Journal of my journey

[Morris]

Sept 23, 2019
I got up early just because I woke up and couldn't fall back to sleep. It is so dark outside, I love sitting at the table and look outside at the darkness. I love it when the sun starts to rise and it gradually begins to get light.

Yesterday, I decided to go for a run. I had skipped a couple of days and my body was craving a run. I did a speed workout, and as geeky as I am about my data, I did not even check to see how fast I was running. I do know that my lungs were screaming at me on a few laps. It felt good and I just now realized that it did not tire me out too much. It was a five miler.

After my run, I went out to pull some of the weeds in the one garden plot that I neglected all summer. I was going to mulch it, but when hubby hired the guy to till our garden in the spring, he had take my pile of leaves and work it into the soil. I had nothing left to use to mulch. So, instead of weeding it constantly, I just let it go wild. And wild it became. I have almost half of it weeded now. I discovered that one pumpkin grew in the chaos. I also found out that the deer did not destroy all the green beans and left us a few. We will use those for seed for next season.

I found the book, Proteinaholic by Garth Davis, M.D. at the library. I heard some good things about this book so that is the next book I want to read. Hubby eats so much animal protein. He is prone to getting kidney stones and even though when we were on that diet years ago he had to have surgery to remove one that was too large to pass, he keeps eating meat daily. He might be starting to make the connection between animal protein and the kidney stones, but only if it is in the form of dairy.

I heard him talking to SO yesterday about kidney stones, but it was more about using apple cider vinegar to dissolve them rather than what he can do to prevent them in the first place. Interesting, since our medical system is more about treating a symptom rather than finding out what one can do to prevent something from developing in the first place.

I will see what I can learn from reading this book, but I doubt that I'll be able to convince hubby of anything much. He is one of those that he'll dismiss some information until he discovers it on his own and it becomes his idea.

D2, SO and GD2 came to visit yesterday. SO is creating a couple of board games and we are getting together weekly to play the games so he can work out all the fine details. This last one was very interactive and was for thinking people and not a passive game. But, one the rules were understood and remembered, it was a fun game to play.

They stayed for dinner. They brought over a couple of chicken breast and a package of some macaroni and cheese. They are SAD eaters. SO rarely eats unprocessed food and is very picky about what he eats. I gave him a watermelon the other day for the grandchildren and he commented that he does not like watermeion. When he first started dating our daughter about 7 years ago, I served him a lettuce salad and he said that it was the first time he remembered eating a lettuce salad.

I added some potatoes, carrots, corn and watermelon-->this is what I ate. I also went outside and picked about 8 apples from the apple tree and made some apple crisp for dessert. The apples, carrots and watermelon all came out of our garden.

I weighed myself this morning and my weight is up a bit from a week ago, just a pound. I ended up bingeing on junk food a couple days ago and am now wearing some of the excess. It is only 1 pound and I am still under what I weighed in my teenage and young adult years, but I do not feel my best. I feel bloated and blah, sort of sluggish. So, while I am in the range of the so-called healthy BMI, I think I will do feel better if I do tweak what I am eating and eliminate that junk. The food and market industries make it too easy to eat foods that do not support health and well-being.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with pineapple, blueberries, and flaxseed

salad: romaine, sweet kale mix, beet, red onion
watermelon
potato dish of some sort - I am just going to boil a bunch to have on hand

Snacks: company muffin
cut up celery carrot and broccoli and cauliflower

??

Well, time for me to start my day...tomorrow I'll need to help my mom move. My mom told me that a new resident moved in that requires a lift and 2 person assistance -- just like my dad, whom they told they were not able to accomodate him. But, then my parents complained a lot there. I tell ya, being negative all the time not only wears down the person being negative but those around them also. This is why sometimes when I am using this journal as a sounding board, I am glad that I time out and my message disappears because it then gives me time to refocus and think about more postive things.

[Morris]

Sept 24, 2019

I am going to have to make this post quick. The movers are coming about 2 hours earlier than originally planned. It takes me an hour to get to where my mom lives and I want to be there ahead of them in case there is things to do. I did not go yesterday because she said she did not have much for me to do. So, I have no idea what mess I wll be walking into this morning.

I am watching an episode of advantgardevegan - creamy mushroom crepe -- man, that guy's cooking show makes food sexy. His photography and video production is the best I have seen for a cooking show. I need to buy some mushrooms and aspargus. His presentation puts my slopping everything on a plate to shame.

The second episode, he has a guest and she is a nutritionist. The dish they are making has wild rice in it - she suggests to always soak wild rice ahead of time so that we can absorb more of the nutrients. She also recommeds to drain and rinse it before cooking it. Interesting tidbit for me. Plus, you then cut the cooking time in half.

Yesterday, I at least had my breakfast meal and watermelon - Right after I had my coffee, I went to weed that garden plot. The weather was perfect and best of all there were no bugs biting me. The sun was shining, but I was in the shade for most of my time weeding. I cannot believe that I spent 6 hours and I am still not done. I wanted to finish by the shade had disappeared and I was in the sun toward the end and was getting a bit hot and dehydrated. I am guessing about 1 -2 hours more and then I'll be able to prep the soil for winter. I cannot believe that I spent so much time weeding the garden, the time passed so quickly that to me, it seemed like just a couple of hours. I must have been having fun --

I was hungry when I finished working and ended up just making peanut butter and jelly bread, watermelon, celery and carrot sitcks and a couple of cherry tomatoes for my meal. I knew I should have cooked the potatoes before I went out to the garden, but I had no idea that I was going to be out there for as long as I was. It should have been a lesson for me about the importance of meal prepping, but I am not sure it really mattered to me much. I do enjoy peanut butter and jelly bread.

I started reading Proteinaholic - so far my take away is EAT MORE PLANTS.

I am going to start my day with:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal, blueberries, pineapple, flaxseed and cinnamon

??

??

[Morris]

Sept 25, 2019

Well, I helped my mom move into her new apartment. The movers charged her a lot of money, but it was her dime and at least I was not the one moving the heavy furniture. The guy did one thing I thought was sort of rude, he picked up some trash on the floor and put it in the box then stated when they are asked to pack they pack up everything and "do not judge" as to what is good or bad. Then right before he left he asked if I could go on his website and do a review - hmmmmm, are you sure you want me to do that? I understood what he was saying, because my mom's place was a mess with the stuff that needed to be packed up. I am glad that I was able to clean it up a bit before the movers arrived.

I know my mom is old, but you cannot change the spots on a tiger. My mom was never a good housekeeper. While growing up as a child, I recall that our house got to house cleanings a year, one was when it was her turn to host card group and the other was Christmas time when she invited all of her family for dinner. Other than that, not much cleaning got done. But still, if you eat off a paper plate, throw the darn plate away when you are finished. If you take something out of a package and are not going to reuse the package, through it in the trash can. If you spill something, clean it up. -.

I am just so frustrated with her. I must have a sign on my back that says "KICK ME" - I am so tired of helping people out and having them treat me like crap. I must be a magnet and attract these people to me. The sad thing is they are family and I cannot just walk away from them -- or can I?

I was trying to get her new apartment organized and going through the boxes looking for the bedding so I could get her bed ready so she'd be comfortable sleeping. As I was putting on the sheets and bedspread, she mentioned to just leave it, but I told her I wanted to make it so it'd look nice. She went behind me and messed up the bed. I asked her why she did that and she just looked at me in her "mom" way. One of my memories I have of her is when she stormed into my room one morning when she was in one of her moods and I thought, "She looks just like the wicked witch of the west from the Wizard of Oz."

But, on the positive, I stopped at the nursing home and had a pleasant visit with my dad. He has decided that he does want to go to the Mayo Clinic next month to see what they have to say about his neck - it has frozen so that his head is always held down and at an angle. He has arthritis in his spine. He is losing function of his hands, arms and legs. For the most part, he is staying pleasant and so far, most of those attending to him are saying he is one of the nicest people they are taking care. He is having issues with one aide though and my dad is threatening to "show his other side" -

Man, I need to go camping and get away from everyone.

Well, the sun has risen and my coffee is gone, now it is time for me to get moving for my day.
Go for a run and then I am hoping to get the last of the weeds pulled up from that garden plot. I am to the spot where the sand burrs grew - they are now all over my yard - GD2 tells me when I walk in the grass to "Watch out for the stickies" - those little burrs are sharp and boy, do they stick once they get onto you.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal, pineapple, blueberries, flaxseed, and cinnamon
company muffin

potatoes - I will prepare before I go outside today so they will be ready when I come in for lunch
watermelon
salad: romaine, sweet kale mix, and beet

potato
stirfry vegetables

Have a pleasnat day - (this is me speaking to me)

[Morris]

Sept 27, 2019

Well, I reserved a hike in campsite for tomorrow night. It is going to be cool, but not freezing for the temperature. It is not supposed to rain in the afternoon, rain is in the forescast for the night. This is going to be my first hike-in camping trip.Once reason Ihave not yet actually done it is because deep down I have been afraid of spending the night in the woods by myself. But, a lady I met during running class said she wanted to do this also. I am so excited to do this, especially since I will be having someone else there to calm my nerves when it gets dark. I am hoping this will be a positive adventure.

My mom is getting settled into her new apartment. Now, my parents can do some of the activities that are offered together - bingo, mass, etc. My mom can walk over to the nursing home without having to go outside, this is going to be a great plus in the winter months. MY dad said that if he has an escort, he'd be able to go to mom's apartment. This would be a great change of scenery for him.

I just hope my mom can be positive -- she is so negative and that can be such an energy and mood zapper for those that she is around. This really makes me think about my attitude and I am thinking about doing a gratitude journal, but sometimes I get to recognizing that I am etiher not a very grateful person or my life sort of sucks and I really have to dig deep to find something to be grateful for. So, I usually scratch that idea for a journal within 3 days.

I am reading Proteinaholic now, but I am realizing that reducing or eliminating animal products is not really an issue for me. My problem is more of the junk food stuff. I had some potato chips a week or two ago and now I keep finding myself eating them more and more. I am a potato chipaholic. Lays: "Betcha can't eat just one!" -- I think I need to read Whole or Sugar Fat and Salt and/or The Secrets of the Eating Lab.

Well, I need to get moving. GD1 is here and she needs a ride to school. It is so nice having her visit each week. Hubby is teaching her to drive -- I cannot believe that D1 and SIL are not giving her the time and experience she needs to learn to drive a vehicle -- I can only speculate as to their reasoning for not doing so, but it really makes me wonder what they are thinking.

What i plan to eat today:
coffee
cheerios with coconut/almond milk

lunch at a Thai restaraunt- most likely we will do the buffet - in doing so I can at least fill a plate with some raw spinach and pineapple as a starter.

[AnnetteW]

I am reading Proteinaholic now, but I am realizing that reducing or eliminating animal products is not really an issue for me. My problem is more of the junk food stuff. I had some potato chips a week or two ago and now I keep finding myself eating them more and more. I am a potato chipaholic. Lays: "Betcha can't eat just one!" -- I think I need to read Whole or Sugar Fat and Salt and/or The Secrets of the Eating Lab.

This is exactly right for me too...though I've been in the nuts lately, so I'm going for the fat I believe. My body feels like it's fighting me right now. Last weekend we went to a party, and within 2 seconds of being there my hand went right into the chip bowl. I did eat a few, didn't continue though (chips aren't my thing most the time)...but the wine was then poured and later the chocolate chip cookies came out. If I had never had that first chip, I might never have had the rest.

It's not always easy.

[Morris]

Sept 30, 2019
My first hike-in camping trip was a success with the exception that I did not know how to properly pack my backpack. But, the reality is that I do not think that my pack was the correct size for the sleeping bag I needed to bring to stay warm at night. I guess that means I'll be watching the clearance sections for a larger pack for next year's camping season. Yeah! I think I'll do it again. I think I may even be comfortable going solo.

However, if I camp in warmer weather that will mean that more critters will be walking around at night. We had a couple of "I don't know what made that sound" moments. One sounded like a small tree falling or it could have been a deer running through the brush. Another was definitely the pitter patter of feet on the ground. But it was the wind that kept me awake at night. It rained during the night, way more than what my weather app said it was going to. We ended up packing up and hiking out in a misty rain.

We had to make two trips carrying in our gear. I way overpacked because I was expecting a lot more rain so I had extra clothes. With my first trip in, after walking only about 100 yards, I realized that I need to exercise and stretch my hip flexors a lot more than I am currently doing. Other than that I am doing okay and hopefully, I won't get that delayed onset muscle soreness happening today.

My friend mentioned that she was having chest pains and had to see her doctor. That is a wake up call for me. She is my age, active and not overweight. I am thinking of that saying, "You cannot outrun a bad diet." -- I really need to get focused on eating right and eating for health.

Tommorow is the rereading and doing the Beck Diet Solution -- I really hope that I can get and stay focused this time around. I know it will be helpful in creating healthy habits and getting my mindset in the correct form. I try to focus on previous successes but it always causes me to think about the failures - those times I stopped moving forward. I need to think of those times I go off plan and just a small detour and get right back on the proper path.

Whole foods plant-based - that needs to be my focus.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal blueberries mango flaxseed

Sloppy lentils over potatoes
aspargus or stirfry vegetables
salad

leftovers

[Morris]

October 1, 2019

Day 1 of the Beck Diet Solution - record my advantages
1. 1'll feel better
2. i';; learn to resist eating just for the sake of eating something (not hungry, but just because it is there)
3. I'll no longer disrespect my body
4. I'll lower my risks for chronic diseases
5. I want to have a strong body as I age

This is my 6th time I am starting this book and doing the exercises. I struggle getting through and actually doing the exercises for each day. Although, I think it was round 4 that I actually read each chapter each day even though I did not actually do the exercises.

My reason #3 is the main advantage that I want to focus on this time around. If you follow my posts here you should recognize that I often feel disrespected by family members that I try to help. Then I look at my hubby who has all these physical problems and listen to him lecture others on how to eat healthy, but he does not take his own advice. I have to give him massages to work out the tension in his back so he won't have as severe spasms. He has a lot of pain and is 100 pounds overweight. Sometimes I feel that, since he relies on me so much to give him massages, plus do 95% of what needs to be done around the house and yard that he disrespecting me by not taking care of himself.

We have been married for 39 years and he has had a steady weight gain through the years. I remember when we were first married and he gained enough that he needed to go up a size and I asked him why he didn't work at losing the extra weight that he gained. The only time he lost weight throughout our marriage was when we went on that Jonny Bowden diet -- and that gave him kidney stone after kidney stone. But the reason he lost the weight was because of my effort to follow the diet, he was just along for the ride and relying on me to do all the work of the diet.

So, that is why I have #3 as one of my advantages: I know how I feel when I am disrespected and my body has a particular function for me and if I am not giving it the proper fuel it needs then I am, in effect, disrespecting my body. Plus, helping my parents and going to the nursing home and seeing all those elderly people is sorting of letting me see the reality of what may be in store for me If I do not get with my plan of eating.

Plus there was that quote from the other day that stated something like if you have the knowledge but do not put it into action, then you are ignorant. I sort of projected that to my hubby, but it is mirrored and that is me -- ignorant. I know what to do but do not put it into action on a daily basis.

October 1st, is this not many businesses new fiscal year - a new beginning. I am making that to be for me to and I really hope I can make it through just one day and a time. I already know that today is going to be a struggle because we have to take a day trip and hubby is already planning where to eat, at least it is an Asian cuisine place so at least I'll be able to get veggies.

At least the Beck Diet Solution day one just has me focusing on the advantages - so I hope I respect my body when I make my choice for lunch.

What I ate yesterday - I had my oatmeal for breakfast, but added a Company Muffin to give it more sustaining power. Otherwise oatmeal does not really stay with me and I feel hungry too soon - maybe it is giving me a sugar spike.

But the rest of the meal plan was a bust - I went to prep and saw all the carrots that my grandson picked and need to take care of them. So, I cleaned them up and made two trays of roasted vegetables: onion carrot and potatoes. That is what I ended up eating for the day.

Unfortunately, D1 called (the one I have issues with) and I noticed that I was stuffing in those potatoes and carrots while talking to her. As soon as I noticed I was doing some emotional eating, I told her I had to hang up. I really need to let go ...

Well since my day is going to be mostly away from home, I am at least going to go for a quick run. I just finished my coffee and plan to do at least a 2 miler - unless I feel really good once I get started.

Whatever i choose to eat today, I am going to focus on whether or not I will be respecting my body - GAWD, I hope I do not disappoint myself

[deweyswakms]

[quote="Morris"]October 1, 2019

My reason #3 is the main advantage that I want to focus on this time around. If you follow my posts here you should recognize that I often feel disrespected by family members that I try to help. /quote]

Hi Nancy, I just found your journal. Being in relationship is so hard sometimes. It has taken me years to learn that I can't fix anybody else. I only have control over my own thoughts, feelings and actions. I am hard-wired to try to rescue everybody, i.e., myself! So I try very hard to not do that anymore. I am sorry you don't get the support and love you deserve from others. But you can give this to yourself. Good luck, Marsha

[Morris]

Oct 2, 2019

ARRRRRRRGH!! I am so frustrated - hubby was telling me something I already knew and he was using such a condescending tone that I replied, "Well, I am glad you finally understand what I have been telling you these past few months." -- oolala - mistake, boy did I get an attitude. I said, "I am done." -- no way -- he had to continue and started yelling to finish whatever he had to say even though I walked away, he was going to force me to listen to his opinion.

To combat my frustration and urge to eat I am having a cup of tea sweetened with honey. I did grab a handful of mini marshmallows and shoveled them in my mouth before I caught myself. I hope this tea works.

Today is day 2 of the Beck Diet Solution and the task of the day is to pick 2 reasonable diets. Whole Food Plant-Based is the best reasonable diet I can think of and really want to get with it. I like the idea of the Starch Solution because the starch really does help me stay satisfied longer.

But I was going through some files I had on my computer and I ended up on PeerTrainer's web site. Jackie Wicks has what she calls the Cheater's Diet - it is basically allowing 10 100-calorie cheats a day. The idea is to make a gradual switch away from the more calorie dense foods. That might work for me and my inability to stick with my eating plan -- Because that will help me focus on the number of calories of non-compliant foods until I get my head in the right place. In other words, at least I won't feel like a failure if I go off plan.

I need to start my day now..."I think I'll just be happy today."

[Morris]

October 3, 2019
Weighed myself this morning and I am down 1.4 pounds, despite those candy bars I ate. But it was another rainy day and gloomy. As soon as we came home from town, I took a nap instead of eating supper. I got up and was sort of achy - I am connecting that with all that sugar from the stuff I had been eating lately. So, I decided to burn some off and was going to go for a run, but it was too dark outside. The treadmill is my friend.

I listened to Week 1 Day 1 of Robert Ullery's podcast of the couch to 5k program. I have to add about 3 extra minutes to my time because that is how long it took me to get everything ready with my gear (fitbit and music) but 32:45 minutes and I did 2.2 miles. I am not sure, but I think this is the first time I went over 2 miles doing that podcast, it was a 60 second run / 90 second walk x 8. I did 6 mph for the run and 4 mph for the walk, except the last one, that one I went faster just to see if I had it in me 6.5 - 7.0 mph. Plus there was a 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down.

After I stretched, I had a salad of romaine and sweet kale mix. Doing that exercise in the evening after eating that junk felt so good, and I had a good night's sleep for a change. But, according to my fitbit it was not as good as I think it was. But, at least I feel fairly rested.

Hubby decided that he did not want to go out to eat while in town which surprised me. So, I packed myself a lunch, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. carrot and celery sticks, hummus and a snack size container of rice pudding. I did not eat the rice pudding, maybe I should have because then I may have left the candy bars alone. Hubby bought a burger and french fries. I tasted one of the french fries, but that was enough for me. Later on, I got hungry and ate my packed lunch, all the while thinking how much better my lunch was than what hubby chose - my taste is what I am thinking of here. I enjoyed the taste of what I chose to eat.

I was rereading that Cheater's diet information, I am looking at the what to eat vs the cheat list. So much of the cheat list are things that I would not consider eating so that does not leave me many cheats, unless I want to include the oatmeal and most of the fruits I eat. As I am looking at it, I realize that the whole point of that concept is to limit the higher calorie dense foods - It was a good visual for me to see.

For my exercise, I am going to do those Robert Ullery's podcasts for the couch to 5k program. Somewhere in my computer files, I have my mileage when I first started running about 10 years ago. I think it be cool to compare how I did then with how I am doing now. Plus, I'd like to see if I can actually make it through the program, each exercise 3 times a week for 9 weeks. Plus, I'd like to compare the mileage with treadmill versus outside running on a hilly gravel route.

In my head, I have these fantastic goals, but then reality enters in and I am now wondering how long I'll last before I slack off. Recall, it took me 2 years to actually complete the 5k101 program from start to finish. On the positive, it took me two years which means I did not give up even though I had a lot of stop and restarts. Same with trying to make it through the 7 Day Engine 2 Rescue - it has been over 2 years and I have yet to make it through a complete 7 days.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal, blueberries, banana, and flaxseed (that would be 4.5 cheats) --->and that is eating some of the good stuff
Company muffin -- (add another cheat here)

roasted onion, carrot and potatoes
broccoli soup

I got called in for my volunteer- Share a Meal - not sure if I'll eat what they serve or if I'll wait. I'll see how my day goes

Snack - grapes

Oh, yeah, by the way, I was in a good mood yesterday by choosing to be happy - when I started to feel frustrated or down I just smiled. "I think I'll just be happy today" again.

[Morris]

October 4, 2019
Well, today's task for day 4 of the Beck Diet Solution is to give yourself credit. Last night for the Share a Meal, they brought chili - I had none, even though I started to get hungry I waited until I returned home and ate some of my roasted onion, carrot and potatoes.

My mom called me before I got home and she is starting to get on my nerves - I know she is under a lot of stress, but I cannot seem to find any sympathy for her - I am having too many memories of how she treated me and my siblings growing up. Sometimes it is hard to take my brother's advice and tell myself it in in the past, let it stay there. But, man, she is pushing my buttons. Too often when I am dealing with her, when I walk away I go, "OMG! I opened my mouth and my mother came out." -- I do not like myself when I get that way. This adds to more stress.

I had the same issue with D1, but she was easier to ignore at the time. Now, my parents are in a more vulnerable state and I really need to be the grownup here. But, dang! that woman makes it hard. Not just me, after she finished with me, she called my older brother. He then calls me and tells me that he really ought to change his phone number and not tell anyone his new number. But, thankfully, he was able to take care of the issue that was upsetting my mother. Hopefully, she will settle down.

Yesterday, I ended up making a batch of Pasta E Fagioli instead of the broccoli soup. I had a zucchini that was begging to be used. I also had some dehydrated kale that I threw in. I used an Engine 2 Diet recipe but changed the seasoning to Italian Seasoning - man, was that a good recipe but, boy, did it make a lot. Perhaps I added too many veggies.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
company muffin
banana
cup of orange spice tea with a bit of honey

pasta e fagioli soup
salad

roasted potatoes, carrots and onion

Snack: grapes

I am hoping for a pleasant day, I hope the sun shines today, it has been so gloomy.

[Morris]

October 5, 2019
I weighed myself this morning, but I am not home so it is a different scale and I cannot remember if this one gives me a lesser number or not from the one I have at home. But, it has my previous weight saved and I am holding from the last time I stepped on this one. So that is good news since I totally blew it yesterday.

I really need to get serious about what I put in my mouth. D2 called me because she got a job working at McDonald's and started eating that junk and told me she has to stop that because she is hurting so bad with all her health issues. Wake up call for me, even though I already know this, what you eat affects how you feel. I want to get my act together so I can be a better example to others.

It is easy for me to eliminate or greatly reduce most animal products - eggs and butter are the items I use in some of my baking. It is the overly processed stuff that has a hold on me.

I was reading Proteinaholic and was a bit comforted in the first couple of chapters when the author described his difficulty getting started eating this way. Somehow it is comforting knowing I am not alone.

I wanted to start Oct 1, but I started the Beck Diet Solution and that does not start the actually diet part of the program (you choose what you want to do) until a week or two in. I think I am using that as an excuse. -- A really lame excuse if you ask me. And now, I am giving myself credit for admitting that I am using stupid excuses as to why I am giving in to eating that junk.

Today is Day 5 - eat slowly and mindfully. When I do this with potato chips, they are so gross.And then I notice how greasy my hands and mouth become.

When I went to culinary school, they emphasized using oil, lots of oil, for the "mouth feel" - not for flavor but for that greasy feeling left in your mouth. I actually find that the grease coats my tongue and then I cannot taste the actual ingredients of the dish.

Well, my planned activity for the day is a bust - I woke up to rain, pouring rain --AGAIN. So much for my hike in the woods, unless I decide that I do not care if I get wet or not. I'll decide later when the time comes to do it.

The leaves are almost at peak now, and I went up north to view them so if I wimp out on the hike, I will most like miss the peak color - oh well. (That is a Beck Diet Solution technique - say "oh well" to disappointment instead of binge eating.

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
roasted potatoes
pasta e fagioli soup

??

[sirdle]

Hi Nancy,

I've been reading your posts for months, and I'm amazed at how well you are doing, even with the struggles and challenges you've been facing. Don't think I could do nearly as well, myself.

I'm curious: what do you think is the biggest challenge you're facing right now? I mean, you've done plenty of reading and you have an idea of what you'd like to be doing, but you seem to be struggling with taking the plunge.

So is it resistance/lack of support from family? Not quite willing to give tasty pleasures? Not emotionally convinced that changing your habits will be healthful? Just general inertia?

I ask because I've been there before and once I restart I can't remember why I stopped in the first place and can't understand why it took me so long to get back on track.

Wishing you the best.

Cheers,

[Morris]

Sirdle - OMG! Thank you for this asking me this. I wish I knew why I cannot seem to get with this WOE 100%. I started this journal almost 5 years ago -- and I am still struggling. Family relationship are a real struggle for me. I am surrounded by takers and no one seems to give back. Emotionally I am drained. Giving in to temptation just seems to be so much easier for me than resisting.

But, now, realizing that I have been going at this for almost 5 years now is putting some fire under my feet. Come on! 5 years and I still cannot do what is best for me. I think I have gotten too comfortable making excuses and too lazy to make the extra effort to make sure I have food prepped and ready for meals to be put together quickly.

I need to get a handle on this WOE and quick because I have been eating so much junk food again that it is starting to taste good to me. That is something i want to avoid. I do not want the junk to taste good to me again.

Oct 7, 2019
Well, here I am again, yesterday's eating was a bust - but today is a new day, a new beginning. I am on Day 7 of the Beck Diet Solution. I think day 5, the eat mindfully and slowly is one of my favorite exercises -- because it really caused me to focus on the food and how it tastes, really tastes. That is the exercise that got me to stop eating a lot of the candy bars; it made me realize that they actually tasted pretty nasty and I was able to not be tempted to eat of lot of the variety that is out there.

Day 6 is the Find a Diet Coach - I get so depressed on this one because I have no one that I can confide in and be able to count on for support. I have been married for 39 years and I cannot depend on hubby to support me. Our cupboards have so much junk in them. The sad thing is that I am guilty of adding to the collection of junk this past week. UGH!

Perhaps, it is because Thursday, my brother and I are taking our dad to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester - we are doing it all in one day - we have to leave in the wee hours of the morning to get him there for the first appointment. My brother and I both have a concern about helping my dad use the toilet - he cannot do it on his own and has been needing two person assist along with a lift, which is why we are choosing to do the trip in one day and not spend the night in a hotel. Plus if our mom comes along - then we have to put up with her negativity and whining. I am stressed. But hopefully, we will get some answers on my dad's condition - he has always been such a proud independent man -- it is hard to see him become so helpless. Plus, I have had people tell me that I look just like him - is this what I have to look forward to in my old age? I watched my grandpa wither away before he passed.

Today is day 7 of the Beck Diet Solution and my task is to arrange my Environment - Time to put all of hubby's junk food out of my sight and get rid of what I purchased. I do not know what possessed me to even buy the crap in the first place - there is no comfort in eating junk. Who was trying to fool? So stupid. I really need to focus on retraining my brain, change my thought process.

Exercise for today - week 2 of the Couch to 5k program: 5 minute warm up with a brisk walk, then alternate 90 seconds jog with 2 minutes walk for a total of 20 minutes followed by a 5 minute cool down. Week one was a success for me - I am doing this on the treadmill so I can focus on my pacing - plus it has been so rainy I am wimping out on running outside. The program calls for doing this 3 times a week. The beginning weeks are not much mileage so I may add some extra runs in, but I really need to add cross training in and get add strength training to my routine. I averaged 2.25 miles last week, this week adds 30 second to both the jog and the walk so I think I'll aim for that same distance this week. I will challenge myself to do a bit faster and further with each run.

What I plan to eat:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal with blueberries, banana and flaxseed

Snack: grapes

boiled potatoes
zucchini sauteed with onion

broccoli soup
potatoes
beans

[Morris]

October 8, 2019

Day 8 of the Beck Diet Solution - Create Time and Energy
This day's task is about organizing my time and make sure I schedule in the things I need to do, such as meal planning, shopping for the meals, prepping the meals, exercise, and creating and checking off that daily to-do list.

This is something I struggle doing, I have difficulty planning ahead and when I plan I find that I misjudge how long it will take me to get a job done. My biggest obstacle is that I do not take the time to actually create that schedule. I know I mentioned this in the past and even mentioned that I really need to do this. Maybe I am making it too big of a task and I need to break it up into smaller sections.

I know I need to do it, eventually I will get around to it if I don't give up on doing it. Just like when I attempted to do that 5k101 program, it was an 8 week schedule and it took me 2 years to actually complete it start to finish with no deviation from the plan. So, even though I have a lot of starts, stops and restarts I am going to keep moving forward because I believe that eventually I will be able to make that commitment and stick with it.

Yesterday, I ate fairly well, at least for the meals. There is too much junk food laying around and I gave in to it. I had the riced cauliflower oatmeal with blueberries, mango and flaxseed for breakfast. Lunch was pita bread with hummus and carrot sticks, dinner I made boiled potatoes and beans.

My exercise was Couch to 5k Week 2 Day 1: 90 sec jog/ 2 minute walk for 20 minutes. I am doing these on the treadmill so I can control the speed and work on my pacing. I managed to do 2.38 miles. Challenge to myself is to do just a bit more each time I do these exercises. I am doing these on 1% incline and boy are my calves screaming at me.

Then I raked the yard for a couple of hours. As the sun was getting lower in the sky, (we had a sunny day), I thought I'd walk down to the lake and my plan was to sit on the dock for a few minutes, but the water level was too high. I was not able to get on the deck unless I wanted to get my feet wet. It was too cool to be walking back home with wet feet. So I just stood on the shoreline for a few minutes. Then I decided to take the All-Terrain Vehicle Trail that does a loop. That was so pretty and quiet. I stopped in a few spots to just admire the scenery. On my way out, as I came to the intersection, I saw the wolf tracks. I am thinking they were too big to be the neighbor's dog (German Shepherd) that runs around the neighborhood. Not for sure I would have done that loop if I would have seen the tracks at the start of my walk.

I had a busy day, and was able to enjoy being outdoors. Today, at least this morning, it is sunny. I will do my run on the treadmill, rake the yard again, I may do another walk to the lake with my camera. I'll see how I feel as the day goes on. (See that is why I have difficulty planning, I just go moment to moment each day.)

What I plan to eat today:
coffee
riced cauliflower oatmeal, blueberries, mango and flaxseed
company muffin

potatoes with kidney beans, green pepper and onion
beans
salad

potatoes
stirfry vegetables
salad

Snack: hummus with vegetables

Exercise: C25k W2D2

I already have the beans cooked, I will prepare the potatoes before I go outside so they will be ready when I come in for my meal.

Well, let's start my day, I see the sky is becoming cloudy -- again hoping no rain is in the forecast.
Have a great day!