college student trying this thing out

[rainbows]

I think most of the people here are older than me, but lately I've been having a lot of trouble keeping friends my own age anyway, so I'm happy to be on board.

I'm 21 years old and about to graduate college in 2 weeks. The summer before my freshman year, I promised myself I would lose 15 pounds, which was the same thing I'd told myself every semester in high school. And of course, I was successful, because I have a lot of will power, right? Nope. I did lose weight, then gained back more, and repeated this cycle for another 4 years. I struggled with binge eating and bulimia, as well as caffeine dependence, calorie obsession, high protein madness, and forcing myself to go running at 2am to burn off my midnight snack. Now I'm somewhere around 160 pounds (although I haven't weighed myself in a long time) and I'm ready to do this the slow and right way.

Starting doing high carb vegan a little over a month ago, because i stumbled across the right youtube videos, and it's been a gradual but good transition. At first I was really stuffing in as much food as my body could fit, because after years of deprivation, it just felt so good to let myself eat. I feel like I've gained some weight from this, but I think it was necessary in order to get my mind in the right place. Now, I'm ready to start listening to body and only eating as much as I need to be satisfied.

I'm still in a state of transition, so my journal isn't going to be perfect (maybe it never will be, to be honest) but I'm welcome for any suggestions or support. I don't feel comfortable talking to my friends about this, mostly because i assume they'll equate my diet with the fact that i'm overweight and say stuff like "rainbows, you really need to stop eating so many carbs if you want to lose weight. It's all just sugar!"

Anyway, I've never really felt good about my appearance before, but I'm feeling really hopeful. So, here goes!

4/28/16
10am 1/2 cup chocolate granola (this was too sweet and gave me a bit of a headache, but i was running late to class and it was the only thing that seemed accessible to grab on the go. In retrospect, an apple or two might have been a better choice)
11:30: avocado/cucumber sushi. Half a vegan grilled vegetable wrap
2:00 other half of wrap. three squares of norwegian chocolate that a norwegian guy brought to class (contained milk...)
5pm: a whole wheat tortilla and a whole yam
7:30pm: a canteloupe

had 3.5 liters of water

[Werner1950]

Welcome aboard. You will find a lot of support here.
Have you read the material available on this website? If not, i recommend you read everything that Dr McDougall has written about the starch diet.
I also find that visiting this forum regularly helps with the accountability thing.

[rainbows]

I haven't read any of the books yet, but I've watched some of McDougall's talks and read the picture book. I'm excited to learn more.

4/29

10:00 orange juice, two small italian cookies
1:00 large banana, iced green tea
3:00 veggie sushi burrito (a giant sushi roll- rice and seaweed wrapped around carrots, seaweed salad, cucumber, and sauces. Definitely contained at least some some oil)
6:00 16oz kombucha
7:00: white rice, a bit of fried rice, and broccoli/carrots/bell peppers cooked with soy sauce
8:30: 4oz white wine

today's been a weird day since I've been fighting a fever and my appetite is all messed up. Wasn't hungry at all in the morning but we had an end of year celebration in italian class. There were a lot of sweets. I honestly didn't feel the urge to eat any of them, but I hate when people question me for not eating, so i just took two small cookies. Considering that they probably weren't even vegan, I don't feel great about this. I definitely don't think it's the end of the world for me to eat a cookie, but I don't like the fact that I feel pressured socially to eat food I don't want to.

Also did hot yoga today. Not sure if it helped with my fever, but it's been about a week since i've exercised and I missed it.

[rainbows]

Thanks, Lynns! I've been reading over the free program and it makes a lot of sense. Most of the information isn't completely new to me, as I've been vegetarian for years, have taken nutritional science classes, and read The China Study and Eat To Live. It feels nice to brush up on the facts though.

11:00: half a canteloupe, half a papaya, a small peach
2:00 a burrito with brown rice, black beans, bell peppers, tomato/corn salsa, lettuce and guacamole. I didn't realize how much it was until after I'd already eaten it all. Probably could have still been full if i'd stopped and saved half. But at least now I'm set to stay in the library and study for hours without getting hungry. Also, I spooned about half the guacamole out bc it felt like too much and I've realized that eating too much guac will give me a stomachache and make me feel sluggish.
7:00: bowl of cherries
9:00: small bowl of white rice with sriracha, a square of dark chocolate

[rainbows]

Lynns, I totally agree. I've known for a long time that plant based is healthier, but I just never thought I had to do it because I thought I had to be eating a lot of animal protein and low carb in order to lose weight, even though I was 100% aware that the animal protein was not good for me. Really weird logic there.

So, since it's a new month, I want to commit to being 100% plant based during May. For me, the difficulty has nothing to do with cravings, but with social situations and not wanting to seem impolite or weird for not eating certain foods. I'm also trying my best to do no oil, but it's really hard at dinner time because I'm not cooking my own meals, so the best I can do is choose vegan options. My dinners are usually a starch and some sort of vegetable dish, but the vegetables almost always are cooked in oil.

I also want to start running again. I've been doing it on and off for years and was getting really into it last semester. I was doing up to 6 miles at a time, which made me so proud. I had to take a break because i was getting obsessive about exercise and it ended up getting me injured and exhausted, but I'm ready to ease back in.

Anyway, food today was decent

12:00: big bowl of fruit salad
4:00: a salad with cabbage, peppers, tomato, green salsa, and bean sprouts, served in a tortilla shell. The shell was not greasy at all so I felt safe eating about half of it, mostly because the salad itself was clearly not very substantial calorie wise. It was the only vegan option at the library cafe however (once i asked for the cheese and cream removed) and it tasted really good
6:00: roasted potatoes at a restaurant for a friend's birthday dinner. They were definitely tossed in oil, but I tried to wipe it off haha
8:00: I split a pint of ben and jerry's with 4 other people. It was one of their new dairy free flavors! honestly, not the best vegan ice cream i've ever had, but this was a birthday party and it was such a nice feeling that there were four other people who also wanted dairy free ice cream for various reasons.

I've accepted the fact that I need to allow myself to have treats occasionally, especially in social situations, because it makes life so much easier. I'm working hard on having a healthy, non disordered relationship with food and it's nice to be able to say to myself "Hey this isn't super healthy and i wouldn't eat it every day. But it tastes good and it's a special occasion, so I'll indulge without feeling guilty or starving myself tomorrow!" This is also a huge improvement from the one time I was vegan back in freshman year. I was doing it mostly as a way to force myself to eat less, and i wasn't too informed on nutrition, so I ate crap every day (while maintaining a calorie deficit) telling myself "it's fine as long as it's vegan!" So i was underfed, undernourished, and constantly craving more while restricting myself. Naturally, this just led to binges, and eventually bingeing so hard on animal products that i just gave up on veganism entirely.

[rainbows]

Thanks for the link! This might be especially useful today, since I'm going to a graduation party tonight and i saw the list of foods that will be there. Not a lot of mcdougal approved options, which is fine because i can eat before or bring snacks. But what always gets me is dessert. I can say no to any savory food, but I have the biggest sweet tooth, especially if there is cream involved. It looks like tonight there's gonna be panna cotta, berry and passion fruit pavlova, and napolean. I just love whipped cream so much. It's crazy. I used to eat it straight out of the bowl.

I think this is my plan for the day.

1. Study
2. Go for a run
3. watch that video before going to the party
4. Remind myself that the point of social events isn't eating, it's socializing!

update: Well, even though I didn't make it to my run, today was successful!
The Pleasure Trap makes complete sense. I actually study neuroscience as part of my degree, so it was not entirely new scientific information, but very helpful to relate to my day.

10:00: oatmeal w molasses and half an apple
1:00: some cherries and two or three wheat thin crackers
3:00: a tortilla, garbanzo beans, sriracha
5:00: watermelon slushie (just watermelon, ice, and lemon juice)
7:00: white rice and thai vegetable curry. This was the meal provided at the party. probably loaded with salt, but i was happy there was a vegan option. There was vegan pad thai as well, but I skipped that since there were clearly nuts and a lot of a oil in it.

I didn't even go up to the dessert table. I did have a small glass of wine and a shot sized glass of champagne. It's a graduation party, after all.

then at around 10 I had half a bottle of kombucha as a treat and to wind down

[rainbows]

Today's gonna be another... fun challenge, because I'm attending an event which is essentially a feast where everyone cooks their best dish/dessert and we eat and drink and celebrate the end of the year. It's crazy how many events revolve around unhealthy food, and apparently graduation/end of school year season is just as bad as christmas.

already looked at the list of what people are bringing, and luckily there are some vegan options that look awesome. kale salad, brussel sprouts, pasta with mushrooms, green tea jello, and coconut ice cream are all on the list.

I already had a chai latte with soymilk today though, so maybe I will try to stay away from the desserts tonight, just since I know my drink had some fat and sugar and I don't want to go overboard and feel gross at the end of the day.

I'm really glad I've been taking care of my body these past weeks because it's making studying for finals and writing papers a little more tolerable. My energy levels are good and I'm not having any anxiety about food or my body, which would distract me from my work.

However, my acne this week has been horrible! I'm really hoping that if I keep following this program (and get a bit stricter over time), my skin will clear up. I hate being 21 years old and still having acne.


and... update: survived this party as well! I went on a run before, which had me feeling so good after that I really didn't want to put any junk into my body. The only issue was that I was STARVING after my run, but didn't actually get around to eating for 2 hours, which meant I was absolutely ravenous for dinner. But I knew I'd get a stomach ache and regret it if I ate too much, so I picked healthy options and ate slowly and waited before getting seconds. My meal included kale salad, asparagus, fruit salad, and Also only had a sip of alcohol because even though it's 10:30pm and the party's still going on, I'm now with my friend studying.homemade french fries. There were a ton of cheesy pasta dishes and creamy desserts, which I avoided.

[rainbows]

Today is a big studying day. But in a week from today, I'll have finished my last final and will be done with undergrad.

9:30: bowl of oatmeal with frozen strawberries, frozen mango, and half a tbsp maple syrup
11:30: big bite of some vegan berry baked good. but it tasted fatty and made my stomach hurt since i was already full from breakfast when i ate it.
1:30: tortilla wrap with half a small avocado, a sliced tomato, and chard leaves
4:00: a banana, a few big strawberries
7:00: dinner served at my house was not the greatest. I had tofu, broccoli, and buckwheat noodles, which are all things i normally like, but all three were sooo greasy. I only ate half of what was on my plate then stopped bc i felt like i was hurting my body. The only other food option was a vegetable pancake. I had one, even though they were made with eggs. I also had dessert. Green tea tapioca and homemade dairy free coconut ice cream. these were both leftover from the feast last night, but honestly neither was very food. So at the end of the day I felt a bit gross from the fats and not even satisfied because the food hadn't been good.

[rainbows]

Today was much better than yesterday. I finally finished a computer simulation I've been working on and I feel accomplished.

10:00: oatmeal with an apple and maple syrup
4:00: A banana, A whole wheat wrap with vegetables, greens, and some avocado
8:30: oatmeal with strawberries and molasses, plus a handful of homemade granola

I've been sweetening my oatmeal a tiny bit more lately. before i was just doing water, spices, vanilla extract and fruit. Now i'll put it about half a tablespoon of a liquid sweetener. I think it's worth it.

I went to a pizza party today for a few hours and didn't even want the pizza, which was nice.

[rainbows]

Yesterday, I ate some food with dairy. I was babysitting and before the parents left, they put out dinner. The mother had made a tomato soup (with milk) and mac n cheese. I ate it because I would have felt so awkward saying no. The portions were very small, but I still felt a bit sad eating it.

Today was better. I woke early to finish a paper that was due at midnight today. First thing in the morning I had a big cup of tea and 5 fresh apricots. Then I made oatmeal a few hours later with another apricot, a sliced banana, and some apple butter. I studied all day, then had a late lunch/early dinner around 6pm. I had a smoothie (kale, mango, peach, lemon, ginger), a whole wheat bread roll, and half a spinach tortilla wrap with salad greens, brussel sprouts, pumpkin seeds, dried cranberries, and a bit of truffle vinaigrette.
When I got home around 8 I had a big bite of garlic bread leftover from dinner at my house, and a loquat, which tasted a lot like a miniature pear.

That's it for today, folks. Just gonna study and drink more tea.

[rainbows]

not a bad day, except for the fact that my throat hurts so bad and I feel like i'm dying.

breakfast was oatmeal with a tablespoon of apple butter and three apricots
lunch was a mango and a fruit smoothie (banana, strawberries, OJ)

dinner was mini tacos- 3 mini corn tortillas with half a small avocado and about half a cup of black beans. Also two small veggie sausage patties. Oh, and strawberries.

snack later while babysitting was a wrap i'd made. A whole wheat tortilla stuffed with spinach, kale, sriracha, and one chopped apricot. Not the most exciting wrap i've ever made but I was in a rush. I only ate half of it


it didn't feel like I ate a lot today. I haven't had too much of an appetite, maybe because i'm sick

studied so much. my brain is going to fall out

[rainbows]

Woke up with my throat hurting so badly today.

breakfast: oatmeal w tablespoon apple butter and homemade peanut butter granola sprinkled on top. A coconut date roll
lunch: half a spinach tortilla wrap with kale, brussel sprouts, garbanzo beans, quinoa, dried cranberries, pumpkin seeds. And then more of all the filling as a salad w low fat vinaigrette
snack: an apple
dinner: the other half of the wrap. a whole wheat bread roll.

also drank a lot of hot water and put a tablespoon of honey in my water at the end of the day, which made my throat feel a lot better.

Oh, and they weighed me at

[rainbows]

Woke up with my throat hurting so badly today.

breakfast: oatmeal w tablespoon apple butter and homemade peanut butter granola sprinkled on top. A coconut date roll
lunch: half a spinach tortilla wrap with kale, brussel sprouts, garbanzo beans, quinoa, dried cranberries, pumpkin seeds. And then more of all the filling as a salad w low fat vinaigrette
snack: an apple
dinner: the other half of the wrap. a whole wheat bread roll.

also drank a lot of hot water and put a tablespoon of honey in my water at the end of the day, which made my throat feel a lot better.

Oh, and they weighed me at the dr's office today. I'm 157 pounds, which is within the range I expected but maybe at the higher end. It's probably good to have a point of reference. Although I don't like knowing my weight.

[rainbows]

Thank you, Lynns. My sore throat didn't hurt as much this morning but I'm taking it easy for now.

That is, of course, if taking it easy means studying for 12 hours straight, getting 6 hours of sleep, then waking up for 6 hours of back to back finals

However... I'm officially done with college! I feel so happy and relieved right now. I want to celebrate, but my body honestly isn't up for it yet. So i'll celebrate by sleeping.

This morning I had overnight oats before my tests. I only had enough oats left to fill half the bowl, and no good fruit on hand, so I threw in about half a cup of granola to add some substance. The granola we have in the house is good. It's homemade, vegan, and pretty tasty. But it does have a decent amount of fat and sugar. But really, i was just concerned about having enough energy to keep my brain working today. Then I had two date rolls as snacks during the tests. came home at 2 and had a big plate of beans and rice. I don't know about dinner yet. I'll probably stay in bed until i'm hungry

[rainbows]

Congrats on getting thru it. That's a big accomplishment....and stayed on plan. Those times are tough to stay on plan. So happy for you. Yes, rest!

Thank you Lynns. I really appreciate the support

Anyway, the past 48 hours have been a blur. Definitely not the healthiest life decisions but nothing too horrible. Yesterday I honestly forget what I ate but it was all compliant (i've noticed that's a term we use here haha) until dinnertime, when I had a few pieces of fried fish. It was part of a graduation dinner and I don't have a great reason for eating it. I just felt like it. I also went out to a lot of different bars last night with my friends, and had a good amount of beer and wine. I don't drink hard alcohol because i've had scary experiences with blacking out and i don't like how it can hit you all at once. So the extra alcohol calories were not awesome, but I very rarely drink and I think it's okay to celebrate occasionally.

Overall, nothing too bad considering the circumstances. The problem was that after coming home and staying up really late talking to my best friend, I only got two hours of sleep before waking up at 6am today, the actual day of my graduation. All the graduates in my house drank mimosas on the roof in the morning before going to the ceremony. Mine was mostly just orange juice since i wanted to be healthy again after the alchohol last night. I also made a bowl of oatmeal early in the morningl, then had 1 and half clif bars throughout the 5 hour event. Had rice, beans, and some fruit in the afternoon then went out to a fancy dinner with my friend and her family.

As always, the social eating/pressure was tough. And probably because i was tired, I just gave in today. It was a fixed menu anyway, and i barely know her family, so I would have felt really uncomfortable asking for special different food. I decided to just give myself permission to eat intuitively like a normal person, whatever looked good at dinner. So I had some bread, kale salad (had cheese and anchovy sauce) halibut, chard, and fried potatoes. Also had little bites of a few desserts since it was a sample tray.

So, overall, ate fish and dairy which I didn't feel too awesome about, especially because it didn't even taste that good. At the end of the dinner, I was full but not as satisfied as I would have felt eating a big bowl of rice and beans. I'm glad I didn't let this become a binge, and that I didn't have the mentality of "now that i've messed up today, might as well go crazy"

I just plan on going back to normal tomorrow after a long night of sleep.