Journal of my journey

[Morris]

August 6, 2019

Thank you Michele613.

Yesterday was a better day for me. I did my Jillian Michaels workout and then managed a 3 mile run. The Nike Run Club app only had 2.5 miles scheduled, but I did 3. I was feeling good on the run and wanted to do a bit more. It would have been nice to have gone a bit further, but I wanted to mow a section of the yard.

A funny thing happened on my run, I was going up a hill -- have I mentioned before that I hate running up hills and will often walk up them. Sometimes I am faster walking up the hill than I am trying to run it -- as I was running up a hill I heard "workout paused" -- I thought what?! I am so slow going up the hill that the Nike Run Club app thought I stopped moving. Crazy! i knew hills slowed me down, but I did not think they slowed me down that much. (The app pauses the timer if I stop moving for a couple of seconds, like when I stop for a water break)

I mowed the hill behind the cabin, it took me an hour going up and down. I have to use the walk behind because the riding mower is not working at this time. The grass was so long, this is only the second time I mowed it this summer. I am just too busy to keep up with it. My fitbit recorded it as "outdoor bike" for 64 minutes. I guess the vibration of the mower is about the same as if I were riding a bike. Sometimes, I'll put the fitbit in my sock and set it for "walk" so it will connect to the GPS and I can see how many miles I walk while mowing. It usually is about 2-1/2 miles. I am guessing that was about my distance.

My eating was a bit better yesterday, I tracked it in cronometer because I downloaded that Achievement app and it gives me points for doing so. This is the app that pays you for healthy habits. I heard it was legit and since the reality is that they are most likely already tracking me and my activity, I might as well make some $$. I'll see what happens.

What I ate: coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherry fruit blend and banana

1 slice whole wheat bread
Asian veggie burger
Sugar snap pea stirfry blend
ice cream sandwich x 2

mashed potato and gravy
mixed vegetables
spring mix

chocolate chip mint ice cream

I really need to cut out the ice cream since it is dairy and make my own. I am thinking that since I am failing so miserably getting with the program, I am just going to give myself credit that at least I ate much better for my meals. I need practice the mindful eating and really pay attention to what I am eating and to eat slowly. I overate the mashed potatoes and gravy meal because I sort of scarfed it down and ate so fast that I had seconds before I felt that I had enough.

I will say that the spring mix had a lot of the bitter greens in it and that made the corn in the mixed vegetables taste really sweet. So, I guess I was paying attention to what I was eating. Some of the dishes were not oil/fatfree, but I am not going to focus on that right now because then I might get too discouraged because I cannot seem to get with the program as I want. The fact that I ate veggies again is my big accomplishment. According to the Beck Diet Solution, I need to give myself credit for the things I do right and not focus on the negative.

Well, time for me to get moving for the day...

[Michele613]

I have to be in bed when I read your journal posts because they tire me out just reading about your 'activities'. As for me, during the past 3 days I walked only because I was running around doing errands (we don't have a car and where I live not many people do...everything...everything is within less than 1/4 to a mile away) :0 I do take the bus to 'town' to start and work from there.

Focus on the positive...yes..good plan but bring more positive to focus on! You can do it.

[Morris]

August 8, 2019

Yesterday morning, I chose not to do the Jillian Michaels workout and it was a rest day on the Nike app. I mowed another section of the yard - 90 minutes and I still have more to do. It was a good workout. I plan to get out there again this morning and do the area where we have the firepit. GS2 is coming this weekend and I want to start a fire and make some hobo dinners and s'mores for him. He has been asking for s'mores for over a month now. I think it is really more about watching the marshmallow roast over the flames than eating the s'mores.

My eating was not too bad if I consider that I only grabbed a Snickers bar, the regular size. Stressful day again. Hubby had a doctor appointment and I had to run over to my parents because I did some shopping for them. I happened to have been there when the physical therapist came, so I hung around a bit. I saw what she was having dad do. After the therapist left and as I was getting ready to go, dad had to use the toilet. I asked if they wanted me to help or stay and they both told me to no. So, I left. Only to get down to the car and realize that I took my glasses off in the apartment. I went back into the building with the alarm going off that someone needed help and saw some one rushing to their room. ---- No, it was not okay for me to have left. My dad fell - he is okay and did not hurt himself in the fall.

The only good thing out of this is that at the care meeting we had on Monday, the nurses tried to get them to have the aides at the facility help him with this. They both resisted - now they have finally agreed to have it done. It is too bad that it took a fall for them to realize that my mom is not capable of helping in that manner.

Totally stressed me out -- seeing my dad lying on the floor like that. (Hence the Snickers bar - good thing about that was it tasted horrible so I am thinking that will keep me from doing that again providing I keep that in mind)

change of topic now:
The last couple of nights I have been smelling something outside my window. I was thinking skunk, but when I saw the garbage cans overturned this morning' I am changing that to bear. RATS! the area by the firepit is where I was going to set up a tent and that is the direction the smell came from. Now, I'll be too chicken to even spend the night in the yard.

Yesterday, I ate:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherry fruit mix and banana

Lunch at a Thai place so although I choose lots of vegetable dishes they were high fat - oil and coconut, but I started with a plate of spinach, tomato, and pineapple. I was attempting that eat the salad first and fill the tummy so you won't eat as much - that does not work with me as a volume eater. I find I still eat the same amount of the other foods. Perhaps it is because I eat too fast. NO, yesterday I realized the real reason I do that -- as I ate the more calorie dense foods, I found myself rationalizing that I needed to eat more so I won't get hungry later. At least I am aware of one of my motivations for overeating.

Beck Diet Solution training to the rescue: "It is okay to be hungry" and "Being hungry is not an emergency".

I needed some more bug spray - the biting flies really like to bite this time of year - so we stopped at Walmart. Hubby states that he wants potato chips. Okay, now I am sure if any of you readers follow my journey you can be sure of the struggle I had. BUT<success>, I looked at the bag I usually buy and told myself "NO". At the checkout, I saw the smaller bag of the chips I usually grab and again I told myself "NO".

Oh, I am so excited, my mindset might be getting to be thinking the right way. I am now hoping I am not jinxing myself.

Returned home and ate:
mashed potato and gravy
mixed vegetables
Spring mix

Well, I have a lot to do today:
*1 session Ripped in 30
*Nike run app - bench mark run (only 3/4 mile but fast)
*mow a section of yard
*shred some of that zucchini to freeze for baking later (only planted 3 and we cannot keep up with the harvest) (This may wait til tomorrow when I will have more time)
*go back to town so my dad can sign a release form for the Mayo Clinic I had them send it to my email, but don't know my password so had to wait til I got home to access it.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherry mix and banana

Zucchini with onion, corn, kidney beans
potato
spring mix

spring mix
LO- potato with the kidney bean zucchini mix

Let's see how I do today....

[Morris]

August 9, 2019

Yesterday, I did one session of the Ripped in 30 level 1 before my run (Nike Run app) benchmark run, I was 3 second slower than the last one I did, but I was on a different road so I don't know if that made any difference. Or it could have been because I did that workout first, my legs feel heavy after the workout because they get worked quite a bit in the routine. Besides, it also takes me a mile or two before I really get into my run. This run was only 7 minutes warm-up, 3 minute hard and 5 minute cool down; only 15 minutes total.

Mowed the yard for 90 minutes - I am breaking the yard up into sections and doing a bit at a time. I have so much to do to get it all done. The first section done is already needing to be mowed again. Mowing the yard is like dirty laundry - it is never done.

My eating was good for breakfast and lunch.
What I ate yesterday:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherry fruit mix, pineapple, melon and chia seed

onion, potato beans and corn (forgot to put the zucchini in)
spring mix

went to another county fair and blew it - milk shake and mini donuts and onion rings

2 out of 3 -- making progress

I am finding the Ripped in 30 exercises to be very beneficial for my running, level one is a good warm up for me because there is a lot of dynamic stretching. I am finding that I am less stiff after my runs. So, I might keep it in mind for my warnup in the future.

Tomorrow is the day of one of my favorite races, afterward there is a craft fair. But ever since my GD1 moved, I just cannot get into doing all these races. I miss running with her. Plus, all the stress and having to go to town so often is making me tired and I cringe at the thought of setting my alarm for an earlier hour and then having to drive 1/2 hour -to 1 hour to get to the destination. I will do the one to support a Hospice Center and the DAV that are coming up in a few weeks.

Well, I have a lot to do today - I need to take care of all that zucchini - I keep putting it off and it is still on the counter. I want to shred most of it and freeze it because I use shredded zucchini in a lot of baking that I do. Only 3 plants and way more zucchini than we can eat -- crazy. I wish my tomatoes would do so well.

My plan for today:
coffee
exercise - ripped in 30, 6 miler

riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherry fruit mix and chia seed
banana

shred that zucchini

sliced zucchini with onion
potato
lentils - with onion, carrot, and celery - most likely to use as a sloppy lentil mix to top that potato
spring mix

Off to town AGAIN - dad needs to sign a paper and then I am going to spend some time with my older sister. Both of us need a break - I am hoping to go to the flower garden with her and enjoy some nature beauty.

I am thinking if I plan for breakfast and lunch I can at least give an appearance of following the plan for a while. I gradually sneak that 3rd meal into my routine until I am actually following the plan. (maybe I won't notice it happening - hahahaha)

[Morris]

August 10, 2019

I had a good time with my sister, we went out to eat and and I overate stuff I really ought not have eaten. I really need to get a grip on my emotions. Both my sister and I went to our parents so our dad could sign that paper. Then I checked the voice mail on my dad's phone and learned that a prescription was ready for pick up, So my sister and I went to get that for them. Then hubby calls me and tries to guilt me into cutting my visit with my sister short.

Man, I am so tired of games people play. He said he wasn't expecting me to come home before I was ready but... Really if you weren't excepting that then why did you call? There was that and my mom pretending not hear what is being said. I know she heard because she had 3 people repeating it. I was able to watch my mom's expression while she was acting that way - interesting how facial expression can reveal so much. HMMMM, got a couple of people here who don't seem to be getting enough attention in their eyes.

I need to stop letting other people's actions affect what I stuff in my mouth - old behaviors are so hard to change. Growing up, I always stuffed my face when I got too frustrated and/or upset with others.

But, Today is a new day. My coffee time and my venting here is giving me a better attitude now or perhaps the buzz from the coffee just kicked in.

I am not even going to mention all that I ate yesterday, but I will say that I hit the dessert bar at that buffet.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherry mix and banana

carrot zucchini whole wheat muffins
vegetable rice tomato soup

spring mix
lentil "coney" carrot dog
broccoli

I plan to do a circuit training session, mow a section or two of the yard. Then hubby wants to go to town for I don't know what. I missed that race today because I overslept, I am bummed but it was to be a same day registration, so at least I did not "waste" my race fee. It was one of those, if I wake up in time, I'll go.

[Morris]

August 11, 2019

UGH! I think I am realizing why I am having such difficulty following my eating plan - I cannot seem to organize my day. I seem to let others dictate what I am going to do for the day even if I attempt to plan what I what to do. I get too busy and then do not take or have the time to prepare my meals. Plus, I do not seem to know exactly how long it takes me to do the tasks I need to do. I usually under estimate how long it takes. This must be why I hate preplanning and organizing my schedule for the day.

I did manage to make a batch of vegetable soup yesterday, I added potato, lentils, and rice to it. It was so filling. I was able to use up one of my zucchinis that I picked. GS2 is so excited because his watermelon is growing and he is able to see how quickly it gets larger. I went out and weeded around the edge of the garden because the plants are extending into the yard. We found a few more little watermelons starting.

Right now, as I am typing this, I have a video of doctor McDougall playing in the background - the one that talks about the color book. I also skimmed through the color book before I started typing this. I am going to have to rethink and start thinking of some so-called food items as food poisoning, and that it is no longer food. I need to make that concept a reality and really get serious about the consequences of what I choose to put in my mouth.

I bought the Collector Edition of Naked Food - it is the nutritional edition, focusing on whole food, starch based nutrition. It has a section with the nutritional recommendations and under the food groups it has listing of the various types of food under each group - that kind of debunks there is nothing to eat when following this diet. So many foods to choose from. Interesting to note that in addition to tomato it also says: cucumber, eggplant, Patty Pan squash, peppers, and zucchini are actually fruits, but treated as vegetable from a culinary perspective. I knew that about tomato, but not the other "fruits".

Under the starchy vegetable it has "Pumpkin Sprouts" = Can anyone tell me what that is?

Well, time for me to get moving for the day. I plan on eating some of that leftover vegetable soup and I hope to make hobo dinners today. I guess I see what I actually choose.

[AnnetteW]

Your soup sounds good. I keep waiting for fall/winter for soups. Then I can also bake bread.

Take care....time to do something for yourself.

[Morris]

August 12, 2019

Exhausting weekend for me -- I think the stress is hitting me and hitting me hard. No motivation to do much of anything. The Plus is that I have been sleeping a bit longer in the morning - the minus is I have been sleeping a bit longer in the morning. I have so much to do...

Oh well, I am taking GS2 to Paul Bunyan Land (an amusement park) today if the weather is good, meaning no rain in the forecast. We missed last year's visit and he has been asking all summer when we were going to go. Might as well have a fun day with him.

Tried to do my Jillian Michaels exercise this morning. Ripped in 30 level 2 is too hard for me, I am not coordinated enough for the moves and I think that it is too much too soon. Plus, I read a lot of negative reviews for this one, mostly about how hard it was on the knees, made it about 1/2 through and I know why those reviews were there. I think I'll go back to the 30 Day Shred.

I am thankful for the few people that do stop and give me a bit of encouragement. Today in particular. I got up this morning thinking why bother? I just cannot get with it. But I know that is the wrong attitude. I have been eating totally off plan and find myself eating chicken and eggs again, and I even put Ranch dressing on my salad -- what the hey is going on with me? I don't even like dressing on my salad. This stress is really getting to me.

I need to FOCUS FOCUS and FOCUS - Follow One Course Until Successful -- my problem is I have too many roadblocks and detours on my course. I need to find an alternative route.

[Morris]

August 12, 2019

All rightie, I am working on getting my mindset back to where it ought to be. I am in a facebook group that just started reading The China Study by T. Colin Campbell. I read this book years ago and this is what got me started on the whole food plant based journey. I am excited to read it again. I mentioned months ago that I wanted to reread it. I just hope that I stick with it and actually stay with the reading schedule and learn from other people's comments on what they are learning from it.

My biggest take away from just the introduction is that casein, (87% of cow's milk protein) has strongly and consistently promoted cancer. **Here is my motivation to say NO to that ice cream I have been eating lately.** Reading again that the level of protein, especially animal protein, can turn on and off cancer growth will make me rethink what I am eating.

I really hope this isn't just an momentary short-term excitement to get with the program again. I want to experience the benefits of eating a whole food plant-based diet again, to experience the physical as well as the mental benefits. My last written note from chapter one is how world class athletes learned that eating a low fat, plant-based diet gave them an significant edge in their performance. I am not looking for any medals or placing first in a race, but it would be nice to still obtain new personal bests at my age.

In order to stay with my reading schedule, I am going to cut back on my computer time. MY coffee time is the time I focus on my journal here, so if I am not posting as much as usual that may be the reason. I really want to reread this book because it was so influential in changing the way I ate after I first read it. Thinking back, I had the same struggles that I am having now, but I had a bit more support from hubby and other family members. Now I have those family members encouraging me to eat junk and even ridiculing me. No wonder I am struggling so much more this time around.

Yesterday, we drove to the potato farm and bought 100 pounds of potatoes - 2 50-pound sacks, I think I need to go back to the library and find Raghavan Lyer's potato book for ideas on the different ways to prepare potatoes. But, as I was carrying the sacks into the house, one at a time, I thought about the extra weight I had gained (40 pounds) and recalled how I felt back then and how I feel now. I got serious about losing that weight when the scale hit that number that was borderline between me being overweight/obese. Plus I needed to buy new jeans and I would have had to go into the PLUS size. That was my motivation back then and now, seeing my mom and dad with their health issues and not wanting to end up that way. I need to get serious about what I shove into my mouth and I hope I did not do too much damage from the way I have been eating these past few years.

Stress eating, just learned that my dad's strength has declined rapidly over this past week and the nurse at the facility is recommending he go to a nursing home. I cannot believe how fast his strength is going. I was to take him to get his new eye glasses but the nurse told me that it is unsafe for 1 person to assist him now. I don't know how I am going to get him to that place. What to do??

Time for me to end my coffee computer book reading time now. I have a lot to do today. Frustration has already set in my left click on my mouse has decided to stop working and I don't know keyboard shortcuts on how to manuever the screen. Thanks to having a touch screen monitor I am able to post this morning.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
leftover vegetable soup and zucchini muffin

mandarin orange for snack

mashed potato with mushroom gravy
spring mix
left over vegetable soup

??

[Michele613]

Good for you...finding another source of motivation...we all need to find that which works for us and inspires us to go on the right path towards health and towards the goals we truly and deeply desire.

We went to a wedding yesterday (night time affair as they are here in Israel) and I was hungry from the get go and just 'decided' that I was going to eat whatever I wanted from the smorg...and I did and then at dinner I did the very same thing. Nothing really satisfied me other than the fact that 'I ate" off program. I chose today as well to finally have 2 slices of double cheesed pizza and an ice coffee which my wonderful but enabling husband brought into the house for me. I was too weary to go out and get it myself. I doubled down with two chocolate bars for dessert. So, now, Nancy...how bad do you feel? Sound familiar?

I won't weigh until I 'have to' and I'll just go on....it is a process and I chose to not be in the process for the last 24 hours. Excuse? Probably but I am ok with it for now.

Hang in there and just keep trying, a little better, a little longer until you get it right and right again, day after day until forever. It is good for us and will prolong our lives. Let's do it no matter how many times we have to get up again,

Go team!

[Morris]

August 15, 2019

Oh man! What a day yesterday was. I got up, had my coffee, then went for my run. I missed a couple days of my workouts for running, so since they were speed and endurance (sort runs) I decided to do both. The tempo run, run hard for a specific distance, was done without me starting the app -- therefore it did not count. UGH! I also wore my Garmin so at least I am able to track my time. Then I did intervals of 1/2 mile x 5. Good workout altogether.

I went to have breakfast or brunch since it was late, vegetable soup and zucchini muffins. Hubby comes in and starts complaining about a sharp pain that is shooting toward his eye. He has had meningitis twice so paranoia sets in. He calls the clinic and they saw go to urgent care. So off town we go. On the way, mom calls and says that they have to move because dad's condition has declined so much that he needs more care than what they can provide at the place where they are. Dad has to go to a nursing home, which means they have to be separated.

Good news is this doctor hubby saw told him he needs to lose weight - high blood pressure was the cause of the problem. Hopefully he will get serious about losing weight and we can both focus on eating better.

I am on Chapter 3 of The China Study. This is a great refresher, I had forgotten much of the information. I am hoping that rereading this book will give me the motivation I need to get back to eating "the healthiest diet". I know that if I can just cut out the junk food, I'll be just fine.

This morning, I finished chapter 3 while I had my coffee, then I did a Nike Training Club workout - good stretching of the hips and hamstrings and a great warmup - So I got my gear ready and hit the road and redid that tempo run. I ran 3/4 of a mile down the road AFTER I started my app. Then for "fun" of it I ran back home, just so I could compare the two times - hilly route so the way back was more up hill than the the first run. The I walked about 1/4 mile for my cool down. Stretched a bit, finished my coffee and now it is time to start my day.

What I plan to eat today:
riced cauliflower oatmeal with cherries, banana and flax.

Chunky Potatoes - recipe form Raghavan Iyer from his 600 Curries Cookbook
Salad

Leftovers

[Morris]

August 17, 2019
I have to make this one quick - weighed myself this morning and despite the stress and struggle to get my workouts done my weight is holding steady. I am so relieved about that, I made some zucchini cake yesterday and frosted it - it was so good but so not good for you.
I think I will try to add zucchini to the Adoniis Cake from Ann Esselstyn and at least it will be closer to being compliant.

My dad had been fighting the idea about him needing the nursing home, at least to me, however he did admit to hubby that he was getting weaker. Yesterday, I received a call from the nurse at the apartment they are at and she told me that he scooted down (he maneuvers the wheelchair with his feet) and told her that he thinks he needs the nursing home care now. She said he told her that he is noticing his core is now getting weaker and had trouble even sitting up. The rate at which is he weakening is frightening, but it is such a struggle for him to eat and he does not let my mom feed him after he is done trying. He is barely eating.

On the positive, the Mayo Clinic called and scheduled an appointment for October 10 - I am not sure they will be able to do anything at the rate he is declining. I am okay handling this right now but the reality of the final outcome has not really hit me yet. So much for being positive, huh?

I don't know what I am going to do today, hubby has a couple of meetings and it will be long enough for me to come home and wait for him. But his back is real sore and he is having a lot of spasms so he may call to say take me home early and in that case, it would be best for me to stay in town. I may go to this place that has trail system and a 2-mile fitness section where they have about 10 workout stations. It is fee based, but I might just get the membership because it is a great place for photos.

What I plan to eat today:
Coffee
chunky potatoes

Bagged salad mix of some sort (if I stay in town I'll buy at grocery store)
cauliflower and broccoli florets
chewy granola bar

Chunky potatoes
beans of some sort

[Morris]

August 19, 2019

I am so tired. I am not sleeping well and get a couple of hours of good sleep right before I wake up. So, that helps me get through the day. I am on chapter 4 of the China Study. I am so glad to be rereading this book. There is so much information that I had forgotten. This is a very good refresher for me to get my thinking back to how it should be when it comes to what I eat.

Hubby was talking about how he is going to take the high blood pressure medications when and if his primary doctor suggests it. I did mention that his urgent care visit the other day (headache is what prompted him to go in) was due to his high blood pressure. Hubby said he'd take it until he lost weight, then said, "It just ain't happening."

He has such a disconnect on what is good to eat and what is bad to eat. For instance, he will always mention the evils of GMO's and nitrites, but he is content to buy and eat nitrite-free hot dogs. The China Study mentioned some of the potential "parts" that go into hot dogs - the mention of spleen grossed me out. I don't eat hot dogs, I have not for years because way back when, I ate too many rancid ones and got sick from eating them.

On Saturday, hubby had some appointments in town, but his back was sore so I stayed in town. However it was a long wait for me, so I took a chance and walked 2 miles out and back on the bike trail. That was a total of 4 miles. It was so peaceful. I shared the trail with a few walkers, but mostly bikers. I wanted to go further, but was thinking if I did and if hubby called, he'd have to wait too long for me to get back to the car. So, I just enjoyed a 4 mile walk.

Yesterday, I did a 4 mile run on the road that is by my house and it goes through the woods. But, unfortunately, the night before I watched a you tube video on what to do if you see a bear when hiking or camping. Needless to say, my imagination was hyper sensitive to noises I was hearing in the brush. But, since I saw no tracks, I was not too worried and ran out and back twice. It was a good run it was a speed workout where I was to run hard for 200 meters and then rest for 4 minutes. I set my Garmin for .15 mile and then for the rest, I walked til I caught my breath then jogged the remainder. I was enjoying my run so much that I zoned out and kept forgetting if I was to be running hard or taking it easy.

Bear baiting has started and I am not sure if there are any hunters out there with a bear baiting sight, so I need to be extra aware. When the season starts I'll stay out of the woods and stay on the roads. By then the poison plane will be done with the spraying.

When I think of my dad, I really want to stay active and strong. My older sister and brother have tremors also. It is scaring thinking about what may be...

I ate fairly well yesterday, but over indulged in the s'mores

What I ate yesterday:
coffee
went for run

Last of the vegetable soup - it had lentils and rice in it)
mandarin orange and 1/2 apple

Hobo dinner - onion, potatoes, zucchini, mixed vegetables
s'mores - way too many

It was relaxing sitting by the fire while the hobo dinner cooked and then to just sit there and watch the fire die down and go out. It is the closest I am going to get to camping for now. I am trying not to get bummed out because my camping adventures just did not occur this summer. But I still might be able to do it in September.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
oatmeal with flaxseed and craisins
mandarin orange
apple

hubby has doctor appointment and he wants to eat out - no idea where

??

Exercise - not sure I'll be able to fit it in today. i'll see what I am able to do as spontaneous exercise

[bunsofaluminum]

You're smart to keep active, because loss of core strength is really scary. I'm glad you get out running and hiking so often!

[Morris]

August 20, 2019

Woke up to a wicked thunderstorm and my thought was "Glad I am not camping in the woods." This has been a wet summer here - besides the fact that I am so busy, the weather is another reason I have not got much camping done this season. Often on the days I could have gone thunderstorms were in the forecast and so I wimped out on going, just in case. A few years ago, a campground I just discovered was in the way of a storm and about every sight had some damage by fallen trees. - The lightening and wind are the scary parts of the storm, but I like listening to a gentle rumble of thunder, which is what is happening right now.

Yesterday was a bust for just about anything I wanted to get done. I was so tired. I had a dentist appointment in the morning, just had time to eat breakfast, when I came home, I had time to greet the dog, see that she got outside to do her business for a few minutes, then off in the other direction for hubby's appointment.

While in town, I had no chance to rest, but did some shopping for my mom and dad. Once at their apartment, the nurse came up to talk to us. Dad got approved for that nursing home and has to see his primary care doctor before he gets admitted. The nurse at the facility made arrangements for us for a medical care cab so I do not have to attempt to transfer my dad in and out of the car. He is losing strength so fast that they, at the assisted living place, may not be able to continue to care for him until Friday. I guess in that case he will be admitted to the hospital "for observation" until he can get admitting to nursing home.

This is so stressful for me and I made a comment on how since the care cab would transport dad to the doctor that maybe I did not need to come into town - nope, I guess my mom is relying on me for moral support and an extra set of ears as to what is being said. It is so weird because I never had a good relationship with my parents even though these past 20 years I visited them weekly - all on the superficial level, never got personal with them nor them with me.

My older sister told me that she is resolving a lot of her issues with them and she can now give them a hug. I told her she is doing one better than me. Because I am dealing with them on a whole different level now, one that is completely foreign to me, is a total different set of emotions that I have to, what word am I looking for here, _____?________. I always felt like the odd one out growing up and now, I still feel like it but now it is coupled with more responsibilities. Having to take on this supportive role with my parents is such a reversal in my relationship with them. I guess i am finally growing up, huh?

Yesterday, while in town, I fought off the urge to binge on chips or ice cream - felt accomplished. But, once I got home that was another story - I cannot wait til hubby gets the junk out of the house. But before the binge, I ate a leftover hobo dinner - onion, potatoes, zucchini, and mixed vegetables. I was going for the fill up on good things first. I realize this morning that my binge was just that, a binge, because it did not really give me the emotional uplift I was looking for at the moment. I am taking this as a learning experience and hope I can draw on this revelation next time I feel the urge to resort to food for an emotional uplift.

Today, is another day that I am catering to what others need to have done. But it should be a fun day for GS2 because we are going to bring him along and he is going to have a play date with some kids that he met about a year or two ago and has been asking when he can get together with them again. I guess I am going to be the one watching them while hubby and their dad go off and do whatever it is they need to do. I hope the kids will still get along with each other so it will be a fun day for every one.

Not sure how my day will go for eating -
I started with my coffee. I am feeling blah or do I say, 'meh"? But I will at least do a floor exercise routine, it is too wet to run outside so If that picks me up, I do a quick run on the treadmill. Then I will have breakfast: riced cauliflower oatmeal with berries and apple

I have no idea if we will have lunch with this other family or not. The reality of planning ahead is finally becoming real to me. That and the need to commit, I mean really COMMIT, to following the program.___ I am stressing out - my biggest fear is my mom is going to insist on moving in with us . And I think I have stress now....

Well, the thunderstorm has passed now and it is eerily quiet...and on that note, I will now begin my day.