So how do you begin to have a solid, trusting relationship with food and with eating?
I think this happens through a process of coming to know what kinds of foods, in what amounts, make you feel good about yourself. I know that sounds so abstract, but I really just mean it in a boring, practical way. What foods and what kinds of meals are nourishing and pleasant in a soft, liking way? What foods and what kinds of meals are overstimulating and make you feel ravenous or out of control?
Another question to ask is: What behaviors, and what quantities feel abundant and satisfying to you, and what behaviors, and what quantities feel forced, punitive, or restrictive? Those are real concerns too.
You want to factor your long-term health (and yes, weight and appearance) outcomes into the mix, too. Which food choices produce a weight and appearance that makes you happiest? Which food choices lead to a weight or appearance that you *don't* like?
So, these are questions that you'll want to try out some different answers to, and see which ones you like for now. There is more than one good right way forward for a woman in your shoes! There is more than one right answer!
The only thing I ask, is that you use Jeff Novick's Five Pillars of Healthy Eating, as your framework for considering which options to offer yourself. I interpret them this way:
viewtopic.php?f=11&t=47095#p485585Because you don't need to be considering ways of eating that aren't going to be health-supporting at all -- just consider ways of eating that will be good for your body, and work within those to find ways of eating that are good for you as a person, too. We want you to feel good about yourself, and like your food, and enjoy your meals. It takes practice, but you can be enjoying yourself just a little more, even tomorrow, and even just a bit more the day after that. It builds.
That's probably enough for now. I'll be rooting for you, and I'll help you in any way I can!