Journal of my journey

[Morris]

June 2, 2019

Well, a lot has happened since my last post. Wednesday morning, as I was on my way home from taking GD1 to school (1/2 hour north), I got a call from my mom that the movers were at the house and could I get there right away... That's 1 hour south. I did not bother to stop to get my stuff because I needed to get there to help as soon as possible. I got there in time to help. My mom and dad spent the night at their new place -- then my dad fell twice in the morning. It was a good thing my brother was there to catch him. He got a ride in an ambulance to the hospital. They kept him there and he is still there as of today.

The auctioneer came on Saturday and we watched all there belongings practically being given away - most items went for $20 or under. But then it was mostly junk. Fortunately, my brother put his boat up to sell and my uncle bid on it so they could make some decent money. That saved the day and mom and dad at least got some money ahead after the expenses. Now we have to deal with some financial predator who preys on elderly selling their home. His son, who he brought over to see where the house is and to introduce him to us, was arrested for burglary a few years back. T.O.O. M.U.C.H. S.T.R.E.S.S.S!!!!!!

Good news is - on brother is doing Weight Watchers and was very influential in how I ate these past few days. My weight is done, but my eating has not been anywhere near routine. But I am going to use this as a jump start - So far, hubby made me a smoothie - fruit and greens. I'll be having some spinach, beans and tomato soup for lunch -- no time to think of supper meal as of yet. I need to do some errands this afternoon, grass needs to be mowed, garden needs to be planted -- I need to run away and go camping...

[Morris]

June 4, 2019

I hope I am on my way to eating better despite the stress. We, meaning my siblings and I, have our parents' house almost completely cleaned out. I took hubby with me yesterday, oh my god! what an emotional wreck he was. I am like, "For Pete's sake, it's just a house. My dad is in the hospital and you're crying over a house?!"

That "predator" I mentioned the last post showed up at the hospital and visited my dad - my dad got so upset that his heart monitor went off twice -- now he has to see a heart specialist. To make things more frustrating, that "weasel" (as a nurse called him) sent his pastor to pay a visit yesterday. We called the sheriff to ask what we could do - hospital staff has been alerted and security will be called if he shows up again. As if we don't have enough stress to deal with.

Speaking of stress, I ended up eating 2 bags of potato chips - UGH! I was doing so well on getting back on track. I could have avoided eating them if hubby would have been supportive, he is the one who brought them to me. This is after the day before when we were shopping, he puts a bag in the cart and then invites me to do the same. I stated that I want to stop eating that stuff.

I need to realize that he will not support me and I need to just make the commitment to just do it. Besides, I am realizing that stuff does not even taste good and I feel so much better when I do not eat it.

Speaking of taste: that tomato soup I made was tasty - I added onion, celery, carrot, potato and tomatoes when I made it. I served it with pinto beans and spinach. Sometimes I go to Cathy Fisher's Straight Up Food's facebook page for inspiration and to remind myself how yummy real food looks. She takes such good photos of her dishes. (So does Chuck Underwood (Brand New Vegan). FOOD PORN

What I plan to eat today:
riced cauliflower with oatmeal and blueberries
apple

tomato soup over rice
pinto beans

salad (romaine, sweet kale mix, beans)

[keithswife]

June 4, 2019

That "predator" I mentioned the last post showed up at the hospital and visited my dad - my dad got so upset that his heart monitor went off twice -- now he has to see a heart specialist. To make things more frustrating, that "weasel" (as a nurse called him) sent his pastor to pay a visit yesterday. We called the sheriff to ask what we could do - hospital staff has been alerted and security will be called if he shows up again. As if we don't have enough stress to deal with.

That's just lower than low. These sickos have no conscience and pray on the elderly. I can remember when an oil and gas guy pestered my 90-year-old Grandpa to get him to sign a paper for rights to run a gas line under his property. Grandpa said no. The gas guy wouldn't stop, even followed him home from the store one day and blocked him in his driveway. We had to get the police involoved to get it to stop. Grandpa never signed, but I bet you anything they drilled under his property anyway. It makes my blood boil.

[Morris]

June 7, 2019

Well, I finally was able to mow the yard yesterday (at least part of it) and being the geek that I am, I put my fitbit around my ankle -- 2.53 miles going back and forth in the yard. 1 hour and 20 minutes - not done yet, we have large yard.

Race day for the 6.55 trail run is tomorrow - I have my good (80 minutes), better (75 minutes) and best (70 minutes), I usually come in around the 70 - 75 minutes. Last year was my PR 66:41 -- but I have been so stressed these past few weeks that I am not going to push myself too hard. But, who knows? I may have a different opinion tomorrow morning when I wake up.

There is another race the following week, but I have not yet signed up for it. The director switched things up and changed the distance and is offering a 4k trail and an 8k distance. I am not really interested in either distance. So, I am thinking instead of signing up for that race, I'll use the race fee amount for an extra night camping - I think that will benefit me a bit better than the race time. I need some major "me time".

I am slowly getting my mindset to eating better - lately, I have just been focusing on not over eating - I usually eat way too much and too often. But, I am keeping the Beck Diet Solution tip in mind - being hungry is not an emergency. I have been focusing on not eating just for the sake of eating.

I am still eating junk food though - but lately, when I have been shopping I am seeing all these children that are overweight -- and I think "It's the food!". It is giving me a bit of motivation to get with the plan. While I was at my parents last week, hubby claims he lost 5 pounds. That may be because he does not drive so he stayed home and he was eating smoothies (fruit and greens) and salads. But, now, if I start with the starches again (and he will begin eating more chips and cookies and fatty meats), he'll say that carbs make him gain weight. I can hear it already - let's hope I am wrong and we'll both lose some of this excess.

One day, when I was with my daughter at the clinic, I went to the deli to get lunch and they had some catering brought in where they created bowls - it was different sauces that made the different flavors. I thought back then that is what I need to do: do some bulk cooking with vegetables and grains and different sauces for flavor profiles. I just need to take the time to do it.

I heard hubby telling GS2 yesterday, "The fat you eat is the fat you wear." Okay, so now it is his idea - maybe, just maybe, he'll get on board with the low-no oil. Before something carries any merit with him, it has to be his idea.

What I plan to eat today:
oatmeal with blueberries
apple
banana

potatoes
black beans
Brussels Sprouts

salad - romaine, sweet kale mix, beans

[Morris]

June 9, 2019

Well, my time for the race was either my worst or close to it. (1:21;06) But, for the most part, when I did run, I ran well. Remember, when I had my other two races and hubby called me during that time. Guess who gave me an early call again. I tell you, the guy is NOT an early riser so I believe it is intentional to throw me off in my race. He is passive aggressive like that, I already asked him not to call during my race times and told him the race time, but I guess he won because it took me about two miles to get the negative thoughts about it out of my head so I could focus on my running. I guess I better remember to put my phone on 'do not disturb' during race times.

Afterwards, when I returned home, D2 and I went to my parents' home and did some surface cleaning. So far, there have been some showings and I wanted to at least make it a bit more presentable. We spent 3 hours there and only scratched the surface. The realtor said she was going to hire a crew to get in there, but I don't know if she really going to do that. It looked better but still could use a good cleaning.

i am making better choices with what I am choosing to eat, but there is a lot of room for improvement. The other day, GS2 was with us while we went over the contract with the realtor and he was seen and not heard, if you know what I mean. We all got hungry because it was a spur of the moment decision to rush down there and did not eat before we left. So, we let GS2 choose the place to eat; he chose McDonald's. And he was so hungry he wolfed down that C.R.A.P. - and ended up with a tummy ache. So, hubby explains to him that McDonald's food is "poison" and goes into how the body will store a bit of it each time until eventually the body gets full of it and you die. -- Good lesson there, right? But I also chose to go next door and bought a Veggie Delite from Subway - so hubby tells GS2 that Subway was a better choice. Guess what GS2 chose to eat yesterday? He said he wanted Subway.

Visited my dad in the nursing home yesterday after we finished cleaning. He just sat down to eat, it was heartbreaking watching him struggle getting the food to his mouth. I am slowly accepting that yes, he may truly have Parkinsons' disease. He was complaining that his hands wouldn't do what he wanted them to do and he tried to keep the shaking under control. But he was in good spirits and was eating better than he had in the past few weeks. It was stated that he gained a pound.

Well, today is a new day with new opportunity to get with the plan - let's see how I do today.

[Morris]

June 10, 2019

Breakfast yesterday was on plan, then hubby wanted to go out to eat - UGH! just when I wanted to get back on plan. We decided on an Asian Cuisine place, but they were closed for the day. BUMMER, we ended up going to a diner that had nothing compliant with a whole food plant based way of eating. I ended up ordering a senior egg, pancake and bacon plate - gave the bacon to hubby since he likes to eat "poison" - see yesterday's post.

Speaking of eating poison - shouldn't that be motivation to eat better? I would think that it would, but there seems to be such a disconnect between what we eat and how we feel. Why is this? We are so programmed to eat overly processed low-nutrient foods just for the sake of convenience that we don't give it a second thought and have no concerns for the long term affects that it has on us.

One thing that I'll say about the meal I ate at the restaurant is that at least I did not overeat. Overeating is an issue I have, whether on plan foods or off plan foods. I have a tendency to eat past that sensation of fullness. This past week since I was so busy with my parents' house and not eating all the time, I recalled the Beck Diet Solution tip that hunger is not an emergency and it is okay to wait a bit and not eat within minutes of feeling hungry.

Lately, I am becoming obsessed with my weight again - it seems when I do not weigh myself everyday that I tend to gain weight. I think I need to hop on that device to help keep me in check with my eating and exercise. Also, I think it is because I am finally losing some of this recent gain. I put on 7 pounds from last year and it was because I went berserk with the junk food. I think I am overly possessive of my junk food. Learned behavior from childhood when I tried to save my treats and my younger sister would eat it on me. So, to keep her from eating my treats, I'd eat it all in one sitting. (I guess I showed her, huh?) Now, I struggle with not being able to stop when I open that bag.

I found this website: https://www.simplyplantbased.net/ Simply Plant Based - Jeanne Schumacher, she has some videos using the recipes from the McDougall Maximum Weightloss. 3 minute clips and the meal is done Seriously, the videos show how easy it can be to make simple meals. Like I have said in the past, I think I am making it way too complicated.

What I plan on eating today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with flax and blueberries

bean burger
potatoes
broccoli

?? granddaughter and her friend coming for running class

[Morris]

June 11, 2019

A bit bummed today as I have decided to postpone my camping trip - our garden needs to get planted and I really won't be able to rest as much as I ought knowing how much work I need to do at home. But secretly, since it is supposed to rain and storm today with cooler weather coming in, especially at night, I was going to wimp out. But saying I need to get the garden planted sounds better. However, I think I am going to go for a longer time when I decide to go.

Running class was fun - we ran at a state park, GD1 invited a friend. It was an enjoyable run and the trails were a bit drier than what they have been in previous years. One year, one of the runners lost his sock and shoe in the mud as he was running because his shoe got stuck. Too funny. It was about a 2-1/2 mile run. I felt great once I hit that 2 mile mark - I notice that sometimes it takes me a while to warm up and start to feel good about running. But because it was rough terrain, my pace was a bit slow.

There is a race on Saturday, which I was not sure I wanted to do, but I got talked into it last night - so now a 5 miler (8k) is on my schedule. I was hesitant to sign up for it because my times are slow this year - I an having the "I am going to be the last runner" thoughts going on in my head. But, I am trying to override them by telling myself I do not have an official time for this length of race.

My meal plan for yesterday was followed through breakfast - UGH! I just cannot seem to get with a meal plan. On the positive, I made a batch of vegetable soup instead of whatever I originally planned - For some reason my inner rebel rears it its head whenever I try to make and follow a meal plan.

i got some good news concerning my dad - his therapy is going well and I heard that he was able to eat some of meal without it being ground up first. The dietitian will watch him eat for a few meals and make the determination as to how he needs to have his meals prepared. This is good news because he was losing his ability to swallow - could be the result of the botox treatment he had because that was one of the expected results predicted. His balance is getting better and he is walking a bit more than the therapists are expecting of him. He is working hard to be able to be released back home rather than to a nursing home. This is a lesson for me to chose a plan of action and then be determined to follow through with it.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with flaxseed, blueberries and apple

vegetable soup
corn tortilla
salad

mashed potatoes and gravy
broccoli
corn
pinto beans

Exercise: a short run followed by a hill workout

[Morris]

June 12, 2019

My meal plan was not even close to what I chose for yesterday.
What I actually ate:
coffee
whole wheat bread x 2 (plain)

vegetable soup
King's Hawaiian Roll x 4

Package of Trail Mix

Romaine lettuce
sweet potato
Brussels Sprouts
grapes

Taco Bell - bean burrito fresco style
chocolate mint ice cream

Even though there are some non-compliant items on that list, I am feeling a bit better about what I ate, mainly because it could have been a lot worse. I was out in the hot sun getting the garden ready to plant and then I planted about 42 squash plants that hubby had started. For me saying I did not want to garden this summer and wanted to use this summer as I recoup from all the stress we have been under this past year, I sure am putting a lot of plants into the ground. But if you follow my posts here, you know where I am going with this...

All afternoon, the weather was perfect, perfect for camping that is, and I kept thinking that I could have set up my tent and been at the campground - but then the skies darkened and the rain came. So, I felt better about postponing my trip. Plus the site I wanted was occupied so I am going to wait til I get these darn plants in the ground so that when I do go, I will be able to relax more and not be thinking about all the work I need to do here at home. I am hoping to go on Sunday. But, then I am too cheap to pay the reservation fee at the campground and wait until the day I am ready to go to reserve my site. (no fee for same day reservation). The parks are usually almost empty midweek, except for a few campgrounds.

Good news on my parents' house, they received an offer at close to the amount they were asking. Inspection will be next Wednesday - may I ask for everyone to send positive vibes that it will pass the inspection and whoever is buying it will get the financing needed.

I have read the 21 day challenge posts - so encouraging for me to get with the plan and also it makes me feel better knowing that I am not the only one that struggles with eating on plan. I found a file where I was posting my weight and I realize that I am up about 6 pounds from this time last year, but down 2 from this last gain. I feel I am getting on track. I need to work on overeating in one sitting, like having 4 King's Hawaiian Rolls instead of 1. But those last two items were portion controlled and I did not eat past the feeling of fullness -- that is what I need to work on.

They say to eat until satisfied - I need to redefine "satisfied" because for me that eat past being full and to actually feel that stretch. Eating slower and mindfully helps me recognize that concept. I was able to sit alone for my dinner last night and I set my tablet so I could see my reflection and watch myself eat -- Remind me never to complain about watching my hubby shoveling in the food so fast and not taking time to chew because I ain't no better

I think I'll just close my post on that note....

[Morris]

June 13, 2019

Hubby and I went for a picnic yesterday, to try out some camping gear and for me to check out a campground with lakeside spots. Turns out the campground is not well maintained and the grass is overgrown in some spots. The host said that it is only mowed about 3 times a year, but the mower is broken. But the lakeside sites were more used so the grass was packed down.

I also decided to try to pack my backpack only to discover that I do not have a clue as to the best way to do it. So, I may end up car camping, that is camping with a parking spot on the site. I have a couple days to figure it out. But either way, I want to go camping just to get away and sit by myself for a bit.

I have been so busy with my parents and now the garden that I really need some "me" time. I have been spending hours outdoors with the garden and when I come in I just want to sit and zone out with some you-tube videos. Instead, I have to listen to hubby go on and on about something or another. It is so hard living with a talker when you are not a talker and like to have long periods of silence. So frustrating.

Then when we were talking to the campground host, hubby asked him how safe it would be for me to camp solo and then said he'd most likely come and visit while I camped. Of course, I thought that would defeat my purpose of going camping because I am going to have some "me" time. He did that one time, he visited me while I was camping and I was like, WTH are you doing here?"

One thing that I will learn when I go camping is to plan my meals ahead of time. I will have to pack what I am going to eat for the days I will be gone. OH JOY!!!

Well, I slept in late this morning and the sun is shining and I have to be out in the garden, so I better get movin' before it gets too hot out there.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
whole wheat bread with peanut butter
grapes
banana

apple

vegetable soup
salad
corn tortilla

gallo pinto (rice and beans)
stir fry vegetable mix

[bunsofaluminum]

I feel you on that "redefine satiety" because you get used to feeling stuffed and anything less doesn't feel satiated. They say stopping after 20 minutes, even if you don't feel full. That has worked for me a few times lately. When the food is finished and I don't feel full, but wait for a few...sure enough, the satiated feeling arrives and I can carry on without more food.

Have fun camping, when you eventually get there!

[Morris]

June 14, 2019

I pulled out my cards that I created when I was doing the Beck Diet Solution - you know that program I start and restart but stop every time the item on the to-do list is to plan and prioritize my schedule and meals. I am so disorganized. However, I am wanting to get myself a schedule of things to do, (I think I mentioned this months ago), and cleaning the mess my D1 and SIL left me and then cleaning my parents' house makes me realize how important a daily, weekly and monthly to do list is to have. I just need to sit down and do it.

D2 found an app that has a to-do list, but I forgot the name of it. Maybe an electronic form will be beneficial because then I'll have it with me and not have to be at my desk to check the list of things to do. I seem to be putting it off because right now things are so hectic with yard and garden work that creating a list is overwhelming to me at the moment.

My weight is at the lowest it has been for awhile, but I am sure it is an artificial loss because I was outside in the garden, under sunny skies for about 4-1/2 hours For not wanting to garden this year, I sure an spending a lot of time and effort getting the garden ready and planted. The good news is that half of the plots are planted. Hubby is on a "I love squash" mood so the majority of what is being planted is squash. I am going to put weed barrier down in between the plants so I won't have to weed. A little effort now, will save me time and energy in the future.

I did not eat compliant food yesterday - but I am going to give myself credit for not overeating. You know, it feels good not to over stuff my belly, especially when I have to get out there and do some physical work. Just to let you know how much effort I am doing in the garden, I counted the time my fitbit recorded my effort as "walk" as 20 minutes equals 1 mile and I recorded 12 miles for my streak challenge that I am doing, which I'll brag that I am on day 27 of 20 minutes or 1 mile each day. I broke my last streak at 43 days.

Now, here is where I tell myself that I can stick with something if I make up my mind to do it. I broke my last streak when I was helping my parents and I went to bed and it was 12:05 am and I realized I did not do my 20 minutes - too late, I could not turn back the clock. So, I started over. Just like with this way of eating, I have a lot of start overs -- but I have not quit and that is why I am still here. One day it will click with me and I'll get with it in the way that I will consider myself successful. Every now and then, I look at my certificate that I have on my wall for the 5k 101 program, it took me 2 years to finish that program (8 week program) from start to finish. I will fail only when and if I quit.

I am taking it easy today because tomorrow is the 8k race and since I joined a team, I want to be able to run my best. A break from bending over the dirt and being in the sun will be pleasant - I can finish whatever needs to be done tomorrow after the race.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
apple
grapes

madras lentils
stir fry vegetables
corn tortilla

?? - going to town to visit my dad, hubby is coming along and he will say "Let's eat out" hopefully we'll do the Thai place.

[Morris]

June 15, 2019

Race day today - joined a team of 4 ladies - this is a first for me (joining a team) and the team's time will be age graded. I am so excited to see what our age-graded times will be. To give an example, the trail race I did had age grading when I looked up my time
1:21:06 at my age the age-grading was 50% so my age-graded time 1:03:16. Since I am on a team, I am going to have to focus on my time a bit more than I usually do because it will matter to the others on the team.

Well, coffee and stir fry vegetables were the only thing I ate that I planned. I don't know why I am having such difficulty making a menu plan and then sticking with it. But my overall eating was not too bad, not the greatest but not too bad.

What I actually ate:
coffee
mashed potatoes and gravy
stir fry vegetables
Brussels Sprouts

Tomato Basil Mozzarella Sandwich with green lettuce - this was not the best choice because of the cheese and fat content, but my, oh, my was that the perfect sandwich taste-wise. Everything was the perfect amount where I could actually taste every ingredient in each bite. It was a deli sandwich from the grocery store Fresh Thyme. The pesto spread was not gobbed on, but thinly spread and boy, did it pack a flavor punch.

The bad was some caramel corn -- the good was that I did not eat the whole bag and was able to stop. I was going to buy chips but Fresh Thyme does not sell shelve space to Lays -- now ain't that interesting?

My weight is down this morning but looking at what I actually ate, I can see why - but I ate when I was hungry and was not obsessed about food in between meals. Since it is Saturday, I updated my weight on the little ticker and saw that I put about 5 pounds under what my true goal is. I listed a number that is close to, but a bit more, than what was calculated as my "Ideal weight" - but to be honest I believe that number may be unsustainable. I think if I ever got down that low, I'd look like a particular personality that has lost weight and came up with her own program and I'd be too skinny to appear healthy. But as for now, I see that I have some excess fat that I could stand to lose, but I want to be careful not to lose muscle tone. I must remember that the number on the scale does not tell the whole story, it only tells part of the necessary information needed.

I just really want to eat better and stop eating so much junk and/or overly processed food-like items. It is too easy to become obsessed over numbers. I like Michael Pollan's statement: Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants. And if I look at what I ate yesterday, I followed that advice. I guess now it will come down to define what "FOOD" because much of what is on the grocery store shelves may not qualify as actual food. But then that would be another post.

I went to visit my dad yesterday, he is in good spirits and seems to be holding his head up better. But, it was a bit concerning that he still needed help to go to the bathroom -- that means when he is discharged he may not be able to join my mom at the apartment. I think my mom is recognizing that because she was a bear to be around. So many life changes all at once.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
sprouted bread toasted with jelly

RACE - post race snack

gallo pinto (rice and beans)
salad
orange

After the race, I am going to come home, set up my 4-person tent to waterseal it and get my gear ready for camping - I am so excited

[Morris]

June 16, 2019

First off, my time for the 8k was better than I expected -- 56:32 I was hoping for a 12 minute mile so I met my goal. I was running with someone else so I ran longer than I normally do before my walk breaks, but my hips complained big time at mile 4 - I lost my running partner after that.

I recently found some exercises to work on the hip and glute area for strengthening. So, I am going to incorporate those into my routine so that eventually I'll be able to run longer distances without having to take walk breaks.

I am going to make this post short because "I AM GOING CAMPING" I prepared my meals last night from some dehydrated foods were bought from Harmony House. They gave some suggestions but I am thinking that the portion sizes are not sufficient for my appetite, so I doubled the amounts and added more potato and vegetables to each one. I did remember to write down what I was creating for each meal, just in case I end up eating something awesome.

But seriously, it is just a combinations of plants - I am not expecting anything to taste horrible, unless when it gets re-hydrated I added way too much of one item. I have no idea how these ingredients are going to re-hydrate in the mixes I did. But, I am hoping if one turns out badly that I'll be too hungry to care.

The best takeaway from this so far is that I just planed and prepped my meals for the next 3 days. Since i'll be in the campground, I should be able to stick with my plan and not take a quick trip to the nearest town for munchies. I'll be able to focus on eating when hungry and not just for the sake of eating. I am hoping that I can learn from this experience about planning my meals and eating when hungry.

Hubby says he is okay with me going, but his actions are telling me otherwise. He is doing the guilt trip thingie and when he walks, I think, he is over-exaggerating his pain. He does this whenever I make plans to go away with out him. I just roll my eyes and think that while I know he is in pain and relies on me to give him back massages, he does nothing to help himself feel better. He was given stretches to do and told to walk more. He just sits in his chair and spends time on the computer all day. I hurt like hell when I sit all day - I can only imagine how much more he hurts because he is not moving his body very much.

But, I need the mental break - I am choosing a campground that has rock climbing (read cliffs here), hiking trails, rapids on the river and a waterfall. My camera batteries are charged. I'll be car camping, meaning I'll bring the heavy stuff, and hiking during the day. Hopefully, the weather will be perfect -- sunny by day and not so cold at night. Hopefully, the flies and mosquitos won't be too bad -- But I have my screened hat if they are out and buzzing.

Well, I am off.......

[Morris]

June 19, 2019

Well, I had a peaceful time camping, but I could have used a couple more days. The first night the campground had quite a few campers yet, but the second night only about 8 sites were being used. Unfortunately the campground was only 1/2 mile off the interstate highway (read constant sound of traffic) and it seemed like it was close to a sand/or gravel pit because there was the constant sound of machinery running and the trucks backing up beep. So much for being out in the middle of the woods.

I hiked the first day and the second day - beautiful park. It used to be an old quarry location, lots of stone. When I went hiking in the woods Monday morning, I was really enjoying the solitude. I hiked for about 3 hours. Then I spent some time reading and relaxing. I resisted the urge to keep hiking the whole time I was there because my purpose for going was to relax. That was the best part, I was actually able to relax a bit.

However, that did not last long, I was not even home before demands were being put on me to do things. For being away to relax, I end up with 2 of the grandchildren for over night. I agreed to it only because hubby had to return his brother's trailer and D2 came to help him return it, -- so her day was shot because she was helping him. So, in return, I agreed to take both kids. D2 has a lot of physical issues also, so this gives her time to recoop also.

So, this morning I have 2 of the grandkids here and am needing to go to town -- and everything I need to do here at home is staring my in the face taunting me that I was foolish enough to think that getting away for a few days would help me relax. But it is what it is and I need to make the best of it. GD2 ( 4 years old) is such a little peanut -- she is so cute (and funny, she says the most unexpected things) and it is good to form a bond with her. So, I am not really complaining.

I learned a bit about meal planning and not snacking all the time while camping. It is much easier to follow a plan when you know you do not have access to food and you have to make it last. I also found that when I was hiking, I was not really all that hungry. Perhaps that is the "distraction" technique they say to use.

I also found that dehydrated food does not always re-hydrate to be as fresh, I had some chewy and dry bits. I also found out that my seasoning was almost non existent in the finished meal. So things were bland in a sense, but at least the flavor of the individual ingredients were noticeable. Hubby would have said that it needed a sauce. I used V8 for extra flavor in some of the dishes and that helped. But overall, I had a good time and am talking about when I can get away again. Next spot will be a place with minimum trails so I will be content to just sit and do not much of anything.

The biggest take-away from this trip that I learned is that I can plan ahead and prepare my meals and it is not necessary to obsess about food and what and when I am going to eat. Now, if I can carry this over to my every day real life and be able to resist temptation to eat the junk food. Oh, speaking of junk food, I did plan on s'mores but discovered that they did not really taste as good as I anticipated - perhaps my taste buds and preferences are finally changing and maybe, just maybe, things will get easier in the near future.

Speaking of the ability to preplan my meals - ironic because I have no idea for my meal plan today

[Morris]

June 20,2019

Well, I broke the streak I was doing - 20 minutes or 1 mile. I was counting intentional exercise or where when I was working in the yard or house and my fitbit registered that I was exercising (meaning I had my heart rate up for more than 10 minutes). So, I guess I'll restart again. That seems to be the story of my life - restart, restart and restart again.

But yesterday was a fun day, relaxing and not very physical. Hubby's doctor appointment was canceled, but I had to return GD2 home. So, I asked D2 if she wanted to go to town to visit her grandparents. So, after we visited with my parents, D2, GD2 and I went to the flower park and spent a lot of time looking at the flowers and taking pictures. Looking at the smiling face on GD2 made it all worth it. Now, it is back to the grindstone and there is so much garden and yard work that needs to be done.

It is a bit embarrassing always having to restart. But I am not giving up, I have my 5k 101 certificate on my wall that tells me I can stick with a program from start to finish if, and only if, I actually commit to doing it. That is my problem, I cannot seem to commit to something 100%. Perhaps it is because I don't prioritize my time and what I need to do each day. I always just go with the flow and end up doing what other people ask me to do and often put off what I want to do until later.

But my coffee is done, the garden needs to be weeded and hubby has a doctor appointment - so time to sign off because my day is beginning

What I plan to eat:
coffee
sweet roll - bad, I know but I already ate before I thought about it - I realize I am emotionally stressed

Lunch at Bonanza - I will focus on salad and veggies, baked potato with steamed vegetables

Share a meal tonight - always a surprise and usually off plan.