Feast Days

[Tatterhood]

All of this is wonderful encouragement. Thank you!

Let me throw you all a very specific situation that I have coming up that I'm sure many of you have dealt with:

We have family coming to visit in a week or so. Now, they know we're vegan, and in the past, when they've come (they have two young teenage sons) we've always provided them with foods that they are accustomed to eating even though we don't eat it. It's work on our part, but we're hosting, so that's the deal. They do the same for us when we visit them.

They are willing to go vegetarian, and even vegan to a certain extent, but of course, that includes oily foods, like hummus and stir fries, and guacamole, and all the high ticket veggie foods usually served up at a typical veggie feast.

Here's where I'm getting heat. My husband is asking me if I'm going to be cooking my "special food" for myself the entire three days. He sees it as anti-social and drawing unnecessary attention to myself. Why can't I just go along with the program while they are here. Why do I have to just eat those damned steamed veggies and beans/potatoes and rice..he asks.

I can't go off this for three days. I don't want to go off it for one day or meal. These family members won't care one way or another, frankly, but for some reason, he thinks that I'm going to be making a big deal about it, when I haven't and I won't. Not sure where the anxiety is coming from.

My guess is that we've both gotten a lot of negative feedback from friends with the veganism, and now, I'm taking it a step further, so he's finding this extra difficult...like I've pushed too far. I get tired of having to explain food choices to people all of the time, but I've gotten kind of used to it. Or, I've just come up with one-liners to give information that's helpful but not engaging so I can eat in peace.

Anyway...I will definitely review the interview. I don't think I've ever watched it. Sounds interesting, and maybe it will help in the face of all of this blow-back I'm getting.

[dailycarbs]

Your husband is having a hard time with this. I imagine it's his issue that he's transferring onto you. Maybe he's worried that he should be doing this as well? Maybe he's feeling left behind? Maybe he just doesn't like the attention this might engender? I don't know. The point is, stick to your guns. Going off the plan for 3 days and just winging it is insane—especially since you've been at it for mere weeks. It will not end well if you attempt it, I promise you. Don't argue with him, just say this is what you're doing and he needs to get over it. I had to say that to my MIL when she wouldn't let up about dinner at her house. "You only visit rarely and you should make an exception." Um, no I'm not. Never came up again. People learn quickly if you put your foot down and end the conversation. I see resolve in your posts and I think you will find a way to stay on plan and make it work. Good luck.

[f1jim]

I do think it's interesting the way we make food into a reward system. If you are good, or if enough time passes you get to slide off into bad food! This is a very odd behavior I never fully thought about till changing my diet. Much like how I never really thought much about consuming dairy till changing. Now I look back and ask how I could have eaten that stuff. Perspective makes or breaks the action. Throw in social pressure and it really gets crazy.
The important thing has already happened. You are aware and thinking about the situation. That's half the battle right there. Now it's a decision made with the understanding of what's at stake.
Now you can follow the advice I learned a long time ago about making a decision....Make it.....Make it yours....and die by it.
f1jim

[BlueHeron]

Food is pretty well established in our culture as a reward. Imagine someone saying, "I've been really good lately, so I'm going to smoke a few cigarettes and have unprotected sex. Then I'm going to drive without my seat belt."

[Tiger]

Food is pretty well established in our culture as a reward. Imagine someone saying, "I've been really good lately, so I'm going to smoke a few cigarettes and have unprotected sex. Then I'm going to drive without my seat belt."

I'll stick to avocados, thanks!

I was thinking about this thread and John Joseph's book came to mind: Meat is for Pussies. We have to be quite brave sometimes, especially early on, to stand up for ourselves and our commitment to WFPB. I have often been suckered in by trying to please people and social pressure - and in the end, I don't think they really cared what I ate, but I'm stuck with the regret and the bad effects.

Someone told me, Don't let other people drive your car i.e. don't go fast just because everyone else is breaking the speed limit or tailgaiting you. In the end, it's your safety, health, insurance premiums and maybe even your life if you succumb to the pressure.

[dynodan62]

There will always come a time when your back is against the wall in a restaurant/social setting, and you will be forced to select the 'lesser evil' menu item, or go hungry. Until that day comes, be encouraged that I believe the benefits of this WOE are NOT linear. 100% compliance delivers an unexpected bonus. In other words, the added benefits compared to those who only comply 95%, amount to way MORE than 5%!

[vgpedlr]

Stick to your guns. That's what you want to do, so do it. As long as you give in, people will never understand or take you seriously. Stand firm and and they will learn quickly.

They are willing to go vegetarian, and even vegan to a certain extent, but of course, that includes oily foods, like hummus and stir fries, and guacamole, and all the high ticket veggie foods usually served up at a typical veggie feast.

Perhaps you can try to menu plan dishes where the base is on-plan for you, but the "add-ons" at the table and sides can be richer food that appeals to others. Then nobody really notices. For example, last night at my sister's, we had tacos. I made beans, my sister cooked some meat, we had crunchy taco shells and plain corn tortillas, salsa, avocado, cheese, cabbage, etc. You could make yourself a SAD taco or a compliant one. Nobody is excluded, and nobody stands out. With a little imagination you could do something similar with baked potatoes, pasta, or an Asian menu with assorted dipping sauces.

Here's where I'm getting heat. My husband is asking me if I'm going to be cooking my "special food" for myself the entire three days. He sees it as anti-social and drawing unnecessary attention to myself. Why can't I just go along with the program while they are here. Why do I have to just eat those damned steamed veggies and beans/potatoes and rice..he asks.

I can't go off this for three days. I don't want to go off it for one day or meal. These family members won't care one way or another, frankly, but for some reason, he thinks that I'm going to be making a big deal about it, when I haven't and I won't. Not sure where the anxiety is coming from.

This is his issue, not yours. If it is truly important to you, stand up. His reactions are not uncommon. He will learn, but you have to be consistent. Six weeks isn't very long.

My guess is that we've both gotten a lot of negative feedback from friends with the veganism, and now, I'm taking it a step further, so he's finding this extra difficult...like I've pushed too far. I get tired of having to explain food choices to people all of the time, but I've gotten kind of used to it. Or, I've just come up with one-liners to give information that's helpful but not engaging so I can eat in peace.

You do not have to explain your food choices to anyone at any time. Unless you want to. Take Doug Lisle's advice and use the "it seems" strategy. It "seems" to be working for you. And leave it at that. If you're tired of it, don't engage, and don't respond to the challenges.

[Tatterhood]

Having my back against the wall in social situations with food is nothing new to me. What is new to me is having my own family (daughter did this to me recently, too) being hostile about the no/low fat thing. Being a vegan practically makes me(and my husband) social outcasts. I can't tell you how many times I have to defend my lunch when someone at work says something provocative while I'm just trying to eat in peace. Provocative being..."I just can't imagine never eating bacon!" I try to either employ deep breathing techniques, or if I'm feeling particularly snarky I'll just say, "You need to develop your imagination, I suppose."

I've bent to other's offerings of food, or food situations in order to make other people feel more at ease more times than I wish to admit. People always feel uneasy around WFPB eaters...or vegans...no matter how you name it, if you're eating more healthfully, you just make others feel crappy about themselves. There's a moral superiority that comes with it, even when you try very hard not to judge. So, I've tried to relax a bit, be more "human" around others, but usually end up feeling worse about the fact that I did that just to save their sense of self by giving up my own. That's messed up. Not going to do that anymore.

I happen to love this WOE. Call me crazy, but I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Losing ten pounds of excess fat is huge for me at 5'3"! And my food tastes awesome. This is the easiest, most sustainable weight loss endeavor I've ever attempted. I've only ever let myself get 15-20 pounds overweight. Other methods for weight loss have been foolish and unsustainable. This goes hand-in-hand with my ethics, it's super easy, it's delicious and super healthy, and I'm never, ever hungry! I feel like someone gave me the key to the kingdom!

[vgpedlr]

Having my back against the wall in social situations with food is nothing new to me. What is new to me is having my own family (daughter did this to me recently, too) being hostile about the no/low fat thing. Being a vegan practically makes me(and my husband) social outcasts. I can't tell you how many times I have to defend my lunch when someone at work says something provocative while I'm just trying to eat in peace. Provocative being..."I just can't imagine never eating bacon!" I try to either employ deep breathing techniques, or if I'm feeling particularly snarky I'll just say, "You need to develop your imagination, I suppose."

I've bent to other's offerings of food, or food situations in order to make other people feel more at ease more times than I wish to admit. People always feel uneasy around WFPB eaters...or vegans...no matter how you name it, if you're eating more healthfully, you just make others feel crappy about themselves. There's a moral superiority that comes with it, even when you try very hard not to judge. So, I've tried to relax a bit, be more "human" around others, but usually end up feeling worse about the fact that I did that just to save their sense of self by giving up my own. That's messed up. Not going to do that anymore.

I happen to love this WOE. Call me crazy, but I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything. Losing ten pounds of excess fat is huge for me at 5'3"! And my food tastes awesome. This is the easiest, most sustainable weight loss endeavor I've ever attempted. I've only ever let myself get 15-20 pounds overweight. Other methods for weight loss have been foolish and unsustainable. This goes hand-in-hand with my ethics, it's super easy, it's delicious and super healthy, and I'm never, ever hungry! I feel like someone gave me the key to the kingdom!

Doug Lisle's presentations cover these situations very well.

[Tatterhood]

I just listened to the interview with Dr. Lisle and Chef AJ. It was about the self-esteem mechanism. Very interesting, because I just came up against that, too, when I saw some colleagues who didn't even comment about my having lost 10 pounds. It was disappointing to say the least.

Vgpdlr--Are there specific talks that address what I'm talking about here that you would recommend?

[patty]

A self loving mother has self loving children. All little ducks follow the mother. Just be true to yourself. Truth always follows. We reside in the best labs there are. The body doesn't lie. It is our best ally. Dr. Esselstyn shared women with breast cancer aren't afraid of suffering or dying, they are afraid of being alone. There is a difference between being lonely and alone:) Everyday practicing this WOE is a feast day. It is not only a feast day for you, it is a feast day for whoever is around you, if they participate or not. We are awakening from the dream of individuality. Heaven is a state of attitude that relinquishes the contracted energy of separateness that is held in the body. Eat for the pure pleasure of digestion as creation and evolution are Non-duel One. It is like the sun, you can't hold it back. It is inside out. When you get it, your husband and children get it. There is a koan.. the universe is a net of diamonds, when one diamond lights up the whole net of diamonds lights up. They are afraid they will disappear:) In actuality they will be more:)

Aloha, patty

[Tatterhood]

Perhaps you can try to menu plan dishes where the base is on-plan for you, but the "add-ons" at the table and sides can be richer food that appeals to others. Then nobody really notices. For example, last night at my sister's, we had tacos. I made beans, my sister cooked some meat, we had crunchy taco shells and plain corn tortillas, salsa, avocado, cheese, cabbage, etc. You could make yourself a SAD taco or a compliant one. Nobody is excluded, and nobody stands out. With a little imagination you could do something similar with baked potatoes, pasta, or an Asian menu with assorted dipping sauces.

This is exactly what I told my husband I could do. And I've got a bunch of ideas and dishes I can do this with already. It's so easy to do, really, especially since it's at our house and I can do all the food preparation. It would be so much harder if we were going there. I think as long as I have plenty of add-ons to make everyone happy, no one is even going to notice what I'm eating.

BTW---wouldn't eat a SAD taco...I'd never go that far. The times that I've acquiesced have been in terms of desserts like birthday cakes or on trips to ice cream shops that had no sorbet with family groups . Or meals where an elderly relative had gone to great lengths and didn't know I didn't eat meat.

Planning on having lots of lots of watermelon on hand to avoid that trip to the ice cream shop.

I don't even want to bring it up, and as an experiment, I'm planning to keep it to myself. See if anyone even notices.

[patty]

This if from Dr. Fuhrman's email... great information for men:) and of course women:)

Three Benefits of Watermelon That May Surprise You
Watermelon is yet another example of a natural food that can enhance the quality of our health, from antioxidant protection to soothing muscle soreness. This is a summer fruit you do not want to miss!

Watermelon, like tomatoes, is a rich source of lycopene, an extremely potent carotenoid antioxidant.1 Lycopene has been shown to be protective against prostate cancer, helps to protect the skin from the sun’s rays, and benefits the cardiovascular system, as high circulating lycopene levels are linked to reduced heart attack and stroke risk.

Watermelon is also rich in the amino acid citrulline. Citrulline drives the production of nitric oxide, which is a key regulator of blood pressure.2 Studies conducted in adults with prehypertension or hypertension showed that the watermelon extract supplement groups experienced improvements in blood pressure compared to placebo groups.3,4

Watermelon, due to citrulline, could potentially reduce muscle soreness after exercise. One study found that athletes who were given 16 ounces of watermelon juice after intense exercise experienced lower levels of muscle soreness 24 hours later compared to athletes given a placebo drink.5

Watermelon becomes most ripe and delicious come August, so get ready to load up this summer on this juicy, refreshing, health-promoting fruit!

Have fun!!!

Aloha, patty

[viv]

The English have a great saying: "Don't get your knickers in a twist!" Just relax, put out a buffet for each meal and everyone can help themselves.

When I have SAD friends over I always put out a big bowl of confetti rice, sweet potatoes, big salad, sliced avocados, cut up fresh fruits, and I tell them to bring their own protein. Just last week end a couple of girlfriends came over with a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken and they loved the sides I provided. Everyone was happy. Oh, and a few glasses of wine!

Viv

[BlueHeron]

I just listened to the interview with Dr. Lisle and Chef AJ. It was about the self-esteem mechanism. Very interesting, because I just came up against that, too, when I saw some colleagues who didn't even comment about my having lost 10 pounds. It was disappointing to say the least.

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but as a longtime fan of Miss Manners, I never, ever comment on another person's weight for several reasons. First of all, I think it's rude to even suggest that I notice another person's weight. Commenting on a loss means I've been paying attention to their weight (and how will they feel if they gain the weight back?) and other people's bodies are none of my business. Second, people lose weight for all kinds of reasons, including grief and disease. My mother got a lot of compliments after my father's sudden death, and it was disturbing and hurtful to keep getting told how great she looked when her world had fallen apart. You could have lost ten pounds because you found out your husband was cheating on you. You're using the word "colleague" here, so it doesn't seem like you're referring to close friends.

So continue to be thrilled by your loss, but don't count on other people to validate you. You know how great you feel.