My sad tale...

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My sad tale...

Postby stephinoz » Sat Feb 04, 2012 5:14 am

Hello everyone

I haven't posted or even been on here for a long time. Life getting in the way big time. I can't think of anyone who would understand my current predicament, and I really need to unload, so here goes. No need for anyone to reply (unless by chance someone has been through something similar?) it is just therapeutic to put words to some of my feelings...

My situation is that I am going through a particularly awful divorce. I am finally putting an end to my relationship because of domestic violence which was being witnessed by my kids. We have two children, 9 and 6. They are lifelong vegetarians, and have always been as close to vegan as I can manage.

My ex has been mostly supportive of this - he has been on and off again vegetarian for 20 years, and even as recently as last year, read the China Study and Dr Matt & Dr Alona's book. He has bought vegan cookbooks and spoken about how he needs to send copies of the China Study to his family.

Now, to try and do anything he can to get to me, and because he knows that healthy vegan eating is so very important to me, when he is with the kids he literally feeds them as much junk food as he can. Afternoon snack yesterday was a croissant, chocolate milk and a chocolate bar. This morning bacon and eggs. My kids have never eaten bacon in their lives. My daughter, the younger one refuses to eat meat but is guzzling the chocolate bars and soft drinks. My son, because his father is treating him like his best buddy and not his son, and is also buying him a laptop and ipod etc is going along with the meat eating...he says that dad does and so it mustn't be that bad.

Most people don't think food is such a big deal, but of course lots of you on here do. I realise there's nothing I can do except keep talking to my kids about healthy food and tell them to notice how their bodies feel after good food vs junk. The law says nothing about this, the mediator we are seeing doesn't consider food to be much of an issue, but to my mind it's verging on abuse to feed children so badly. I think of their small bodies trying to fight back as they process large volumes of animal protein and fat which they have never encountered before.

I will keep talking of course to my kids of course about the damage that can be done by eating this way - to themselves and the animals and the earth, but in the meantime it just breaks my heart.
stephinoz
 
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Re: My sad tale...

Postby eaufraiche703 » Sat Feb 04, 2012 6:28 am

whoa..... he really figured out how to stick it to you, didn't he, Steph????

it's heart wrenching that he would disregard the best interests of the kids to be so unabashedly cruel to you!

i went thru a prolonged and rather nasty divorce, so can relate in a way to your tale, but your ex's disregard for the kids' health and well being is so shocking.

they'll be ok ultimately, of course, and he'll tire of the freaking game sooner rather than later if you do your best to put on the blinders and ignore this disgusting ploy. hard to do, we all know....

if you can, try to avoid the subject - it won't be fun for him anymore if you seemingly lose interest in what the kids consume....

just a thought.

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
what would Scooby do?
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Re: My sad tale...

Postby Evi » Mon Feb 06, 2012 2:05 am

If I may say something is that:
that what counts in these cases is to be compatible, your words with your actions - eventually your children ,sooner or later, will realize where they can relay on.
finally kids recognize this, aknowledge and respect it deeply.
We are able to teach kids only through our actions - but we should be patient because this needs time to see visible results.

Stick to your life-choices , try not to criticise loudly the choices your ex makes (he wants to take control even from distance) and you will be amazed by the results - the children feel safe when action and words are the same - you have to provide that enviroment to them.

hope this helps a little bit .
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Re: My sad tale...

Postby stephinoz » Tue Feb 07, 2012 3:20 am

Thanks so much eau and evi for your empathy and advice. What you say is very true evi, I will regularly need to remind myself to take the long term view - sometimes so hard when you're in the thick of things. You're right though, one day hopefully my kids will appreciate people who can be disciplined enough to stick to their values.
stephinoz
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:05 pm

Re: My sad tale...

Postby Evi » Tue Feb 07, 2012 8:58 am

i am glad you found something that "clicked" in you , on our thoughts!

I am coming back just to say , in my point of view , that it is more than :"one day hopefully my kids will appreciate people who can be disciplined enough to stick to their values."

when their world is upside-down because of the divorce they are looking desperately for "Rocks" around them to stabilise emotionally.

That big ROCK, that point-reference for them , will be you . I know.
You will be treated by them with a lot of respect soon when they realise that all your sayings and beliefs are followed , with no exception by your attitude and your actions.
Teach them through your paradigm. It takes time.... Be Their ROCK.

wish you the best.
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Evi
 
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Re: My sad tale...

Postby stephinoz » Wed Feb 08, 2012 5:10 am

Evi - thank you again so much. I have no idea who you are or where you come from and no doubt it is across the world from me...but you should know that your words are among the most helpful that I have received from anyone through this ordeal.

Thank you for your wisdom and for helping a kindred spirit far away...
stephinoz
 
Posts: 52
Joined: Sat Mar 27, 2010 2:05 pm

Re: My sad tale...

Postby Evi » Wed Feb 08, 2012 8:18 am

we are all your support friends here

please do not isolate yourself socially(because you have no time for example). It is crusial to meet people with the same needs as yours. Make your "circles" of new friends , of new moms like you , of vegans like you , of "you name it" , be active part of them - they will give you much energy and perspective as long as you are honest in your communication with them .

i feel that you are going to shine in your life - go for it! if you know the way it is easy!
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