Journal of my journey

[deweyswakms]

Hi Nancy,
I am impressed with your years of journals. And perseverance. I too make plans for what I'll cook or eat in a day, but then deviate and do something else. So I am cooking what sounds good to me and leave it at that. But I have to batch cook so there are some meal alternatives. I usually freeze a couple of portions for those days when I don't want to think about it! take care, Marsha

[Morris]

October 28, 2019
Well, I am up and having my coffee and computer time before the sun is up. I am attempting to get most of the leaves raked up before it snows again. I like working out in the yard, It is kind of like running -- I am by myself and listening to songs or you tube videos and no one bothers me. It is me time. As I ave gotten older, I no longer try to get it all done in one day. Yesterday, as I was raking up the leaves by the fire pit and in that area. I remembered how, before we moved here on the property, I'd come up and rake all day -- 8 - 10 hours.
Now, I no longer go past 4 hours at a time. I wish I had the stamina that I had back then. Plus, I think it takes me longer to get things done now. (One reason I cannot really plan my day because I always underestimate how long a particular job will take me.

I just took a peek out the window, it is almost 7 a.m. and it sure is dark outside -- I better check the weather, we may be in for rain again. I was expecting to see the light beginning to appear. I hope that we have lots of sunshine this winter because with the longer nights, I feel it may be a struggle for me. I am looking for one of those "Happy" Lights. The local library has a few and I used them last winter while hubby was at his writer's group. It really made a difference on my mood.

When Costco had Cheerios on sale, I bought about 4 boxes - mistake, that processed cereal just does not feel me up and I end up eating way more than I ought. I add fruit but it is just too easy to overeat that stuff. Ingredients say: whole grain oats, corn starch, sugar and salt as the main ingredients. What an eyeopener - whole grain oats all ground up to a powder vs. oatmeal flakes - definitely not the same sustaining power. I already knew that - but just giving myself a reality check this morning.

I am finding that not only do I eat too many portions of processed cereal, but I am still eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. In other words, I am eating too much of the calorie dense foods. I need to eat more vegetables. I think we may be in for a long winter -- even out dog seems to be eating more. Or, it could be because when I took her to the vet I asked how much she should be eating - she is a bit on the chubby side and loves her treats. So, I am limiting her treats and making her eat more of her regular dog food. Looks like every one in this household needs to watch the calorie count

Well, the sun is just starting to rise, time for me to eat breakfast and then see how many of those leaves I can gather.

Breakfast:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal blueberries, mango and flaxseed

butternut squash soup
salad - romaine, sweet kale mix, topped with guacamole

mashed potato/butternut squash
stirfry vegetables
pinto beans

I know I wasn't going to do my planned menu - but I feel that it has been habit for so long and I am feeling - bleh -- so I need something to aim for. Perhaps I need to put it on a piece of paper instead of on my computer that way I'll be able to place it where I can see it through out the day. Well. time to log off and find a notebook ...

Have a great day.

[Morris]

Nov 3, 2019

Just a quick post to let you know that I am still here, just not spending as much time on the computer. I am trying to get things done before the snow falls. Looking out the window this morning, it seems I may have to move indoors now. There is a light cover of snow on the ground.

I am going to be honest and I went off track this past week, not just a bit, but way off. I feel so blah! The worst thing is that I really do not know why I went so far from eating the right foods. The funny thing is I open up my email and click on the link for Dr. McDougall's newsletter and there is the article: Tips for Staying on Track. ~ timely for me, but I know it was sent because of the holiday season coming up.

I need to get my act together - This has been a bad year for me. Time to turn things around.

I am needing to cook up the squash we harvested from the garden, the summer was so wet that they are just not having the normal shelf life and they are going bad so fast. I threw out quite a few and baked quite a few and froze it.

Well, I have some sweet potato, black beans, and squash - not sure what I will make but I think that combination will make a good dish of some sort.

So, off to search the recipes so I can develop a plan for what to make today...

[AnnetteW]

That same email came at the right time for me too....I easily veer off the tracks.

Oooooh, squirrel!!!

[Morris]

November 4, 2019
Yesterday, I had a productive day, if you can call it that. I managed to get some things finished. I was baking some squash, then thought, why not add some russet and sweet potatoes. While those were in the oven, I decided to make some curried squash soup, at the last minute, I decided to go outside and see if the apples on the tree were still good, in order to add an apple to the soup. They were and then I decided to harvest the leftover ones and make applesauce. So, I managed to freeze 5 pounds of squash, and made a batch of apple sauce.

A friend called while I was doing that and asked if I wanted to go for a run. We decided to meet halfway at a park and we ran the trails and managed to get in 5.35 miles - we ran for an hour. It was a small park and we ran the same trails over and over and each time we went over a particular trail we noticed a different aspect of the scenery. A couple of times, we asked each other if we ran this particular trail before - we did there were not that many trails.

So what I ate yesterday:

curried squash apple soup
french bread

butternut squash
corn
sweet potato 1/2
small russet potato
black beans

I did have some mini candy bars - but other than that, I was on plan with my eating. Feels good to be eating food, real food again - and without added oil.

Hoping to get back on track again and staying on the trail

[Morris]

Nov 7, 2019

https://www.forksoverknives.com/recipes/sage-lentil-stew-with-squash-and-mushrooms/#gs.ejo83l

I logged onto my facebook page and the above link showed up in my news-feed. I made it yesterday, and except for the type of lentils, (I used green), I followed the recipe. Yeah, for once I followed a recipe; this recipe is a keeper for me. Hubby doesn't like it, but then he said he doesn't like lentils. So, I guess I have my meals for the next couple of days. Also, I be able to see how it freezes.

Tuesday, I went to town to help my mom because she had some errands to do and it got to be supper time. She gets her meals at the apartment, so I was on my own. So, before I left home, I grabbed a dehydrated meal that I had prepared for my camping trips. I had curried vegetables and rice. Maybe, I'll dehydrate some of those Sage Lentils and see how it will re-hydrate. Might as well plan for next camping season.

I still have not finished all the yard work, but I have a good portion of it done for now. The leaves are still falling. One year I raked before the one that drops in the fall was finished and I ended up doing it all over again. Then in the spring the other type drops -- so that year i ended up raking 3 times instead of 2. This year, it was acorn dropping -- my yard is full of acorns and it is like walking on marbles where ever you step.

I am going through some emotional stuff right now and my eating is out of control -- I need to get a grip because if I don't I won't be able to squeeze into my jeans. Also, I am noticing that this time of year I always seem to go through the what I call "fatten up for the winter to come" -- it is getting cold and I start eating more of the bad stuff. I also stop eating salads because I want hot meals. Plus, being around hubby is sort of an irritation at the moment - he is hurting and his whining is getting on my nerves. It is really hard not to let others' attitudes affect how I feel. It is like bad attitudes are contagious --

Deer Hunting starts this weekend -- that means I am going to stay out of the woods and off the roads for 3 weekends. I guess that means "Treadmill, here I come."

oh, the other day, when I was eating leftover Curried Squash Apple soup, I added rice and corn to it - yum! Today, it will be leftover Sage Lentils and I have a few tomatoes that I will make into a Creamy tomato soup - I want to experiment using white beans to make it "creamy". I'll post how it turns out.

[Morris]

November 8, 2019

UGH! I need to get back on track -- I feel so bleh! Today, I am my worst critic, no need to have anyone pointing their finger at me and accusing my of being stupid. Lately, I have been hearing a lot about projection, that is when someone accuses some one else of doing something that they are guilty of doing. I cannot tell you the thoughts I have had about hubby and his choices -- well, you know the saying, when you point your finger at someone, you have three pointing back at you. I think I am worse at making the poor choices because I know better. And that is what is frustrating me.

Ha! I have a magazine in my book holder that I use when I am typing, on the back of it is an advertisement for some BLUE dog food. I think I need to adopt the motto:
Play Hard.
Eat Simple.
Live Healthy.

Funny how that just popped out at me! The "eat simple" is the one that I think will give me the best success for this way of eating -- I make it way too complicated. But, as I am slowly getting my outside work finished, getting the house organized inside, I am getting my mindset ready to settle in for the cold winter months. I am hoping to get into a routine with all the daily chores so things will feel a bit more organized rather than me feeling like everything is so chaotic.

The Live Healthy part of that ad, for me is learning to relax -- I have too much stress in my life and I do not take enough time to just sit and do nothing. These electronic gadgets really zap the energy out of a person, just like they do with the batteries. I recharge my batteries on my gadgets and I need to learn to do the same with my body. Hubby is doing meditation for his pain management and he says that it is helping him. I should try it sometime.

I am planning a surprise for my dad and I hope that I am able to pull it off. The nursing home has told me that I'll be able to take him to the apartment side so he can see mom's apartment and when I do this next Tuesday, I am going to bring him his favorite cake: Maple Chiffon. Two of my sisters will be able to join us. I have to call my brother yet and see if any one of them will be free. I just hope it will work out and he'll be free and not have some therapy of some sort at the time we gather.

I was there for his last physical therapy session -- it is so sad seeing how weak he is getting. He managed to barely pull himself up and sit on the bed for a few minutes. He used to be such a strong man. All the more reason for me to get my act together with this lifestyle -- I do not want that to be my future state.

Well, my coffee is finished and I need to go "play hard" and get a run in. Sunday was my last run. If I do not get it done first thing in the morning, I just don't find the time and/or energy to do it. Looking out the window and seeing frost on the ground means wimpy me is going to hop on the treadmill. Thank goodness for Treadmill TV, I will at least be able to pretend i am running somewhere warm.

Not even going to mention what I ate yesterday because is so far off track from this way of eating that today is day 1. (again and hopefully I'll be able to get to, say, day 3.

[Morris]

November 9, 2019

Well, some poor deer most likely did not make it back home today - heard shots fired first thing this morning. That means hunters are out in the woods -- translate that to treadmill run for me today.

My weight is getting out of control and the worst part is that I am lacking motivation to do anything about it - I feel bleh and my attitude is going right along with the flow. To snap myself out of it, I created a to-do list for me today:

TO DO:
1. bring my bookcases and desk up from cabin to house. And some books that I left behind.
2. Start putting plastic on windows - get at least 1 done today
3. Start decluttering kitchen (I already have 4 rooms done so I am being a bit productive)

Things to be grateful for today:
1. Trixie -- she is a wonderful, but annoying little chubby dog
2. Having some time to myself
3. Sunshine along with a cool crisp day

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
granola and banana

Sage Lentils with Delicata Squash over a potato
tomato soup

I know I am going to snack so:
mini candy bar - 6
chocolate chip cookies - no more than three

Sounds like a lot for snacks but believe you me, that is cutting waaaaaaaaaay back on what I have been eating. I am planning for it in hopes I'll rebel against my plan and not eat any -- hahahaaha (I am such a comedian)

Well, here is hoping for a wonderful productive and happy day for me -- and you

[Morris]

november 19, 2109
I did not do too bad yesterday despite not following my meal plan. My day got interupted - my daughter's SO called to see what I was doing. Seems like D2 wanted to go to an event that was not kid friendly and he did not want to stay in town not drive all the way back home then have to go get her. So, I spent the afternoon with him and GD2 and GS2. He helped me put some plastic up on the windows, then we had lunch - these people are SAD eaters all the way, so I made some mac and cheese for them and forced them to eat some peas with it.
Then we played hide and seek with some plastic eggs I had laying around. SO also helped me move some of my "stuff" that needed to go to the garage for the winter. So, eeven though my day did not go as planned, I at least got some things done and had some quality time with SO and the grandkids.

I did make my "Creamy" tomato soup - oh my! I was either super hungry or that was the best I made. I most likely used too many cashews to have it compliant (that was the cream part), but I add some balsamic vinegar. My lentil dish went bad so I had to toss that and so I ended up filling up on the tomato soup.

I just cannot seem to get my exercise in -- I am just not getting in to it on the treadmill. I start running on it (other people would call it jogging), and my legs feel so heavy. I downloaded the Zombies Run app to my phone, I was doing that a few years back but it started to grotesque with the zombies so I quit, but I am planning to start over with season one where it is not so graphic with the sounds. But I have to get my setting fixed on it because it stopped my music when the story aired -- I was doing Robert Ullery's couch to 5k soundtracks and having my music stopped messed up my run/walk intervals and when the music started I had no idea if I was to be running or walking. So, I gave up on that and by then I just was not into my run at all.

No wonder I am gaining weight, I am snacking like crazy and I am not burning it off through exercise. I am hoping to turn that around. Looking back at my numbers, it seems I go thorough this every year about this time. Must be that old thought of our bodies are getting ready for the winter ahead. I even look at the squirrels running around and if they are looking a bit chubby, I say that we are in for a long snowy winter. I have no idea if I am right or not, but I really have to stop trying to fatten up for the winter to come.

I am stating my day with:
coffee
riced cauliflower, oatmeal, mango, blueberries, chia seed

I finish the tomato soup,
I might make my Shepherds Pie - depending on my time - I have to run to town to get more tape so I can finish the windows and GS2 and GD2 are coming to spend the night. Well, I better get moving or I won't get nothing done.

Have a great day!
Today I am thankful for:
a warm house
my grandchildren
the snow on the ground - first snowfalls always look so pretty.

[Morris]

November 13, 2019
Well, I seem to be falling into a slump and am not keeping up with my journal. Must be the back to standard time and the longer night time hours. Plus it is colder than normal and I am not enjoying being outside.

The other day, As I saw the sun getting lower in the sky, I thought it was going to be a pretty sunset. So, I got my camera, playered up, except I did not put on a base layer for my legs. I drove the the State Park so I could get a river shot of the sunset. But, I did not realize it was single digit temperature and it was cold out there. I stood by the river and watch ice chunks float down the river and heard the ice crashing as the water flowed around the bend. It was too cold for me to wait for the sunset colors and I missed the photo shot. Bummer, I knew I should have layered up my legs too -- well, there will be more to come I am sure.

I don't think I ever saw ice floating down the river like that other than in the spring with the ice jams released. I am thinking that this may signalling a long cold winter ahead. Which means I better get focused on my eating and make sure I stick with an eating plan. I cannot seem to stick with particular meals so what I am thinking of doing is just making a list of approved foods and making meals according to those items. I also need to put myself first and not be so focused on what others will prefer to eat. I know this will be a struggle because every time I bring up how I want to eat, I get an earful on all the meat hubby wants to eat.

I seriously need a do-over of these last two weeks -- but, I will take my brother's advice (although it was not referring to eating) and recognize that what happened then is past - time to forget it and move on. It is too easy to focus on what went wrong rather than what is going right. I gained some extra pounds and am feeling stiff when I get up after sitting an extended period of time, and am not feeling the best I know that I could be feeling.

I have been attempting to add in some random exercies throughout the day and even though I am not doing a planned exercise routine, I am feeling it in my legs. I have been doing random squats and lunges, but I really need to add stretching.

Spark People's 5% challengs has clearing out kitchen clutter, I have been adding that into my routine and getting my kitchen in order - I have one section that has become hubby's catch-all spot. I had a cupboard where I was storing my cookbooks (I have a lot of those) So, I got me some bookshelves and moved my books to those and now I have some cupboards that I can at least "hide" some of the stuff. I am hoping to get that counter cleared off and them get one of those Aero Gardens and start growing some herbs - cannot wait to grow some basil and then have some tomato soup with fresh basil --soon, very soon....

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
oatmeal with mango and blueberries, flaxseed

creamed potato and peas
salad roamine, sweet kake and beets

Bean Soup
salad - romaine, sweet kale mix and beets

Simple meal plan -- hope I can stick with it.

Have a great day and stay warm - it is snowing here

[Morris]

November 15, 2019

My youngest daughter's birthday today -- she is 36 years old. -- I am starting to feel old. I recall one day when all of my siblings got together for a meal and my brother commented on how all of us are becoming seniors.My thought was, "how fortunate my mom and dad are to see us all age."

GD1 spent the night with me last night -- she drove her herself from school -- another I am feeling old. Come February, she will be 18. We went out to eat at a Mexican place, where they have all the food prepared and you choose how to create your dish. I like that place because they use minimal oil when they prepare their items and the dishes taste fresh because of all the raw veggies that are added on top. Afterwards, we went to a movie, Playing with Fire, it was a comedy and a "laugh out loud" type of movie. Considering the way the world is today -- it was a really really really good movie. It showed people caring for one another. My granddaughter was laughing and it brought back memories when she was 4 years old and we took her to see the cartoon, Pink Panther, and she giggled and giggled. Every one at the theater was enjoying her enjoying the movie more than the movie itself.

I had a good time yesterday. Actually, I been having a good, relaxing time this week. I am slowly decluttering -- it is amazing how getting rid of clutter has such an effect on one's mood. But, man, it is so easy to just say, I'll tend to that in the morning. Unfortunately, some days morning does not come. I was able to keep the dining room table clear for about 2 days and it is slowly becoming a catch all again. That is why I want to get a schedule set up for me as I did when we were selling our house. It is so much easier to spend a few minutes daily than to have to do a major cleaning.

I am sort of feeling like I need to be organized first in order to get organized -- silly, huh? But, I am dedicating a bit of time each day and am slowly making progress. I am really looking forward to getting it all done, then I can start focusing on meal planning and prepping. I really enjoying cooking and I have not been devoting as much time as I like because I am so busy with other things and have been emotionally worn down with all that has been going on within my family these past few years. It is like I am finally getting rid of more than just the clutter that has been laying around.

I am eating better meals, but still have to get a grip with my snacking. I am making bad choices with the in-between meals. I am trying to focus on no snacking between meals. But I know I am going to eat it anyways, so I have been trying to incorporate it into my meal plan as dessert. I am not being very successful. I am finding that I am actually enjoying the taste of the junk again. I seriously need to have a do-over. But, just like keeping my rooms clean, I find myself saying, "I'll start tomorrow." Does tomorrow ever come?

My weight is up and my jeans are tight -- I am not going to buy a bigger size, so I better get a grip and get a grip fast. But, then I think I go through this every year at this time when the weather starts to get cold. It must be a seasonal thing for me. I just wish I had sense enough to fatten up on the things that are better choices. I can only imagine what you people think of me reading my journal. But hey! I am still here and still trying to get my act together. I am coming up to my 5th year anniversary and although I have a bit of a weight gain, I am still weighing less than when I started. So, I am making some type of progress as little as it may seem.

My eating plan for today:
coffee
oatmeal, mango and blueberries

Curried butternut squash soup

??

[Morris]

November 18, 2019
Well, I weighed myself and lost some of those pounds I gained recently, but I still have to lose a few to get back to where I want to be. But, I am sure that I will get serious and find the motivation that I need to do what I need to do.

Sparkpeople has a challenge I joined and it goes in 8 week cycles and each week has a different "challenge" or habit to do. Last week and this week's challenge includes spending 10 minutes a day decluttering the kitchen. That was some much needed motivation for me to get going on that project. We have one counter-top that has become hubby's catch-all spot. Plus, I had some of my occasional use appliances stored on it.

I took my books out of the cupboard below that counter and now I have a place to store my appliances. I organized hubby's stuff and am finally enjoying a non-cluttered counter-top. I have been slowly de-cluttering all the rooms and one-by-one each room is getting a sense of order. This is much needed for me since I feel that my life has been so chaotic these past years.

I was looking for some motivation yesterday and was going through some of my computer files. I came across a file from Jeff Novick where he outlined his "simple meal plan" and thought I should maybe use that as a guide. But it seems like so much food. If you want to know what those guidelines are, just go back to my first post - about 5 years ago that was the direction I wanted to go. It seems I have come full circle --

[Morris]

November 19, 2019

Other than getting up to take the dog out for "pottie" (2 times), I slept well last night. I actually woke up with the blankets and sheets still in place -- translate that to I was not tossing and turning all night long. But, I bet if I look at my fitbit stats I will find that I did not sleep as well as I thought. But, I know the fitbit is not accurate so I do not really give it too much thought. However, it does let me know how restful or restless I am during the night.

Speaking of fitbits, I am hoping to replace the one I have now because my band is broken and I have it super-glued. I am still using the charge 2 and bands are no longer available for it. Kohl's is having a sale for Black Friday that is making it so I am thinking this is the time to replace. I like my fitbit to track my movement during the day. Sometimes, just with my daily doing whatever it is I need to do, I meet my goal of 12,000 steps. And I like how it will track an activity if my movement and heart rate goes up for more than 10 minutes.

I am happy to report that I have lost a bit over 1-1/2 pounds since last week. I am working on getting back on track with my eating and exercise. I am working on not snacking as much - I find that when I eat between meals I am often not really hungry and am eating just for the sake of eating something. I really need to stop doing that.

Yesterday, for my exercise I got on the treadmill and set up my virtual run video (Treadily, Trail Genius, Treadmill TV, Running Video TV, Treadmiller - to name a few if you want to look them up on youtube.) The one I chose was just over 20 minutes and I thought I'd see how close I could get to 2 miles watching that one. I managed 1.72 miles. Then I just walked on it for another 1.25 miles using the incline feature and every minute I would up the incline 1/2%. I worked my way up to 12 then back down again. On the way down I changed it every 30 seconds. I walked at 3 mph. So, I managed to get in a good 45 minutes.

I used to use ifit on my treadmill where it would connect to Google maps and I could run watch the street view of my route. But, they changed their format and I did not like it after the new version of their app. Plus I have an older, bottom of the line treadmill that I am sure will not be compatible with their app. So, I dropped that and now just watch you tube videos where people either run or bike a route and record it. It helps fight the boredom of running on a treadmill and feeling like a hamster running on the spinning wheel.

Rifle season for deer is over this Sunday -- I cannot wait to get out on the road again, but I will still need to use caution because there will still be hunters out in the woods black powder and bow). Other than opening day, I have not heard too many hunters having any of what they call luck. I did have a doe and a fawn walk through my yard the other day -- I shot my deer with my camera.

Speaking of running out on the road again - Costco has a duel pack of base layers 32° brand on sale. I bought me top and bottom, a balaclava, and a down jacket (650 fill) -- I just need to get me some good running gloves and I am all set for cold weather running. The only problem with this is that the roads I run on are low priority and minimum maintenance and are not plowed in the winter. This winter, if we get lots of snow, I am going to snow shoe the trails. Plus I am going to hike into the woods and learn to use a compass. If I do it in the woods close to home, I really won't get lost, maybe just disorientated and have to walk a long way home.

I am really looking forward to getting back on track with my eating and exercise. A friend wanted to do if I want to do the half marathon in April -- I told her I'd decide by December -- at the rate I am going, I am not sure if I want to do that distance. I ran that distance twice and I really do not like to go that far. But, it would give me some motivation to get off my rear during the winter months. I usually do the 10k race at that event. But, I am wondering what my time would be now for the half since it has been almost 8 years since I last ran it and I am slower now. I think I'd be okay if I got my eating on track and stopped with all the junk.

What I plan on eating today:
coffee
apple crisp

curried squash soup
baked potato topped with salsa

I have to go to town to take my mom to the doctor so I am not sure what will happen while I am in town. I am going to bring one of my "camping" meals (dehydrated) so if I get hungry I can just add water and have a good meal that will be complicate.

Exercise --- saw a poster yesterday:

"Exercise? I thought you said extra fries."

I am going to hop on the treadmill and turn on a video and see what happens - I am setting a goal to do at least 1 mile a day -- let's see how long this streak will last.

[Morris]

November 20, 2019

Rude awakening yesterday -- I saw that during these past six weeks I had gained 7 pounds, that is a bit over a pound a week - fortunately, I lost some of that and am getting lower numbers on the scale again. It sort of surprised me how quickly I added on the pounds. And this is the time of year that every where you go, it focuses on food - food - and more food. And there is candy everywhere.

So, I joined the Mutual Accountability Thread and hoping that I will be accountable, mainly to myself, and be honest about what I am eating and how it will affect me reaching my goals.

My Goals
1. 128 pounds
2. Controlled eating of snacks
3. Eat only when hungry and until satisfied
4. Exercise daily either planned or spontaneous

I am not going to focus on being 100% WFPB compliant because, if you have been reading my journal, that will set me up for immediate failure. Goals number 2 and 3 are what I am really going to focus on and I think in doing so I will eventually work my way into being at least 80-90% compliant with this way of eating.

My number one goal is the number i got when I did the calculation on the ideal weight calculator - it gave 5 different weights using different calculations, so I averaged out the number. It is a bit lower than my teenage and adult years weight by about 7 pounds, so at this point I am not sure if I am being realistic or not in reaching it and maintaining it. But, looking at my body, I can see where I have some extra fat stores.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
apple crisp

black beans and rice
corn

Minestrone soup, with black beans
Company muffins - my granddaughter is coming to visit tomorrow and I make these for her school lunch.

apple crisp

[AnnetteW]

Which "ideal weight calculator" did you use? I tried to google that and there seem to be many different ones. I'm curious now.