FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

[kkrichar]

Yesterday was good. I followed the plan. I had some sweet corn in addition to the foods I already listed. Tonight is the Farmer's Market and not a day too soon. I'm out of cucumbers, corn and tomatoes. All three items must be purchased from the Farmer's Market. They just don't taste as good at the grocery store.

So far today I've had oatmeal and blueberries, and red beans and rice. Normally I cook the bell peppers a little in vegetable stock with the red beans prior to putting them together with the brown rice and spices but this time I was too lazy. I make a big batch and bring a bowl to work with me to microwave. I thought since I'm going to microwave it anyway maybe I won't need to pre-cook the peppers. Anyhoo, this is the best batch EVER! The peppers are crunchy and not slimy at all. I put red, green, yellow, orange, purple and white bell peppers in it and I love it!! Less work, fewer dishes and better taste. Doesn't get much better than that!

I'm about to dig into some water melon. For dinner I plan to have taco salad and maybe some sweet corn.

I also plan to run tonight. I need to buy a new pair of running shoes. I'm going back to a higher heeled shoe but continuing to use my new running form to manage my Achilles problem. Hopefully that will do the trick.

Well, back to work.

I hope everyone is having a great day.

[RAS]

Hi Glad to see you back kk.Sorry about your injury,but take it easy in this heat. Congrats.on selling your house so quickly,and getting a new one. New places to live puts a new perspective on things...like a new begining.Is it closer to your work? Same or different neighborhood? Yes I like the positive things Kirsty wrote about too.I need to get the junk out of my eating again,one mess up and it seems to put me into a funky binge. Anyway glad to see you back. RAS

[ShevaunB]

Your journal is inspiring, always enjoy your posts. Hope your move went well, too.

[JohnLarson]

Being a friend of Bill W., your journal caught my eye. I sort of smiled with your 28 day plans and ups and downs.

I think members of 12 step programs will have an advantage in this WOE. We know to keep it one day at a time (even one second at a time), we know we can turn it over, we know to keep it simple, and we know that we can restart our day at any time.

I gave up drugs and alcohol in 1989 and smoking in 1994. I think giving up meat, dairy and oils should be a cake walk as long as I apply the same tools that help keep me sober on a daily basis.

I know I can do this one day at a time.

[kkrichar]

Hi JohnLarson. Welcome! Glad you're here. I tell myself every day that this should be easy if use 12-step principles and yet this has been my worst struggle of all. I guess I just haven't hit bottom.

The moving saga continues. Every other day I find out something will cost more than I thought and I don't have enough to buy my new place. Then I freak out and scramble around finding things to sell or shopping around for better prices. I find a solution, calm down and then it happens again and again. I just don't have the personality for this. If I don't live in my car down by the river after all this I really hope I learn a lesson about putting away money when I can. The new place is cheaper and newer so I hope I won't always be fixing things.

Of course, the best way to save money is to follow the McDougall plan. Last night I made a big batch of beans and rice from the pantry. I bought some corn tortillas from a local Mexican grocery store. They were cheap and they're just corn and lime and water. Fortunately I'm the kind of person who can eat the same thing over and over again. I just need to figure out how to find some fruits and veggies. I can't spend any money between now and the sale of my house unless I can sell something. I have several items at a consignment shop and I put things on Craigslist. I just don't know if they'll sell or not. I honestly don't know how I'll feed my cats if these items don't sell. This is going to be the longest 16 days in the history of 16 days.

Bleh, I hate all the negativity. It consumes me right now and I need to shake it off. I should take JohnLarson's suggestion and turn it over. I just have to believe everything will work out.

I ran last night. Last Wednesday I went to a track workout put on by a local running store. The man organizing it watched me run and saw something I was doing that was contributing to my Achilles problem. I have tried very hard to change the way I land for the past week and I can already tell a difference! Ever since the physical therapist gave me permission to run again the pain in my Achilles has been getting worse. It was so discouraging. I have more hope now than I've had in a long time. I'm very excited!!

I'm sure losing weight wouldn't hurt the whole running pain issue. I need to focus my attention on positive things that I can do something about and turn over all those negative things I can't change.

I had a bean and rice taco for breakfast. That will also be lunch. And taco salad for dinner. I have a few cherries left and I bought a watermelon last night. I also have a couple tomatoes a friend gave me. I'll be fine.

[kkrichar]

The big move is one week from today. Maybe next Thursday night if I get permission to move in early. I never know anything until the last minute. I don't know the exact amount I'm getting from the sale of my house. I don't know the amount I need to bring for the purchase of the new place. I don't know what time the closings will be next Friday. I don't know if I can move in early, move stuff into the garage early or put everything in the back of a U-Haul overnight. I don't know when the final walk-throughs will be or when the financing on my new place will be approved. The closing is one week from TODAY!! Seriously, this is a nightmare for me. I do not have the personality to endure sustained uncertainty. Sigh.

Fortunately, a dear friend very generously gave me some money to buy vegetables and McDougall food. My body really needed it and I feel a little better. I have a pretty rough headache today but am grateful to be so close to the weekend. Most of the house is packed and most of the packed things are already in the garage waiting for the green light. I plan to box up the last of things I'm not currently using and then do some cleaning. Other than that I am going to take it easy. I can't create answers where there are no answers so I might as well enjoy the weekend. Next weekend I'll be knee deep in boxes wondering where my toothbrush is so I should definitely relax when I can.

Farmer's Market tomorrow morning and a wonderfully McDougall-compliant weekend on the horizon.

[bunsofaluminum]

There's a prayer in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonomous that really resonates with me. Here's the part I repeat over and over to myself when I need strength and courage, "Relieve me of the bondage of self. ..... Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help... of [the] power... of [this] way of life." I've changed and/or left a few words out to make it more applicable to this particular struggle, my struggle with food.

that's the prayer for Step Three! I pray that every morning, along with a simple Step Seven prayer "I humbly ask You to remove all my shortcomings..."

I saw your journal title and had to post, now to go read the journal!

[kirstykay]

Yes, it is very stressful to sell a house, isn't it???? We helped my husband's dad sell a house his mother had left him when she died, and it was crazy how they keep you hanging. We had a good realtor and good attorney, but we still didn't know until about a day before what time we were supposed to be at the closing. And we never did get the pre-closing statement we were supposed to get before we got there. On a good note, however, it all worked out and the sale went through...and I think the same will happen for you. You are wise to just try to let go of all the things you can't control. It's hard, though. I'm thinking and praying for you this week as you prepare to move, and next week as you go through the closing and the actual move.

Oh, and good for you for not eating your way through all this stress!!! Just think, once it's all over, you'll be in your beautiful new home, and in a much better place. Only one more week! Yay! Hang in there!

[kirstykay]

Hey there KK!
Just checking in to see how your move went! Been thinking about you. Hope all is well!

[kkrichar]

Hey Kirsty!! I'm good. All moved in. Well, all my stuff is on my new property. The furniture is in the house and some things are unpacked and put away. Still lots left in boxes in the garage. I'm almost done unpacking my kitchen. My fridge is filled with veggies and nothing non-McDougall made the move. I feel really good. Thank you so much for all your help and support. The weight of all the problems from my old house have been lifted and I have hope for my financial (and emotional) future.

How are you doing? Are the kids back in school? Are you back to your old routine?

[nicoles]

HI Kelly

I just started reading your journal - I am on page 1 so far. Hi

These two quotes you posted on the first pag are so helpful and inspiring for me and I wanted to say Thanks! I look forward to slowling catching up to date.

"There's a prayer in the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonomous that really resonates with me. Here's the part I repeat over and over to myself when I need strength and courage, "Relieve me of the bondage of self. ..... Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help... of [the] power... of [this] way of life." I've changed and/or left a few words out to make it more applicable to this particular struggle, my struggle with food."

"True comfort is to be found in the balance and sanity of abstinence. So deep and pure is this comfort that it is well worth whatever trouble or pain I might have to pass through to attain it." (For Today, p.253)

Have a great Blue Moon!

[kkrichar]

Thank you Nicole for reminding me of those passages. I really needed to read them today. Thanks for stopping by my journal, too!

[kirstykay]

Hey Kirsty!! I'm good. All moved in. Well, all my stuff is on my new property. The furniture is in the house and some things are unpacked and put away. Still lots left in boxes in the garage. I'm almost done unpacking my kitchen. My fridge is filled with veggies and nothing non-McDougall made the move. I feel really good. Thank you so much for all your help and support. The weight of all the problems from my old house have been lifted and I have hope for my financial (and emotional) future.

How are you doing? Are the kids back in school? Are you back to your old routine?

Yea!! I'm so happy that you're in your new place and getting settled! It's gotta be a great feeling...a NEW beginning!

Yes, FINALLY, the kids are all in their respective places and doing well. My older two are back at college, which is an accomplishment! My son wasn't sure if he wanted to go back for his sophomore year or transfer or what, but he did go back and seems to be settling in pretty well. I am realizing that parenting young adults brings with it a new set of challenges as well as joys, which isn't surprising, just exhausting at times. My oldest is a senior and beginning to make decisions about what she's going to do next. My youngest started high school, and spent the week completely wiped out!! Of course, the fact that he leaves the house at 6:30 am doesn't help! LOL! He was happy to have a four day weekend, and catch up on some sleep! But yes, things seem to be calming down a bit for me, I think.

Today is the first day of what will become my new "normal" for this fall. I'm using it to get my bearings and one of the luxuries I'm allowing myself is catching up on journals and posting here. I feel so "out of the loop" having been mostly absent this summer.

I'm glad you're doing well, and I look forward to journeying with you again!

[kkrichar]

Hey Kirsty, I feel like today is my first day back to a normal routine too. Last week I was back to work but I was still unpacking. I have a couple things I can't find but most of my day to day necessities are in their proper place. It feels good to be settled. I still don't have Internet at home but I will next Monday.

I went for a run Sunday night and it was so nice running in the new neighborhood and along the bike path near my place. So quiet and peaceful. I have a run scheduled for tonight as well. I'm taking it easy on the Achilles.

Last night I invited a couple friends over for dinner and to see the new place. I made the basic veggie burgers on Jeff's DVD. I really liked them! I plan to make a double batch tonight so I have them ready to go in the fridge anytime. We also made roasted new potatoes. One friend had fresh basil from her garden and new potatoes from her mom's garden so we chopped up the basil and potatoes and put some vegetable stock on them and popped them in the oven with a little pepper. I really liked them. Another friend brought sweet corn and I eat it plain. Love!

I had a jumbo salad for lunch yesterday with 321 dressing. This morning I had my old standby oatmeal with blueberries and banana for breakfast. Ahhh, I missed you my friend oatmeal. Taco salad for lunch and jumbo salad and veggie burger for dinner!!! Cherries for snack.

It feels so good to be back to my old peaceful life. The cats love the new place. Well, Willow loves the new place. Master Jenkins is still adjusting. Last night he was acting more like his old self again so I think the adjustment might be over soon.

I don't just feel happy because I'm unpacked and settled. I'm happy because this new place is a much better fit for me. I have hope that financially I'll get back on my feet. The place is relatively new so nothing needs to be fixed. Well, one thing in the bathroom needs to be fixed but other than that nothing! There was a huge storm here last night. Thunder was booming and the rain was hitting the roof and I just enjoyed listening to it. I didn't get up at 3am to run down to the kitchen to put pots and bowls all over the counters and floor to catch the water coming in. I didn't feel sick knowing my property was getting more damaged. I used to love thunder storms and now I do again.

McD food is just the icing on the cake. Everything feels right. Now I can catch up on the other journals too!!! I missed you all so much.

Have a great day everyone!!!!!

[bunsofaluminum]

wonderful that you've found a place where peace reigns. I'm happy for you and for your cats