Buns Again

[WeeSpeck]

I really love the wisdom I learn from the people who post on this forum. Heidi! I love your mantra, "Just don't eat it." It IS profound and simple and brings sanity. I am going to use that too. It will go right up there with FrozenVeg's "It's not food." and Jim's "It's simple, but it's not easy."

Ever since you spoke about the No S concept, I have been mulling that over in my head. I like it! It provides permission with boundaries. It is non-punitive. I am thinking of ways I can incorporate it with my reality. It works with a lot of different disciplines.

Isn't it the truth? When you are struck with a situation like when your wallet was stolen, your mind isn't thinking, "Wah! Why can't I eat like everyone else. I want the good food. I want Cheetohs!!!" It has a way of putting things in perspective.

You have given me a lot to ponder. Your insight and long-time experience with this life-style brings clarity with a very human twist, humorous and with compassion.

...and yes! I saw Saturn with its rings through a telescope. It made my heart pound from the coolness factor. I didn't know what to expect. I guess I thought it would be all colorful and big. But, it was a tiny white bright light and slowly as I focused and studied it, I saw its rings materialize. It was kicked over to the side, just sort of hanging out up there in the heavens. I think I may have squealed when I finally realized what I was seeing.

Okay... thanks for letting me visit you in your journal home. I should actually start building my menu and get to the grocery store.

[bunsofaluminum]

Have fun grocery shopping!

~~~

A triumph today, and really it is pretty big. Popcorn is my favorite snack, bar none. I used to eat pan popped corn on a near daily basis, then I cut back to once a month. popped in coconut oil, and with butter, salt, nooch, garlic powder. Delish! And it's been over a month...didn't have popcorn in January, and I didn't have any in December. And I had a plan to make some today, it was pretty well set. I wanted it, I thought about it. And I didn't make popcorn today.

Okay here is my personal revelation about buttered popcorn. A few years ago I found a little mental game online: if you had three days to live, what would you do? Well, I created a wonderful scenario in my mind, involving a scrumptious feast with all my family, and many friends gathered around, good music, friendliness, warmth...essentially, a feasty celebration with many delectable treats... Including buttered things. And it struck me...if buttered things...buttered popcorn, or bread with butter...is important enough to include it in a last days of life scenario, why would I count it out COMPLETELY for the rest of my life? If I enjoy buttered popcorn so much, why live without it forever? Of course I didn't go back to eating it every day, but that's when I gave myself "permission" to eat buttered popcorn once a month. And once I gave myself permission, and after several months of having my beloved buttered popcorn one time per month, now check it out: Two months without it, and the integrity of my "green days" is important enough to forego buttered popcorn for the month of February as well. I say so today.
I'll make it through the next four weeks and we'll just have to see about the first Saturday in March.

Feeling really good, though I'm having some menopause symptoms...hot flashes throughout the day yesterday and the day before and today the munchies and a thudding heart. Ugh. But my energy is terrific. I cleaned up my bookcase today, culling about 20 books and straightening things, getting them a bit organized by topic. Did some cooking, cleaned up the kitchen a bit. Would have done more but honestly, my heart thudding is very uncomfortable. Makes me want to sit and do deep breathing to calm it down.

But that's okay too, as I'm playing with Zentangle patterns and watching disaster movies with Wylie.

[bunsofaluminum]

Part of me...a HUGE part...wants to eat emotionally today, screw the plan, screw healthy eating, phooey on all of it. Because I was assaulted last night by a big man tweaking out on PCP or something. we stopped at a Maverik and the dude was there with nothing on but a pair of shorts. They weren't letting him in, but he dashed in, after running out in traffic and gashing his arm wide open from elbow to wrist. Got himself a vitamin water, and I was getting behind the counter where I would be safe when he grabbed my dang ponytail! The others in the store were trying to talk him down, but he wasn't there.

In fact, I've never seen a human being act so non-human. Even a person in a fit of rage can speak in normal words. This guy was out of it, hollering and shouting gibberish syllables, bleeding, with nothing rational or thinking about him, and he had me by the hair. I tried to fight him, tried stepping back so I could smash down on his bare foot, tried to reach him in the gut with my elbow. The others in the store were trying to calm him, but when he put his hands on my head, as if to try and snap my neck, Wylie charged at him and he let me go. Wylie tried sweeping his feet out from under him with a kick, but that only tripped him a little bit.

He got on the floor right away when the cops arrived and aimed their tazer at him. The paramedics looked me over, and I wrote down a statement for the police. So did Wylie. And we came home. I had to toss my jacket...it was covered with blood. I showered, triple washed my hair. Huge chunks of hair came out in my fingers and I scrubbed. His blood was on my face, on my lower lip. I washed at the Maverik, and I washed again at home, scrubbing and using germicidal soap. Wash, rinse, wash again. Rinse again. Scrub with a washcloth with soap and without soap. They advised me to get an appointment to check for Hepatitis. Dude's blood was on me. On my freaking LIP.

We turned on the TV, talked about it a little bit, had a bite to eat, went to bed. And slept restlessly. Wylie not much at all. Me, awake in the middle of the night, thinking about how the guy was like a predator, like a wild animal, or a monster. Not like a human being.

So scary. And it wasn't until getting up this morning and thinking about going to work and life just continuing on, that I started crying. I'm kind of a wreck. I want to eat cookies and brownies and potato chips.

and I want to cut my hair short.

[SilverDollar123]

Oh Buns, I am so sorry this happened to you. Please do get checked out with the blood work.& send the bill to police
dept. they should have a program for victims in place. The police dept.does have a victims support....I think it is 3 free
councelling sessions. Please check it out.

Can you make some comfort food that is McDougall, something higher in calorie that you would not normally eat.
By eating off plan you are giving the perp. control. When YOU are in controll. NOT him.

I hope I am not rambling here. I will be praying for you and Wylie. Please keep posting. I am concerned.
RAS

[SilverDollar123]

Forgot the most important thing right now! (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) RAS

[landog]

Yikes! I hope that you can regain your sense of calm.
Must be rough - don't take it out of yourself (with cookies)!

Wishing you peace...

[landog]

Just an FYI...Campbell's has a line of soups called Well, Yes! I bought the Black Bean and Quinoa after seeing on the label that it has less than 10% fat, and pronounceable ingredients. Had it for dinner last night and it was GOOD! I haven't bought Campbell's soups in more than a decade, seeing as they are basically chunky salt water, but in the interest of having a pantry with a LITTLE BIT of convenient food, I got me some. Not bad. Not bad at all.

Except for INGREDIENTS: CHICKEN STOCK,
Yep, right up there #1.

[bunsofaluminum]

Oh Buns, I am so sorry this happened to you. Please do get checked out with the blood work.& send the bill to police
dept. they should have a program for victims in place. The police dept.does have a victims support....I think it is 3 free
councelling sessions. Please check it out.

Can you make some comfort food that is McDougall, something higher in calorie that you would not normally eat.
By eating off plan you are giving the perp. control. When YOU are in controll. NOT him.

I hope I am not rambling here. I will be praying for you and Wylie. Please keep posting. I am concerned.
RAS

Forgot the most important thing right now! (((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) RAS

RAS you're the best. where I work they have six free sessions for mental health, and I'm taking one today. Then down to the urgent care for the blood work. And you are absolutely right...eating off plan just continues my helplessness and I don't need to go there. I'll have the mac n cheeze that I brought to work, which is right close to comfort food, eh? and not even high fat. Made with potatoes and carrots and nooch. I might have something sweet later on...ooh, avocado chocolate pudding!

[bunsofaluminum]

Yikes! I hope that you can regain your sense of calm.
Must be rough - don't take it out of yourself (with cookies)!

Wishing you peace...

hey Landog. Thanks for stopping by. Yeah, I'm not going to go there. I've racked up a few green days on my little calendar in the menu forum, and don't want to wreck that. I have mac n cheeze for lunch, with mixed vegs in there, and will probably make an avocado chocolate pudding when I get home. No honkin big cookies or muffins, NOR potato chips for me, after all. but I sure wanted them! oy!

As for the chicken stock in Well, yes! Campbell's soups, unless he's changed his mind, I remember reading something from Dr M that mentioned not worrying about stock for soup, as long as it is low fat. It didn't even occur to me about the chicken stock, so it won't be a regular (it won't be anyway, due to the cost of a can of soup) but I also am happy to find an option that fits in with McDougalling that I don't have to do the cutting and boiling.

[fulenn]

So glad nothing worse happened! (Not minimizing what happened, just glad there wasn't even more.) But, wow! I love that you will (did?) eat your mac 'n cheeze--I agree that it is comfort food. I think I would want to cut my hair short, or off, too. Wish I was there to hug you and give you lots of good things to think about and go do.

Fulenn

[SilverDollar123]

Good Morning! Hope you are feeling more like yourself today. Be patient with yourself. Please share how you make
mac&cheese with potatoes & carrots & nutritional yeast. Sounds interesting.
Question...do you still work for Cap-Tel.?or something like it? bye for now RAS

[bunsofaluminum]

:eek:
So glad nothing worse happened! (Not minimizing what happened, just glad there wasn't even more.) But, wow! I love that you will (did?) eat your mac 'n cheeze--I agree that it is comfort food. I think I would want to cut my hair short, or off, too. Wish I was there to hug you and give you lots of good things to think about and go do.

Fulenn

Thanks Fulenn, you're awesome. When I think about the situation, I am flooded with relief that there were no weapons around. Essentially, the guy took me hostage because people were telling him to calm down. Hell, *I* had tried to calm him a minute before he grabbed me. I mean, it could have been a murder scene if the guy had been carrying a gun. And yes, the mac n cheeze was delicious. Comfort food. And!!! I made a batch of avocado chocolate pudding. YUM. so that took care of the food side of feeling better.

I also talked to a counselor who happened to be right here, literally across the street from my job, who had a cancellation at 1:30...which now that I think about it, wow...who specializes in trauma, who told me my instincts are good and to trust them. I knew when we pulled up at the Maverik, the guy was out of his mind and I wanted to avoid him...but in we went. The counselor also told me to get a massage, which I did, and it was heavenly AND I signed up for a monthly massage, which is something I've been wanting to do since starting at a desk job.

On my way to work this morning I raged a bit and cried. I'll do more of that, I'm sure. And time will pass and it will become a memory and won't disturb me as much. But until then, I remain pretty stunned and weepy. But I'm at work and will get things done. That foggy unfocused mentality I had yesterday is gone, thank goodness.

That Mac n Cheeze recipe is from Brand New Vegan.

Ingredients
16 oz Yukon Gold Potatoes (about 3 medium)
2-3 large Carrots
1/2 cup Water (used to boil potatoes)
1/4 cup Nutritional yeast
2 Tbs Nutritional yeast (in addition to above)
2 Tbs Lemon Juice
1 tsp Apple Cider Vinegar
1 tsp Salt
1/2 tsp Onion Powder
1/2 tsp Garlic Powder
1/2 tsp Brown Mustard
1/8 tsp Turmeric
Instructions
1.Wash and scrub both potatoes and carrots, peel if desired and chop into uniform pieces and boil for 10 minutes
2. Let rest for 5 minutes and then with a slotted spoon, transfer the veggies to your blender
3. Add 1/2 cup potato water and pulse to mix
4. Add remaining ingredients and blend until smooth and creamy

The first time I made it, the texture wasn't all that wonderful, and the second time (with butternut squash instead of carrots) there was no flavor. But then I made it again, and WOW. And it's turned out amazing every time, even this last time without peeling the potatoes, because those potatoes were TINY. But I did peel the carrots.

What I do that is different from the recipe:

1) No measured potato water. When they are done boiling, I pour off the water using a small "lid strainer" leaving some little bit of water in the pot but not a half cup. Then I just dump the vegs in the blender on top of the other ingredients.
2) I put all the ingredients in the blender while the potatoes and carrots cook, then just add the cooked vegs and start blending. This is where a drop or two of water might help.
3) when putting in the lemon juice, I "slosh"...that made a big difference in the flavor
4) I use about 1/2 tsp powdered mustard instead of the brown mustard. Don't know if that makes a huge difference but it's what I do.

and I blend until it is really smooth. Somehow or nother, this gives it a creamy "gloppy" texture, sort of like you'd have with cheese, IMO. I think the protein in the potatoes gets goopy from being blended, similar to how gluten behaves when it is worked hard.

It comes together quickly, and it is delicious. I used it on a fake tuna samwich for the creaminess. Not bad. Not bad at all.

[bunsofaluminum]

I think I am going to make a real commitment to that 50% starches, 50% veggies on my plate thing, for my meals. I've been eating a lot of beans. More than recommended. Often my breakfasts are 100% starch, and that's okay. But I need to get veggies in there for my other meals.

see if it will start dumping some of this damn fat.

[bunsofaluminum]

well phooey, I ended up caving and had some Lindor truffles today after lunch. Maybe the stress has been weighing on me more than I thought. Plus it's been a stressful day at work today for some reason. I'm irritated with the stupid system we have to use, and we had a meeting which is always such a fun time. I'm not the only one in the office who came out of the meeting mildly peeved.

Still, my meals have been starchy. Last night's dinner was about 60% col canon and 40% TJ's fire roasted peppers and onions, made into a gravy that was delicious on top of the potatoes. Ooh. The col canon had sweet potatoes, yams, and yellow potatoes, boiled and smashed with some garlic in the cooking water. And massaged kale stirred in. Good stuff!

And for lunch today, about a cup of the col canon, maybe half of what I brought with me to work. Granola for brekkie. And an apple right now because I'm still thinking about the dang chocolate I plan on making noodle something when i get home. Stir fry. oooh, I have some buckwheat soba noodles. SOOOOO good! They'll be yummy in miso veggie soup.

Getting out my MWL book this evening and seeing if I can find some likely recipes. Maybe try something new.

[moonlight]

Hi Buns,

I read about your experience in the store with the crazy, drug-addled man. Sounds very scary! Thank goodness Wylie was there and had his wits to attack back. It sounds like you have taken good care of yourself. What a godsend that you had a therapist so close by that specializes in trauma. I know this is already in your past but I just wanted to say I'm thinking about you and Wylie and hoping you both recover without any lingering stress. Also, I wanted to share some thoughts and a little exercise I've used that a therapist taught me with regard to dealing with thoughts that arise after a traumatic experience.

From my therapist:

You can allow yourself to just have pain/fear and not suffering on top of pain by opening yourself up to the thoughts, feelings and sensations associated with a traumatic event. Not to flood yourself, or artificially bring up memories and triggers randomly throughout your day. Instead, when distressing thoughts and feelings do arise, welcome them. Sounds strange, the concept of welcoming pain... But pain is there for a reason. The pain we experience after living through a trauma is there to guide us in the future and to process the event.
One exercise you can practice is to set a timer for five minutes each day (for however much time you need and for as many days as you need). In these five minutes, you are to open up to any thoughts, sensations, or feelings that are associated with the trauma. Like setting “office hours,” where all thoughts, feelings, sensations and images are welcome. Try checking in with each sensation - any thoughts, any feelings, any body sensations, any images. Just allow yourself to feel the emotions and feelings. At the end of the 5 minutes bring yourself back to the present with a pleasant thought, feeling, or emotion. Perhaps focus on something you appreciate or feel lots of gratidue for. Then for the rest of the day, when painful internal experiences arise, you can acknowledge the thoughts, feelings or images and gently remind them that they can come back during office hours, but at the current moment there are other tasks you need to be available for.

Also, this poem has gotten me through difficult times.

The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jellaludin Rumi