Journal of my journey

[Morris]

July 22, 2018

I need to go camping again just to have some "me" time. I think that those camping trips gave me a taste of what I am missing and I now want more even if it means getting bit by a lot of mosquitos. I want to be able to just sit and read or just listen to nature. Last night I decided to make "hobo" dinner over the fire. My version is potatoes, carrots, onion wrapped in foil. I had some zucchini from the garden so I added that also.

MY plan was to read a book or do crossword puzzles and just sit. But hubby decided to join me. There went my peace and quiet and I ended up listen to him go on and on and on about something I don't even care about. Plus the hobo dinners seem to take a long time, so I had no time to just sit and think as I planned. It ruined my evening. In the past he has never joined me out there by the campfire.

Now, I am grumpy this morning because of last night. I think it was my moment of realization of how alone I feel that happened when I was talking about how much I enjoyed camping and when hubby started talking he turned the conversation to be all about him and a completely different topic altogether. He always does that, all conversations are about him and his interests only. And he does not stop - he gives monologues. One time I was in the car and he was going on and on and on about something I have no interest in and do not care to know about. About 15 minutes later I realized he was still talking and I tuned him out and did not hear a word of what he said.

And, my weight is up again - i am finding it interesting how the body reacts to emotions. It is just fascinating.

Yesterday I ate
coffee
cinnamon rolls - my bad

Went to a Mexican Restaurant and I had the fajitas - veggies water sauted and no seasoning. It was so good.

Hobo dinner (onion, carrot, potato and zucchini)
s'mores (my bad again)

I need to start including more veggies - the low calorie ones. My greens in the garden are now ready so it's time I start including that.

[Morris]

July 23, 2018

I mowed the yard last night, well, I really mowed the sliding hill and discovered a level spot where I could set up my tent and not feel like I am camping in the driveway. Speaking of the driveway: "Did you ever wonder why we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?"

I don't think camping in the yard would give me the same relaxation as going away to a State Park. It'd be too close to the house and I'd be tempted to leave the tent sight. But nevertheless, I mowed a spot anyway. I'll see what I do with it in the future.

My eating has not been compliant. Chips were my downfall. It seems like whenever I give in, I slide downhill pretty quickly and it snowballs before I hit bottom and start the journey back uphill. Perhaps my mowing the sliding hill last night is symbolic of me getting back on track.

I guess, in a way, I am glad that for most of my meals I am compliant. But today is a new day and I am on the top of the hill. Let's see how today goes.

I am starting my day with my coffee. And I bought another Instant Pot on Amazon Prime day, so I need to check it out. I think I'll make some Sloppy Jane's or Jill's, depending on which recipe I choose: Jill Nussinow or From the Engine 2 group. And I'll be going to the garden to pick some lettuce.

[bunsofaluminum]

Well done, finding a quiet spot in your own yard, literally! I hope you can find some peace and quiet. Having a chatterbox around is tiring. Let us know how your sloppy Jills/Janes taste

[Morris]

July 23, 2018

Part 2 - I am procrastinating in going for a run. I want to go, but the mosquitos and deer flies are horrendous and I don't really want to put on 1/2 can of bug spray. Maybe I'll go to town and run in town where perhaps they won't be so bad.

I never did make my sloppy Jills or Janes. I ended up making 2 big batches of rice and beans. We are going to dehydrate some for the camping meals.

Plus I had some tomatoes that were ripening too fast to eat. So I made a big batch of "creamy" tomato soup for lunch. Man, was that good. Hubby said with a change of spices, it'd be like the Tikka Masala that he likes. Change of spices? I did not add any other a little salt and a bay leaf. I did use some Thai Basil though. So, he added some curry powder and declared that would do it. So I guess I'll be making that some time in the future.

Hubby also checked the garden and the zucchini thinks it's a rabbit; he came in with an armful and some of them were huge. So, I water sauteed some onion, mushrooms, sliced tomato and zucchini; I used this as a salad topper. My salad consisted of leaf lettuce and romaine (fresh picked), Sweet Kale mix and the fruit and seed mixture.

My lunch:
Huge salad with veggies
tomato soup with rice
rice and beans

[Morris]

July 24, 2018
I decided to run at the state park yesterday, I ran 4.6 miles. I had to get out of the woods and take the road back to the car. Too many deer flies. Deet does not phase them, unless I had sweated it off. But they were so thick that I was making arm circles with my arms to keep them from buzzing around me. Plus I was trying to run with my mouth closed because the last time I ran that trail I swallowed one.

I love going to that park mid week because there is hardly anyone there. I feel like I have the whole park to myself. After my run, I did the ab and squat routine from the app 30 day challenge and practiced my tai chi routine. It was so peaceful that I had a hard time getting in my car and leaving. The deer flies were not bad in the parking lot.

As I was running through the park, I came to the realization that I sort of crave the trails, trees and river. I have woods here by my house, but they are ugly, full of dying oaks. Such a difference between the two places. All I can say is, for hubby's sake, it's a good thing I did not have the tent in the trunk of my car, or I might not have come home. I am planning for a three nighter next month at a park with more trails to explore.

Hubby wants me to just go to this one close by, because he thinks he is an invalid and cannot do things for himself. He is not as bad off as he acts. Yes, he has a lot of pain, but sitting around all day does not make it better. He has gone to pain management classes and learned a lot of techniques, but as soon as he make progress he stops. I think he wants to keep his pain because he wants sympathy. He don't get any from me because I think he can do a lot more for himself than he does. The reason I say this is because if he wants to do something, say with his brother, he is capable of doing it and he does it. So frustrating that he does not apply the techniques that he learned on a daily basis. Oh, but he'll give any one who will listen a lecture on how to do it. He is one of those "do as I say not as I do" kind of guy.

I am not sure what I will be eating today. Hubby has a doctor appointment and want to go to that Indian place to eat. I don't I am tired of going to restaurants so much. Just last night we talked about taking some of the dehydrated food we were making for camping and using that for our meals when we go to town. Again, he is all talk, saying what he thinks some one wants to hear. I think I will just stop order when we go to the restaurants; that is how I got him to stop going so much in the past.

But, I need to be strong in my conviction to do that. I think that I am an enabler and I enable others to continue their bad behavior despite what it does to me. Well, not matter, I am going to have some of those black beans I made yesterday over sweet potato with a salad before we leave.

[Idgie]

I really admire all the brave soul-searching you're doing lately. I think you're starting to realize that you're worth being kind to, and that makes me happy to see.

[Morris]

Thank you Idgie. I am going through some tough family times right now, plus I am getting older; in a week I'll be celebrating that big 60 and it's time to start taking care of me instead of every one else.

July 25, 2018

Well, I set up my tent in that spot in the yard and attempted to spend the night outside. I think I was awake, (with a few cat naps) until about 4 a.m. because I was listening to all the sounds. I never realized how noisy it is here:
*The highway is about 1 mile away; where are all these people going at night anyways?
*We have a gravel pit close by and some type of machinery was running until about 10:30.
*Our daughter's cat came by to visit.
*When hubby let our dog out for potty, she found me.
*A bunch of owls were having a conversation.
*Acorns were dropping, etc.

BUT, what made me nervous was that today is garbage day and our garbage cans were full and occasionally we get a bear that likes to check to see what goodies we have in the trash. (And I just mowed a nice trail right to where I have the tent set up.) I went into the house about 4 o'clock when I heard the thunder moving in. It was coming from the direction where the dead trees were and I did not want to be out there in case the winds picked up because I was camped out where they'd fall. The accuweather app I have said the thunderstorms weren't going to arrive un 9 this morning, so it was off by about 5 hours.

I had the tent window open and watched the moon move across the sky, not quit a full moon and it was not as bright as I thought it was going to be.

My eating yesterday, was a bit more under control. I did buy some bit-o-honeys while waiting for hubby at the clinic. Kind of ironic since I was reading Super Immunity while waiting. I have such a conflict going on in my mind and not with just food but in my relationship with other people. We take our grandchildren to church so they can have some interaction with other children (our daughters are very good at seeing they have play dates), and the message there was sort about having the right mindset also. Anyways, it was a timely message that hubby and I needed to hear as we deal with a particular issue with one of our daughters.

My point of all this is that I pulled out that pink book of the Beck Diet solution, again! I made a new set of advantages of eating healthy and the #1 advantage is that I will have a new mindset. The sermon on Sunday was on Romans 12, which starts out with ..."but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Everything seems to pointing to I need to change my thinking.

We did not go out to eat yesterday. I rode the recumbent bike before we left and while I was doing that I steamed a couple of sweet potatoes and then I topped it with black beans served it with some lettuce from the garden, sweet kale mixture and that sauteed veggie mixture.

When I got home I did not eat anything other than bread, through the night I had about 4 slices (2 with peanut butter and the other 2 with butter). The positive, I ignored the bag of Chocolate Covered Coconut Almonds tempting me on the counter. Hubby has been eating them, he says they are addicting. I think they taste like oil, not at all like an Almond Bar, so it is easy for me to not be tempted by them.

When I think about it, there are only a few things in the junk food world that still have a grip on me. Before I bought those Bit-O-Honeys, I was not tempted by the majority of items that were on the shelves. I need to keep remembering that as I continue to eat more whole foods in the state that nature has intended it to be eaten, the more I can resist the junk food. I am moving forward in my journey and should not get to discouraged because I am not 100%.

[Morris]

July 26, 2018

Day 2 of the Beck Diet Solution - Pick two Diets, one primary and the other as a backup in case you fail on the first. It almost seems like it is setting you up for failure. I am not picking any "diets", I have gone back and reread some of my previous journals and am trying not to feel like a failure.

I am also remembering how successful I was in the past following these techniques to change my mindset about the choices I made about what to eat. Back when I first did these exercises, I was able to resist those voices in my head that encouraged me to eat junk food. Now, I realize that those voices are quieter, but seem to have a stronger hold on me.

It is like that stealth dog attack, silent but destructive. Oh, by the way, my fur baby is healing quite well. No second surgery and the inflammation on the wounds is going away and she only has a couple spots that have not yet closed. She'll become my inspiration for be strong in those those "I really gotta eat this" attacks.

I ate well while at home yesterday, but when we went to town for tai chi, I totally blew it. I guess the fact that knowing I blew it with bad choices is good, because I knew it and am not making excuses for it. I am responsible for the choices I made and know I can make better choices in the future.

Back to the Beck Diet Solution Day 2 - choose your diets. I am realizing that I am combining the Starch Solution with the 7 Day Rescue Plan, including plenty of starches and greens. If I am remembering correctly, as long as I include beans in what I am eating, I don't crave the junk food as much.

As for exercise: On one of my facebook groups we are doing a 30 day challenge for the abs. I have completed day 3 and as I am sitting in front of my computer I am amazed at how those exercises are causing my to sit straight up - no slouching over the keyboard. Amazing.

[Idgie]

Good job on the abs!

For my 1st and 2nd choice diets, I chose MWL and the regular McDougall plan. I figured if the MWL was too hard, regular McDougall is still a great choice. Fortunately, I'm finding MWL really easy to follow, but at least I know I have that option if I want it, and neither one is a bad choice.

[Morris]

Idgie, I read some of your journal, so encouraging for me to keep at trying to be 100% compliant. It is a goal of mine and reading someone's journal where they are doing so inspires me to keep at it.

July 27, 2018

Hubby's car broke down the other day, the first day he took our granddaughter to practice driving (she just got her permit to drive). It was an experience for her to have a car break down while she was driving. Hopefully we'll get the car back today, because I was planning a camping trip for Sunday at a park that is a couple hours away. If the car's not back, then I'll have to stay local.

I've been sleeping in the back yard. Last night I discovered that I need a warmer sleeping bag or more layers on a cool night. We finally got a break from the heat and now I am wimpy because of the cooler weather. I will say that camping out in the backyard is not as relaxing as going away from home. Being so close to home takes away that sense of adventure and relaxation. Do those two go together?

On the way home from dropping hubby's car at the shop, I drove through the state park to see how many people were camping (I like to go when not many people are there). Hubby kept saying how he wished he could do that with me, secretly I am glad that he does not think he can camp because that would take away my "me" time. I am going camping because I need to get away and not have to do things for anyone else and to not listen to someone go on and on and on about whatever he thinks I need to know. Sometimes I get so tired of his monologues and his thinking I really care about this topic or that topic.

I had to chuckle the other day when he was on the phone with an Amish guy (Did you know the Amish have phones? I did not until we stopped at a roadside bake sale and hubby got to talking to the couple.) The guy wanted to buy a gas powered refrigerator and since he did not have internet, hubby said he'd do the research for him. Anyways, I heard hubby telling the Amish guy how he ought to farm.

I am on the Beck Diet Solution Day 3 - (I wonder how far I'll get before I forget I am doing it and stop the exercises) One of the things that is mentioned is that one has to make time to "diet" and then in the back of my mind I hear Doug Lisle's voice saying that to eat a whole food plant based diet takes a lot of time and energy, but it is worth doing so. You know, part of that motivational triad of wanting to conserve energy.

Yesterday, I made Sloppy Lentils - so yummy. I made extra lentils so I'll be making some more to freeze today. I sort of made up the sauce recipe and wanted to do 1 batch first. So much for freezing what I made, hubby and I ate over half the mixture. Now, if I would have taken the time to prepare a salad first, perhaps I would not have had so many sandwiches (I ate 4).

I have a race on August 4th and my pace has been super slow whenever I have been running. This is going to be my first race in a new age group, I'll be in the 60-69 group. Imagine that -a 60 year old and trying to keep pace with a 16 year old granddaughter. She has not been running much lately. In track she went to the throwing group and they weren't running as much as the sprinters. And she has not been running with me on my runs. The last race we did, it was too hot and she did not do well.

I know I'll be eating sloppy lentils for at least one of my meals, I'll go pick some greens from the garden. I planted chard and I am not sure what to do with it. Maybe use the leaves for the wrap for lentils?

Any ideas as to what to do with chard?

[Idgie]

Idgie, I read some of your journal, so encouraging for me to keep at trying to be 100% compliant. It is a goal of mine and reading someone's journal where they are doing so inspires me to keep at it.

You're so kind to say so. I'm glad we're on the same team!

I think it's fascinating how you're experimenting with close-to-home camping. I agree; not so relaxing if home is a few steps away.

Sometimes I get so tired of his monologues and his thinking I really care about this topic or that topic.

I have a thing I do in the family where I say "Okay, I need some quiet time," and people are not allowed to talk to me. Wonder if that would work in your house?

Yesterday, I made Sloppy Lentils - so yummy.

Ooh, sounds great! Which recipe did you use?

Good luck with your race!

Any ideas as to what to do with chard?

My Italian relative braises it with garlic, but she uses olive oil. I'm not a big chard fan, so me, I put it into soups in smallish quantities.

[Morris]

Thank you, Idgie. My sloppy Lentil recipe may need to have some adjustments made to be 100% compliant but I used:

2 cups cooked lentils
1 onion, chopped fine
3 celery, minced
2 carrots, minced
1 tablespoon minced garlic
1 cup ketchup (check label)
1/4 cup unpacked brown sugar
3 tablespoons spicy bown mustard
1 tablespoon worchester sauce
1 cup broth.

Saute the onion, carrot, and celery until soft. Add the garlic and cook for a few minutes. Add remaining ingredients and simmer uncovered until the desired thickness is achieved.

July 28, 2018

Hubby's car is fixed and now he will have transportation if I decide to go camping again. I am really enjoying camping and my "me" time. I found myself stopping at the State Park on my way home, I drove through the campground looking at everyone having fun swatting mosquitoes (haha) and relaxing. Then I went to the parking area and walked down to the river and just sat there looking at the water and hoping those red ants weren't the biting kind. It was so peaceful. I used to this park was one of the ugliest around, but I have grown to love it and find myself stopping there often on my way home. Once my grandson shouted out, "But I don't want to drive to the campground, I want to go to your house."

I have been have a rebellious few days with my eating again. I am getting tired of this. Why can't I get with a program? Any program at this moment will do. Today is Beck Diet Solution day 4 - Give yourself Credit Day. Okay, here goes: before I started this journey, I was never a runner, even in high school when I was on the track team, I was a thrower, not a runner. I threw the discus. Why? because I was better at that than running. I was able to place 3rd in most meets. I lettered that year. When we had the regional meet, there were over 100 participants in my event. I came in 7th, I missed the 6th place position by 1/8 of an inch. But you know what? I was happy and proud of my accomplishment.

But when I began my journey 9 years ago, I began to run. I began with the couch to 5k program, then at week 6, I found a different program, 5k 101 with Todd Lange. He offered podcasts with coaching as to when to run and walk. I never finished all the podcast in order. I would always start then stop. That went on for a couple years, then one day, I was determined to start and finish the 5k 101 program. 4 years later I finished it from start to finish. he gave me a certificate of completion that I have hanging on my wall.

This morning, I looked at certificate and told myself, that if I make the determination to complete something I can do it! I stuck with that program even though it took me 4 years instead of 8 weeks to complete it. That certificate reminds me that I can stick with it. So, I am not giving up. I can do this.

My accomplishments so far are that I have not given up and still want to make the necessary changes. I am maintaining my weight loss and I love going for my runs even if I do take walk breaks because at least I am moving and remaining active.

[Idgie]

Wow, just to watch your attitude turn around from the start to finish of that post was inspiring. You can do this!!!

And thanks for the recipe; I bookmarked it!

[WeeSpeck]

Hi Morris,

I have followed your journal from Day 1 and I am impressed with how you have evolved from start to present. You are so very honest with what is going on in your life, good or bad. You just put it out there. You don't make it look like it is as easy as putting the right foods in your mouth and jumping on the scale each week to watch the pounds melt away. The struggle is real! Yet, if you look back to where you started and where you are now, you are a success story. You are inspiring.

And you keep moving forward and you keep learning about what you need and you keep making positive progress. That is motivational to me.

I began dabbling in running when I turned 50. I never ran for any reason before that. I started with the Couch to 5K and never quite made it. I got close but then injuries or too hot or just life kept me from progressing and even going backwards. But, 8 years later, I am starting again. I made a note of the 5K 101 with Todd Lange that you mentioned in your last post. It may take me another 8 years, but I will keep at it at a pace that keeps me in the game. And isn't that what it is all about?

Thanks for sticking to it. I'm rooting for you!

[Morris]

Wow! Thank you so much for the kind words. It is so encouraging to me.

Nancy, here is the link to Todd Lange's podcast: https://myrunningmate.com/. I loved his coaching because it was almost like he was running along side of me. Often during the run portion, I'd be struggling and want to stop would be just when he'd chime in and tell me to stay with it. And somewhere out there is Robert Ullery's podcasts for running. He set the couch to 5k program to music with the run/walk cues. Both programs helped me, I still use them.

July 29, 2018

Yesterday, I convinced hubby that we were going to go for a picnic so he can try some of the foods we have been dehydrating for me to use camping. I got so busy packing up everything, I left the food at home. We ended up sitting in the picnic area at a state forest, (my real motivation for going, to check out the campground), and just had a cup of hot cocoa/coffee. I want to camp there and get one of the lakeside sites. I was envisioning sitting around the campfire watching the sun rise and enjoying my morning coffee. It is first come/first serve and the stay is two weeks, so good luck for me getting a spot.

I am going to a State Park later on today, just an overnighter. I think if I get there early enough today and then leave at the last minute tomorrow, that should give me enough "me" time. I am hoping it will reset my brain to get back on track with eating right. This eating junk food is starting to make me feel bleh - yet, I keep doing it.

A phrase that kept popping up at me these past few days is, "I owe it to myself to be the best that I can be." That means I owe it to myself to eat the best food that I can - whole food plant based. Lately, it seems the more I want to be on track the more hubby derails me. I need to be on guard for that because I easily succumb to it. This reminds me of a poster I was saw with a fish hook dangling in front of a fish debating whether or not to take a bite. All the other fish around him were shouting encouragement for him to bite it. The caption was: "Leonardo succumbed to the temptation and was never seen again."

It is just too easy to eat things that are not healthy. Since I am eating so much junk these days, I ought to go with Michael Pollan's advice from Food Rules that if I want to eat junk food that I can do so but, and that's a big BUT, only if I make it at home. I used to mix up chocolate chip cookie batter, divide it into 4 ounce portions and freeze it. Then whenever I wanted a cookie, I'd take out a little log cut it into 4 or 8 chunks and bake it, that way I'd stop after 2 ounces of cookies (hubby would eat the other half) and not binge on them. At least making them at home, I can control the ingredients. And now it's zucchini time - mix up a batch with zucchini in them.

Today's quote on my calendar: "I'm not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." ~ Louisa May Alcott
Seems fitting for my struggles, I am learning, not quitting. Hopefully, I'll get out of the rough water soon.