Hi Alycia,
I agree with everything Minnie said.
I would add I find being proactive very helpful.
I do alot of research online to understand what restaurants/venues my husband and I can enjoy and when a social opportunity presents itself I will suggest options that work for us. Our friends understand and try to accomodate our choices, and typically they are ethnic restaurants with lots of choices (we live in a major urban area with every cuisine imaginable).
If friends really want to go somewhere with no choices for us, I have politely declined, no hard feelings.
Thanks to Covid, most social life has revolved around outdoor patios at brewpubs sometimes with food trucks (that allow dogs!). Again, we champion venues that accomodate us....have noncaloric/nonalcoholic beverages and allow us to bring outside food. I bought a stacking stainless steel tiffin, some bamboo cutlery and use a furoshiki...a japanese gift wrapping cloth for any tupperware I use. I bring all manner of salads/bowls with grain and beans. IT does mean sometimes I am eating cold food in the winter outdoors, but that is something I am willing to do rather than eat animal products or fried food. And we actually found two foodtrucks with WFPB options that are healthy.
Before Covid, we also entertained at home alot and made it clear the food would be plentiful, but it would be WFPB. I was always fine if someone wanted to bring something as a side dish for themselves not compliant, as I have been similar accommadated when I wanted to bring WFPB dishes to share to someones elses house. I think being gracious helps. I find people love coming to our house as we make interesting food: moroccan, persian, indian, jamaican, greek, etc. Just no animal products or fats. And they dont have to cook or clean up afterwards...bonus for them. Likely it helps our friends are open minded and tolerant. If your friends are more rigid, maybe it is time to expand your circle of friends. Look at Nextdoor or Craiglist and see if you can find a WFPB group with meetups.
I can understand it would be more difficult if you live somewhere that had alot fewer choices. IF that is the case, maybe look at your situation in new eyes. Dont dwell on the things you are avoiding, but concentrate on all the new things you can introduce your friends too. Be a pioneer. Maybe master a few recipes in a new cuisine and introduce them to it...or organize an international potluck monthly where you pick the country, research compliant recipes, and delegate a dish to each person to bring.
Preloading is key if you go to someone else's home. I dont expect others to serve me a totally WFPB meal, so I typically eat a big salad or bowl of soup before I leave, and bring a side dish to share plus a nice bottle of fizzy water and maybe some interesting fruit like passionfruit, dragonfruit, etc....definitely a conversation starter. Most people can manage to make a simple whole grain like brown rice or quinoa or fat free beans, so if they ask what they can make for me: I tell them that emphasizing no added oil or salt.
Or shake things up and socialize around events that dont involve food. Museum visits, walks, hikes, bike rides (you can bring compliant snacks if necessary). Game or movie night where guests arrive having already eaten dinner. Invest in some non-alcoholic drink fixings. This is expensive but fun:
https://www.seedlipdrinks.com/en-us/. Poured over ice in a fun cocktail glass with a real lemon twist or mint spring and it looks like you are drinking like everyone else.
COvid has taught me, social interaction is paramount, and I crave that more than I do meeting people for a fat laden meal at a typical American restaurant.
Hang in there, it gets easier. Inevitably you will make missteps while socializing, but they are just learning opportunities.
Curcubit