Birdy Takes Flight

[Ege Bamyasi]

The amount of extra energy you get really is a strong motivator to stay with the plan. In my case it's been a very radical difference, but I'll take this over living my life in bed every day of the week! I hope you'll start to feel a lot better as you get back into the plan. Be sure to stop in and let us know.

[Birdy]

Good morning all. It's a beautiful sunny day here, as it probably is most everywhere. I have been gardening a lot and getting more exercise and my waist measurement is down from 37" to 35". This is especially good because a measurement of 35" or under for women is considered healthy. With the research Dr. McDougall does, I'd bet that the number should be lower in order to indicate good health. My goal is to get my waist measurement back under 30". Some think waist measurement is a better gauge than weight in pounds. Anyone have any thoughts on this?

In Dr. McD's recent newsletter, he asked why a journalist cited vegetarian diets as best for the earth yet stated that he is not a vegetarian. Dr. McD asked if the guy doesn't have the courage of his convictions or what. That's a lot of the issue with being veg. Are you convinced that this is the diet for you? And, if you are convinced, do you have the self-discipline to follow it?

For the first time ever, I plan to give my dogs medication to lessen the fright from fireworks. Out vet actually recommends this. Wishing you all a fun and safe 4th of July!

[Birdy]

Another thought about McDougalling: I just now realized, while making a pot of oatmeal for breakfast, that by choosing to McDougall I free myself from fear. Fears about having a heart attack or stroke like some of my family members and friends, and also, to a point, fears about cancer which runs rampant in my family. But it's this idea of being free from fear that grabbed me this morning. I realized that every day for a very long time I've lived with fear of illness and death. Sure, we all must/will die. But do we have to live with fear? Maybe that's about choice as much as diet is about choice. And maybe by choosing a diet like Dr. McDougall's we give ourselves the gift of peace of mind. Hmm....

[Anna Green]

Birdy, you are so wise. The fear factor is big to me and I am tired of being afraid. I want this to work so I can let it go. If I am doing everything I can to live healthy and I still get sick I won't feel guilty. I can have some peace. But if I go back to the SAD and little exercise, I get sick, and my family especially my son (just lost his father) has to take care of me or just not have me in their lives then I can't imagine the guilt. Plus I just have a lot of living to do. In regards to the having enough self-discipline to live my conviction that being vegan and healthy is the right thing to do for myself, others and the environment- well obviously I struggle but I keep coming back to it. That's all I can do. I am tired of feeling the guilt again and I really am committed to change. I hope I get to the point where it is second nature to do the right thing.

[Birdy]

Anna, my heart goes out to you and your son.

[Anna Green]

Thanks.

[Birdy]

Well, we've gone to three parties this weekend and I still have another one to go to tomorrow, Monday. I have not done a good job McDougalling and am feeling it tonight. My plan is to take a McDougall dish to the party tomorrow and to stay away from the desserts. Get back on track.

Earlier this week, I got a library copy of Doug Lisle and Alan Goldhammer's book The Pleasure Trap. I've only read the first chapter, but it's interesting so far. I know this book has helped a lot of people on this board and Dr. McDougall wrote the introduction for the book.

No exercise today but I've done a lot of gardening this past week. I'm enjoying gardening this year more than ever. Our vegies aren't doing great yet, but I'm hoping for better results as the summer goes on. We'll see. My real love is growing flowers.

Not much other news. I hope everyone has a good week!

[Birdy]

Well, post marathon weekend of eating and not exercising, and my weight is now up 3 pounds to 159. I'm discouraged. Can't seem to settle into any consistency with dieting. Same old story. On a cheerier note, it's cool, breezy, and we have scattered showers that are making the plants happy. I've been trying to read Doug Lisle's book, but it's not doing much for me so far, but I'm only on Chapter 2.

I saw a rerun last night of Oprah's meltdown about her weight gain in 2009 back up into the 200 pound range. She talked to the audience the first 30 minutes of the show and then with Bob Greene and a guest, Carly something who's a singer, you'll probably know who. Anyway, the bottom line for Oprah as reinforced by Bob Greene is that none of us have a weight issue - we have an issue or issues that we soothe by eating. I think this is probably true. But there's also the factor of all the refined and junk food that's available everywhere, all the time. And she concluded that it's impossible for her to lose weight without exercising everyday, both aerobically and using weights. The richest woman in the USA has the same struggles as me and you, and the solutions are the same with or without personal coaches. Personal responsibility.

I'm struggling with the question of whether or not this is a diet that I can do permanently. I've been unsuccessful for years at doing it, because I haven't resolved this question in my mind. In order to commit to something, I have to believe in it 100% and see it as a long term solution, and I'm not there with McDougalling. I'm not there with any diet, whether vegan, high protein, Ayurvedic, blood type, Pritikin, etc. The information Dr. McDougall teaches makes sense and is reinforced by other researchers such as Dr. Campbell, Dr. Barnard, etc. I wish I could get over this hurdle. I do know that when I make up my mind about something in a way that eliminates ambiguities, I can succeed. After smoking a pack of cigarettes a day for 8 years in my 20s, I decided to quit cold turkey without patches or any aides, and I've never looked back, never smoked again. So I know I can lose weight if I can just get my mind 100% behind it. I just don't know how to get that 100% mindset with this effort because it doesn't have the all or nothing, black and white elements of smoking. We all have to eat everyday, several times a day. And further complicating things, we all (or probably all) have to exercise as well to lose weight. So maybe it's impossible to get the black-and-white mindset that works so well for me. Hmm. So with smoking, as with alcohol, the stuff is always available at stores, just as refined and junk foods are. I can easily abstain from tobacco and alcohol. So the mere availability of weight promoting foods probably isn't a real obstacle for me. I know some people have to get all the tempting foods out of the house and I've tried this strategy with my husband to no avail. He likes to eat, and brings home every day, foods such as chips, desserts, etc. and won't cooperate with eating them away from home. I've given up being angry or argumentative about this because it's just not worth the effort. However, did I continue to have cigarettes in my house after I quit? NO! And I doubt any recovering alcoholic can have alcohol in his or her home either. So what to do? Maybe argue with my husband some more. But all this doesn't address the 100% convinced mindset that I know would work for me. How do I get that? That's what I need to figure out.

I'm sure this is the most boring blog possible. But if I got anything out of Oprah's show last night it was that each of us has to figure out the answers to our own rock bottom questions. We have to figure out what is rock bottom for us. If you've read this far, thanks for "listening." I feel a little embarrassed to be hashing this stuff out in an even quasi public forum, but it does feel as though it may be helpful. I hope it may be helpful to you as well, but at the very least not harmful.

[f1jim]

You just said what dozens of people on these forums are thinking. What you say is so familiar to all of us. It's very much the chicken or the egg argument. If you were 100% committed would you make a stand on this? If you made a stand on this issue would you then be committed? This is all so hard to process. I am asking those that have succeeded with a less committed spouse for their advice. My wife is with me 100% so it's a little unfair for me to give anything but a cursory response.

The way to get to the bottom of this is to prioritize things in your own head. Get out a piece of paper and start jotting down the things in your life that are the most important. Examples might be family harmony, your health, your husbands health, the taste of food, alcohol, all the things daily life brings. Find how many you have listed then order them by importance. Where do you place your own health? There may be different answers for different people. Is your spouse willing to spoon feed you if necessary? Are you willing to do the same? I am not joking here. Really place a value on this stuff. You might have him or her do the same. See where you guys place the value of each others health in relation to things like your own enjoyment of food. This will tell you if there is any chance of working with this other person. If you can't there is not much we can do except tell you to all have separate meals.
What if you both smoked and you refused to quit. Could you iron this out?

Just make sure to not ask for commitment from someone that you don't have yourself. This all works both ways. That's my 2 cents. Now let's get people that have real experience with this involved!
f1jim

[SactoBob]

I love your name. My mom's nickname was Birdy (short for Bertilla - but she would never forgive me for saying so)

It's too early to give up - in fact it's always too early to give up. This program is the real deal. You are wise to be reading the Pleasure Trap. You can see Dr. Lisle's entertaining lecture at the Vegetarian Society of Hawaii. He also has dvd's that you can get here. I much prefer the oral presentations of Dr. Lisle to the book, although it is good too.

A couple thoughts on weight - you are only 30# too heavy, so it is not going to be as easy for you as others. My first 30# went fast - much faster than the last 30#. You may need some tweaking eventually to get to you best weight.

But the first thing is to get through transition and into a habit of eating on plan. If you quit smoking, this should not be nearly as hard. But it will take planning, especially at the start. You need defenses to parties and any occasion where you could be hungry around bad food.

Why not try to figure out why you ate off plan - if it was hunger, then you should have avoided getting hungry.

BTW, I saw that Oprah episode and thought it was very discouraging. When you are eating the foods that you are designed to eat, you don't have to go hungry or exercise insane amounts. Too bad she couldn't come to a McDougall 10 day MWL program.

[Melinda]

That is an interesting take on things - ie would you be willing to spoon feed each other, (I imagine you meant in the event of a stroke), or what would you be willing to do for the sake of your spouse's health. When I thought about that briefly, the answer that came to me is that I would be willing to do ANYTHING for my husband's health, more so than mine! Mmmm.... I think denial plays a big part in nearly everyone's life - of course denial can be a healthy response in the right situation - it helps get us through some tough stuff at times! (I am not talking about diet)

[f1jim]

You got EXACTLY where I wanted that conversation to go. I would like to think I would do anything for my wife's health, including making dietary changes. I didn't have to do that but my wife did. She felt like I did that it would be like a married couple with one being an alchoholic living together and only one giving up drinking. We didn't think it would work so she gave up the SAD food. Is it possible to thank someone enough for that sacrifice? I don't think so. I only hope I would do the same if the situation were reversed. Talking is always good!
f1jim

[NC]

I live in a house with a wife who eats South Beach and two children who are basically SAD eaters (or close to it) so it is certainly possible to follow this plan regardless of what others do.
In my opinion your personal commitment is the number one key. Once you are committed it is no longer a question of if, only one of how. You can take control of your own health and your weight if you make that choice. These are two completely different mindsets:
1) "I will try to make this work."
2) "I will make this work."

When you run into difficulty (which you will) the person with the first mindset may be inclined to give up. The person with the second mindset is inclined to figure out what they need to change to overcome the difficulty.



With regard to the others in the household I took a less than optimal approach of simply stating my intentions and doing it. I think having your spouse on board (which I did not) would be a much healthier and easier approach but it is not, strictly speaking, required.
Our home life has gone through 4 phases over the last 2 years:
- Phase 1 was characterized by a lot of resentment, snide comments and complaints. I take full responsibility for this since I did not properly work with my spouse to educate her and help her understand the reasons for what I was doing.
- Phase 2 started after we had a long talk about why I was doing what I was doing, my family history, my father’s death, my mother’s heart disease and so on. Things got a lot better at this point. Not as good as they are now but better.
- Phase 3 surprisingly started after my wife announced her intention to start South Beach. I made it clear that I did not agree that this was a healthy way to eat but that I would support her decision and I have. I think when she saw me supporting her eating in an unusual way she naturally starting supporting me more. She also started to experience the whole process of cooking up a bunch of food and packing meals in the fridge (she just happens to be putting omelets in there while I’m putting steel cut oats in there).
- Phase 4 started earlier this week when I initiated a conversation about coming up with some meals that we could eat together as a family again. We both agreed to work on this and will probably start with something like burritos where different people can add different things.

How shopping and cooking is handled is something that you have to deal with when you have multiple diets and I would certainly be willing to share what we do. However, this is a logistical issue and is really part of the how. I think you first need to decide whether or not you are going to commit. Jim’s suggestion of writing things down might be a good place to start.

[Anna Green]

Birdy, Just don't fly away Keep trying. Keep journaling as long as this is good for you. You don't have to get there on anyone's timetable but your own. We'll just support your efforts.

[Birdy]

Wow, I'm genuinely blown away (no pun intended) by the quality of all your responses and impressed by the variety of different people's experiences with this issue of "do-ability" in regards to the McDougall diet. (That's surely not a word, but you know what I mean). Jim (fljim) you asked some great questions about priorities and I will sit down and think those through. It's also good to realize that my journal entries speak to the concerns of many other people on the board. SactoBob, thanks for your comment about the name Birdy and for the recommendations about Dr. Lisle's lectures. I'll check those out. And, okay Anna, I'll wait until I'm much lighter before I "fly" away, ha...you read my mind, because I was definitely ready to quit. Thanks to you all for your comments and genuine support.