Annette's Journal

[AnnetteW]

I just had a discussion with myself in the shower. Do I want this? YES...and it's not just about weight loss, but yes I want this. So do it, alright?

I thought about what might be wrong with my plan, and perhaps the salad/potato thing for lunch isn't cutting it. It might be filling enough in the stomach, but it's not working for me (perhaps). I'll try for a bit more substantial lunch. I might start trying more beans/hummus again, save the potatoes as a snack.

And start working on that darn cardio.

Each meal I'll think of separately. Is it MWL complaint, 100% compliant....and if not, why not? Can I change it, do I want to change it, will I be satisfied if I change it?

So tonight when we eat dinner, I'll change my tacos to a taco bowl, with brown rice, that's actually already cooked up in the fridge.

And I'll leave a bit earlier for the gym to get in 25 in of cardio on a machine. I can do this! I need to break this stall I'm on, and most of it is probably mental.

But I do think my body is fighting me right now for calories. There's a bit of an internal struggle going on, and I have to be the smart one. Ha ha...that's my problem.

[sirdle]

How do people do it, just have the will power to not eat things?

I don't know. If I bought my favourite candy bar and put it in my desk drawer and told myself I wasn't going to eat it unless it was an emergency... it wouldn't last 3 days. The draw is just too powerful.

Not having tempting food around is a first step, but it takes more than that. At work, most Wednesdays, there is a free lunch available. It is often a hamburger and fries or a burrito, which I can usually withstand (unless I'm very hungry, having a bad day, and feeling sorry for myself). But about once a month, the lunch is a pastrami sandwich... which for some reason is one of my favourite meals.

Whenever possible, I try to schedule out-of-the-office activities for Wednesday. Last Wednesday I got taken by surprise. I walked into the Control Room and there they were... lined up on the table for the taking. I sighed, and went into my office where I ate my salad and a bean soup. About 15 min later, the operator brought the sandwich into my office and kindly set it on my desk, saying, "Here, you forgot your sandwich." I politely said, "Not today, thanks." But he just smiled, evilly, and said he'd just leave it there for me.

For some reason, it was like a switch had been flipped. I was strongly tempted before he brought the sandwich to me (and thinking about eating one even though I was full), but once he did I felt like I was being manipulated. And that made me angry. Well, maybe not angry, but definitely stubborn. At that point, there was no way I was going to give in!

When I see advertisements for food, it hardens my resolve and makes it less likely I'll indulge. But if I've already decided that I will eat something yummy -- I just don't know when -- (by buying it and bringing it home) then it is very hard to resist.

Hoping you day is full of peace and good food choices!

Cheers,

[Ejeff]

I agree with you Sirdle, will power really isn’t enough. Chef AJ always says if it’s in your house it will eventually end up in your mouth. This is very true for myself, I may not eat those chips or that candy bar that day, but I will eat it eventually. So it’s just much easier if it isn’t around. Good for you avoiding that sandwich, I would have been mad also.

Annette, I think what helps me the most is not willpower, but it’s healthier options available so I never feel deprived. For example when camping with family this weekend people brought junky food like chips and m and m’s. But I brought healthy oatmeal cookies and zucchini bread. I still had a small taste of the junk laying around, but it would have been much worse if I hadn’t had healthier treats available.

[AnnetteW]

Happy news! I saw 148 on the scale this morning. It only took a little over 1 month to see a lower number on the scale, but move it did. I knew it wasn't going up, but it was going down so slowly it was difficult to see, hence keeping my eye on the red trend line.

I'll just keep at it, nothing more and nothing less. Maybe a little less if possible...lol.

As far as keeping foods in the house, the ones I'm "cheating" with (for lack of a better word) are just more calorie dense, basically "healthy foods". I'm not eating junky ones, though I did have some of the roasted nuts, and that's not the best choice at all. I'm not eating cookies and candies or fatty foods. But I have let little cheats in. It's difficult to follow MWL perfectly, not that I don't want to...but truly difficult. Of course, that's just my opinion.

I too couldn't have a chocolate bar in the house and not eat it, but I don't have any chocolate in the house.

I tell you, last night at our dance group, when the tables are full of sweet treats, it was a bit difficult to avoid the tin with candy corn and peanuts, one of my favorite combos. But avoid it I did...and I smelled it the whole evening. I came home to a bit of a grumbly tummy, and wanted to resist eating a snack, but ended up eating a small potato. I figured it would help me sleep. And then the weight loss.

I stuck well to my plan yesterday. I haven't thought too much of the weekend yet, though I know I'll take an exercise break, minus a few dog walks and stretching. Tomorrow we go to a football party, so I'll make sure I bring something I can eat, and just stay away from eating if possible.

That's about all one can do.

I can't help but think when I do get to my light weight, maintaining definitely won't be as difficult this time, not as long as I have this whole new mindset about what foods are on my plan vs. not allowed because they don't do anything good for my body. I have to keep those thoughts in mind.

Thanks for the support and the comments, I love reading them all.

[AnnetteW]

For some reason, it was like a switch had been flipped. I was strongly tempted before he brought the sandwich to me (and thinking about eating one even though I was full), but once he did I felt like I was being manipulated. And that made me angry. Well, maybe not angry, but definitely stubborn. At that point, there was no way I was going to give in!

When I see advertisements for food, it hardens my resolve and makes it less likely I'll indulge. But if I've already decided that I will eat something yummy -- I just don't know when -- (by buying it and bringing it home) then it is very hard to resist.

Hoping you day is full of peace and good food choices!

Cheers,

It's interesting where we find our resolve, isn't it. I like your comment that you were feeling manipulated. And by having that feeling your resolve was even stronger.

As far as advertisements, I'm feeling more and more that the foods they are showing are just plain yucky. A greasy burger doesn't sound tempting to me, a slab a steak with melted butter is gross. Sweets would definitely interest me more, and I'd be more likely to indulge in the chocolate bar. Ice cream, since it's dairy based, will be easier not to eat (plus it will give me a bit of a tummy ache, which I tend to forget/ignore until it's too late.

But yes, when it's in the mind that you/I will eat something, boom, it's said and done...very difficult to resist that mind trap. Something I hope eventually will go away as my body learns it doesn't like/need/want those foods anymore.

[AnnetteW]

Annette, I think what helps me the most is not willpower, but it’s healthier options available so I never feel deprived. For example when camping with family this weekend people brought junky food like chips and m and m’s. But I brought healthy oatmeal cookies and zucchini bread. I still had a small taste of the junk laying around, but it would have been much worse if I hadn’t had healthier treats available.

I think camping would be difficult, you are out of your home, your comfort zone. And even if you have brought enough healthy items, everyone else has brought all the treats, more treats than they'd normally eat. Plus food always tastes so good when camping.

I do think I'm still working somewhat with willpower, and that's okay. My mouth/brain isn't fully trained yet, it still remembers the foods I consider delicious, but really aren't.

I ate an apple yesterday, a plain old delicious apple, so sweet and juicy. It was so good. I never would have enjoyed an apple in my olden days. So the change is happening, and I have to think about the goodness when I'm eating and treating myself to something like an apple.

[Ejeff]

I agree Annette, an apple tastes so great and the new crop is now out. Sometimes I also sprinkle cinnamon on the apple as I’m eating it you might want to try that as it seems to add that extra zing.

[AnnetteW]

I was feeling a bit resistant towards eating oatmeal this morning. I think I'm starting to become bored with it. But I cooked it up and cooked it with 1.5 apples for a little extra fillingness (good word). I'll save the other apple half to add to my salad at lunch.

Weekends are just too difficult to deal with, so I will continue to focus on my weekdays. I've also stayed off the scale for a few days, so as to not mess with my head. I'll see how that works for me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My mom called to see if there was anything special she needed to get for my diet, and I was easily able to say no. Most people are not as lucky in that area, that I know. She always has lots of bananas, and her apple trees are loaded right now. Her pantry is fully stocked with all sorts of whole grains, legumes, nuts and seeds. She and my dad eat salads daily. I just told her I'm avoiding animal products (so no yogurt made with the raw milk she buys) and extra oils. I also said I can lighten up a bit and not to worry about me. Moms do worry though.

When I first started my WFPB diet transition is when I last visited my parents for 3 weeks (I lost 7 pounds at that time). I did eat some yogurt and perhaps twice some meat. But I avoided cheese. I remember making a batch of hummus which I ate many days on her yummy German bread (full of whole grains she grinds herself and seeds.) I have that same bread now in my freezer and will admit to eating a piece or two occasionally with almond butter. Oh, the the bread with hummus and sprouts on top is amazing. She has relatively healthy cookies in the freezer for a treat now and then. My parents do eat meat and oils, but seriously, they eat no SAD foods.

Yet my father has alzheimers, and a super healthy ticker. It's just not fair honestly. They've been health food junkies my entire life. One problem though was that my dad was always super big into supplements, and growing up we always had to take lots of them. As an adult on my own I always had this feeling that I had to have lots of supplements, and would buy them, and not take them. A while back I threw out all the last of the supplements, it was quite difficult to do, but also very freeing.

My dad followed Pritikin back in the day. Oh how I hated that diet as a teenager. I remember cabbage soups, and no salt on anything. My mom would bake bread without salt, how nasty.

So I am looking forward to the kitchen when I visit, as it won't be an issue at all. And if my weight is higher it's just because I ate a bit extra. But I'll go with the idea of trying to eat a bit less/

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Plan for today:

Breakfast - oats, apple, soymilk

Lunch - large salad with veggies, 1/2 apple in the salad, 2 small potatoes

Snack - canteloupe

Dinner - Indian okra, rice, dal

Exercise - Cardio, Yoga class, weight workout

Chores - laundry, pull staples out of stairs (ripped out carpet this weekend)

Fun - sew on quilt

[AnnetteW]

huh...I did stick with my meal plan yesterday, though I added 3 plums to the afternoon snack. I just seem to have a hard time cutting back on fruit, so I'm not going to worry about it anymore. Some days I eat more, others less. I eat less when there is less of it in the house, which will be easier as winter comes. I can't handle too much citrus.

I think it's time to start venturing where I emotionally do not want to go. And that is the animal welfare side of Veganism. I've spent the past 6 months reading and watching about the nutrition of a whole foods plant based diet, but I feel it's time to take a step further. And there is no doubt I'm feeling uncomfortable just thinking about it.

I've already not watched videos on YouTube as I start to cry from scenes and sounds. Perhaps reading will pain me slightly less. We'll see....I'm just getting started on this. I ordered 2 books to arrive tomorrow, one is called "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer. The other is just a Vegan book (I don't think it's animal related as such) called the "Mindful Vegan - A 30 day plan for finding peace, etc." The second book is probably more my style...no tears and sobs.

Is there a section on this site for book reviews?

My husband is out of town till Thursday, so I can eat 100% on my own schedule. I always think I'll be so good, and then I end up just eating weird. I never realize until he's gone, how much he keeps me in order. I keep the house cleaner, I'm on a better schedule, I eat meals...etc. Dinner is always my least exciting meal, though he does enjoy dinner. When I started this diet plan I took over the cooking, and there are so many amazing recipes out there, but I'm a bit of a lazy cook.

But, I did start a loaf of bread just a bit ago. And it will be a plain sourdough white loaf. Yup, good old white flour bread...and it will be amazing and delicious. I think my dinner plan will be a big salad and fresh baked bread.

Okay, so my plan for the day

Breakfast - oats, banana, soymilk

Lunch - still have left over brown rice, dal and okra masala

Snack - canteloupe

Dinner - salad (no extra starches added, just a large veggie salad) and as much fresh bread as I choose to eat

Exercise - class at the gym, extra cardio

Play - sew

[AnnetteW]

I fell into the tin of nuts and also raisins. I am definitely having an issue with high density foods lately. I've also been much more consistent with my workouts, some extra cardio, and even some weights. I also know it's not easy to trick/convince the body to want less food. It wants what it wants, and it's going to do what it can to get in the calories. Plus I'm really fighting at this weight I haven't been at for many many years. I'm not fighting with it wanting to go up...I fighting with it to go down.

Actually, I'm not fighting too hard though.

I'm kind of just riding it through. But I can't let the foods in that won't help. And they are finding a way in.

I get a couple new books in the mail today, but they are both Vegan based (one is animal based) and not necessarily about low density eating. I have to continue to work on it.

I want to do more random workouts also. Yesterday after I ate the nuts/raisins I felt all fed and motivated (yes, I really did) and I went and lifted my 35 pound bar, did lifts and overhead presses (one move) and dang, by the time I got to 10 it was super tough. Today I'll go to my exercise class and do some cardio, but I'm still not in the mood for a regular weight workout.

I also have a massage scheduled for this afternoon, and dry needling tomorrow for my neck (and again on Monday). So then it will be interesting to see if my neck issues stay gone for awhile.

I ate a lot of the bread I made yesterday, it was super yummy. It would be even better with butter, but I guess that ain't happening. I'm putting the rest of the bread away till tomorrow when my husband comes back home from his trip. I pulled a soup out of the freezer and we'll have a salad with it also.

Plan for today:

Breakfast - thinking a kale/banana/soymilk smoothie, I'm out of oats and have frozen kale in the freezer to use up.

Lunch - Salad, potatoes (I don't have any though)

Snack - didn't eat the canteloupe, might not need a snack as my massage is scheduled in the afternoon

Dinner - pasta, tomatoes (keep it light)

Exercise - exercise class, cardio, random weight lifts, massage

Fun - knitting in the evening, binge watching something, start reading new books

[WeeSpeck]

Hi Annette,

Another good book to read is Why We Love Dogs, Wear Cows, and Eat Pigs by Melanie Joy.

She also has an amazing Ted Talk called Carnism on YouTube. It is compelling and worth a listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0VrZPBskpg

[Ejeff]

Annette, try making the butter from cooking with plants. It’s just cauliflower, psyllium husk, salt and plant milk. Oh and a bit of turmeric. If you try that on your fresh bread you may not miss butter. It does the trick for me so just wanted to share that.

[AnnetteW]

Hi Annette,

Another good book to read is Why We Love Dogs, Wear Cows, and Eat Pigs by Melanie Joy.

She also has an amazing Ted Talk called Carnism on YouTube. It is compelling and worth a listen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0VrZPBskpg

Thanks, that's just the kind of recommendation I want and need.

[AnnetteW]

Annette, try making the butter from cooking with plants. It’s just cauliflower, psyllium husk, salt and plant milk. Oh and a bit of turmeric. If you try that on your fresh bread you may not miss butter. It does the trick for me so just wanted to share that.

Heck what? I will definitely look that one up. Thanks.

[AnnetteW]

I got my new books the other day, but don't really want to start reading too much yet as I want to bring them on my trip. Plus I have my kindle loaded with all sorts of plant based reading, though I've read them before, I can always reread them.

I'm hoping to use my trip as a bit of a reset, as I'm floundering too much right now. I have so much on my mind right now, definitely feel out of control in life (not just diet wise)...I just feel stuff happening, and it's making me lose a little focus. It's okay I tell myself, because nothing truly serious is happening, it's more just lots of little things causing lots of ripples, which begin to feel like waves, but are seriously just ripples.

I don't multitask well, and I have a tendency to really get wrapped up in one project or idea at a time. For the past 6 months it's been health and diet. Six months is a long time actually, and in other areas in my life I have been slacking...and that slacking is starting to get to me.

There was a major outbreak of ants in my kitchen a few days ago. And it made me start tearing the kitchen apart to clean. Of course then I notice how horribly dirty everything is. So I clean and clean, but there's always more. And then the next room and the next. The cleaning is never ending, I'm not good at it, and I'd rather knit. Ha, there's the reality...knitting is my Zen.

As I get ready to leave for a trip, I feel the stress of the messy house, the projects I've started that are half done, the birth of my 3rd grandson this October (plus my step-daughter who is going through breast cancer treatment at the same time). That's obviously not a little thing, but quite major. And the car that needs to go into the shop for a major service, and winter not too far away. The roof that is leaking and needs replacing (ouch), and the windows that need replacing (I live in an old house that seems to be falling apart.)

These things are creeping into my head and taking priority over my diet/health thoughts...and they should be in my mind, they are so important. But I don't do well with too much at one time....I'd rather knit and watch Netflix (ha, said that already).

Since I can't get wrapped around it all, I need to do what I can. Today I'll focus on the house, get things are tidied up as I can, make it look right, even if I know it's not all perfect. I can't deal with my car till I'm back from my trip. I already realized the baby quilt I'm making will not be done before my trip, so I told myself just yesterday that is okay.

Tonight we go to a event and I'll be dressed up. I'm going to try to get a couple photos, so I can tell myself I'm doing okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Plan for today -

Breakfast - barley, banana, soymilk, honey
Lunch - no salad in the house, veggies I have are cabbage and tomatoes and onions and some kale, will eat it over potatoes
Snack - none, I'll be out of the house this afternoon
Dinner - Event food I should be able to avoid most of (never is good anyway) Will eat the salad and any thing that isn't meat or cheese or super greasy, so will eat rice or potatoes and veggie, and I will drink the wine

Exercise - knee is hurting so maybe only a little today (minus housework which is a lot of work). I had a lot of wheat the past few days, my knee hurts a lot, and I'm wondering about inflammation related to the wheat. It's so hard for me to give it up, but I need to try. I get dry needling this afternoon for my neck.

Fun - Event tonight

Work - housework, clean fishtanks