It has been just about a month since I last posted and it has been a month of challenges that found me in full-blown binge mode. Consequently, I have found myself up by 9 pounds, my bp is up again, and I started to play all of my mental justification games. I even got to the point where I had myself convinced that I needed to go back to the doctor and get myself put back on phentermine, metformin, and hctz bp pills just so I could lose weight and gain control. Then I got my new Kindle Fire this past Friday. You gotta love Amazon, they really pay attention to what you read
and suggest books to purchase for the Kindle based on your prior purchases. Well.. my recommended books were The Engine 2 Diet (I bought it), a plethora of vegan/vegetarian cookbooks, and books on addiction and binge eating disorder. It really brought me up short, and I spent the weekend watching some Dr. McDougall videos on Youtube, read the E2 book, and watched both FOK and E2 movies on Netflix. All of these occurred while I was working on Motivational Interviewing techniques in one of my college classes. I guess I needed a giant board upside the head to stop my thinking and rationalizations.
Change is fluid, it is never linear. I am the queen of going 2 steps forward and then going 1 step backward. Change is hard, but it also equals growth. So, I am dusting off the rice cooker, I restocked the pantry, and bought a yummy assortment of fruit and veggie goodness (not to mention called and talked to my Psych mentor who is also vegan for a mini-therapy session), and I am determined to do this. I will check back in tomorrow night to discuss how my day went.
~Mur