Journal of my journey

[Morris]

March 20, 2018

Well, I think I have decided that perhaps getting through the 7-Day Rescue may not be for me at this time. My son-in-law gave me some mushrooms so I made New England No-Clam Chowder and it was not until I was licking my second bowl of it clean that I realized it had too many of the wrong kind of nuts in it. It called for a cashew cream. Plus, I think that I need more calories than what the rescue will give me. So, I guess I'll need to follow the Starch Solution because it is springtime and time for me to start training for the races that I'll be doing. My first race is the end of April and then it'll be monthly after that.

I really think that my focus really ought to be on eliminating junk food. I have eliminated so many items that there are only a few left that seem to call my name. I really need to break off that relationship.

[Morris]

March 27, 2018

My advantage response card from the Beck Diet Solution I am focusing on this week is CELEBRATE: celebrate each day I stick to my plan. For me, I think this ought to mean for each day I stick with my planned eating. I think if I can plan and prepare I ought to be successful in sticking with the plan I choose for the day. (In case you haven't noticed, I am going to add a cheat or two.) If I plan for it, then maybe I won't feel like such a failure for not sticking with a plan.

Now, my hubby is ridiculing me because I eat so much of certain things. This really irritates me because he exaggerates his pleasure when eating high fat animal products like it is actually a good thing.

I really need to work on my attitude because between having a bad attitude and stress I am really struggling with not grabbing junk to ease the tension, which is really stupid because junk food doesn't do a thing to improve the situation. I just need to learn to channel my frustration in a different manner.

I downloaded the 30 day Squat Challenge app and I am on day 19. I am mentioning this to let me know that I can stick with a plan. I made it to day 19 following the plan. I need to CELEBRATE that success.

[Morris]

March 29, 2018

Wow! the journal portion of this forum seems to be a bit more active this year. I find that keeping my journal is helpful. The other day I went back and started reading what I posted in the beginning and realized that I am still having a lot of the same issues. I think it is time for me to move on a bit and leave some of my issues behind.

One of those issues is that I can't seem to stick with a plan, but that is a self-doubting perception, because I am sticking with a plan, I am just taking too many side trips along the way. I am still posting here, that means I am sticking with it. I am still 5 pounds under my teen and adult weight setpoint, that means I am sticking with it. I rarely eat animal products, that means I am sticking with it. I am exercising, that means I am sticking with it.

On my wall, I have a certificate for the 5k 101 program from Running Mate Media. It is similar to the couch to 5k program. I did that program when I first started my weight loss journey back in 2009, when I was at my heaviest (45 pounds ago). It took me 2 years to actually follow that program to the letter and not get side-tracked. That certificate tells me that I can stick with a plan.

The other day, when hubby insisted we go out to eat, I just ordered a salad. Going out to eat is not enjoyable to me anymore because everything is so high fat and salty and not many vegetables. But, my iceberg lettuce salad topped with onion, green pepper and tomato, was actually satisfying at that moment.

Other than a bag of corn chips, I am sticking with planned eating. I planned for some snacking and before I ate the junk, I made sure I had some greens and/or fruit first. I am hoping that using that strategy will help me realize how nasty the junk actually is. It is a bit tasteless compared to the sweet/bitter tastes of fruit and greens.

For my breakfasts, in addition to my oats, I added some barley flakes. Those things are chewy. But for some reason, oats just don't fill me up. I am attempting to adopt the habit of greens at each and every meal (this is from the engine 2 rescue). I feel better eating lots of greens and that seems to help with my cravings for junk.

Sometimes, when I am sticking with the whole food plant based way of eating, I notice a difference in how I feel in between meals and how much my thoughts are always focused on food. But much more, I notice how different I feel; it seems like I have more zing to my step and I walk lighter. I also don't feel as weighted down with junk in my stomach.

I wish hubby would get on board. I am no longer making suggestions because it seems he goes into rebel mode and then he makes it point to eat more of SAD. The problem is that his blood work always comes out in the normal range so he thinks he is safe from health issues. I tell him it's going to catch up with him at some point. Also, he has chronic pain and I'd love to see if some of that would be lessened if he lost weight. His lower back is bothering him more (his problem is mid back). Even though, a doctor told him that surgery was not beneficial unless it involved the nerves. He's telling me he is going to have to have surgery to relieve it. If he is looking for sympathy, he is not going to find it coming from me. Whenever he complains, I always think that, yeah, I'd hurt too if I were carrying around an extra 100 pounds day after day. I was only 45 pounds heavier and it was the joint pain that got me thinking enough is enough.

I cannot believe that there is such a huge disconnect between health issues and the "food" we eat. I watched an episode of MY 600 pound life and the woman had to lose weight before the doctor would do the surgery. She lost 100 pounds with diet and exercise and was so happy that she qualified to have half her stomach removed. I was like, WTH!, you just proved you can lose with diet and exercise and you think that surgery is the answer. Are we so brainwashed?

Now, from an ad I saw on TV, I guess the new thing is to freeze off your fat. Well, I guess that is easier than peeling, dicing and cooking all those veggies and whole grains.

[Morris]

March 30,2018

Well, I am not able to weigh myself this morning, but that's okay as I do not do a daily weigh-in anyways. My last couple of treadmill runs have been breathtaking. I was using a different treadmill, a higher end brand than mine and the belt seemed to move faster. Not sure if that's really true, but it certainly was a lot smoother. I had a hard time keep pace with the belt and had to take more walk breaks. Not really sure if the treadmill was the cause or the fact that I have been overtired.

We found a good restaurant to go to, Q. Cumbers. Oh, the choices they had. The owners focus on healthy eating and their slogan is "Where vegetables are fun." They had a great salad bar, steamed veggies, vegan soups, vegan cowboy beans, vegan confetti rice, baked potatoes.

My 30 squat challenge app stopped working yesterday and would not let me move on today, so I repeated yesterday's workout - 145 squats. What a way to wake up.

Making this a short post today - Have a great day!

[Morris]

March 30, 2108

Well, this will be a quick post - my exercise will be shoveling snow. I measured about 7-1/2 inches on my sunken patio, plus it is a heavy snow which means I have to pick up a shovelful and toss it up and over. I am going to get a great cardio, ab, arm workout this morning.

I binged on graham crackers last night, I have no idea why other than they sure tasted good. I woke up hungry in the middle of the night. Could that have been a drop is glucose level?

Starting over again - Day 1

[Ruff]

I have been reading the stoics, and one of their big things is to differentiate between that which you can control, and that which you can’t.

Of course, one can only control ones self (and littles under the age of 10or so). Other things are outside ones control. Therefore, they need to be met with love, tolerance and stoicism, as they cannot be changed by you. Marcus Aurelius (yes, THAT Marcus, the mighty Roman emperor) was often frustrated by the bad behaviour of others around him. Obviously being emperor, he could have had them removed or killed, but being a stoic he tried to meet them with compassion and tolerance.

You cannot change your husband, you cannot affect his choices. You can only change your own behaviour. Of course the flip side is also true, and this is where I have so much trouble, they cannot affect your choices, your choices are your own. I have a very thin fit husband, who eats A LOT of yummy vegan high density food, think nuts, dates, dried fruit, nut butters, crispy whole meal bread, avocados, olives, coconut etc in order to keep his BMI up to 18. I also bake no oil baking for him. I have a choice weather to join him in this delectable stuff or not. The choices are mine. The reason I put a few kg of weight back on was MY bad choices, not my husbands yummy food! This is my problem.

It seems your problem is a desire, from love, to change your husbands choices. This is not going to happen. You can only be a shinning example of what happens with right choices. If he complains about his back you meet him with love and tolerance, but not solutions, unless he asks for them. Then you tell him what to try, but again his choice if he listens to you or acts upon them.

I have found the stoics so helpful in everyday life. As in......I have no control over that idiot in that car, I just need to drive more carefully myself so the idiot doesn’t cause an accident .......or my daughter is nearly 30, if she chooses to make an unwise career move I can say so if she asks me, but her choice is her own. She gets to live with the consequences, good or bad. I just get to meet her with love and compassion......and so on.

I hope this doesn’t sound like preaching, I like Marcus so much I carry a copy of the Meditations in my handbag at all times, to read if I get delayed anywhere. The really fascinating thing is he wrote them as his journal, notes to himself on right living. And yet he was Emperor of the world!

Katie

[Morris]

April 1st, 2018

My weight is up a bit today and I feel bleh! But then there were 2 days of eating out, binge on crackers and last night a made baked beans and potato salad, but no greens. What a difference it makes when I don't eat greens with each meal.

Thanks Katie, I already know I cannot change my hubby's choices, it is just so frustrating that he won't make ones that are health supporting, especially since he expects me to do all the work around here.

I was pleasantly surprised yesterday when I went out to shovel the snow and found it light and fluffy, that is until the sun warmed it up. But I had the bulk of it done before it got wet and heavy. That was the most snow I have seen in a while. By the time I was done shoveling, the sun had warmed up my sliding hill and I was not able to go sliding afterwards. The snow kept bunching up and stopped me.

[Morris]

April 3, 2018

I don't know if the weather has anything to do with my eating junk, but I hope old man winter is done. The saying going around the internet is something like 'Old man winter is mad and he leaves the room, then comes storming back in saying, "and one more thing..." Yeah, that about describes these last few days. Round two came last night. This second round left me feeling a bit achy. I am assuming it is because I had been eating so much junk.

I feel so much better eating whole food and need to keep this in mind.

What I have been eating:
coffee
Baked beans (made with sugar and molasses)
Potato salad (made with mayo)
Spring mix

Sweet kale mix with romaine lettuce
3 Bean mix
Mashed potato

Romaine, spring mix, tomatoes, cucumber
mashed potato
3 bean mix with added corn

The bad: chocolate covered marshmallows --too many

Other than the marshmallows, I am getting back on track

[Morris]

April 4, 2018

I am reading the Pleasure Trap. I found it interesting that while reading the chapter about the calorie density of food that I thought of how my hubby will always ask what the calories are in a particular dish I make but never seems concerned when he eats his burger and fries or breakfast dish from a restaurant. I think that while reading that chapter it occured to me that he is realizing the he ate a lot of food and that it is not even close to the calorie count of those restaurant dishes. I could be wrong though, because it is only a guess on my part.

Chapter 9 was a revelation to me as to how I ought to deal with the 'social pressure' to eat something off plan and the type of people (ignorant and irritated). This chapter sort of suggests turning the tables a bit and put the focus on either myself and me trying this way of eating to see if it works or shift the focus on them and/or some positive trait or talent that they may have (reaffirm my love for them despite what they eat).

What i ate yesterday:
Coffee
oat/barley flakes with blueberries, flaxseed, cinnamon, tumeric
spring mix

roasted potatoes, carrots, onion with beans on the side

Huge salad with romaine, spring mix, green pepper, tomato, cucumber, radish

Peanut butter toast

Hot cocoa with marshmallow.

I seem to be on a hot cocoa streak, I cannot wait for the spring time weather to get here. It is cold and snowy and I am always feeling cold.

I started my day today with:
coffee
spring mix
oat/barley flakes with blueberries, flaxseed, chia seed, tumeric, pumpkin pie spice
peanut butter toast
hot cocoa

I think with this cold weather my body is saying: EAT MORE FOOD

Hubby's latest toy: a freezer dryer -- anyone use this appliance? If so, can you share your successes and/or failures.

[bunsofaluminum]

One of those issues is that I can't seem to stick with a plan, but that is a self-doubting perception, because I am sticking with a plan, I am just taking too many side trips along the way. I am still posting here, that means I am sticking with it. I am still 5 pounds under my teen and adult weight setpoint, that means I am sticking with it. I rarely eat animal products, that means I am sticking with it. I am exercising, that means I am sticking with it.

On my wall, I have a certificate for the 5k 101 program from Running Mate Media. It is similar to the couch to 5k program. I did that program when I first started my weight loss journey back in 2009, when I was at my heaviest (45 pounds ago). It took me 2 years to actually follow that program to the letter and not get side-tracked. That certificate tells me that I can stick with a plan.

This is SO GOOD! Well done on the self-talk. I struggle with the same kind of thing and this reminder to look at the whole picture and quit peering in at the one brush stroke that is off...see the forest, not the trees...IMPORTANT!

And you are sticking very well with your plan IMO. I mean, running 5k's? Wow! and at a weight LOWER than your teen years! dewd! You're totally smashing this! yesss!

[Morris]

April 5, 2018

My 10k race is at the end of the month and i ought to be in the third week of my training plan, but I am so messed up in the schedule. I think the being away last week and then Easter tired me out. I just realized that it seems to be taking me a bit longer to come back. It also seems to be coinciding with eating restaurant food and sugary snacks. I wish hubby would stop going out to eat, at least until I feel I can stick with my plan mentally. That is where I am failing.

Time for me to get serious with the Beck Diet Solution again. When I did that in the past having those responses in my head sure helped me resist a lot of temptation. I have more stress in my life now and it is harder for me to stay focused.

But speaking of being focused, after a few days in the slump with my training plan, I got on the treadmill refreshed yesterday and was able to do another sub20 2-mile run. (19:57). I barely made it, but I did it again! My dream of a sub30 5km is being revived.

The rest of my meals for yesterday were off plan. We went to the Thai place and I ordered my curry dish with tofu. I am positive that it was full of oil and fat from the coconut. But that is my favorite dish there. So, back to square 1.

[Morris]

April 6, 2018

I'll be having visitors this weekend, grandkids are coming! What fun! I wish we had spring-like weather so we could do things outside. Yesterday when I went for my walk in the woods I heard some sounds that I did not know what caused them. Hubby convinced me that, no, it was not bigfoot, but most likely the bears are out and moving now. Ugh! That means no more walking through the woods for a while. Through the woods is also my running route. A few years ago we had issues with them in our yard all the time. But not last year. So, who knows what we can expect this year.

What I ate yesterday:
Banana
Spring Mix
Peanut butter toast

New England No-Clam Chowder
Butternut Squash Sweet Potato Apple Soup.
baked beans
potato salad
Rainbow Cauliflower and broccoli

graham crackers

It appears that graham crackers are my go-to eat what I ought not be eating. I am thinking I won't be buying these for a while because these are like potato chips to me and I cannot eat just one.

My granddaughter wants to do the 10k race with me at the end of the month. How cool is that!? Racing with Grandma! I asked her this morning if she was going to keep pace with me or leave me in the dust. She is not sure what she will do. Often she stays with me for a bit then when she gets comfortable with the other runners she'll go ahead of me. I then make it a challenge to see if I can keep her in my sight.

[Morris]

April 10, 2018

I am giving my brain a workout and attempting to go back to using the QWERTY keyboard. I had been using the Dvorack, but was curious to see if my brain could make the switch back and how difficult it would be. It is coming back to me a bit more quickly than I thought it would. Interesting how some keys are automatic and others take a lot of effort. I am hoping to get my speed up in no time.

I went to the running class last night and the instructor asked if I was running because I was looking good and perhaps that sub30 5k was a possibility this year.

Today will be the first session on freeze drying sme of our leftovers. I am so excited because I want to go camping this summer and to have some quick foods to just heat up and not have it full of who knows what. Have you ever read (or tried to read) the ingredients on those packages of freeze dried foods? It is no longer real food.

What I have been eating:
Leftovers with the exception of brownies. My granddaughter wanted to make some for an event, so we made a double batch and that was all it took for the binge to start. I think it is over and I got it out of my system now. I tried to offset it by making sure I ate greens. I always feel so much better whenever I eat greens.

[Ruff]

I am hoping for a sub 30 5km this spring (but it is autumn here now, and soo cold with a horrid southerly storm. The first real winter bite this year). Let’s see if we can both do it in 2018!

[Morris]

April 12, 2018

I am in a slump, a mental slump. I am tired and not sleeping well. I need some me time, me as in me, myself and I. I feel like I am so off plan that if I don't get a grip I will spiral downhill and fast.

Plus, I am going back to using the QWERTY keyboard and I have to think hard about typing. I was using the Dvorak. I am amazed at how quickly it is coming back to me, but then again how difficult it is to switch back. Some keys are easier than others to get back to using. Just retraining the brain. Plus I wanted to work on speed and accuracy but could not find software that would tell me which keys I needed to work on more than others. I have such software for the QWERTY.

Lately, I am doing well for breakfast, but then I am eating whatever after that. Part of my issue is that I want to focus on eating mindfully and hubby sits next to me and just blabs about whatever he wants to talk about. Sometimes I just want to scream shut up, I have no interest in that. But that does not matter to him, I have told him many times that I have no interest in a particular subject matter. If I say that something means nothing to me, then I'll have to listen to an explanation about how it works or why it 'should' matter to me.

I need a mental break and I think I am eating the wrong thing looking for an escape. Okay, I am aware of my problem, now to fix it.

Other than breakfast yesterday, I am embarrassed at what I ate.
Breakfast: spring mix, tomatoes. then comes the bad: bagel with cream cheese
For lunch I ate a tuna sandwich.
I went to town and ate samples from Costco, ice cream from Costco (which tasted like sugar and I ate it anyway).
Before running class: tomato sandwich. On the way home: potato chips
Before bed: graham crackers

Where's my veggies? This has to stop, how does that saying go? Eat crap, feel like crap.

Well, I am hoping that I will have a more positive post tomorrow.