It really strikes me how people's insecurities can create tremendous fears around their relationships!
There are all sorts of ways to spend time with people you want to be close to -- ways that involve shared meal times and ways that revolve around other activities. If a person worries that they will not have any way to spend time with others, unless one puts the exact same foods down their pie hole -- then that raises a red flag!
Do these people actually reject you and send you away from the table, if you are not eating as they eat? Or is that your fear? Is your conformity to their way of eating a condition of their accepting you? Are they nice people, who are happy to spend time with you rather than call attention to the fact that you are eating rice and broccoli while they are eating some type of processed, fatty casserole?
In situations like these, it is worth looking straight at reality.
The reality is -- people's food does not have to match each other. People do it all the time at restaurants -- you order the cabbage stew; I order the rice and beans; and then we talk and laugh and share stories while you eat your dish and I eat my dish. Restaurant-style eating has been a part of our culture for as long as we've been alive, so anyone who says, "I'm sorry; we cannot share time together unless you will eat exactly as I eat", is probably coming from a place of unkindness and rigidity.
I recently was out with an acquaintance (who, herself, has multiple food allergies) and she grabbed a bite to eat for lunch, while I wasn't hungry yet, so I drank tea at the table with her. I didn't feel any pressure to order food, because why in the world should I eat if I don't need any food? And she didn't make any effort to make me feel awkward or inappropriate for not eating when she was eating. It was just this agreement that it was OK for her to eat; and it was OK for me to not eat. -- So it strikes me as very weird that some people (whether plant-based, or meat-based eaters) will insist that it's intolerably awkward if two people spend time together without eating the same foods, or eating at the same times. It's not! People just have to approach the situation with open-mindedness and kindness.
It is definitely awkward if you happen to encounter someone who is insistent that they will make food for you, and you must agree to eat what they make for you. i can't even begin to tell you how many single men want to take me to a restaurant, and when I tell them that I really don't get whole natural foods at restaurants, and would prefer not to even go, then they switch to how they would be happy to cook for me and they could sautee some vegetables and whip up some crostini, and I have to be really insistent that I prefer to feed myself, and their efforts to make food for us (while sweet) just aren't going to go anywhere. When people are pushy, we've gotta see that for what it is -- people putting pressure on you to submit to a group eating situation, and for no good reason.
Well, it''s really interesting, but you kinda start to realize that it's a social issue, not a food issue! You have to have some confidence, some assertiveness, and actually some courage to walk away from people who aren't willing to make any room for your eating style.
. Still, it was never an issue because I didn't allow it to become one. By the time I became vegan, my mom had already passed away, and my dad was fading fast. It was simple enough to fix one meal for him and another for myself. I never argued, never tried to convert anyone. It may have been easier for me because both of my parents worked all my life and we were raised on Hamburger Helper and TV dinners. My mom didn't associate feeding us with love - food was fuel and maybe duty - but never a substitute for love or affection.
