Journal of my journey

[SilverDollar123]

Thanks Nancy, I needed the FOCUS word today. Sorry your parents are losing their independence so quickly.
You are being blessed in many ways by being a blessing to them. RAS

[Michele613]

Well I am sorry that your dad's health has reached that stage where very serious decisions need to be made. I can't imagine any parents 'liking' old, deteriorating age and having to be dependent on anyone...especially someone with whom there's been a strained, if any, relationship. Tough on all of you.

My mother 'resented' losing control over her life .... paperwork, finances, health, etc. She was placed in an assisted living facility in Arizona near my sister, my sole sibling but it was away from California, her residence. She was 87.5 when she died after being in her last home for merely 2 or 3 months. She still felt like 60 and was surrounded by 'elderly' people, group she did not yet accept as her peers. She was last in but first out. Sad, sad....I too had a difficult relationship with my mom and in the end, at a time when words could be said and life summed up, my mom added nothing to what I knew or experienced. No final wisdom was imparted.

Well I hope your parents are able to live out their years together as potentially you could be a caretaker for 2 in 2 different counties, states, etc. If you pray, I'd just keep doing that so that you have the compassion, patience and guidance that you'll need.

Well you're trying to stay mindful of your food...that's good. That OIL will really turn your stomach and goals upside down. Glad you'll be staying away from it. Water is a GOOD thing. Drinking before helps fill your stomach but it won't satisfy your hunger....you may just need to eat a bit sooner again. I'm not sure what the Doc says about 'during' meals but I was under 'the impression' that drinking with meals interfered with digestion. I'd have to look into that again. All I really know is that WATER is good.

Have a better week....hang tough...be loving. It can be a lonely place to be in your parents' shoes.

[Morris]

July 25, 2019

Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.

We went up north, hubby's sister's father-in-law passed and so we attended the funeral. It was a real nice celebration of his life. Hubby was able to visit with people he has not seen for years.

My eating has been way off plan - it got to the point where my stomach protested. On our way home, hubby wanted Chinese, so we stopped at a restaurant that had a buffet but offered off menu items also. I ordered steamed vegetables and rice. They also brought a cup - yes, a huge cup, of sauce. I used maybe about 2 tablespoons at the most. I am so glad I stressed steamed and no oil because that sauce was salty. My stomach settled down after I ate all those vegetables.

My weight is hovering just under that set-point of mine, and it is showing a tendency to go up if I am not careful with my eating and start eating junk. It is showing me how junk food can pack on the pounds. I keep hearing Marion Nestle's words when referring to what to eat she said to eat food and to limit processed foods and not to eat so much that you gain weight.

That is the part that is staying in my mind - do not eat so much that you gain weight. I am a volume eater and often eat more than I really need. My saving grace is that I am active and I think I burn a lot of the excess calories off.

Sometimes, I think that activity is key to me keeping my weight where I want it to be. Growing up, we ate homemade meals, often supplemented with food grown from the garden. My brothers were thin, but also active. My three sisters always had weight issues. I ate more junk food than they did, but I was also more active than them. I did not have weight issues growing up. And now, if I get slack in my exercise, I notice my weight creeping up. I guess my point in this is just that I think exercise is an important part of weight control - my workout app had the long run listed and I have been putting it off ~~trying to talk myself into getting off my butt and getting it done. ~~

My 100 day streak is broken again. I made it a bit over 2 weeks this time. I am trying not to get discouraged because the streaks time length is getting shorter and shorter. I need to get it done right after my coffee or else I do not seem to get it fit into my schedule; I get too busy doing other things and then get too tired.

D2 came over yesterday and helped me weed the garden. I now have one section ready for that "second" or fall planting of greens. My one garden plot that I just let go because the deer ate almost all my squash plants is overgrown with weeds, but I notice the squash is making a comeback - that means I need to get out there and weed around those plants just in case we get a crop. I am not sure if there is enough warm weather since I am not seeing blossoms yet on those.

We have harvested about 5 zucchinis from the other plots, with more to pick today. GS2 requested watermelon and carrots, those seem to be growing well. I have a hard time getting carrots to grow, seems like the seeds do not sprout and I always need to do 2 plantings to get them going. We planted some seeds from some melons that we purchased from the store just as an experiment to see if they would grow and produce fruit - well they are growing but not sure about if they will produce fruit.

We also saved and planted some seed from the Kumato tomatoes - my favorite tomato because you can eat them in the three stages- green, red and brown. We couldn't find information if they were GMO< Hybrid or what so those, too, were an experiment. We planted them just to see what would grow. We do have three heirloom tomato plants so we know we ought to get some home-grown tomatoes.

My parents are talking about moving to a different facility, where they are now is not meeting their expectations; plus they 'dropped' my dad again (meaning he fell while they were assisting him). My mom said that they are not happy where they are at; hubby said my mom will never be happy as long as my dad is with her. She is not capable of giving him the care he needs - plus they are both short-tempered so I can only imagine the tension. My mom is overwhelmed with it all - remember she almost died last year, they just sold the house they lived in for the last 60 years. She was finally regaining her strength but I see that waning now that my dad is back with her and unable to do anything for himself. Such a drastic change of lifestyle for them both

I need to get a handle of what to eat. I am showing little self control with chips, but I think this last bag I bought may have given me incentive because the seasoning was waaaaay toooo much. I prefer plain so what possessed my to buy seasoned chips is beyond me. Possessed is the correct way to describe it -
I know better but lately cannot seem to stop myself from purchasing them. But those chips were horrible and to know that they were that way to get me to buy more is causing the rebel in me to arise - now let's see how long I don't buy chips -- Maybe that will be my new streak

What I plan to eat today:
coffee

sweet potato
steamed vegetables
black beans

salad
lentils with potato and vegetable

[Michele613]

Well you sure do have your hands full of your parents. Yeah...the last decade or two can be awful or challenging at the least, especially if the parties don't like or annoy each other and perhaps don't have happy, healthy relationships with extended family to help make these final days fulfilling and pleasant.

I can relate...I am on program 3/4's of a day and then off for 1.5...etc. Am in the pattern at the moment and I don't care...for now. Guess I'm in the dumps. That'll pass too...maybe next week. I am soooooooooooooooo tired of 'thinking' about food.

Have a good weekend and do your best. Get down in the earth and make things happen

[Morris]

July 26, 2019

I cannot plan a menu for the life of me. By the time I type what I want to make for the day and get into the kitchen I have already changed my mind. I am so overwhelmed with everything going on that I am almost, but not quite, to the point where I don't care much anymore.

Insomnia night last night, I am not sure I got more than 2 hours of sleep and that was broken. So tired this morning. And my workout app readjusted my plan based on what I already completed (meaning skipped a few days) and is giving me 2 speed workouts these next 3 days - ain't gonna happen.

D2 is looking for a job and keeps asking me if I will watch the grandkids for her. I have already told her no at least 4 times already. I am waiting for the day when she comes to me and says I never do anything for her. We take GS2 often, he is 8 years old and hubby has a special bond with him so he spends most of the time with him. D2 wants us to take GD2, age 4, also; but I am too busy and hubby cannot deal with that age. I always tell D2 that I am too busy to take GD2; so I cannot figure why she is asking my to watch the kids if she should get a job.

And then I got hubby always saying that I need to take care of him - not sure why he thinks that because although he has a lot of pain, he is not, I repeat not, an invalid and is capable of doing things for himself.

I managed to get my run finished yesterday - 6 miles plus 1 mile walking for the warm up and cool-down. I had to readjust my route because as I was running the road through the woods, I noticed bear tracks. But I figured that they were from the sunrise hours so I kept going but made a lot of noise as I went up the hill. Reached the end of the road, turned around and ran back, and then took another road toward the lake then was going to go back to the first road but as I halfway I noticed the tracks again. But this time I could not tell which prints were on top - the bear's or mine -- since I could not see over the hill or very far to the side in to the woods, I turned around to go back to the more human traveled road.

It was a good run I did a 15:3 interval (15 minute run with a 3 minute walk). I was listening to training podcast that gave me the cue to run and walk. My goal was to make it 5-1/2 miles by the end of the podcast - success! I stopped and took some pictures of some roadside lilies and then upped the pace a bit for that last 1/2 mile.

I had the steamed vegetables and sweet potato for lunch - added fresh picked zucchini to the mix. I ended up making split pea soup instead of lentils - so while I did not follow the planned menu, I was close.

Hubby had a meeting in town, stopped at the chocolate shoppe - chocolate covered orange peel and dark chocolate caramels called to me and I answered. Good news is that I still have some of the orange peel left and I chose not to mindlessly eat them in one sitting. Victory for me. I must say that it is the "good" imported chocolate and that makes it easier to savor that aftertaste.

Today, I plan to eat:
coffee
oatmeal with blueberries and banana

split pea soup -- this is Chef AJ's recipe and it has become my favorite, I love the spices

??

[Morris]

July 21, 2019

Well, I followed what I planned to eat for those two meals yesterday. I ate a Veggie delight from Subway for that final meal. I was still hungry afterward so I made it a point to drink some water. However, it was not all good: Snickers candy bar and chocolate ice cream cone

As I think about yesterday's eating only the Snickers Bar was an impulsive event. Otherwise I thought about what I was doing. The ice cream cone was planned but the excuse for it was stupid - but then that is what most of my reasoning is for why I keep eating junk. I guess admitting this is getting me one step closer to actually making the change. I resisted the craving (temptation) to eat potato chips. One small victory for me.

I keep hearing (really thinking about) Marion Nestle's advice on what to eat when she says to basically eat real food, not eat a lot of processed stuff, and what you do choose to eat do not eat so much that you gain weight. Do not eat so much that you gain weight = that seems like good advice to me, but hard to do.

I skipped my planned exercise yesterday - hope to get one of those speed workouts done today. I was just too tired to do it, in the morning and then at night. The appointments for my parents took a bit more time than I anticipated. My dad had an appointment because his hands were going numb, I was impressed with this doctor because he took the time to read what the other doctors had to say. However, this doctor has determined that my dad's issue with the numbness is coming from his neck and not scar tissue from the previous surgeries done because of carpal tunnel. He is being referred to the Mayo clinic.

I am trying not to get too discouraged about my lack of ability to get with this plan, I tried to do a 100 day streak of 1 mile or 20 minutes of exercise and failed 3 times. But then I read where some one wrote how her journey has had a lot of starts and stops and that starting over isn't really starting over; it's re-evaluating where you are vs. where you have been. I guess that seems to be the same for me because I do not really "start over" but just look at what I tried to do, recognize that I did not make my goal, and try to figure out why not (excuse, excuse, excuse) and then move on again.

I often look at that 5k 101 certificate I have on my wall because it was an 8 week training program that took me 2 years to actually do it from start to finish. It reminds me that I did not give up in doing the program and that I can complete a plan and reach my goal.

I cannot even think what I want to eat today - so I will focus on NO CHIPS! (Should be easy if I stay away from stores)
Eat food, mostly plants and not too much! = my motto for today.

[Morris]

July 28, 2019
Okay, I just read a post by someone who claimed she was following a particular program but her blood sugar is out of whack and while she "discovered" this particular way of eating 5 months ago she has not lost weight. She then went on to say that she was making slow changes and the "sugar addition" is the last thing to crush - her words not mine.

That post reminded me too much of my postings, here I am on this board and constantly complain about not getting with the program. I am comparing my thoughts as I read this woman's posts and am not thinking how I would respond if I were to reread all of my posts. I am thinking I would be having similar thoughts about me and my being compliant with this program.

I must say that the next posting I read was by someone else who was very compliant with the way of eating he chose and very successful with his lifestyle change. That post was so much more motivatiing to make the necessary changes that I need., whether small or big. My take away from that post was that he had a lot of health issues that were resolved when he went to WFPB and he said that while it was hard at first to make the changes he put his wellness as a priority.

Sometimes I think that is my issue I do not really have health issues and so I keep tempting fate. I need to change this and start putting my wellness as a priority.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
oatmeal with blueberries and banana

sweet potato
broccoli

stirfry vegetable
brown rice
pinto beans

[AnnetteW]

Hi Nancy,

I am one of those who is still not 100% compliant. I don't think it's easy to just flip the switch and change. But I continue to get better day by day. I look at it as getting stronger. For me personally, the biggest challenge is eating out, as I seem to eat out all the time. Some people choose not to go out then to avoid the issue. Heck no, that's not me at all. So I work on getting better at that part of the plan.

I think one of the reasons I ramble a lot on my journal thread, is because I like to talk through what's going on in my head. I'm not always looking for answers, just thinking things through.

No matter how hard I try, I'll never been 100%... it's just not me.

I enjoy so much seeing how others are dealing with issues similar to my own.

Take care.

[Morris]

Thanks Annette,It is a small comfort knowing that I am not alone in not being able to be 100%, especially while on this forum. It is just that is frustrates me so much that I just cannot seem give that 100% to this WOE.

In the past, hubby and I did a plan that Jonny Bowden promoted, it was eat protein every time you ate and eliminated all starch. It was so restricted and the allowed foods were basically lean animal product and low-starch vegetables. Hybby developed so many kidney stones duing that time that I abanoned that WOE. I stopped it when I missed the brith of GS1 because I had to be with hubby while he "gave birth" to a kidney stone (surgically remove). For years we called GS1 "Stoney".

But my point in that is I was able to follow the plan and I followed it 100% while doing it. The pounds just dropped off, but when we tracked what we were eating we were only getting 800 calories some days. It was the surgery to having to have that kidney stone removed that made me realize that plan was not the best for our bodies. It was also having the support of hubby that I was able to follow the plan.

That is one thing that I miss, having support to stick with a plan. Plus, I am so busy not only with the things I need to get done, such as gardening and yard work, but now I have to add helping my parents to the routine. I am tired and frustrated. Add to the mix, I am an emotional eater and I cannot seem to streamline what I need to do, i.e. plan and prioritize what I need to do. However, I have done it in the past, so what is causing my roadblock now?

Lately, my calendar is filled with times for doctor appointments for both hubby and my parents. Since we live in the country, those days are pretty much do nothing around the house days. It is getting to be too many of those.

Well, enough of that. Yesterday my eating was on plan for breakfast and lunch. I ate oatmeal with berries and a banana for breakfast. Lunch was a sweet potato with broccoli. Hubby made dinner so it was boxed mac and cheese.

2 out of 3, in stead of focusing on the negative I need to say, I at 2 of my meals in compliance with TSS.

Well, it will be a busy day and I am hoping to squeeze a quick run in before the chaos starts

[Morris]

July 31, 2019

OOPS! I seem to have lost my post from yesterday. Oh well. I had spent some time up north with GS2 and hubby. GS2 and I played the "tourist" and did some sightseeing stuff. We went to Discovery Center up on the Iron Range in MN. GS2 is 8 years old and I was impressed with the maturity he showed on the tour. He was asking some good questions. Plus he was calm and not bouncing all over the place. That made it enjoyable. So, yeah, we had a good time.

Yesterday, I took my dad to the eye doctor and had some difficulty getting him into the car. Fortunately, a couple of nurses were coming back from lunch and offered to help. Monday is our "care" appointment with everyone (home health care, assisted living facility, social worker, and my parents and I) . I think my parents need to get their mindset on the fact that my dad may need a higher level of care and may have to go to a nursing home. That is going to be rough on both of them. They still have a glimmer of hope while waiting for response from the Mayo Clinic.

I am not eating according to plan as well as I ought, but I am attempting to focus on cutting out the junk. Yesterday, instead of chips, I drank water and ate some 'baby" carrots. I am recognizing how much I better I feel when I don't eat the junk food. I am overwhelmed with everything going on with my parents, hubby and trying to get yard-work, gardening, housework and cooking done that I am realizing that eater better also gives me more energy and a much better attitude. So, what's my problem and why am I not eating compliant food?

I don't know. I just make too many excuses as to why I feel the need to eat off plan. Plus often I don't seem to really care. I think that is slowly changing as I feel how I feel when I eat certain foods. But today, I just read a posting by a 72 year old woman who runs 20 miles a week and does strength training 2 -3 times a week. She looked so fit in her photo. It gives me a bit of motivation that I need to get with the plan.

Today is going to be a busy day - Since coffee time is over, I need to get my run in before I start my day. If I don't get it done right after my coffee time there never seems to enough time in the day to get it done. Me time first, then chores and errands to be done.

No idea what my eating plan will be for the day

[bunsofaluminum]

Hey Nancy,

Just wanted to drop in and say how motivating YOU are! I love reading your journal...the camping, gardening, running, talkative hubby, elderly parent care, and all the other stuff in your life. Lots of cool good things, some sad or angry things. Like all of us. You mention this 70 year old runner who looks so fantastic and fit...well, I think you might find yourself in that same place when you hit 70, going for a run every day and keeping so dang active!

It's guaranteed, eating right will make you feel better. But meanwhile, your energy and stamina already amaze me! Keep at it, whatever you ARE doing. It's way cool to have your mind in the game 100%, but you're still choosing wisely most of the time. I'm impressed!

[Morris]

August 3, 2019

Aw, thank you so much. I come on here thinking I was going to be Negative Nancy again, but your post has given me a different perspective. Attitude is often the make or break of choices. I appreciate the kind words and it is giving me a attitude of yes, I can do this.

Yesterday, as I was cleaning up my email, I came across a link to Paula Moore's you tube videos; she is "The Posture Doctor" and gives exercises to do to improve your posture. I read the comments and read one that said the person would love to fix the issue but was not motivated to do so. Here is Paula's reply:

We don't need to feel motivation to take action. We can however make a commitment. Like you don't always feel motivated to go to work, or visit family or or or but we have a commitment to paying our bills and maintaining our relationships. If you discover your commitment to health ... ask yourself what is really at stake for you here, you might find that you take action, even when you do not feel motivated

This made me wonder if I am confusing motivation with commitment. Often I say that I just cannot seem to commit to following this WOE, but the biggest take away from her reply is "ask yourself what is really at stake for you here, you might find that you take action, even when you do not feel motivated." It goes back to "WHY", often I have heard to remember your why - why do you want to do this.

Paula's reply also validates what I was thinking the other day, that I need to think of the consequences of my choices. Just last night I was having a conversation with someone and she commented on healthy I looked and my reply was that I was because I run a lot but I was just thinking that "I cannot outrun a bad diet."

So, i think I am slowly getting my mindset where it ought to be. I do not have to be motivated to commit to doing what I ought to be doing. I just need to do it whether I feel like it or not.

Yesterday, my Nike Run app had the long run scheduled for me, 6.5 miles. I ended up taking a couple of walk breaks. It was cloudy and cool and I did not hear the poison plane flying (crop duster), So I decided to run what I call the long block. Going around the block for me is a 4-mile run, the long block is where I cross the highway and run around the corn field, it gives me an extra mile for my run.

This running season, I find that I can run for longer distances but I am slower. I am working on my endurance to go longer without a needing a walk break. I am just finishing up the program that the app had me do, but I sort of stopped following the planned runs at week 4 - I was just too busy and too tired to follow it. I ended up skipping some runs, the app then readjusted the schedule and added more mileage to some runs to make up for it. I surprised myself and actually did 2 long runs this week and still felt good, albeit a bit stiff, afterwards.

But, I am thinking my body is telling me that I need to so some strength training to be thrown into my routine. I remember back when I started running I used to do level 1 of Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred as my warm up - I am thinking that I may work back up to doing that. I need to add some strength and flexibility so I do not get injured.

So far, my eating is not compliant with the starch solution, but I am just trying to focus on cutting out the junk food. I think if I can do that, it will start to get easier for me to get with the program. As I do with my running programs when I miss the scheduled run, I just consider it a "rest day" and pick up on the next day workout. That is what I need to do with my meals and snacking, BUT FIRST, I need to have to have a plan to follow.

My plan for today:
coffee
Exercise - 30 day shred

oatmeal with flax seed, berries, and banana

chili - with lentils
muffin of some type - maybe banana zucchini

broccoli
potato
leftover chili

Well, time to start my day - let's see how I do since I have lots of yard work to do and lots of zucchini that was harvested and needs to have something done with it. We cannot seem to eat it as fast as it is harvested and we only have 3 plants in the garden.

[Morris]

August 4, 2019

Well, my meal plan was like non-existent yesterday, I was not even close. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. BUT, I just heard about an app, Achievement, that pays you for healthy habits. I have heard about this before but am hearing that people are getting paid, but it takes a long time to add up the points. I have read in the past when money is involved motivation tends to be a bit stronger. I'll check out this theory.

What I ate yesterday:
coffee
banana x2

went to county fair:
mashed potatoes and gravy X2
green beans
monster ear - with very little cinnamon sugar

zucchini with onion strips
tomato rice with onion, celery, carrot, corn and peas

chocolate covered orange peel -- WHOOHOO only one piece. Hubby bought these for my birthday (and they are still around, meaning I am exercising self-control and only eating one at a time.

mint chocolate chip ice cream

I guess now that I am seeing what I ate yesterday, it is not as bad as I was thinking it was, but I did OD on the ice cream. It has been so hot and ice cream is one of my favorite things to have when I come in from the heat and humidity. I really need to make my own so it will at least be plant based. But I need to focus on the positive - at least I made a compliant meal when I come home from the fair.

For my exercise yesterday, I accidentally started the wrong session. I did the first level of Ripped in 30 by Jillian Michaels. The routine is the same as the 30 Day shred, but the exercises are a bit more intense. I really don't like Jillian Michaels' personality, but I love the 3-2-1 system that she uses. (3 minutes strength, 2 minutes cardio and 1 minute ab) It is broken up enough that I can actually follow along. After I did that, I went for a 2.5 mile run. The first mile my legs were so heavy and I wondered why I did that routine first, but I stayed with it and finished the run, then I walked for a cool down for about 1 mile. The gnats, mosquitoes, and deer flies attacked me when I stopped running, so I had a fast cool down walk with a lot of arm swinging.

As I was walking, I was thinking about my pace, 12'12' and how when I was about 10 years old, I tried to run a mile in 15 minutes. I got to thinking, "Hey, this old lady is faster than my 10 year old self".

D1 calls me because she spoke with someone from this area and he told her that he saw a bear den on the corner where I put my water bottle when I go for a run. Of course, I had to go check it out. Hubby and I could not find anything that resembles a bear den. Also, I think that this sighting may have been from a few years ago because in that area I have not been seeing bear tracks. I did see tracks in that area several years ago.

Soon, bear baiting starts and then bear hunting season opens -- this means I need to change my route. I prefer to stay out of the woods when hunting season opens. I'll most likely go to the State Park and run the trails near the campground (the other trails are open to hunters)

A read a quote form Winston Churchill:

Success goes from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm

Reminds me of how important attitude is and to not get too disappointed from "failures" but to just move on with a "I got this!" attitude. Sometimes my not being able to plan is a real downer for me, but I keep trying and that is what is important. I just have too many demands on me from others at this time that keep changing my plans for the day. And I end up working around that. I am hoping that things slow down a bit soon.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with blueberries and banana

leftover tomato rice with vegetables
zucchini with onions-- Can you tell my zucchini crop is ready for harvest?

??

[Morris]

August 6, 2019

Well, I have come to the conclusion that I cannot handle my mother's stress very well. I had to spend all day yesterday with them and I have not recovered from being a emotional eater. 'nuff said. I think you can imagine how my day went, My good choices were 2 bean burritos fresco style with no red sauce from Taco Bell and whole wheat peanut butter toast. At least I started my day with some unsweetened shredded wheat and banana with plant based milk.

And to make it worse, my fitbit band broke and since it is an older model, I couldn't find a replacement band. I now have a super glued band on mine. What am I going to do it if my fitbit won't count my steps?! - haha!

This morning my weight is up a couple of pounds -- from the junk I ate? the stress I am feeling? or not drinking enough water? I don't know what the cause is, perhaps all three.

Since I am feeling like crap this morning, I am hoping to be committed to making good choices with what I choose to eat today. I guess the saying "Eat CRAP feel like crap" is true, 'cause that is how I feel today. I think I am going to keep this post short because I am just going to be "Negative Nancy" this morning. Maybe a good run will change my thinking....

[Michele613]

Well it sure does sound like you had a challenging and frustrating day. Funny how that comes about when others just don't do what we'd like nor in the manner we'd like...shame on them. Emotional eating...I'm familiar with that. One just becomes too overwhelmed to 'care' about what choices they're making....it's kind of like being angry as in that state one does not care about anything or anyone 'cept what they are angry about or venting about.

Sooooooo .... as you did, put on the running shoes and get it out of your system and start right back up again to make better choices. The journey is hard but such is life...we just can't give up as the consequences are really high if we let our health slip away due to our eating, either too much or too unhealthily.

Don't be upset with yourself...it's indeed trying. Do better...you can! Have a better tomorrow.