I've lost count of how many times I have restarted....

[Yomom]

that little boy (photobomber) is very cute!

[amandamechele]

Kathy - Thank you! He is adorable. I hope he grows up to be as handsome as your son.


Tonight I found out that a dear old friend's father has passed away. I was deeply saddened to hear this; I spent more time at her house than my own in my early teens. My impression of her family, from when I was younger, is part of my mental model for raising my own family. I am quite heartbroken for her and her mom and siblings. She sent me some photos of us, which then had me digging through my own photos (hoping to find one of her dad).
I didn't find one of him, but I did find a whole lot of me. 25-30 years or so. I haven't looked at any of these pictures in a very long time. I've never looked at them from a place of contentment with myself. When I first decided to put a before picture of myself up in my journal, I chose the picture that made me feel the most shame and embarrassment. My worst photo. I did it to lessen it's negative hold on me. As I have mentioned before, I thought that when I FINALLY finished losing the weight, I would leave this part of my life invisibly behind me. But it occurred to me, that number of months ago when I posted THE WORST PHOTO, if I were to leave that part of my life behind me there wouldn't be that much left back there, and that who I am now would not make as much sense without that as context. So I posted it in order to accept myself as I am, and was.
Many of you are here because you developed a health problem and decided to try and avoid medications or surgery by a change in diet. You may or may not have been overweight or obese. Some of you are here because over the past 20 years or so you've put on a couple of pounds a year and it has just begun to have a negative impact on your health and lifestyle. Some of you figured all of this out and are taking the preventative approach. Some of you have struggled with your weight your whole lives.
I identify most with that last group, even if it is not completely true. Looking at pictures of my teenage self, that my friend sent me, I'm actually much thinner than I remember. Don't get me wrong, I'm still the thick one in all of the photos, but my memory has played a trick on me and has me remembering most of my life as THE WORST PHOTO. It's quite interesting to realize that.

Whatever our history, we're all here now and that bonds us as one group formed from many. I hope we can continue our lives journey's together, working towards greater health, happiness and a safe place for our children and grandchildren to grow up.

XO
Amy

Here is a summary of my weight history:

Mid-teens: (right - yes, that's an acid-washed jean jacket...I think it may be back in style now)
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/390/32776168135_1f467f1b3c_z_d.jpg[/img]

Late teens: (left)
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/329/31960838433_df77973a7b_z_d.jpg[/img]

Mid-twenties: (right)
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/641/32622348422_f896e9ae05_z_d.jpg[/img]

Late-twenties:
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/749/31932673394_65348dcf8b_z_d.jpg[/img]

Early-thirties:
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/300/32394843570_6829b4b6d7_z_d.jpg[/img]

40th B-Day:
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/271/32394842870_67f6a9da0a_z_d.jpg[/img]

Present Day: (right)
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/289/32394843060_60bc6df31a_z_d.jpg[/img]
[img]11https://farm1.staticflickr.com/614/32394843220_cb4ceb6cc3_z_d.jpg[/img]
(That's my husband's best Blue Steele impression)

So, that is all for my interim success report. The changes are equally physical and emotional. Though I continue to work towards my final 2 weight loss goals, I am at a good place and realize that as long as I continue to apply the strategies that I have learned here and follow the guidelines of this program I will get there. Just keep following the path, rain or shine!
Most importantly, keep the ones you love close to your heart. Don't wait for someone to die to see old friends. Forgive yourself for perceived flaws. Eat a potato!

[amandamechele]

February 7:



Not pictured:
2 pots green tea
4 slices whole wheat bread - I should have just gone to bed. Moving on...
Note: I'm obviously still not able to make compliant baked goods for the kids without running into trouble (half a recipe of trouble).

February 8:


Not pictured:
2 pots green tea

[roundcoconut]

Amy, thank you so much for showing us your pics! Well, of course, you have a lot of physical beauty in your very genes, and hopefully are enjoying that more now!

I wish I had some pics of my fashion moments of the 80s, but I don't! (I don't have any terribly fond memories of my growing-up years, so i've never kept any images of that era!). Nevertheless, I know I had a fitted dress in junior high (late 80s) that had an acid-wash denim pattern to it! It was so pretty at the time, but I dont' think that look would stand the test of time!

Pumps and scrunchies just don't look pretty today, and of course, that's what I was rocking!

Some day I will take pics of my food, and post. Your healthy food choices are so fun to look at!

Keep up the wonderful work, and I am always cheering for you!

[amandamechele]

Traci - Thank you for your kind words. I bet you rocked that acid washed dress. I wish I had more pictures of my garish 80s wardrobe. Ankle socks with lace, fluorescent tshirts and many many oversized sweaters with loud colours and geometric shapes.

February 9:


Not pictured:
2 pots green tea
A few raw veggies I snacked on while chopping (red pepper, celery, cauliflower)

[amandamechele]

The train went off of the tracks for me this week. Just the food. The nighttime binge style eating that occurred had me bump against some of the constraints of this photo journal. To be accurate and useful it needs to contain exactly what I'm eating in order to assess overall patterns. However, I can't post my binges here. They are fast, furious and hard to capture digitally, but mostly, out of respect for the others that may visit the journal, I don't want to post potential trigger foods for others. Frankly, it's also embarrassing.
I am trying to think of ways to make this work (the photo journal). How accurate am I able to keep this food log on a public site with this particular audience? Would it be as effective creating a private log? Maybe a sponsor type relationship would be what would work best? I'm thinking self-accountability is quite low for myself, and potentially others who have larger weight issues, so having that external reporting relationship may be important as a slight agitant (due to status dynamics). Would the sponsor/partnership work best between two people at the same place/knowledge level/stage of recovery or like AA/OA between a veteran and novice?
These are the kinds of things I wonder about.
I did take a number of photos of what I have been eating. I'll share them, even if they don't completely reflect how the past few days have gone:

[Starch Chick]

I have had evening binges like that, too. I completely understand being in the thrall of a craving for "more" and not wanting anyone to talk you out of it.

Maybe it would help to make sure your evening meals are super filling... Make sure you eat in order of calorie density, salad, veggies, or soup, then your starch, and have some fruit for dessert so you know you are "done" for the day. Then go brush your teeth, wash the dishes, close the kitchen.

Try things to distract yourself from eating. Dr Doug Lisle says a short bout of activity/exercise is one of the best ways to distract yourself from wanting to eat. Get an accountability partner and message him/her when you are about to go off the rails.

and I read up on the benefits of a long digestion period from supper to breakfast, Dr Fuhrman and others talk about this, along with Dr Jennifer Marano from True North, and there are just lots of articles about the benefits of a 12 hour fast from supper to breakfast, which helps speed up weight loss and boost immunity. I don't always make it, but I try to do it most days.

Just dust yourself off and make sure your next bite of food, your next meal is "compliant"
You can do this
Just keep going

[sirdle]

For some reason I read:

Get an accountability partner and message him/her when you are about to go off the rails.

as:

Get an accountability partner and massage him/her when you are about to go off the rails.

Works for me!

[Starch Chick]

HeeHee

[roundcoconut]

amy, I'm still very much enjoying your posts, so I want to encourage you to continue with what you're doing! I think of your photos as testimony to the kinds of foods and food choices that you wish to put a bookmark in -- things that you want to continue and things that you feel good about. This is a really positive thing! Always keep the baby. The bathwater can go, but always KEEP THE BABY! (Ha.)

I can tell you very honestly, that I understand the nature of evening binge sessions! I haven't had an evening binge session in two weeks, and of course, the hardest thing is to have a binge-free Tuesday, after having a binge-full Monday. That is the hardest day of the bunch, and so it can feel monumentally hard to get through that first binge free day.

I personally have not gone as far as committing my food to another person (telling them what I plan to eat tomorrow, and then telling them tomorrow evening how it went and what I ate), but I can see the usefulness and may in fact get around to enlisting another person for this. If that is something you are looking for (just a food buddy, to commit your food to), just put the word out here or elsewhere, and you will have many of us (me included) willing to be the caretaker of your food.

I'll give you one more opinion on things, which is simply that the only thing you are responsible for today, is deciding, "What would I like to try next? Would I like to try something different for the next 24 hours, or would i simply like to contemplate some available options, or would i like to relax for a second and not even contemplate anything different just yet?". That is all, and there are no right answers!

Peace, and sending joyful and hopeful vibes. You have so many elements working in your favor, so I can easily see you being successful at all things you want to be successful at, this time around!

[amandamechele]

Thank you Beth, Traci and Sirdle. Sorry I haven't responded. I appreciate your comments and suggestions.

Beth - Thank you, those are great ideas, I will definitely try to incorporate some of them. Congratulations on all of your success so far! It is very inspiring. When you were saying, in your journal, that you didn't know which starting weight was most accurate as a starting point I laughed because I have that debate with myself too when I talk about my journey. I want to be accurate but also not misrepresent anything.

Traci - Thank you for your continued support! I really appreciate it. I just used that same line about the baby and the bathwater with someone about exactly this thing. Though I have considered the accountability partner, I'm not ready for that step; I'm not sure I'd actually reach out for help when it was needed. I have been using the MWL thread as a proxy; by having others look toward me for support I need to live up to those expectations and adhere to the guidelines as an example. Well, that was the plan anyway. So far, I'm still ironing out the kinks.

Sirdle - Thank you for the comic relief! I often need reminding not to take life so seriously.

I have more pictures than time at the moment. I will post my previous few days meals at another time. I need some sleep!

Good night all!

[amandamechele]

I have been slowly getting back on track this week. The tried and true strategies are working. Through reading more and more of the information provided by this website, as well as journal articles and many pop-science books I have realized how "typical" my behaviours are with regards to how and why I became obese.
I was reminded of this again tonight. I have been watching the February ASW presentations, slowly, over the past week and just finished watching Dr. Lim's presentation 10 Common Mistakes in Behaviour Change. It felt like it was a presentation written just for me. Ha! What he summarized are things that I have been ruminating about. They are mistakes so many of us go through. I wish I could put his list up here. Hopefully Dr McDougall releases his presentation for everyone to see.

I also watched Dr Kevin Hall's presentation today while I was folding laundry. I had to stop and call my husband because I was so excited, it was a great presentation. The question scientists have been asking, which diet causes greater weight loss, is not the right one. Even though it was neat to see that his research showed very slightly in favour of low-fat diets for fat loss, since it isn't a clinically significant amount this is not the right issue to be focusing on (with regards to reduction of obesity rates). As many of us have experienced through trial and error, the question really is how to stay on a diet (no matter which one it is) long enough to return to a healthy weight and then maintain it indefinitely (just talking weight loss here, not other pathologies which would definitely be effected by which diet is chosen). He thinks the question of knowing whether one diet or another is going to lead to better regulation of food intake (and consequently weight loss), that is the correct query for obesity researchers.
I was so happy to have a concise way to frame this.

I definitely recommend purchasing the ASW online streaming. I wish I had realized the benefit was worth the cost a few years earlier.
Please don't stop doing the ASWs Dr McDougall!!

And now back to the regularly scheduled journal entry:
Here are some of the good choices I made this week:

[kirstykay]

Thank you for your honesty and transparency in your journal. I think that it's so helpful to hear not only the successes but the struggles. They are real. Thanks for being real. I read your journal from the beginning a few weeks ago, and I was so impressed with how you've just kept at it. And you've had so much success. Keep going. Glad you're back "on the rails"

[Franchesca_S.]

Amandachele,
I'm really enjoying reading these comments and photography about your journey. One thing that has changed in more recent posts is that I can't open some of the photos. In the Feb 22 post, I see the sweet potato dish only and the rest of the photos are little icons that do not open. I've tried it in both chrome and internet explorer. Are you posting photos from two different cameras or phones?

Perhaps others may be having the same problem.

Thank you.
Franchesca

[GlennR]

Amandachele,
I'm really enjoying reading these comments and photography about your journey. One thing that has changed in more recent posts is that I can't open some of the photos. In the Feb 22 post, I see the sweet potato dish only and the rest of the photos are little icons that do not open. I've tried it in both chrome and internet explorer. Are you posting photos from two different cameras or phones?

Perhaps others may be having the same problem.

Thank you.
Franchesca

I see all the pictures, perhaps the hosting site had a temporary problem.

Amy,

I always struggle to post on bad days, it's helps me to understand when I go off track, but it's hard to reveal my faults to the world. I see the ones who get here and report success week after week without any sign of struggle. That's not me, although I do admire them.