Journal of my journey

[Morris]

Day 21 ~ I wish I could say I stuck with a plan for 21 days, but I have not arrived to that state of mind yet. I am getting closer to it, but I still have to some work to do.

The leftover split pea soup tasted awesome over a baked potato. I usually make split pea soup with a potato or two or three in it and not as much celery as that recipe. Putting in all that celery gave the soup a lighter taste and feel to it.

Today I made homemade baked potato fries. Oh, so good, served with green beans and baked beans. I will be making the recipe for the roasted potatoes in the Instant Pot in the next day or two. We need to eat up some of these leftovers. I do not think hubby cared for that soup because he went out to dinner with a friend and opened up a can of tamales. Oh, well, to each his own.

I find that I am having more energy these past few weeks. I am able to get by without needing a nap even though I have been getting up around 5 most mornings and not sleeping the best ( i am too distracted). So, that is a good thing even though I am not following a plan 100%.

[Morris]

Day 22 ~
I have been reading some of the other posts on this forum and there was one about a nutritionally mixed marriage and I was able to relate to some of the postings. The original poster felt that her significant other was not being supportive of her efforts to eat better. There were several replies and the one that spoke to me the most was the one that said it was really about commitment ~ that is what I think my issue is or rather a lack of commitment. Granted, it is so much easier to stay with a plan if every one in the house is doing it also, but it really comes down to "Am I willing to commit to eating better and avoiding foods that are not beneficial to my health?" That is the million dollar question.

When I first started this a few weeks ago, my hubby was away and it was easy to stay on track. But I get overwhelmed with so much when he is around. Plus, he keeps the cookies and candy in the house. I tell him to not put them in the cupboard where I will see them, but I open a door and there is a box of chocolate mint thins.

I ended up eating more than I should have last night. Sometimes I get so disgusted with myself for not being able to stop after a serving. The good news is that I did not feel compelled to eat the whole row. In the past, I had the urge to eat a whole row of cookies before I would stop. What kept me from eating way too much, was that I became aware of how greasy those cookies were. Somehow, they were not tasting as good as I thought they were in the past.

I am focusing on my exercise and trying to make sure I am working out consistently because I am thinking of that half marathon that will be at the end of April. I am undecided if I will do that distance or focus and a new PB for the 10k. But either distance will require me to be in better shape than I am in now. Exercising regularly helps me think more about the type of foods that I am eating. Now, I just need to commit to doing it.

[CocoOli]

Hi - I read your journal entry and could relate with regards to sugar and compulsive eating. I read this book recently that really changed my thinking about sugar "Sugar Blues" by William Dufty. It's an old book but it sure makes sense as far as sugar being basically like heroin...plus the history in the book about sugar is fascinating. I found this at a resale bookstore so I don't know how available it is, but it is a really good read. Once I started thinking about sugar as a drug and one that can have devastating control and effect on my body and life I determined to make different choices. I haven't given up sweets but have changed to making my own treats (like pumpkin pie) with dates and recipes I find online using them. Good luck.

[Morris]

CocoOli ~ I have that book, but have not yet read it. I think it is the print size; my copy has very small print. I got mine at a library "Fill a bag for $1.00" sale. But I have read how sugar is addicting and that it can affect the brain.

I really think my issue is more emotional rather than a physical addiction, but then I might be in denial because I never really been able to go a day without any added sugar.

Day 23 ~
Despite all that I ate yesterday, the scale was kind to me this morning. I lost a bit. I am also exercising more because I am feeling the effects of too much sitting. I feel so much better when I make it a point to move.

I need to stop eating so many nuts. I ate a lot of peanuts yesterday and then there was that "Healthy Haagen Dazs Ice Cream"; I found the recipe on chocolatecoveredkatie.com. It is made with cashews and nondairy milk.I ate way too much of that.

Ice cream is one of the "foods" that I have been struggling to give up permanently. Fortunately, Breyers has helped me in my struggle with that. They changed the formula and began to add other things to the mix. I emailed and asked them why and the response I got was that they were giving the consumer what the consumer wants. Well, not this consumer. So, when I saw that recipe, I had to try it and try it I did. All I will say, is that between the peanuts and that ice cream I ate enough calories for the next three days. UGH!

I am getting an understanding of how many calories one can eat with the high fat foods. I ended my day with a baked potato, spinach, and Chef AJ's Split Pea soup. That soup taste so good over a potato. I used water when I made it and will be making it again but will use broth. It was missing something in the flavor. But that recipe is a keeper.

[nayasmom]

Hi there,
One way that worked for me to get over sugar addiction was to abstain from refined sugars. REading ingredient labels, if it doesn't say washed cane juice, organic cane sugar, etc, I didn't eat it. Nowadays most refined sugar comes from the sugar beet, which is truly a refined product. Beet sugar is truly awful, addicting stuff.
Washed cane juice, on the other hand, is the sap of the cane plant, much like maple syrup is boiled down tree sap. To me, to my body, it digested differently and didn't have as addicting an effect, so I was able to wean myself off of sugared foods a little more easily, and hold onto my abstinence for many years.
Since I changed to the McDougall diet, I haven't had sugar cravings at all, so I am very happy not to have dessert. I don't even want fruit as a sweet. I just am not interested in sweets. I still have the odd candy or date or whatever, but nothing approaching the obsessive amounts I was eating two years ago.
Costco sells C&H organic cane sugar for a very reasonable price, but as long as the package says C&H, it's always pure cane sugar and will have less addicting qualities than beet sugar.
Robyn

[Morris]

nayasmom: I had been purchasing only the cane sugar (C&H) because I heard most of the beets grown are is gmo, plus I always got better results using the cane sugar vs. the beet sugar in my baking. But, I recently watched the Secrets of sugar and saw how they say they treat the people that work in the cane fields and now I am attempting to get cane sugar off my grocery list also.

Seriously, if we knew what went on to produce our food, would we keep buying it? However, what are our alternatives for some things? I am not sure if the video is accurate or not, but, seeing how everything is profit driven, I can only imagine that what was in the video has some ring of truth to it in some locations where the cane is grown but not all.

Besides, cane sugar is still the end-product of the whole food having all the good stuff removed from it and it should be something on my rarely to eat list.
I have issues with candy and cookies, in that when I open the package, I eat the whole thing package no matter what the size. I call it “open bag syndrome”. I feel compelled to eat everything in the package until it is gone. I am sure this is not a physical addiction because once that bag is empty, I no longer have that thought of “just one more” going on in my head.

When I eat better, i.e. more whole foods, I am more selective in what I buy so that gives me fewer choices whenever I get the urge the splurge. Unfortunately, I get that urge more than I would like and when I give in to the temptation, watch out! I think I have not fully committed to making the change complete but I am working on it. As it states in the preface of the Starch Solution, “ …this is not an all or nothing approach”, this keeps me from getting too discouraged that I cannot seem to get with the program at times. If I over eat something I would have been better off not eating in the first place, then I just tell myself I can make better choices for the next thing I eat.

Day 26: I am struggling. We had to go out of town and I did well with what I ate until we stopped at the World Market on the way home. Chocolate covered marzipan and chocolate covered wafer cookies called my name and I answered only because I cannot buy these items locally.

The plus side is that other than that, I ate well. We ate 2 meals out and at the first place, a Middle East type cuisine, I ordered the vegetable dish and asked the chef if he could steam the vegetables instead of stir frying in oil. He did, but I forgot about the hummus and it was topped with olive oil; of course, I ate it anyway because I love hummus. The second restaurant was a Thai place, I ordered a vegetable dish in a red curry sauce. The sauce was too oily so I removed the veggies from the bowl and topped my rice with them.

I experimented with my Instant Pot last night and made a pot of vegetable soup using whatever I had on hand (onion, celery, carrots, potatoes, peas, green beans, diced tomatoes). At the last minute, I threw in some red rice. I had no idea how long to cook it, so I chose 20 minutes. It turned out OK, meaning edible. My side was oven baked French fries; albeit, a bit too many. I really need to focus on stopping when satisfied not full, but I am not sure I know the difference yet. For me, full = satisfied.

[Morris]

Day 30 ~ Still working on getting with the program. I am trying not to beat myself up for not being able not stray for at least one day. What is with me? UGH! I think it is because I have been able to plan and prepare so I am giving into my impulses. Easy fix, don't you think?

The vegetable soup I made the other was served over mashed potatoes when 2 of my grandchildren were over. The oldest mentioned that it tasted like "hamburger pie", which was a family favorite for years. Of course, there was no hamburger in it, but it did taste like that dish. I first made the dish when I was in Campfire girls when I was 8 years old; it consisted of hamburger, green beans and tomato soup; then topped with mashed potatoes. My soup resembled the tomatoiness, green beans and potatoes. The spices were close to the same. It was interesting to me that a 13 year old would make the connection with an old family dish.

For dessert, we had Black Bean Spinach brownies, (http://rabbitfoodformybunnyteeth.com/) some one adapted Chef AJ's black bean recipe. OMG! were those good brownies. My 5 year old grandson begged to take home "HIS" brownies. He has some food sensitivities (dye intolerance) so he does not eat a lot of the SAD treats. I am glad that the liked them.

My husband and I decided we are not Blend - Tec fans. We both disliked the machine; I guess we are die-hard VitaMix fans. So thankful that Costco took the Blend-Tec back with no questions asked. I came home with a new Vitamix. Listening to the motor on the new machine, I'd have to say that we wore the motor out on our old one after about 15 years of use. It is still functional, but the power isn't as strong.

I bought some asparagus at Costco and thought it would be a good side for the Scalloped Potatoes in the Better Than Vegan cookbook. I guess this is as close to preplanning as I am going to get. At least it is a start. I will say that when I eat potatoes as my starch that I am having less craving for sweets and it seems easier to say, "enough, stop eating". I am sure that eventually I will get to where I want to be as long as I keep moving forward and don't use the off plan moments as an excuse to stay off plan.

[Morris]

Thanks Maggie, I will try that recipe, I see that she also has a creamy scalloped potato recipe

Day 33 ~ I was having a bad week, foodwise, so I went to youtube and looked up Chef AJ's video on how she lost all that weight. I need some inspiration as well as motivation. I realized when I first started a month ago, I was starting my day with cooked greens. Then, for some unknown reason, I stopped doing that. Well, I am starting that again. In addition, I realized that I was not eating enough of the low calorie density vegetables, because I did not have them in the house. I went grocery shopping and stocked up on frozen veggies.

I also found Alan Goldhamer’s lecture on the Pleasure Trap. I dusted off my copy of the book The Pleasure Trap. It was comforting in a way to read in the foreward, “ get over the idea that you are emotionally or mentally defective with some sort of obsessive-compulsive eating disorder. “ OK, I can go with that line of thought. I really think the solution is for me to stop eating the highly processed food-like items. Chips and candy are my slave masters.

"Get better acquainted with your adversary, your obstacles, your demons. Learn to master them." (also in the foreward of the Pleasure Trap)

[Morris]

Day 36
Hi Maggie, thanks for your kind words. I think that, for me, to get back on track is for me to make the decision to do so. It reminds me of an episode of Fraiser, where Fraiser was wondering why he could not stay in a relationship and broke off any relationship in which he was feeling this could be "the one". His brother said, "It is because you are afraid to commit to commitment." Silly, I know to use that as a motivation, but that reminded me of how I do not fully commit to healthy eating, even though I know better. Sometimes, I think I am not willing to commit to what I know I need to do.

However, I am tired of being a slave to the junk food. I am hoping to be able to go full-force soon. I went out and bought a bunch of veggies to supplement the starches and grains. I am beginning to start my day with some cooked greens and am finding that that is helping my wanting to eat junk throughout the day.

I told my husband that I am getting ready to start full force and he replied, "Good, I have been waiting 5 years for you to do this." Not that he has been concerned for me and how I eat, but rather so I can do his diet for him. He will eat whatever I cook for him, but will not make the better choices on his own. But to his credit, he is beginning to start each day with a green smoothie. It is a start for him because he used to start his day with eggs and sausage.

I think it will be a good thing if we both work toward eating better. Ever since I began to attempt to eat better, he seems to find ways to tempt me. As an example,one time I told him "I need to stop eating those chocolate covered donuts. " He went to town and came home saying, "I thought of you while I was out" and presents me with 2 chocolate covered donuts. He did this to me with several different items I told him I want to stop eating. (Coupled with the fact that he does not characteristically buy me presents. So, it speaks volumes to me when he does "think" of me while he is out.) The last time he did it was with chocolate candy, he said, "I know you want to stop eating this but I bought it anyway." No point in talking to him about this, I tried and it is ALL my fault and I am just selfish.

I have read Potatoes Not Prozac, and the author suggests there is a chemical imbalance that will cause a person not to take responsibility for their actions. While I was reading that, I thought that if that were true, then at least there is a physical explanation for his blaming me for ALL the shortcomings in our relationship while he does nothing wrong.

I think of that and say to myself, "Wow, I wonder if that is my problem too, because it is so easy for me to point my finger at someone else and say, "That is way I cannot stop eating junk, "so-and-so" is causing me frustration; it is their fault I am eating this way." Rather than accepting the fact that it is my choice.

One thing that is replaying in my head is something that Alan Goldhamer said in the video, is that getting out of the pleasure trap will take an effort. And in the book that making the decision to make the change is the hardest part. I am not sure I agree with that because in my case it is staying with the decision to make the change that is the hardest part. In other words, it is making the commitment to the commitment that is hard for me. I give in too easily. But it will take an effort and I need to focus on what I can do to see this commitment through to the end.

We are celebrating Christmas dinner with my family tonight, I am bringing Greens and Greenbean Salad with Blueberry Dressing and a big bowl of fruits. Hopefully, I'll leave the cookies and candy alone.

[Morris]

Day 37 ~ I am having a lazy day and having trouble "starting my day" I wasted the morning at the computer trying to set up my exercise logs in excel. Good news in that it is complete; I should have stopped earlier and completed it in segments, but I became obsessed with finishing it. I think it is because I am waiting for my garmin to charge.
Excuses,excuses...

I did well with my eating yesterday, that is until I looked at that plate of cookies and cakes. This was the first year my mom did not make her Christmas cookies. My niece made them and she always brags about what a great baker she is, so I felt compelled to check them out. They were not even close to mom's. Then there was my nephew's wife's made from scratch German Chocolate Cake.

Other than the desserts, I ate on plan. I need to just get started and stay on plan. I feel so bloated today. I decided to add the pounds on my ticker ~ I must be honest I gained back 2 of the 5 pounds I lost since I started. I want to make the excuse that it is all the starch, but that it not true; it is all the junk food I had been eating. I need to get a grip before I gain more.

On the positive side, I found some old files on my computer that had my weight from the beginning of 2014 and I discovered that I am at the same weight now as then. That means I have plateaued and since I lost some weight eating the right kind of foods (whole-food plant-based) a month ago I know what I need to do.

Just Do It!!

[Morris]

Day 40 ~ isn't 40 the number of testing in the Bible? 40 years in the wilderness, 40 days and nights of rain, 40 days of fasting in the wilderness? I guess today is the make it or break it day, huh?

I am spent these past few days trying to get in the right mindset, with the idea that I would I start on the 1st. Well, I think I am finally ready. I ate well yesterday til we went to town and hubby wanted to buy a snack and without thinking I said, "Get those chocolate covered caramels with peanuts". I should have kept my mouth shut. I kept telling him how when I went to school a few years back that I'd stop and eat a whole bag for dinner everyday. So, what does he do, he offers me the candy one by one on the way home til the bag is empty. And, of course, I took each one without so much as a struggle, I did not use an ounce of resistance.

Why don't I have any self control over such things? It is because I made the choice to eat each and every piece. I did not want to say "no". I am kind of perplexed as to why I did not refuse. I read Hungry Girl's About Me page on her blog this morning and I thought that she was describing my behavior about sneaking the sugary treats.

Since I am not getting support at home (I wish he would have told me that I had enough after the 2nd piece, instead of feeding me the rest of the bag) I am going to make myself accountable and start posting what I eat here in my journal. So far, I have been avoiding doing so because I am really embarrassed about how much of the junk I actually eat. This way, if I record it for others to see, I may think twice about eating it.

So far today I ate:
Coffee ( I have to start my day with coffee, it is my "me" time; no one talks to me til I have had my coffee)
Morning:2 mugs hot chocolate w/ soymilk (It was cold and I wanted more hot)
banana
clementine
Snack:1/4 c cashews ~ I was hungry but too lazy to make something
Lunch:Huge bowl of Greens and Green bean salad (had pecans in it) with blueberry dressing ~ yummy, but it's cold outside and my house is drafty, so it did not seem satisfying. However, it filled me up.
Dinner: 2 Black Bean Enchilada with rice and spinach
1 cup green bean
1 cup tomato bites (taste like grape tomatoes)
Hot chocolate w/ soy milk

Telling whoever reads this is actually making me think twice about eating junk. It is so embarrassing how much of it I really eat. My husbands ridicules me about it, which makes me stuff my face even more. So frustrating.

[viv]

Happy New Year Morris!

This is your year, you will do great. I think it's a good idea to focus on yourself right now and separate yourself foodwise from your husband. Take care of yourself first.

My son 25, who lives with me, has lost 20 lbs in the last two years since I have been McDougalling, without even trying, because I don't bring all the CRAP (Calorie Rich And Processed) into the house. If he wants something that isn't McDougall I tell him to buy it himself! So he pretty much eats what I eat, although I do buy frozen pizza for him now and again. There are always lots of potatoes, veggies, salad and fruits available.

When your rebel tells you to eat junk or doesn't want you to "stay on a diet" or "just one bite won't hurt" etc. well tell that rebel to SHUT THE BLANK UP! Talk back to it and say, "I know you want to eat this stuff, but do you want me to be sick and DIE" Go on be dramatic, your rebel loves the drama!

Viv

[Morris]

Viv: Thank you so much! I need to take care of myself because I am so busy doing things for others that what I need to do for me often gets set aside. Like I really should exercise, but my 3 year old grandson just left, (I watch him while my daughter works) and the sun went down and it is dark outside and I would rather go to bed.

Day 41 ~ I'll be honest and I say that i ate 2 dark chocolate squares. Good news is that i stopped at 2.

What I ate today:
Coffee (I am trying to cut back so I did not have as much as usual)
Cup of herb tea ~ I really wanted more coffee
Breakfast: Leftover black bean enchilada, green beans and an apple.
Snack: ate the last enchilada
Lunch:Hippie meatloaf (brown rice, black beans, mushrooms, onion, carrot, celery), mashed potatoes and gravy (these were naughty), broccoli, curried winter squash and apple soup.
Snack: 2 squares of dark chocolate

I am not sure if I will be eating dinner because I ate lunch rather late and I am tired and not really hungry. That lunch was good comfort food, I made lots so hopefully I won't have to cook for a few days. I am thinking I need to eat more greens throughout my day. (Greens give me the strength to say, "No" to junk food) I will add them tomorrow with the the leftovers.

I used my new Instant Pot for the brown rice and the soup. Awesome! That was the best brown rice I made ever! And the soup cooked in 5 minutes (not including the prep and pressure release time) I am going to like that machine.

[Morris]

Day 42 ~ I
Morning: coffee
Breakfast: cooked power greens (Kale, spinach, beet) leftover mashed potatoes, broccoli, hippie meatloaf
Snack: Chickpea and Spinach Brownies (I topped with chocolate chip as frosting)
Lunch: leftovers again
Snack: banana, I munched on tortilla chips (I did not think to much about it other than I wanted something salty and crunchy)
Dinner: leftover curried winter squash and apple soup, whole wheat bread with peanut butter

Focusing on staying hydrated

Exercise was 2 workouts for the G Fit Series from Motion Traxx: Bootcamp #1 and Toning #1; I am going to feel it tomorrow.

Had to go to town today. Over the holidays, my dad ran into my car and we had to get estimates for the repair. While out, hubby said he HAD to get something to eat. Going to town is a trigger for him. He grabbed a candy bar and then said he needed something else. I said, we have stuff made at home, we can be home in a half hour. Nope. He wanted to go to Burger King to get something. We walked into the store and it smelt like grease. All the workers were overweight, they must get free meals was my thought. Actually, despite what the fact that he order 2 small burgers, it almost looked good if you did not look at that meat patty. It had a lot of lettuce and tomato on it. But I was not tempted at all. I ate before we left and knew there was plenty of leftovers at home.

I think making the brownies helped quiet my sweet tooth.

I have not weighed myself because at this point I am not sure I really want to know what that number is. I need to lose inches soon because I am having to wear my fat pants, which are very old and the seams are now wearing out. I have my skinny jeans but cannot get them up past my thighs. UGH!

[Morris]

Day 43 ~ Still eating leftovers, but today I made sure to add in cooked greens for 2 of the meals. My grandson loved the Curried winter squash and apple soup, he had 3 little servings. The curry and the ginger in it were so warming on the cold winter day (and night). The mashed potatoes i have been eating have garlic overload in them. yum

I really enjoy eating the food I cook at home, it taste so much better than stuff that is premade at the store. I am loving my new Instant Pot. It is going to be a cold week so I am thinking of making some bean soups. However, my son in law grows mushrooms and the holidays fell on his delivery days and he was not able to make any deliveries, so he gave me a lot of mushrooms. I'll be making a lot of spaghetti sauce with mushrooms and veggies. I am thinking it will taste yummy over some whole grains or potato as well as noodles.

Managed to do about an hour on the recumbent bike tonight, 24.1 miles. It felt good, I hope it limbered up my muscles which are feeling yesterday's workout.

I realized tonight that I am a volume eater, meaning that I often eat more than I really ought to. I have tried the eat a big salad first, then the veggies, then the starch. But I find that I still over eat the more calorie dense foods even after I ate all that other stuff. I am thinking that reversing the order and starting with the more calorie dense food first in a decent size portion then eat the lower calorie dense foods might work better for me. I will have to check that out, not sure I will have many salads this week because it is so cold and I am wanting warm foods.

I also need to learn what it means to be satisfied so I can stop before I feel full almost to the point of being stuffed. Being overfull has been my normal for so long that if I do not feel full after eating I become obsessed with food, and when and what my next meal will be.