Dissolution's Solution

[carollynne]

Sounds like everything is about par for the course!! glad that all is well, and the Shenandoah River so close by, sounds so nice. You'd have to be crazy not to take advantage of it this summer with the son being a guide and all. Hopefully it can be both of you doing something together too.
Great results and you are doing it up so good. Hope you do not have any birthday cake at all. I know I couldn't do it not even a tiny pc with no frosting!
but that is just me too, you are getting close to 200 now, and then it is the onederland train, and seat # 199 or lower has your name on it!!

[carrotkilla]

I just read your entire journal (I have a paper due in mere hours so I am procrastinating and I am not even supposed to be on the internet right now ). I am now part of the Dissolution Fan Club!

I have to admit that I am a lot like your wife. I am super jealous, crazy, etc. Being so irrational is very stressful. She does sound like she is coming around, maybe, a little

My husband is the tiny beautiful type. He is 5' 10" and his fattest was about 155. It is really hard to not be the beautiful one in the relationship He of course does it effortlessly which is sickening. I guess it might seem that way to your wife too. Anyway, I am sure when she converts she will be just as hardcore about eating right as she is about her beliefs now. Where is the fingers crossed icon when you need it???

Good luck and your weight loss is amazing. You look so much younger as you go!

[Dissolution]

nomikins I can Crossfit being a goal for myself. I'm just not sure now if I could do enough of it, for it to be worth it. I'm still pushing up against the angina threshold on my walks.

nicoles I sometimes feel I need to make a public apology to all the ethical vegans, for what I used to say and think about them.

VegSexy The wife's current plan of attack seems to be trying to make herself difficult to love, I'll try to not fall for that trick.

Adrienne Excellent come-back. I keep that one at the ready, should it come up again.

carollynne The birthday cake wound up being a cheese cake, I apologized for not tasting it. I told them it seemed that I had become lactose intolerant since my departure for consuming regular dairy. I thought that sounded good....

carrotkilla Oh dear, I hope you got your paper done. Thank you for your kind words.I've told her that I understand that it's more difficult for women to lose weight, but she's not even trying.
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We started our talks Yesterday much sooner than I had planned. She was making bread to take to the party tonight. I will admit that I was teasing her when I suggested that she could put some broccoli in the bread. Well, she started crying...I hate that. So we had our first argument then.

We stopped at Target to get a card and something to put the present in. We had some time to kill so we just browsed through the store. I stopped to look at mountain bikes. She said,"Honey, you're not 25 any more." I just smiled, cause if she thinks the changes from 300 to 224 have been big, she ain't seen nothing yet!

We still were running ahead of schedule, and she wanted coffee and a snack, so we stopped in at Panera Bread. Something triggered the next argument, oh yeah I had run into a bookstore to buy a gift card and she stayed in the car. She turned on XM radio and started listening to the Doctor channel, and it was a program on heart disease and cholesterol. A subject I happen to have some experience with and knowledge of. The doctors on the program were recommending that the target number for LDL cholesterol should be 70. I told her I thought it was funny that they weren't telling people that the only way to achieve that low a number was to give up all animal products and added oils. She went off.

We spent the next 30 minutes sitting in Panera bread, with her crying and arguing with me. He's a list of her points (taken from morning and afternoon fights).

*********
Her points;

I'm crazy

I need help, serious professional help.

I've drank the Kool-Aid (was a favorite phrase of hers, she probably said that 30 times or more yesterday)

I'm a follower, I've been suckered in.

She doesn't believe in research.

Science is stupid.

I'm arrogant

I think I'm right and everybody else is wrong.

I'm going to mess myself up eating this unhealthy diet

I'm damaging my bones

I'm damaging my brain and it's already showing

I was never diabetic in the first place

Calories don't count, it's how much weight of food you eat that matters.

She think eating this way has made me miserable and I'm just out to make everybody else miserable.

She hates vegetables

Vegetables make her angry (especially broccoli)

She will NEVER eat this way, she would rather die first.

I already have a Vegan girlfriend and that's the only reason I started eating this way.

I believed a movie (FoK), that makes me ultra stupid.

There's no joy in my food.

Yes she has drank milk straight from a cow teat.

Eating broccoli in front of her is abusive. (Did I mention that she is not fond of broccoli?)

My points;

She refutes conclusions that I have have spent many hours researching and investigating, without citing any facts or doing any of her own research, who is the arrogant one?

Dietary fat is was causes most type 2 diabetes, and hers would reverse if she cut her fat intake to 10% of her calories.

It's my body and I am responsible for what I put into it.

I'm a follower because Veganism is SO mainstream.

My food is not the result of another creature suffering and dying.

I told her she was consuming almost 1000 calories a day from half'n'half (75% fat).

I told her her total calorie intake was almost twice mine.

Broccoli is awesome!

No I will not stop feeding the Yorkie-Poo cabbage.

*********

That's all I can think of right now. The worst part was she would say some of this stuff and I had to try and keep myself from laughing, it was so ridiculous. Yes, yes, I know it's VERY bad to laugh while your wife is crying, but damn, broccoli abuse? Really?

The good news, we came to an agreement about gyms. I will join the cheap one, and when she is ready, she will join the crossfit one, with just a pool membership ($60 per month or $135 for 3 months). When she wants to go I'll drop her off at the pool and I will go to my gym. Works for me.

Think I'll get ready to go this morning!

[carollynne]

jeesh!! But take heart will will come around without any more fanfare or histrionics and you will be amazed at how quickly she gets on board. yes ditch the half and half!! I sure hope no one else noticed all that crying and talking points at your table at Panera Bread... She is seriously losing control, and I think that is scaring her. But you would think that losing you to another heart attack would scare her all the more. I love broccoli btw! So glad you turned down the birthday cheesecake after all, it would be purely horrid tasting I am sure.
I am going to a DAR meeting and it is a War of 1812 lecture, that son loves at attend, but it is a desert mtg, and I will be abstaining of course. Unless there happens to be fresh fruit there too, in the assorted desserts. Then some of the ladies are going to attend a 90th birthday for a member and more cake I not touch......
Your wife does remind me of my Dh at times, with the crazy statements, and that is why I say, it may be just a control issue and loss of control that feels like the castle walls are crumbling down, and then the hordes of moguls are marauding upon you, and you have to fight, fight to the last breath!! have to wonder why she just won't join you, since it is happening right in front of her, but hey at least you are getting healthy, is all I can say. wish you all the best anyway!

[Norm]

I already have a Vegan girlfriend and that's the only reason I started eating this way.

Tell her you want her to be your vegan girlfriend.

-Norm

[nomikins]

Tell her you want her to be your vegan girlfriend.

-Norm

I love it!!!

[lmggallagher]

I already have a Vegan girlfriend and that's the only reason I started eating this way.

Tell her you want her to be your vegan girlfriend.

-Norm

So, Norm are you a marriage counselor, just brilliant

Well, not that you'd want to be, but such a good one

[Melinda]

Dissolution, I know this is your life and your troubles with your wife, and I feel badly for you - but when I'm sort of bored with this board (as I am lately - no offence to anyone, just reading other subject blogs) - I STILL have to read your blog daily, and I eagerly look for it, like many others here, I'm sure! It is so exciting to read! Always looking for the next installment! You make it very interesting! And congratulations on your weight loss and lifestyle changes - I still think your wife will come around. I am wondering if it would help you to go to a cousellor yourself and get some tips on how to deal with your wife's insecurity?

[Adrienne]

I was listening to Dr Fuhrman's second ASW lecture recently and he talks about how SAD food is so incredibly addicting to the point that people often make food choices based on feelings and emotions rather than science and logic. Sounds like your wife.

However, there is a big difference between her refusal to change her own foods choices and being downright hostile towards your food choices. If she refuses to do the former at least she can be respectful towards your new diet/lifestyle and be supportive rather than call you crazy, a sucker etc. I don't know how you could put up with that.

And I agree with Melinda and others about your journal: it's an interesting read for a variety of reasons and easily the most engaging this forum has ever seen. If this was all documented in The Lounge you would be getting even more comments/feedback, likely more than you would even care to respond to. Many here don't even read the Journal section at all, so the fact that you have so many loyal readers (or "fans") says a lot.

[SFJ]

Write her a letter. Tell her you changed the diet cause you had a heart attack and you were scared. Tell her you are also scared for her, and that is why you encourage her to make changes. Tell her that improving your health will help you take better care of her as you both get older. Say that you are excited that now you can do things you couldn't do before, and that you hope someday she will do them with you, but for now you are happy to come home to her. Say you wish she would be happy for you. Say you don't blame her for not wanting your diet pushed on her, and that whatever she decided, was fine, that you apologized in advance because it would be hard not to continue to promote something you were so excited about, and that obviously you would love to get her involved in it. Tell her you don't care if she ever eats broccoli. Tell her you love her just as much if you eat two different dinner's and say you wish she would just love you. Send her flowers with the letter if you don't think it's overkill.

A letter would let you say what you want to say thoughtfully, and she'll have to read the whole thing without arguing.

[Dissolution]

carollynne It seemed to me her main message to me on Friday was, she really really hates vegetables, and even if she "drank the kool-aid" and thought this way of eating would help her, she couldn't do it.

Norm That's brilliant Norm! I will be sure to use that next time an opportunity comes up.

Melinda I'm glad people find my journal interesting. I wish I could take credit for being creative or something.

I would be willing to go to a councilor with her, but I don't think I would want to go alone. I was thinking that she would never go, but maybe, she did say I needed professional help.

Adrienne While re-reading your post before I replied, I was thinking about why I stay. I do stay because I love her. I also don't think I particularly suffer from her rants and rages. I was trying to keep from laughing most of the time Friday when we were arguing because almost everything she said was so ridiculous.

But that got me thinking about something else. She's been getting more and more financially irresponsible lately. She told me her first husband always kept them in financial trouble, so that anytime she brought up divorce, he told her they couldn't afford it. Sure enough, the year they filed bankruptcy, she left him. I will need to make sure, she doesn't put us into debt to try and make it so I can't leave her. Not that I have any plans to.

SFJ I've thought about doing that. I do have a hard time arguing with her because she is SO illogical. Maybe I will write one, at least to have on hand to give her at the "right" moment.

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At my friend's house on Friday night, they were very accommodating to me. They had homemade canned vegetable soup in a tomato based broth and no oil. I had that while everybody else ate shrimp and chicken fettucini alfredo. Sometimes I look at what people eat and can't believe I used to eat that crap. They also served something called Texas caviar, it was a little oily, but very good, would have been better without the oil.

My wife's hatred of broccoli came up during dinner, and she started to make a couple of attack runs on my diet. The common consensus seemed to be, "What ever he is doing it sure seems to be working, how can anybody argue with that, I could never give up meat."

After dinner we split into men and women. One of the guys posted a video on the wife's facebook wall. I'll link it at the end of today's post. It cracked me up.

After we left on Friday we had to stop by the grocery store. The wife seemed much calmer and was even pushing me into making a root vegetable soup, so she could show me how to cook. I was most receptive to her offer. So for the soup, which we made yesterday. I diced up

2 potatoes
2 beets
3 carrots
1 turnip
1 parsnip
1 sweet onion

Roasted all of that for 30 minutes @ 350 with 3 cloves of garlic and 1 beech mushroom bunch. Then put it into the crock pot with 8 cups of water (with some vegetable stock). Added Thyme, rosemary and oregano. The wife tasted and added some black pepper, lemon pepper, cinnamon and a tablespoon of molasses. The soup turned out very good, I had two bowls. They wife did not have any, she had already eaten chicken nuggets by the time the soup was ready.

Yesterday morning I went to the gym. I'm sure I'm going to join, but opp'ted for the 7 day trial membership to start with. I did 10 minutes on the rowing machine, the did a light round on the circuit weight machines. I decided I needed some more cardio, I have a treadmill at home. I glanced at the ellipticals. I have not had good experience with those machines. Haven't tried one since becoming the new slimmer version of me, so I hopped on. Wow, that thing was awesome! I loved it, thinking about going back in today, just to get on the elliptical.

The gym is a Gold's Gym. They have a cardio cinema, and lots of classes. Going to have to build up some nerve before I try one of the classes.

I little bit sore this morning, weight is up a tad, probably due to muscle inflammation. Anyways, here's the video. Made me laugh, I don't think the wife has noticed it yet.

http://youtu.be/TRW27fyvwCs

[nicoles]

http://youtu.be/TRW27fyvwCs

[Norm]

I would be willing to go to a councilor with her, but I don't think I would want to go alone. I was thinking that she would never go, but maybe, she did say I needed professional help.

Great!! Next time this comes up tell her you'd consider getting some counseling, but don't think you could go alone. Ask if she'd go with you. If you both show up to discuss YOUR problem, any competent counselor will quickly see just where the real problem is and start addressing it.

-Norm

[AlwaysAgnes]

Beets. Ick. Everyone has food aversions. They don't have to make sense. I like cilantro. Some folks can't eat it because it tastes like soap to them. ::shrug:: More for me!

I wouldn't try to force the vegetables your wife hates on her. You'll most likely just get resistance, which feeds on itself. Better to focus as much as possible on the healthy foods she already likes. Potatoes? There's gotta be something. If someone told me I should eat fermented fish just because they love the smell and taste of fermented fish, I wouldn't find that incentive enough to eat fermented fish. Even if someone could convince me fermented fish is the #1 healthiest food on the planet, I don't think I'd be able to eat it, unless I were starving and had a clothespin for my nose. I just don't like fishy stuff...except salmon patties with ketchup...and I haven't had those in years. I never really liked salmon fillets, but I do think about salmon patties now and then...and occasionally ogle the canned salmon at the grocery store. I also think about eggs sometimes. Eggs are gross, but they still call out to me. "Eat me. Eat me. You know you want to eat me." Beets say the same thing. They say, "Eat me. I'm good for you. I'm good for you, and I'm yummy." I've found that the last part of that is a damned lie. Beets are not yummy. Beets taste like dirt. Maybe some folks think dirt is yummy. There's no accounting for taste. You can buy containers of blood at some markets. http://www.chef2chef.net/articles/in-th ... blood.html Excuse me. I have to puke now.



Last night my husband told me how proud he is of me for sticking to my meat-free guns. (I always knew my obstinate nature would come in handy some day.) It helps that he supports the choices I've made for myself--"for myself" being the keywords. He doesn't make the same choices for himself, but he doesn't try to make my choice harder for me either. My husband was raised in Alaska and is a big fish/seafood eater. Yesterday he got a bubble envelope in the mail from his dad. Some kind of smoked salmon jerky. It's almost the color of beets. Can't say I find it tempting at all. I wouldn't eat it. I think it's just gross, but not quite as gross as a pint of blood.

[bunsofaluminum]

I already have a Vegan girlfriend and that's the only reason I started eating this way.

Tell her you want her to be your vegan girlfriend.

-Norm

aw, norm *melt my heart* that is SO sweet!