FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

[kirstykay]

Sorry we missed out on your lost post. I hate when that happens! That's a great quote! Thanks for sharing that nugget...it really made me think. I think we sometimes spend so much time fretting and struggling that we miss the freedom we were made for. That's why I love the title of your blog, too...'cause that's what its all about...well, that AND the Hokey Pokey!

I'm on day TWO of 100% MWL compliance, and feelin' fine! The scale is down again today, so I'm happy!

Hope you have a GREAT McDougally day!

[Christine in Cali]

I am enjoying reading your posts. They give me strength to carry on.....I want what you have. I copied your quote and put it on my bathroom mirror so I could read it everyday.

[kkrichar]

Thanks Christine.

Hey Kirsty, I really need to go 100% MWL. I've been afraid to make the commitment. I worry I'll feel too deprived and I'll fall off the wagon completely. I'm afraid my crazy brain will believe it's too unfair and I'll retaliate like a child. Last night I left work hungry and I had to run an errand. I drove past Pizza Hut and Queen Baby (aka my inner childish attitude) threw a fit about how unfair it was that other people get to have pizza and I don't. I get this persecution complex before I fully accept a change I need to make. I had the same thing with alcohol. When I realized I had to make a decision about my drinking I felt like the universe was torturing me by making me choose. It felt like choosing between air and water. I would see people with a glass of wine at dinner or toasting with champagne on New Year's Eve or relaxing on a hot day with a cold brew and think life could not be worth living without those little treats. Now, I can honestly say I don't care that I cannot drink alcohol. I've learned that my life is so much better without it. I don't just mean without massive amounts of alcohol but even without small amounts. On the rare occasions I would have a moderate amount of alcohol I still felt groggy or headachy the next day. I attended a friend's 40th birthday party after I quit drinking. Everyone got hammered. The next morning I hopped out of bed and ran 10 miles! It was wonderful and I felt so grateful.

I guess this is where the quote from yesterday comes in. I have to be willing to get through it because it will be worth it. I need to prepare. I'll start tomorrow.

My biggest issue will be the Silk in my blackberries. I knew it needed to go. I was eating them more and more and that's a sign I'm not eating it for sustenance. I put artificial sweetener and Light Vanilla Silk on a big bowl of blackberries or strawberries and I eat it like candy. I realized I could put Silk and Truvia on cardboard and I would eat that like candy. It'll be good for the pocketbook and my health.

Sigh. Why is everything so hard? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

OK, time to put on my big girl pants and do the right thing.

Thank you, Kirsty, for the nudge.

[kirstykay]

Kelly,
We should get our 3 year olds together sometime, they'd probably be great friends! On the other hand, they'd probably fight like dogs because they're so selfish and stubborn! I've had to do a LOT of self talk these last couple of days to discipline mine. She is quiet today, so I am grateful! Although that's no guarantee that she'll stay that way. She acts up at the most unexpected times!...just like yours...while you're innocently driving past a fast food restaurant, at parties (boy, that's embarrassing!), she'll probably want to watch the SuperBowl with me! Ugghh!!! But, today she's quiet, so I'm taking advantage of it.

You know, you'll be unstoppable, don't you? You are amazing! We can tackle MWL together. I don't think we'll be sorry!

Peace

[kkrichar]

Haha, I agree Kirsty. Queen Baby does not play well with others. Our's together would end up in a slap fight.

I'm going to plan my food for tomorrow. I'm super nervous about this because Queen Baby does not like to be told what to do even when I'm the one telling. The minute I have a plan I want something else. But, I think this is a key component to success so I'm going to try it and I'll just have to ignore the pouty fit. Luckily I will be inside my own office where no one can see.

Tomorrow's plan:
Breakfast: water fried potatoes and onions
Lunch: SNAP
Snack: pineapple
Dinner: massive salad (with beans and 321 dressing) and butternut squash soup and an orange for dessert

I watched Doug Lisle's youtube video on losing weight without losing your mind and it did help me. Like you said, Kirsty, there was nothing new in it but it renewed my enthusiasm and reminded me this will get easier the more I eliminate things that fuel my obsession. I want all the crazy voices in my head to be quiet. No more, "this isn't fair!" from Queen Baby or "but life will be unbearable" from Fear Monger or "lighten up. It's a party!" from Anxiety Avoider. The only sound I want to hear in my head is, "Oh, is it time to eat already? How about some veggies and starch? Yum."

[afreespirit]

It is well worth fighting through to the point where you get SAD "hangovers" just like we used to get alcohol hangovers. Whenever I get bored with McD food I just work a little harder to find something new on-plan that I enjoy. I already know anything off plan, even just too much sodium, makes me feel so ill and out of sorts it is not even an option anymore. Another tool in the arsenal.

Wonderful quote. There is indeed purity, comfort and above all sanity in strict McD.

[kirstykay]

Haha, I agree Kirsty. Queen Baby does not play well with others. Our's together would end up in a slap fight.

Queen Baby.....I LOVE it!!....Wouldn't you know it; now MINE wants a name!!

[kkrichar]

OMG, Kirsty, you kill me. Did you come up with a name? Mine is a take off of King Baby syndrome. I think it's about adult males acting like children or something. I hear it all the time in AA. I always thought it was funny. It's the juxtaposition between being a grown-up but not really having the skills you need to deal with particular situations so you fall back on things you relied on as a child. Those things may have worked in the past but they don't really fit with the life you see for yourself as an adult. When the old childish behaviors creep up in our adults lives it's like we're both adult and child and it can be self-destructive.

So, today is day 1 of MWL. Breakfast was an epic fail. I tried to make a potato skillet using vegetable stock in a super expensive non-stick pan. It was not non-stick. Everything was cemented to the pan. It took forever to cook. I put the veggies in too soon and they got all mushy. It tasted like crap. I think I read somewhere on these boards about a DVD on cooking techniques without oil. Does anyone know the name of it or have suggestions for crispy potatoes? I think I'll wait until this weekend to try it again. Tomorrow and Friday I'll go back to my old standard of Bob's Red Mill Oat Bran with blueberries.

I tried to eat as much of the heinous mush as I could to avoid excessive hunger before lunch. I added an apple. I'm starving now but lunch is in a half hour and I think I can live that long. I need to get used to the feeling of hunger. I'm like my cat, Master Jenkins. He's been diagnosed with a kitty food obsession (so much like his mommy). Anyhoo, he is an angel from heaven if he isn't hungry but when he's hungry he is relentless! He would go HOURS harassing me if I let him. You absolutely cannot distract him when he's like this. I switched him from dry food to grain free wet thinking he might be a carb junkie but he's not a lot better now. Anyway, that's how I feel most of the time. I get one tiny little hunger pang and I think I need to eat within minutes or I'm going to die from starvation. I can't just focus on work or do something productive until meal time. I MUST HAVE SNACK NOW!!!!! If I don't have something healthy, oh well, what's a gal to do? Gotta eat, right? Jeez. Sometimes I could just slap myself.

Hopefully, MWL and low density eating with help with some of that.

[kirstykay]

OMG, Kirsty, you kill me. Did you come up with a name? Mine is a take off of King Baby syndrome. I think it's about adult males acting like children or something. I hear it all the time in AA. I always thought it was funny. It's the juxtaposition between being a grown-up but not really having the skills you need to deal with particular situations so you fall back on things you relied on as a child. Those things may have worked in the past but they don't really fit with the life you see for yourself as an adult. When the old childish behaviors creep up in our adults lives it's like we're both adult and child and it can be self-destructive.

You just described my father! And I wonder why I'm so messed up!!!

Kelly, the only success I've had with cooking potatoes in a skillet is with no liquid at all...the trick is, the pan has to be really non-stick. I just got one for Christmas that is wonderful, and now I can finally make potato hash without it turning into mush. However, I much prefer making hashbrown potatoes in my waffle maker. Like this one http://www.amazon.com/Oster-CKSTWF40-4- ... 049&sr=8-7
I buy "Simply Potatoes" shredded hashbrowns, put them in my waffle maker, just as they are. Then go get ready for the day, because you have to leave them alone for about 25 minutes for them to turn nice and golden brown and crispy. They are perfect EVERY time! If I want to, I sautee onions, mushrooms, bell peppers, zucchini in a skillet on top of the stove to serve with the hashbrowns. But, lots of times I just put ketchup on these and eat away. Actullay, my favorite thing to have with these for breakfast is some steamed cabbage that I make in the microwave while the potatoes are cooking.

Hope that helps! Sorry for your messy mush! Good for you for not using that as an excuse to start tomorrow! Hope your lunch was really good! I'm rooting for you today!! You got this!

[kkrichar]

My pan was supposed to be non-stick. This is the one I bought:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002LS ... 00_details

Do you have a recommendation for a better one?

How do you cook them with no liquid? Do you let them sit for a long time before turning them? Is there a technique?

I was thinking about putting them under the broiler and cooking the rest of the stuff separately on the stove.

Thanks for the suggestions.

[kirstykay]

I got these:
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss? ... st+berndes

I read about them in a thread on this site. Apparently, they are the ones the McDougalls use (not 100% sure about that, but someone here said they were). I figured they must be good if that was the case! They are AMAZING!!!!! The first pans I've ever gotten that were truly non-stick. They are expensive, so I asked for them for Christmas. I got one from my mom and another one from my MIL. Then, after Christmas, I used some Christmas money to buy the big one: http://www.amazon.com/Berndes-SignoCast ... 625&sr=8-9
This thing is HUGE, and I LOVE it! I use it for everything! But I tend to cook in big batches...There is also a smaller saute pan which I would recommend. If you're only getting one, get the saute pan and not the skillet becasue the skillets don't come with lids.

Apparently, they are supposed to last forever which is good because they cost enough to will them to my children at my passing!!

[kkrichar]

Thanks, Kirsty. I swear we are twins. I clicked on the first link you provided and looked at all the pans and found one I really wanted to try. Then, I clicked on your second link and it was the one I had picked!!! Great minds. I'm willing to spend the money if I know someone else has used it and it worked for them. The last pan was close to the same price and it was a flop so I wouldn't know how to choose another one. Thank you so much for sending me the link!!

I LOVE your new picture, by the by. You are so beautiful. You look amazing!!!

I just had some SNAP over brown rice for lunch and it was delish. Turns out I didn't die from hunger afterall. Who knew?

[Anna Green]

kk, ok I got sick for you. There is this cousin of a coworker with cancer who is fasting. So a few of us are fasting with her in the morning. I chose to do it because I wanted to support her, yes, but I also knew it was a good thing for me to do as well and that I wouldn't cheat because I have this magical thinking about hurting her if I do. Wouldn't stay on plan for myself mind you but I knew I would do it for the cancer lady. Sick. Feel like I'm using her for my own sick purposes. Oh well, at least I haven't "stole" any food from Wendy's lately.

[kkrichar]

OMG, Anna, I LOVED that Wendy's story. Sometimes it takes something outside ourselves to start the process but eventually it has to be for us. It's a long journey and it will require internal motivation to keep at it. So, who cares what gets it started?

[kirstykay]

Congrats on a triumphant Day One of MWL!!!!! How is Day Two going??? I'm rooting for you!

Glad you liked the Butternut Squash soup!