Buns Again

[Anna Green]

Buns, I have been reading your journal and keep meaning to post. So here I am. I'm glad you are dealing with that trauma in a healthy way. That's hard. I had all these loud feels when I read about it like I WANT TO HUG HER! and "I WANT TO FEED HER AND TUCK HER IN ON THE COUCH AND RUB HER HEAD! I think you are the bomb diggity.

Love hearing about your food..inspiring. Pics would be good sometimes...I'll try to do the same if I can remember how.

[bunsofaluminum]

Omg, your poor knee!

Would you consider giving your knee time before even doing any extra weight bearing? I always believe that pain means STOP.

Stationary bikes do not force you to put your whole body weight on your knee, so that might be one thing you CAN still (responsibly) do.

But I never like to see someone perpetuate a pain pattern, if that makes sense!

Hi coconut

Yeah, it's been weird all week. Sometimes painful, but mostly just feeling weak, or "collapsey" if that makes sense. The ibuprofen at bedtime cancelled that horrible stabbing wake-me-at-2-am pain which is good. I have been doing the recumbent bike in the gym at my work and to tell the truth, I think that's what brought this on. I had been doing 15 minutes a day for two weeks. It was the only thing different in my routine. EXCEPT there was a loud click one time while I was standing in the kitchen. I turned to get something and CLICK my knee. That didn't hurt and I thought it might start feeling better, but it got worse Today it isn't too bad.

Buns, I have been reading your journal and keep meaning to post. So here I am. I'm glad you are dealing with that trauma in a healthy way. That's hard. I had all these loud feels when I read about it like I WANT TO HUG HER! and "I WANT TO FEED HER AND TUCK HER IN ON THE COUCH AND RUB HER HEAD! I think you are the bomb diggity.

Love hearing about your food..inspiring. Pics would be good sometimes...I'll try to do the same if I can remember how.

Hi Anna! I peeked into your journal last week. It's nice seeing you around. And how sweet of you. I really did want someone to rub my head and tuck me in. I still don't like going inside that c-store, but we stopped by there yesterday for Wylie to get some ice, and he got talking to an employee...they had another crazy drugged out tweaker in the place just a few nights ago! And the thing is, it isn't in a dangerous looking neighborhood or anything. But I'm mostly over the trauma. The guy is being charged with assault and shop lifting...can you even? Because he took a vitamin water off the shelf and drank it without paying for it. I may end up tapping the victims restitution fund for the blood tests I had to have...PRICEY!

Pictures...I can never remember how to do it. I'd love to choose a pic of my own for my avatar and can't remember how to do that either. Leesha used to know how and I've done it a couple of times.

HEY! ADMINS! make it easier to post pics, wouldja! Anyway nice hearing from you Anna! *smooch*

~~~~~

Ate some (aka A LOT OF) candy yesterday and my gut is dumping today. ugh. I guess you learn as you go, eh? Though I like allowing myself one day a week for sweets...mostly because it prevents me from going completely berserk after weeks and weeks of "being good"...but dang, I won't be doing that again. EVER. Must treat my treats like a TREAT not a binge. But the last three or four days have been kind of munchy anyway. And that seems to be over, though I feel a bit hungry right now. Ate breakfast three hours ago, rice congee. Maybe it wasn't hearty enough. *sigh*

But I have a flavorful tea here, and if I still feel hungry in 30 minutes, I'll eat the apple I brought for with lunch.

[bunsofaluminum]

We did a little mini-gathering last night at my mom's. My son-in-law helps her with her taxes each year, and my mom thought "party!" and invited us, along with my brother and his wife. So we had seven adults and one baby and got pizza from Papa Murphy's (which you bake at home) including vegetarian.

It's been bugging me this morning. What happened to my "Just Don't Eat It" philosophy? Was it because it was a family get together? Because I have absolutely ZERO problem staying away from the omnivore SAD-ish foods that Wylie keeps around the house, but when I'm hangin with da fam, I inevitably have "just a taste" or "it's a feast day" on the brain. And we had a "feast" on March 17...less than 10 days later I needed to "feast" again? Well, I picked the cheese off and ate less than I usually do when it's pizza. But still...

Anyway, I'm taking a page from Round Coconut's philosophy, and thinking about all the completely, 100%, right on target compliant meals I've been eating. What have I done well in this? Can I bring the energy of my successes in other things, and focus on what I do well and apply it to actually sticking to this? Because really, looking at the little calendar I've been working on over in the Menus board, there's a lot of sprinkled among my days. Which means on that day I had something off plan. Which I didn't do EVER, not even for family gatherings, when I started.

so...my "mind" isn't in the game, and I don't know how to get back to that gung-ho, doing this well, doing this right FOREVERRRRRR!!!! mindset. What if I never do get that super compliant fervor from the first years of McDougalling? Does that mean I just stop McDougalling? Because my mind isn't "there"? Can I apply my driving analogy to this? My wheel went onto the shoulder, so I correct. I do not steer the car into the ditch. But thinking along these same lines, it feels like I'm a pretty poor driver if my tire goes onto the shoulder frequently. Which it has been. No, up to now I haven't said screw it and eaten all the things. I've flubbed, corrected, and eaten on plan. I've even eaten 100% compliant for several days in a row. But let the opportunity present itself, where I am with my loved ones and there is food...ugh.

does my mind have to be "in the game" for me to do this? Self-discipline can lead to mastery. It can become a habit, like my no-S'ing.

There's more thinking to do about this.

[roundcoconut]

Bunso, I think you get it!:

More on-target meals, and fewer incidents of getting caught off-guard.

The process of doing a deep dive on what went wrong, can be self-defeating. Kids who focus overly hard on one bad spelling test, or whose parents torment their kid about how they struck out in the sixth inning of their little league game last Friday — I just think this is a bit of a downer, and also not terribly necessary.

If you ate lentil soup once, you can do it again. Right? Any positive behavior that you did once, can probably be repeated.

A favorite quote (I wish I had my notebook right near me where I wrote it down), is that people can screw up a hell of a lot and still achieve overall success. People can make a lot of bad casseroles, and still emerge at the end of the year with a dozen recipes that DID taste good and turn out successfully.

It can probably seem as though there are people who get it right and do a great job at everything, but I would be willing to bet that Ann Esslestyn has made some bad salads in her day, and that Mary McDougall has eaten a whole tray of black been brownies at some point in her life, and that lots of Star McDougallers have gotten caught off guard in a particular situation, before finally doing a little better and nailing down some workarounds. So, you can do a good job at this, without needing to be perfect, or worry that you’re not yet perfect.

Hopefully that is useful, but if not, no worries! There is a good path forward available to everyone, including you, and that’s really nice, isn’t it?

[bunsofaluminum]

Bunso, I think you get it!:

More on-target meals, and fewer incidents of getting caught off-guard.

The process of doing a deep dive on what went wrong, can be self-defeating. Kids who focus overly hard on one bad spelling test, or whose parents torment their kid about how they struck out in the sixth inning of their little league game last Friday — I just think this is a bit of a downer, and also not terribly necessary.

Thanks for stopping by, coconut!

that deep dive thing, now. It really isn't helpful and can be so counter productive. That's why I rarely go to that "okay, let's just eat all the things, since I broke my diet by eating this"...But I can choose better, and I will.

not getting caught off guard. I keep thinking of all the things I need to do, and the $60 worth of exotic ingredients I bought at the Asian market (did you know, bean curd knots are quite good) which need to be made into food before it spoils. But I also have overdue library books and need to take care of that, and I also have counter tops and a table that are BEYOND needing a clearing off and a wipe down. It's time to batch cook, too. I feel so much better when I have a stockpile of meals ready to grab for lunch or heat up for dinner. Thankfully, I had some Thai curried rice in the freezer and that is thawed out now, so I can have that for dinner, but I've got literally POUNDS of potatoes that need something done with. And doesn't air fried potato chips sound good! Which entails prep and peeling and the mandolin and clean up but I'm still going to do it, because crispy just sounds VERY delicious today.

Hm...I think today's after work task (after Thai curried rice and air fried potato chips for dinner) will be cooking with the Asian market purchases and a big batch of one recipe. Tomorrow, the library books and clearing counter tops And on Saturday I can cook up a storm and make several dishes for next week.

[bunsofaluminum]

First: I did use up some of the delicious and exotic ingredients from the Asian market yesterday: Miso veggie noodle soup. I used some of the bean curd knots, and about half of the oyster mushrooms. YUMMY OYSTER MUSHROOMS! It was delicious. I had a small serving for seconds, and have enough left over for another meal. Yum!

Second: life got stressful yesterday. There was a murder in my apartment complex a couple of hours before I got home from work. When I got there, the police were everywhere, and news broadcasters. I live in a high rise complex with two buildings, and the murder happened in the other building, right across from the entrance to my building. They have not apprehended the subject, who shot and killed a man in his apartment on the second floor. He left and is "still at large" which makes me feel REALLY un-safe.

that, and Wylie and I are in the midst of a disagreement/fight right now and I didn't sleep well last night.

So today I have to plan, in order to avoid emotional eating. I did okay for brekkie, though I chose some higher fat foods...comfort foods I guess...a piece of avocado toast and a piece of peanut butter banana toast. Brought some bean soup and rice for lunch, but I know they have oil in them. It didn't occur to me until I got to work though. Maybe a little walk up to the Subway nearby.

There's also a grocery store nearby that has Mcdougall soups...hmmmm...a five minute walk. Maybe the stress will make me not want to eat

baaaahahahahaha!

[moonlight]

Hey Buns,

I hope your mood lifts. Maybe walking to the store and buying foods you want to eat will help with the stress and taking the extra effort to take care of yourself will give you a mental boost. XXOX

[roundcoconut]

Yes, I’ll echo what moonlight says — I hope your mood lifts, and things become more manageable, sooner rather than later!

No jury would convict you for choosing some higher-fat breakfast items, or for eating a packaged item that made its way into your work bag this morning. On “ick” days, y’just wanna get through the bulk of the ickyness. That’s all you’re really on the hook for! Get through it and live to see another day.

[bunsofaluminum]

Update on the murder, and I'm SO sad.

A resident killed another resident, then went to his own apartment and shot himself dead. This triggers me pretty badly, because I had a client/friend whose dad went berserk and murdered him and his mom, then killed himself. Murder suicide. It's got me REALLY down. Not scared any more but truly morose and glum.

so please don't judge, but I did go "off the road" a little bit today. chocolate and when our channel manager brought cookies around, i had one ... ew...my stomach is rejecting it even as I type and I might not eat again today. I ended up having the beans and rice, it was a very small serving. Three clementines. And one of my coworkers brought her homemade salsa which I stirred into my rice and beans. so so good! AND there is a retirement party for one of our higher ups, with some really good, healthy stuff, which I grabbed a plateful of and said hi and that cheered me up.

whew. The rollercoaster! ha!

One of my mottoes kicks in here: Remember, it is only temporary. Which includes this bummed, downer mood. Eventually all will be well.

[bunsofaluminum]

Oof March had many "red" days. Easter Sunday actually wasn't as bad as the cheese tray Sunday at my mom's a few weeks ago.

But now I've got the big feast day out of my system, and I don't care if i never see candy again...I'm setting myself a goal. In March I got up to five days of full compliance in a row. In April, I'm aiming for a full week without any off plan foods for any reason. Because I allow myself sweets on Saturday, I am going to get out a vegan brownie recipe (NOT the black bean brownies...those didn't turn out well for me when I made them a few years ago)...but i do have a luscious chocolate brown recipe that uses pureed prune for fat, and has all vegan ingredients. Going to make that for my 'sweets' on Saturday.

In the meantime, I'll be eating simple, humble food and staying away from feast-y stuff. I mean, possibly even forego recipes. Nothing wrong with a plate of rice with steamed broccoli.

[f00die]

Nothing wrong with a plate of rice with steamed broccoli.

there's a lot right with that meal!
as dr. lisle says: "aim for a B"
80% of meals in april compliant is an excellent goal
i find your journey very instructive in many ways, thx

[bunsofaluminum]

Nothing wrong with a plate of rice with steamed broccoli.

there's a lot right with that meal!
as dr. lisle says: "aim for a B"
80% of meals in april compliant is an excellent goal
i find your journey very instructive in many ways, thx

Hi f00die...yes, simple is really really good. Today I had boiled red potatoes with broccoli, and a little bit of Amazing Vegan Cheeze Sauce (from Brand New Vegan) over the top and it was good. I'm going to keep eating potatoes until my almost 20# are gone. I've got about 10 lbs to go There's plenty of options for veggies, too. I have 3/4 a head of iceberg lettuce which actually sounds really good in a wedge, with balsamic and some salt and pepper on it! mmmm! Along with a big baked potato or two and salsa? That actually sounds like dinner, dunnit.

~~~~~

Adding exercise to my daily habit: 15 minutes at least on the recumbent bike in the workout room at work. I've gone in there many times since the beginning of the year, and took a break when my knee was acting wonky last weekish. So yesterday was a breeze and today was like trying to jog in mud...it felt really difficult, but my heart rate was staying low until I pumped it super hard and fast. Now imagine this: That big push got me out of the sluggish, mud bound feeling into a much more energized mode, AND my heart rate went up. But I did end it right on the 15 minute mark. Yesterday I went 20.

Also doing some stretches and easy strolling around every 60-90 minutes just here at the office. Sit down jobs are murder.

[bunsofaluminum]

Today I feel really good. Woke up pretty early, about a half hour before my already early alarm. Here's the thing. I share my living space with another human being and three cats. Because I have a M-F, 9-5 job, and we both have weekends off, I NEVER get time alone in my own apartment. Being an introvert, alone time in my own apartment is important. Like, life force, okay? SO, to make alone time happen, I get up really early. My alarm is set for 5:30 and it's on buzz so as not to wake Wylie who is not a morning person. Then I get up and read or pray, or do zentangle. Have a cup of tea. Etc. And leave for work any time between 6:50 and 7:20 (if I'm taking public transit, I leave earlier) It is my haven of seclusion and serenity, the silence and aloneness of the early morning. And this morning I was awake and alert at 5:00 How lovely. And I feel GOOD. Calm and alert, with a level headed energy that is a trademark of this way of eating. LOVE IT!

It feels like breakfast wasn't quite enough. About a cup of boiled red potatoes with some broccoli, and a banana. I'm currently satiated. We'll see how things feel at 10:00, eh? Oof, to worry about appetite surges in the mid morning. First world problem or what.

Yes, this is how it starts...the clear, calm energized body and mind. The foolish, feasty overeating indulgence must be clearing out of my system. Soon, I know there will be energy to spare. Gonna drive poor Wylie nuts.

[bunsofaluminum]

Chestnuts, FTW!

Chestnut Facts

These might well become a favorite, since they are starchy, not fatty, and just look at the nutrition profile! Less than 10% fat, high in fiber, packed with vitamins and minerals...yet similar to nuts because you have to get the shell off in order to enjoy, and they are dense in texture, so it doesn't take many to satisfy the munchies. They have a mildly sweet nutty flavor that is very enjoyable. I found some at the Asian market and had a handful last night. YUM! I'll be keeping them around, fo sho!

Better than my go-to fat free pretzels, I'd say.

Sleepy today. I'm having a cup of coffee to see if that'll perk me up. Still feeling really good though, except the mid-morning appetite surge 90 minutes early. What the hey, stomach. You can't be empty.

[bunsofaluminum]

My weekend was pretty wonderful. Sunday was 9-2:30 at my daughter's house being the babysitter...that is, of course the baby was there, but also my eight year old granddaughter and two boys whose mom was there to help...they were blowing insulation and Wylie and I came to help. So I got to hang out in the basement with the kids, which was 100% delightful. That baby fell asleep in my arms and I held him while he napped. Isn't that just the BEST thing? I loved it! The other kids weren't around right then, so it was quiet and warm and flowing with serenity. Then when he woke up, and other little and middle kids arrived, we got busy with a game of ball...an 11 month old can and DOES get right in the middle of a ball roll. And he's not too bad at whinging it along, either. When the ball turned hot potato, he recognized he was out of his element and sat and watched while we all went silly with the thing.

Then from 3:00 to 5:00 I was at a little gathering of hobbyists. We all love Zentangle, but we love visiting and chatting even more. The topic yesterday, among us meek little podunk Utahns...oldies and Mormons... was the legalization of Cannabis hahahaha! Which everyone agreed must happen for medicinal purposes at the VERY least. What a funny conversation to have over our pens and ink and patterns, peering at our projects through our trifocals! I mean, we're not even ex-hippies.

How do I feel today. Not as wonderful and energized as I was most days last week. Not sure why. I feel like I could sleep...hm. Eating is okay, though I overdid on Saturday. Too much food, all of it on plan. And I couldn't really sleep on Saturday night...stayed up late nibbling and doodling, TV on low. I think that's probably it. Needing sleep.