absolutely perfect...20 lbs lighter NOT 20 lbs heavier over the course of three years. Well done!

[Morris]

February 1, 2108

Yesterday was a bad eating day. I had to take hubby somewhere and at the stop we made I had no choice of good eating. I ending up choosing potato salad and baked beans. It was at a smokehouse. But, since the last time we were there, they changed it to a meat market with a eatery. They offered 1 meal and ribs. Hubby ordered a sandwich and 1 rib. UGH!

And they say that a whole food plant based diet is restrictive!!!!!!!

The weather was getting a bit nasty and the roads were starting to ice up, so that was enough for hubby to agree to drive straight home. Once I got back, the first thing I did was heat up my plain boiled potatoes and added a bit of the leftover chickpea gravy. So much better than that mayo loaded potato salad I had for lunch.

Short post today. My weight is up a bit. That saying must be true, the fat you eat is the fat you wear. Treadmill, here I come!!

[Morris]

Feb 5, 2018

Man, this journey is a real trip, a bumpy road for sure. I had a few bad eating days. It is beginning to seem like those days always follow me posting success. What gives with that? Am I self-sabotaging or is it something else? Hubby in offering me off-plan foods again. And I stupidly comply.

The best thing about going off plan is how rotten it makes me feel; that makes it so much easier to get back on track. Why do I want to feel miserable? It is beyond me as to why I am still on this roller coaster of ups and downs. I wish I could get on the track and just move forward, slow and steady but moving ahead. This constant getting off track is getting old, real old.

My downfall this weekend was a huge piece of cake (after church) and then potato chips. Hubby grabs a bag at the store and asks, "You want some?" Me: Sure but buy this bigger bag, we get more for the money. I need to actually think about what I am actually getting because it is way more than just more potato chips in a bag.

My what I ate right:
The Engine 2 diet's Grandpa's Eat Loaf --- OMG!! this is a keeper. I just need to find a barbecue sauce to put on it.
Mashed red potatoes
Mushroom gravy - for the broth I boiled onion, carrot and celery; then blended
Brussel sprouts
Everyday Herbivore's Butter Bean Cookie. (the bad was the chocolate chips, but the good is the other ingredients were about the same as Engine 2 and other group's pancake and/or waffle recipes. I figure it'll be a good breakfast cookie for on the run.
Salad - huge salad.
I made a no-oil french style dressing from Nora Cook's recipe page. She used cooked carrots in place of the oil. I actually liked it and added some on my salad (I usually eat my dry because most no oil dressing have vinegar and I don't like the vinegary taste). No vinegar in this one. I used rainbow carrots, and hubby complained that it wasn't sweet enough. That must be why I liked it.

Hubby is not getting in to this no oil WOE and I no longer suggest it because when I do, out comes the bacon or sausage and eggs. He eats a lot of nuts also. He claims that his way of eating will help him lose weight. I am not seeing it happen, but time will tell.

[Morris]

February 7, 2018

I pulled out my notecards from the Beck Diet Solution, the advantages. I realized that I need to keep my "why" in the forefront of my mind. It is too easy to forget why do I want to eat a whole food plant based diet. I feel so much better when I stay on plan.

I recall one lecture of Doug Lisle's where the talks of eating this way is a lot of work and it takes a lot of effort to stay on track. Then he mentioned on of those triad which is to avoid pain. Ain't that the truth. Too often we fall off plan because it is too painful to resist that temptation. It is so much easier to just give in and stuff that junk in your mouth.

But one of my whys in to avoid the aches and pains I get when I eat junk. Ironic isn't it?

I have been making bowls to eat. Making a huge salad bed then adding rice and a bean mixture on top. also added guacamole and salsa.
I had a craving for something sweet so I made Neal Barnard's Hot Fudge pudding cake (from breaking the food seduction) I think this cold weather is getting to me as I seem to be craving sweet stuff, like I need to fatten up for the cold.
I also ate: boiled potatoes, stir fry veggies, chickpea sweet potato burger. I made the Sweet Fire Sauce from the Engine 2 Rescue book (minus the fire) It added a bit of interest to the plain veggies.
Pumpkin Soup

I did a 5 miler on the treadmill today and finished in 54:54 - my goal was to finish in 55 minutes. Whew! that was close. But hey! I think this is a PB for me. My time for 5 miles in the past was 60 minutes. Yeah me!

[Morris]

February 8, 2018

I am struggling with negativity. It has been cold and I cannot even get the dog to go for a short walk with me. Her little paws hurt on the cold snow. I bought her some booties to wear and it seemed to throw off her senses. She'd stop in the middle of the road with her ears up and she'd scan the woods. Okay, maybe it wasn't the boots, maybe there was a critter, a big critter out there. I took my cue from the dog and turned around. We are both waiting for warmer weather.

I need a break from my hubby; every time I say I am going to go to town he wants to come with me. I cannot stand going shopping with him because I can never go to the stores I want. He will always stop and talk to anyone who will listen to him and he'll talk for hours if he could. Then, there I am in a store I am done shopping in and want to go somewhere else. So, I have a wasted day for me doing what I want to do. Yesterday, I just left him at the store and went and got some gas. But when I came back to the store the parking lot was full so I called him to let him know I was no longer where I originally parked (just in case he even noticed I was no longer in the store.)

Plus, when I want to just sit on the couch and enjoy some peace and quiet, he comes and sits down and starts blabbing about whatever. It is always about him and his interests, never about me and what I am interested in. Like the other day, when I told him my PB on the treadmill for the 5 miler, he responded with some accomplishment he did, didn't even acknowledge what i said.

I cannot wait for the warm weather so I can say, "I am going for a run." -- I could do that now, but I am a wimp in the cold weather.

I think my frustration got to me yesterday, because after 2 good meals, I made some popcorn (ate the whole thing, I popped 1/2 cup) and then graham crackers called and I answered (I ate 2 packets). This morning when I weighed myself, I told myself that I should have grabbed an apple instead.

today is a new day and i am going to do a 10k on the treadmill.

[Morris]

February 10, 2018

Weigh in day today. UGH! It is up just a bit, most likely from the popcorn (salt) and graham cracker binge from the other day. I am still holding that 5 pounds below that setpoint. I don't remember ever staying below that weight for this long of a time. (The only other time was when I did that keto style diet, but that did not last long.) Still trying to see if I can get down to that ideal weight doing whole food plant based. I am sure I could if I'd stay on plan and stop eating refined food. That is what gets me every. single. time.


I managed to do my treadmill run yesterday, but it took me longer than I planned. I use an ifit compatible treadmill and run using google maps. The map I choose was longer than I thought. I must have transposed the last two numbers of the mileage. I ended up running 1/3 of a mile longer than I planned. When tired, that can make a big difference. But I completed it and that counts more to me than the finishing time. I really need to add cross training to my routine.

I made spaghetti sauce yesterday. I just took a some veggies, sauteed them til soft, added some tomato sauce and spices and then blended it til smooth. Served it over whole wheat noodles. I think I'll turn that into a tomato soup today.

Hubby stood there and critiqued it, telling me how he'd prefer it to taste this way or that. I really did not care what he thought about it. For him to stand there and tell me it didn't have enough spice and wasn't tomatoey enough kind of got on my nerves. He did the same thing with a no-oil dressing I made for him, it wasn't sweet enough and needed sugar added to it. Yet, he won't make it for himself.

I was at Costco the other day, I saw some one post from another region that they found a bunch of vegan cookbooks (a couple that I do not yet have). So, I went searching for them at my store. It has been almost a month and I do not see them yet. I did see that Dr. Greger's books are still there. Usually the vegan books are gone right away, but his seems to be hanging around. Could it be the title? How not to die of chronic disease means, oh, oh, I have to change what I am eating. It is too much work.

Speaking of too much work, I am still trying to attempt my 7 consecutive days of the 7 Day Rescue. I just cannot seem to get with it. It is hard for me to follow because hubby does not want to eat that way: just plain food. So, I am trying to adjust it so he'll at least be satisfied with what he is eating or else it is "Let's eat out." I don't enjoy eating out because it is so hard to find places that will accomodate my way of cooking. The places we find are the places we go to the most. My mom considers my way of eating when we go out with them and she always suggests somewhere and then says, "Nancy can find something to eat there." I have such a nice mom.

Hubby is going to a Writer's Alliance meeting today. This means I'll have 3 hours to myself. I am going to go to Kohl's and buy that pod setup to grow herbs. It is on sale and then I get another 15% off - it is at a price I want to pay. It'll be so nice being able to add fresh herbs to my dishes. Tomato basil soup will be on the menu for sure.

[Morris]

February 12, 2018

I pigged out on bread last night and am feeling it today. Not sure why i did it other than I was craving it and I think this morning I realize that it is an emotional eating binge. We are going through some issues and I am struggling with the guilt of no longer wanting to help out.

Going to do some running on the treadmill and hope that will reset my mood.

[Morris]

February 15, 2018

UGH! I feel bloated today and like I have a cold that is knocking on the door waiting for me to open it and invite it in. One of my grandsons became ill after we had him over for the weekend.

I am struggling with eating the right things, but mainly it's emotional. One of the good things about my sticking with this way of eating is that my choices for what I want to eat to "make me feel better" has become limited. And then when I do go for, it just does not seem to have that same appeal that it used to. I only have a couple of things now that I go to, potato chips is one of them and that is becoming a hit and miss because the chips no longer taste consistent, sometimes they are too oily and other times they are too salty. I guess it depends on how consistent I am with my eating according to plan.

Today is my hubby and my mom's birthday. We go out for their Free birthday meals. My mom picked the restaurant and she picked a restaurant that has a buffet. I usually just eat the salad portion because they have an awesome kale salad. I told them that is what keeps me coming back. (There food is what they call homestyle and I don't think the home cook cooks very well.) The hot food items aren't very good.

The other day, we went to Trader Joes and I stocked up on my raw cashews, they are cheapest there per pound. We make cashew hemp milk for our cereal and cooking. I also bought some sweet potatoes. So, yesterday I made a salad bowl with romaine lettuce, power greens, sweet potato, black beans with onion and red bell pepper, and corn. When I topped my greens with that mix I thought who needs salad dressing.

Speaking of dressing, I finally found one that hubby likes from Helyn Dunn, an oil free French-style dressing. In place of the oil, she uses cooked carrots. What a difference when it comes to washing the bowl, no longer is it coated with oil.

I am still working on that 7 consistent days with the 7 Day Rescue. I'll just keep this goal in front of me. If I didn't cook for hubby's tastes I could probably make it 7 days, but he does not like eating each component separate. He likes sauces, and if I go too plain too many times, then I am finding myself in a restaurant trying to find something compliant. I wish he'd get serious about eating healthy and not what he thinks works for him to lose weight. Hey! what you are doing is not working. But, I am not saying anything anymore because when I do he tells me that grains make him gain weight. News flash: I don't make a lot of grains, I eat a lot of starches. Maybe if he'd say starches caused the weight gain I'd agree with him.

The temperature is above freezing right now and I have time for an outdoor run before we go celebrate the birthdays ...

[Morris]

February 19, 2018

UGH! I am struggling today. Quote for the day: "A bad attitude is like a flat tire, if it is not changed you're not going very far.

I have a bad attitude today and I feel blah!

To make matters worse, I am wearing those chocolate covered marzipan bars. And to make me even more frustrated, they were not as yummy as I remembered them to be and yet I scarfed them down like there was no tomorrow. I need to stop this behavior.

Yesterday, I started to get back on track and made sure to eat my greens and veggies. My bad was that I made Happy Herbivores chocolate donuts. I subbed oat flour for the whole wheat and that made the donuts drier and they broke when I took them out of the oven. For some odd reason, that old rule of "you gotta eat the broken cookies" came to mind and my snack was way too many donuts.

What I ate:
a curried "fried" rice with lots of veggies
romaine lettuce salad
carrots
peas
spinach

[Morris]

February 22, 2018

I have a whole lot of emotions going on...one daughter's family is going through some struggles that we have no idea of the outcome. The other daughter is on her high horse and is upset because we didn't want to keep her son for an extra day because they fed him food with food dyes and he was bouncing off the walls. I figured if she knows what the dyes do to him and lets him eat them anyway she can deal with the aftermath. Now she feels we disrespected her and needs to separate from us until we give her respect. Respect for allowing her son to consume food that give him behavioral issues. This is coming from her SO who has some idea that the foods that are on the grocery store shelves are perfectly fine to eat and there is no connection between that and health and behavior. My daughter knows better and that is what is so frustrating. The real issue is that we sent him home and interrupted her plans to do something that did not include him. In other words, we inconvenienced her. And to make matters worse, we had to put our cat down yesterday due to kidney failure.

Life is too short for such pettiness.

My hubby and I decided to take a Tai-chi class. It was our first lesson and afterwards, we were talking to the instructor and she did a tapping session on hubby after he told her that his back was really hurting. He started with a pain level of 7 and by the time she finished with him, it was a level 5.

It was interesting because the intensity went up and down and even shifted in where he felt it. I heard about the tapping solution a few years back and thought it was stupid. But I am thinking it was what was being said rather than the tapping itself. This lady did it with acknowledging the problem, wanting to get rid of the problem, to no, wanting to hang on the problem, back to no, get rid of the problem.

Her way was so much more realistic. She said she did the positive/negative because that is the way our mind works. I immediately thought of the dialogue that goes on in my head when I am faced with a temptation. I basically do the same thing. I need to investigate the tapping solution once again. She put a lot of emphasis on intention and the words we speak.

My eating was no so good yesterday because we went to the Thai restaurant and I know that vegetable curry dish was loaded with oil. But man, was it tasty. I will say though at least it was real food.

I am still working on those 7 consecutive days of the 7-Day Rescue. I just need to commit to doing it and the hell with everyone else. I found a quote the other day: “When you blame others, you give up your power to change.” ~Dr. Robert Anthony Asd I realize that as long as I blame hubby and how he wants to eat, then I'll never be able to change my ways.

I am just reminded of years ago, when I committed to that other diet and he wanted to eat out, I said I'd go along but not eat. He then chose not to go out to eat. I need to get back to that commitment for myself. I need to take care of me first. I think it is okay to be a bit selfish in that area.

[Morris]

March 1, 2018

Well, here I go again: Day 1. This is really getting annoying. I just announced to my hubby that I am beginning the Beck Diet Solution today and I want to get my eating under control. I just know that I am in for some sabotaging soon, if not from him, it'll be from myself. Just look at my journal, every time I post something about being on track, I'll skip some days because I am so off-plan that this journal is the farthest thing from my mind. I gained 3 pounds from eating junk and junk and some more junk.

Day 1 of the Beck Diet Solution (cognitive behavior) is to make a list of advantages of (the book says to losing weight) to eating healthy. [I change that because I really don't need to lose weight]

1. be healthy
2. sleep better
3. Reduce/eliminate inflammation
4. Boost immunity
5. Add quality life to my years
6. To respect my body
7. To turn on good DNA
8. Reduce cravings for bad "food"
9. to thrive instead of just survive

Well, that is my list of WHYs this time around. I am watching ithrive right now and hopefully that will motivate me to get with the plan and stick with it.

I wrote this list a couple days ago and this morning #6 is screaming for my attention. I need to respect my body and give it the fuel it needs to run efficiently. Last night, at the Tai Chi class the instructor came over to me to correct my form and told me if I did not correct I'll end up like my hubby. WHOA! This is the same with my eating. I don't want to end up like my hubby and be in constant pain.

And one way not to end up like that is to respect my body by what I put in it.

[Morris]

March 3, 2018

Well, that is encouraging ... I weighed myself this morning and the weight gain from a couple days ago has gone. I am back to being able to say that I have lost 20.2 pounds since I have started this journal.

My family is going through some difficult times and there are a lot of anger, guilt, frustration, empathy, sympathy, and even apathy happening. Lots of emotions. I am finding when the anger hits, I am stuffing my face with whatever happens to be closest to me. I caught myself stuffing mini marshmallows in my mouth during a fit of anger. UGH! I went for a run and when I came back I had a huge salad. That helped me feel better than eating those marshmallows.

Yesterday, my daughter told me that she met a chiropractor who looked at her and rubbed under her eyes and told her there was a bit of an indentation and that she ought to be checked for some type of gene mutation. I cannot remember what it was, but when she was reading the symptoms of having this gene, I remarked how it sounded like she was reading most of her sister's problems.

This is interesting because the doctors of this whole food plant based diet movevent tell us that our genes do not have to be our destiny. The diet prescribed for this gene mutation seemed to resemble what I am aiming for now.

I am on Day 3 of the Beck Diet Solution -- today is eat sitting down. I find this exercise to be helpful in causing me to be aware of what I am eating instead of mindlessly shoving something in my mouth. In a few days, the exercise will be to eat slowly and mindfully. This one will be difficult because whenever I try to do this, hubby will sit down and blab on and on and on and on and on about something I have no interest in. He'll just keep on with his monologue even though there is no response from me. I recall one time we got in the car and he was blabbing about something and I passed a landmark and came to the realization that I was his captive audience for at least 15 minutes and I had not heard a thing he had said. That did not even phase him he was just talkin' away. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

I am telling every one that will listen to me -- ha ha -- that I am going to make it through 7 consecutive days of the 7 Day Rescue. What is so hard about just eating food -- real food -- for 7 straight days??!! This is a mystery to me. I wish hubby would agree to try it with me. But every time I bring it up, out comes the bacon and eggs. I hate to say this, but he is my motivation to get with the whole food plant based lifestyle. I look at him and see the results of a bad diet and lack of exercise. I do not want to end up like that.

When I was at my heaviest (about 45 pounds ago), I had so many aches and pains. It was painful for me to get up if I sat for more than an hour at a time. Now, hubby is complaining how he can no longer make a fist. Oh, "is this arthritis?" I'll tell him, "Yes, and diet can relieve you of that, especially if you stop eating meat." -- His next meal will be some animal product. Whatever. Stop complaining then, you aren't going to get any sympathy from me.

I am noticing that sugar is giving me aches and pains. I am hoping I am finished with my binge and going through these exercises in the Beck Diet Solution will get me back to the mindset I need to stop sabotaging myself. Because that is what I am doing whenever react in situations that cause me negative emotions. I really cannot blame anyone but myself. I don't know if I already mentioned this but I came across a quote the other day that said, "When you blame others, you give up your power to change." Dr. Robert Anthony

To be able to change has to come from within.

[Morris]

March 4, 2018
Sometime ago I found an old Cortez Peters Championship Typing Drills workbook and yesterday I was looking at the timed writing #11 and was amazed at how positive it is; it is full of quotes that are so motivational.

Here are some examples of what is in that exercise:
*If you consciously direct your efforts toward achieving a desired end, you are sure to succeed.

*Without a goal, there can be no struggle; without a struggle, there can be no victory.

*You must devise a specific plan or goal and work toward it. Until this plan is formulated, you have nothing to reach for and no way of knowing when you have achieved your goal.

That is what my issue is with my eating; I really have not set forth specific goals or have a clear cut plan on how I want to achieve my whole food plant based lifestyle. I am sort of just winging it and have not really set forth a plan on how to do it 100%. I believe this in why I give in so often whenever I am faced with a temptation.

Years ago when my hubby and I did that keto-style diet, I was following a set forth plan and made the decision that I would only eat the foods on the plan. I followed it to the letter. I also had the support of hubby back then. But, of course, that was a meat and dairy for your protein plan. Back then, I HAD A PLAN and I stayed with that plan. How? By making the decision to do so and then doing everything in my power to get it done. I also planned and prepared what I was going to eat each day by following the "rules" of the diet.

The plan to follow for the whole food plant based lifestyle is really simple: Cut the C.R.A.P. (calorie rich & processed foods).

I am finding now, as i am struggling to get the junk food out that support sure does make things easier when you have someone else going on the same journey. I have to stop now because I am going to start feeling sorry for myself.

[Ruff]

I admire your tenacity and courage.

Your hubby seems to be your biggest obstacle, as well as your biggest motivator. It is hard having to adapt to others. My husband is very supportive, and mostly eats a plant based diet, but struggles to keep weight on. I have to produce high calorie density plant based food for him (whole meal bread, avocados, olives, nuts, dried fruit, seeds etc etc,) and then not eat them myself!

This is bad enough, I cannot imagine having to do it with an unsupportive person. So well done for hanging on in there. Coming here really helps I find. Reminds me I am not the only one struggling!