Murgie's Missives

[heavenstomurgie]

**First Post-- Very Long-- much longer than planned**

I have come to the conclusion that I need something to hold myself accountable.. accountable to myself and to the process. I have lurked on the boards off and on, gathered the courage for a couple of tentative posts, and finally decided that starting a journal of my progress is an important step if I want to be successful.

To share a little about myself and my background, I am 42 years old, have been widowed for 10 years now, and after the death of my husband (In an accident, not health related issues) I gained 100 pounds. My highest weight was 305 pounds and I currently weigh 285. My weight has always yo-yo'd and with each successful attempt at weight loss I would go back to old habits and gain more than I had initially lost. I have tried it all.. yes, even McDougall in the late 1990's (Back when his discussion board was on Vegsource.. goes to show how long it has been, huh?) Last May, at my heaviest, I went to a bariatrician and started his weight loss program. His program felt much like a cattle moving process.. After the first visit when I had blood work taken and had a diet orientation class, the rest of the visits followed the same form: check-in, get weighed, check BP, the doctor would ask how things are going, be told to keep up the work and pick up my medications on the way out the door as I paid. Everyone who visited this doctor would be put on a combination of metformin, a thyroid medication (mine was on the low side of normal, so I got a small dose), hydrochlorothiazide, phentermine, potassium and chromium. The diet consisted of a carb restrictive way of eating (essentially we were given a formula to determine how a food would convert to sugar and needed to keep the amount of sugar entering into the blood stream at a minimum) so I ate a lot of low-fat animal products and veggies with a very small amount of whole grains. I went from 305 to 280 between May and November of 2011. However, I felt so sick all the time. I was constantly nauseus, my hair is falling out, my face kept breaking out, and I lacked energy. Feeling like this wasn't working, I decided to stop seeing this doctor in November. I felt like spending so much money each month to feel horrible was insane. So, I gave myself "permission" to enjoy myself over the holidays and get back on track in the New Year. I gained 10 pounds over the holidays and hit 290 again. Over the years, I have been receiving the McDougall newsletter in my email, and have glanced at this message board and the website a few times, but never really considered actively doing the McDougall program again. After the first of the year, I received the most recent newsletter and decided that I would give McDougall a try again and see how I did with it. However, I have to confess, I was giving it a half-a$$ed attempt. Afterall, I had all of that expensive, lean meat in my freezer and I hated the thought of wasting it. My DS#3 wasn't sure about the changes happening in the house after I cleaned out all the cake mixes, junk food, and holiday goodies from the fridge and pantry. So, I thought I would kind of "ease into McDougalling" and make it a gradual adjustment for us. However, last night when I got my mail, I was hit with a wake-up call and found my bottom line. Last week, out of curiousity I went to a private lab and requested a lipid panel. I got those results in the mail. My lipids are as follows:
HDL- 27
Triglycerides- 481
Cholesterol- 186
LDL- "Lab unable to quantify due to elevated triglycerides"
I am not sure if it was my indulgences over the holidays, or if it was the diet the bariatrician put me on (it was probably both!) but my numbers are worse than they were in May the last time they were checked. In May my Triglycerides were in the 300's, HDL was in the 30's, Cholesterol was 170's, and LDL was in the 140's. Now I wish I had paid the extra money for an A1C and C-reactive lab as well. It would have been a better baseline. Anyway.. as I sat there and contemplated my numbers, I looked over at the chicken that was waiting to be cooked for dinner. My first thought, was why not have "One Last Supper". Then I thought, but what if it was truly my last supper? So I picked up the chicken, dumped it in the trash, and baked a couple of potatoes and had salads for dinner. I told myself that I could justify poor eating until there was no tomorrow, or I could give things a 100% effort and see what happens. Bottom line is, obviously what I was doing before wasn't working.

Another reason why I need to gain control over myself, my habits, and my weight is because I am currently a Grad student enrolled in a dual major program. I am working on my Master's in Addictions and will then continue on to earn my Master's in Counseling. I know that unless I master myself, I cannot have the credibility I will need to counsel with my future clients. Knowing what I know from my education thus far, it is important to establish accountability for myself. So, here I am on my true "Day 1", and ready to tackle this head on.

Today's menu plan-
Breakfast- 7 grain cereal w/ sliced banana
Lunch- WW, oil-free pita w/hummus and veggies
Dinner- Baked potato w/beans, salsa and salad

I will check back in tomorrow.
~Murgie

[Rosey]

I am from back in the vegsource days too. I tried tons of diets but this is what I came back to as a lifestyle not a diet after learning what was making me sick. This way of life just felt like the way to go.

[Gramma Jackie]

I am a Veg Source veteran too. I also did a lot of the same rationalization you did--such as not wanting to waste the meat in my freezer, etc., etc.
I keep coming back to McDougalling however for 2 simple reasons:

1.) It works if I adhere to the program

2.) I feel healthier on it than any other program.

Good luck to you!

[lifetimelearner]

I am back too and I love to hear about others that are back on the program !

[heavenstomurgie]

**Day 2**

I completed my true Day #1 without any problems. I had to be flexible with my original plan of eating. I went to use the hummus I had for lunch and saw that it had expired by a couple of days, and when I examined the label closer, I saw it had oil in it. So it was just as well it expired, otherwise I wouldn't have looked at the label as closely. I would have assumed it was legal. Lesson learned? Always check labels!
I ended up making a bean spread out of canned navy beans that I seasoned with lemon, curry, garlic powder, onion powder, and cracked pepper. It tasted really good so I was happy. For dinner, DS#3 really wanted canned chili with his baked potato. Rather than open two cans of beans, I allowed him to have his chili. Instead I saute'd zucchini, onion, mushrooms together with spices and threw in a couple cups of fresh spinach at the last minute to wilt and put the whole mess of it on top of my potato. Then I put salsa fresca on top of that. Really yummy.. not what I originally planned but it all worked!
I cleaned the extra packages of meat and stuff out of my freezer and called DS#2 over to pick it up. Previously, I had sent all of the goodie and junk food stuff his direction. He came in yesterday, looked at the bags of groceries and said, "You are really serious about this aren't you?" Then he said, "You know Mom.. I would be a lot healthier if you didn't send all of this stuff to me and Sally!" Oops! Never looked at it that way. I just didn't want to waste food. He is also an EMT with our local QRU Unit, and as the conversation went on, he said, "I hope you can stick with this. My biggest fear is I will get called to work on you." Ouch.. talk about bringing it all home.
My plans for today are as follows:
B- Oatmeal with banana
L- Leftover bean spread made into faux chicken salad on ww, oil free bread. The flavors of the bean spread reminded me of chicken salad so I thought I would add onion and celery to it, and then top with lettuce and tomato.
D- Homemade pizza

Enjoy your day all!
~Murgie

[heavenstomurgie]

** Day 3**

Rosie, Gramma & Jackie- Thanks so much for your replies! It is nice knowing I am not alone in this journey!

Yesterday was a happy day for me.. my rice cooker arrived in the mail! I had been struggling to get my rice to cook properly. It seemed as if the water ran out before my rice cooked completely. I am excited to try it out tonight. Thinking about making red beans and rice for dinner.

I went grocery shopping yesterday. I bought kale for the first time. After hearing about it on the discussion boards and seeing some really yummy recipes I decided to venture out of my comfort zone. I spent more than I had expected, but I really did need to stock up on basics, so I figure my grocery needs will be much smaller in the next couple of weeks. I should only need fresh produce and soy milk. Funny thing about milk.. before I went to the store, I had asked DS#3 if he wanted regular milk (we agreed that he would try mine) to which he replied, "Nope.. I like the vanilla stuff.. it's way better! I don't use sugar on my cereal anymore." Progress!

Yesterday, since I was in a hurry, I had a bowl of Kashi Strawberry Fields cereal, a splash of milk, and a piece of toast with apple butter on it. After shopping, I was super hungry and I looked around the area and saw all the major fast food chains, and thought I could fudge, but I didn't. I went to Subway. I got a footlong veggie sandwich on the 9 grain bread, and filled it with veggies and then had the red wine vinegar on it. It was really good. I was worried about oils in the bread, so when I got home I looked it up and overall it wasn't bad. For dinner, my son had a friend stay the night and he wanted pizza. I made oil-free, ww dough for crust, and made a quick pizza sauce and allowed them to make their own pizzas with cheese and pepperoni. They were good sports about the crust and liked it. I skipped all of that garbage and made mine with sauce only and topped it with zucchini, green pepper, onion, mushrooms, and at the last minute tomato. It was really good. So far, I think I am managing to transition my son over to this eating.

Well.. so far so good. I think I am losing weight, but have promised myself to stay away from the scale until weigh day. Otherwise I get too obsessive
Today's menu:
B- Apple pizza made with leftover dough, spread with applebutter and topped with sliced apples.
L- Pita and Bean Dip w/ veggies.
D- Rice and Beans w/ salad

[giddyupgin]

Good for you!..I know when I Journal it keeps me in tow...look forward to your success..and yes you will have it doing it the right way McDougall approved....

[heavenstomurgie]

**Day 4**

@Gin- Thanks for the positive remarks! I love your screen name.. makes me smile

Yesterday was a good day. I was pretty much immersed in school work, which ironically, was all about the CNS, addiction and neurotransmission. When I study, I always end up putting my personal perspective and introspection into the topic at hand. I read the Pleasure Trap a couple of years ago, and it made me think that I need to dust off the book and re-read it. I am sure I will read it with new eyes now.

I had an easy time eating yesterday. I made an apple pizza for breakfast, lunch was ww pita pocket stuffed with white bean spread, celery, onion, tomato and lettuce... really yummy. I had snacked on another piece of apple pizza during the day so I wasn't too hungry last night, but I wanted to try out my new rice cooker. All I can say is that it was AWESOME (enter sounds of angelic choir singing as I say AWESOME)! So nice to have perfectly perfect rice. My DS#3 thought it was a dandy gadget as well. He wasn't too hungry either so we enjoyed a meal of salads and brown rice. He says he likes brown rice better than regular rice.

Menu for Today
B- Leftover Apple Pizza
L- Brown rice and salad
D- Going to Mom's to watch football this afternoon and they are making nachos. I am going to oven bake a couple of corn tortillas and make myself tostada with beans, veggies, lettuce and salsa.

Until tomorrow.. happy eating!
~Amber

[heavenstomurgie]

**Day 5**

I think I am becoming THAT person.. you know the one? That person who is feeling so good about their new WOE and how it makes them feel that they want to share it with everyone. I had to restrain myself yesterday because I wanted to share it with my sister, and I knew she wouldn't be receptive. Every time I talk about what I am eating, and look at different healthy recipes with my mother (A former Mcdougaller, so she understands what I am doing even if she isn't Mcdougalling herself), my sister wrinkles her nose and gets irritated. She has never liked whole grains or healthy food. She has always been a bring on the white bread, meat, and lots of gravy kind of person. Plus she is addicted to cheese. She goes through a big Costco size bag of shredded cheese a week. This past week she has been to the ER and diagnosed with potential diabetes (lots of sugar in her urine), pancreatitis, and gastritis. She is in constant pain, and has an appt. today to see about her lab results and learn what her doctor wants her to do. Between last week and the appointment today, the doctor put her on metformin because of her blood sugars. So I asked her if she is changing her diet because of the diabetes and she told me, "No, the doctor put me on metformin." As if that was the magic bullet. She said she hoped she wouldn't have to go on insulin because she didn't want the hassle. I started to tell her that she could change her diagnosis with diet and exercise, but she got disgruntled with me and went out to smoke. So, I know my best bet for getting through to her is by example. Last night for dinner she made nachos. I made a couple of burritos with the beans (I brought ff refried as my meal contribution), ww tortillas, veggies and salsa. She kept saying she knew she shouldn't eat them but she couldn't help herself and ended up in a lot of pain. Later when my mother was checking her blood sugar, I asked if I could test mine too. It was almost 2 hours after meal, and sometimes I would check it just out of curiousity. Mom's was 56 so she got some applesauce and beans to bring hers up a bit, mine was 97 and I was happy about this.. normally I would be between 160 and 190 when I'd check mine. My sister's was 298 and she grumbled about it not being accurrate. Mom and I just looked at each other. Instead I talked about how happy I was with my number because for the first time in a long time it was truly down in a normal range. So as much as I want to be that person and jump on my soap box and get my sister to change, I know I can't do that. Lead by example is what I need to do. Anywhoo.. enough of my rant, I was just frustrated with it yesterday (Not to mention sad the 49er's lost!). I want to help, but need to be patient.

Yesterday was a good day of eating, pretty much on plan but I did snack on some pretzels while watching the games. I figured they were the lesser of the evils. I did get a wicked crazy craving for something sweet, and decided to go ahead and try the recipe for the no-bake cookie in the FOK book. Not MWL legal because of the nut butter, but a much better choice and so yummy! Though with following MWL (though I do allow pita pockets and tortillas sparingly), I always wonder about using natural sweetners like agave and maple syrup. I kind of have an all or nothing "Dieter" mentality. I have to learn that it is ok to eat until I am comfortable and not count calories.

Today's Menu-
B- Polenta and a cup of frozen cherries
L- Leftover rice and salad
D- Beans, potato, veggies

~Amber

[carollynne]

Good luck to you, you are in the right place!! Hugs to you and plenty of encouragement coming your way!

[kkrichar]

I love your journal! I'm 43. I'm amazed you could restrain yourself with your sister. I have not been so wise in the past and I fear my behavior may have turned people off McD for good. I hope that's not the case but I learned a valuable lesson.

Your enthusiasm is infectious! Keep up the great work.

[heavenstomurgie]

** Day 6**

I learned yesterday that if I don't eat enough during the day and at my dinner meal, I will end up doing my late night binge habit. I did fairly well during the day yesterday having had polenta and cherries for breakfast, and then water "fried" potatoes with onion, green pepper and carrots. Then came dinner. After seeing different posts about "cheese" sauce, I thought I would give it a try. I did the cashew version, and I don't think I let it blend long enough because the texture was grainy. Also, for me there was too much nutritional yeast. I put it over 2 cups of ww pasta and cooked broccoli and then had a hard time eating it. I ate all the broccoli and had about 1 cup of the pasta. Needless to say 3 hours later I was hungry, didn't want to cook anything, nothing sounded good, and I saw my son's crackers. I started out having 2 and ended up eating 10 or so. Then I had a clementine. Not bad overall, but the crackers aren't on plan and I ate for the wrong reasons. I will try making the sauce again, but will decrease the amount of yeast used and blend the heck out of the mixture. If I can get it right, it has the potential of becoming a great addition to my WOE.

My sister saw the doctor yesterday who confirmed that she is diabetic and wanted to start her on insulin treatment yesterday. Since she really didn't want to have to go on insulin she got him to agree to give her a couple of weeks to see if she could get it under control. Not by diet or exercise mind you, he doubled her metformin. When I asked her if she was going to change her diet and exercise with me she said, "No, the doctor up'd the metformin." When I tried to explain she had to at least try to eat a bit healthier she shut me down, so I have to let it be and slowly bide my time. I can't fix her or do this for her, but I can make sure I become as healthy as I can be for when the time comes that she will really need me and what I have to offer.

I think another hard thing about all of this, is overcoming the cravings. I have decided that I have to stop watching FoodNetwork at night because it's just too much. Tomorrow is official "Weigh Day" and I am curious to see what the number will be. My body feels different which is great motivation to keep up with this WOE.

~Amber

[giddyupgin]

Amber... you have tried with your sister this is obvious..as painful as it is...let it go...it's all about you now.....put your energy here in this new "family" to support you on this way to your Health.....your studies in addiction should give you the knowledge about your sister struggle.....let it go and giddy up on your new way...

[kirstykay]

Hi Murgie!
I just read your journal, and I'm glad you're here! I've had problems with my mom and sister as well. I couldn't blame them at first because I've been on just about every diet out there, and some of them have been pretty extreme. I have always jumped from one to another with times off in between...a pretty typical story. I didn't expect anyone to take me seriously at first. But, once I had lost a significant amount of weight, I was hoping my mom and sister would see that they could do it too and want to join me. Instead, they want nothing to do with it...I think they feel threatened by it. I have to just let them be them and let me be me. I don't compromise for them, but I don't preach either. So, I have to do all my own cooking at family gatherings, but I'm more than willing to do that!

Giddyupgin is right...move on. Continue to do what you know is right for you, and you will not be sorry. One of the hardest things in the world is watching people we love make bad decisions, but we only have control over ourselves.

You are doing GREAT! I'm glad you are here, and I wish you all the best! I look forward to tracking with you on your road to success!

Peace

[nicoles]

Murgie, you are doing so well! I am impressed by your on-the-spot turnaround; glad DS#3 is adapting too!

I became "one of those people" who went on and on about the diet when I first started, but it is much better to be an example than a preacher - especially when it comes to food! People think you are being superior in a flash, the addictions and habits run deep. I imagine the more you focus on you, the more likely it will be that your sister feels like she has the space and time to come to her own decision about it, without feeling any pressure.

p.s. - your current classwork sounds fascinating!

Glad you are here

Nicole