FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Share your daily McDougall menus and/or keep a journal describing your personal progress.

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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby JohnLarson » Tue Oct 15, 2013 10:30 pm

I hope that by finding this WOE, I have increased my chances of being 75! I am glad you pointed out the differences of the co-founders of AA. Even with the desire to drink, Dr. Bob stayed sober from June 10th, 1935 until his death. To me that shows that we can have the desire to eat SAD, but can avoid eating SAD. I do not have to be controlled by my desires. I am glad you posted. Thanks.
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The McDougall Program is not a "diet," and it was not designed primarily for weight loss – however, loss of excess body fat naturally results as people regain their health. - Dr. John McDougall
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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby kkrichar » Wed Oct 16, 2013 11:33 am

I LOVE this post John! Thank you for tracking down those passages. I know people who read pages 87-89 every single day and it makes a difference in their lives. I need to do what successful people do if I want what they have. Thank you. It also really helps me to know that a) other 12-steppers share my thoughts on food issues and b) others also struggle in one area even after experiencing relief in another area. I felt like I'm must be confused about the 12 steps. I must have done them wrong before now. The truth, for me, is that my experience with battling food addiction is taking a different path than my battle with alcohol and cigarettes for whatever reason. That doesn't mean the Big Book doesn't have a solution for me. It just means I need to follow it more closely, seek out help more often, attend more meetings.

Lifeisgreat, I also really appreciate you pointing out that one of the founders struggled more than the other. I had forgotten that. Like John said, this makes me hopeful. I can accept that I just have to work harder. Before, I was so confused. I didn't understand why the exact same steps/actions worked on one thing and not the other. I kept waiting for the desire to be lifted and when it wasn't I just couldn't seem to resist the SAD food.

This is all so amazing. I love that there are other friends of Bill W. here to walk me through this. I know a lot of people don't have the issues I have. I also know there are people who have the same issues but don't see them as 12-step type problems. What ever works, right? Like John, I used to think this was a character defect. Then, I thought it was simply a biological response to hyper-paliative foods and all I have do is stop eating them. Now, I realize that I cannot stop seeking relief until I change something inside myself. Yes, there is a biological response to SAD food that I must get through. Nothing can change that. I'm addicted and I have to detox. However, all by itself that is not enough for me. I need to go farther to ensure I stay off the stuff. Right now, my biggest problem seems to be the early withdrawal and now I know I just need to ride it out. Use the resources available to me. Seek help. Have faith.

Thanks everyone!!!

Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over CRAP- that our lives had become unmanageable.

I am literally powerless over how my body responds when I eat CRAP. I cannot make myself satisfied with one bite. I cannot make my arteries remain clear. I cannot make my triglycerides or cholestorol or blood pressure or cancer cells or body fat resist the influence of CRAP. When I eat CRAP I cannot manage the consequences. This is my reality.

OK, quick update:

I have everything I need to make on-plan food at home right now. I had a friend in town the past 2 days. Last night I went to bed without making my lunch for today. Then I over-slept because my friend and I stayed up half the night gabbing. Then, I hopped on the scale and I had gained a stupid amount of weight even though I have been "mostly" on plan (or so I thought). So, instead of bringing my breakfast (like I do everyday) and trying to figure out something for lunch I just went to the food co-op and bought a vegan cinnamon roll on the way to work. Huh? That doesn't even make sense. Whatever, right? If not having lunch ready makes me eat garbage for breakfast then just make sure lunch is ready. Maybe I should stay off the scale for awhile too. Jeez, Kelly. Sometimes.....


Action for today: prepare all my food for tomorrow.
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HW: 220 lbs BMI=36.3
CW: 162 lbs BMI=26.5
GW: 135 lbs BMI=22.3
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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby kkrichar » Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:10 pm

Evening update: after a poor choice at breakfast I decided to turn the day around. I found a McDougall Right Foods tomato soup and a miso ramen cup in my office and ate those for lunch. I had some grapes for a snack. After work I ran 4 miles and then whipped up some stir fry. I also made a fantastically creamy hummus for work tomorrow. I have a bunch of yellow squash and zucchini chopped up so I'll take that and the hummus with me to work along with some of the stir fry and my usual breakfast.

So, I accomplished my goal for today. All tomorrow's food is prepared.

I also learned that I don't have to run the whole day into the ground if I make a mistake. I was pretty sure it was impossible to make a good choice the same day as a bad choice but I showed myself how it can be done.

I plan to sleep well tonight.

PS. The stir fry was SO good. I was really hungry after my run. I was able to cook the veggies quickly (already chopped up in the fridge ready to go). I put the brown rice in the Instant Pot before I headed out for my run and it was done when I got back. The whole meal was ready in no time. I felt very happy and grateful to have such delicious satisfying food.
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HW: 220 lbs BMI=36.3
CW: 162 lbs BMI=26.5
GW: 135 lbs BMI=22.3
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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby Lizzy_F » Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:55 pm

Kelly - I appreciate reading what you have to say. Congrats on making good choices in the same day as a not so good choice. That is something I struggle with also. Thanks for sharing in your journal. It helps me to know I'm not alone and I surely believe we have power in numbers. Have a good day tomorrow!
Beth

"Long-term sustainable change is what we are really after." ~Jeff Novick
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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby ceekaye » Wed Oct 16, 2013 8:33 pm

Hi Kelly,

I admire your resolve and your courage - It would seem that the best place to be at anytime is right here right now.
You are becoming aware of that little voice that tries to identify you with certain things, and i think that is marvelous!

[I hope i am making sense...Well, just know that i am smiling for you over here]

:)

Wherever you go, there you are.
Christina~

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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby kkrichar » Thu Oct 17, 2013 1:07 pm

Thanks for stopping by Lizzy and Ceekaye. It helps.

Today is good food-wise.

Breakfast: oatmeal, blueberries and banana
Lunch: veggie stir fry, homemade hummus with some yellow squash and zucchini
Snack: grapes later if I need them
Dinner: potato pizza

Run after work.

Mentally I'm half and half today. I started off positive knowing all my food for today was prepared and feeling very committed to staying on plan. I hopped on the scale and my weight was up again. It's been up every single time I've been on the scale for the last 2 weeks and has totalled 7 pounds increased. The first thing my mind does is start to deny the validity of the number (even though my pants were also tight). I start to logic the situation to death. I think it can't be legitimate because I haven't been eating THAT poorly. I mean, I haven't followed the McD plan but no more so than any other time. I haven't been on one of my infamous benders that involves 2 months of Reece's Peanut Butter cups, 23 pounds of fat gained and waking up from a sugar coma wondering what happened. I've been eating mostly vegan, sometimes low-fat, with an occassional super treat like yesterday's vegan cinnamon roll. Anyhoo, I hate when I try to justify like that because the truth is I wouldn't gain 7 pounds if I was following the plan. If I did I would know something wonky was going on with my body because I'd be able to point to my perfect adherence and know that couldn't be it.

So, I left for work feeling a little dejected but happy knowing I was doing what was necessary to turn this around. I had my breakfast at the office like I always do and I felt satisfied. Then, I joined some coworkers for lunch in the conference room and one person mentioned she's doing Paleo. I had noticed this woman looked really good lately and had lost weight but I didn't know what she was doing differently. Someone asked her how she feels and she said she feels great. I just sat there, looking fat and not great, feeling shame and guilt over the example I'm setting for my WOE. I've talked a lot in my journal about me vs the Paleos. Just to be clear, I have no intention of changing my food plan nor do I think I should change the Paleo people. It just stings my ego when all these people who are doing the "wrong" thing look amazing and I'm still having the same g'danged food battle I've had my whole life. I'm so sick of it.

Again, I felt good knowing I'm doing what I need to do but felt bad because I feel bad today. I feel stopped up and my clothes are tight. Last night on my run my calves felt enormous. In fact, I tried on a pair of boots from last winter and I could barely zip them. They were so tight it hurt. My entire run was a struggle. It just felt like I was lugging around a tank. Who wants to feel like that? I certainly don't. My TOM is starting soon and I do believe I'm retaining water. So, I know some relief is around the corner. Now, I just need to keep doing what I'm doing. If I do this 100% I will feel amazing more quickly than I think. Six months from now I could be running faster, feeling energetic and looking back on these posts with gratitude that I just let it go.

I can't wait to make the huge sigh of relief that says, "I'm so glad I don't have to live like that anymore." I'm 24 hours closer!
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HW: 220 lbs BMI=36.3
CW: 162 lbs BMI=26.5
GW: 135 lbs BMI=22.3
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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby JT of PA » Thu Oct 17, 2013 8:51 pm

kkrichar wrote:I can't wait to make the huge sigh of relief that says, "I'm so glad I don't have to live like that anymore." I'm 24 hours closer!


I needed to read what you wrote above ... Thank You.

All the best,
John

PS - Eating grains causes me to have that stopped-up feeling, when I eat less grains and more vegetables and potatoes my system works more systematically and efficiently. For me, maybe not for you, but for me. :-D

PSS - Paleo, I did it for 6 months and lost weight and felt okay but never great. The thing I did notice was if I ate less meat and more vegetables and followed gluten-free I felt better but not great. All that experimenting helped me be in the place where I was ready to accept what Dr. McDougall shared in The Starch Solution. Basing my diet on meat protein just did not work. I wonder if people feel better eating this way at first because their diets were so bad to begin with? 10 pounds of junk a day reduced to 6 pounds of junk will have some benefits, right? :-) I too, want to be a good example for this lifestyle and way of eating. I hope you find soon that tweak for this WOE that will put you in the place you want to be.
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Re: FREEDOM FROM THE BONDAGE OF SELF

Postby kkrichar » Sat Oct 19, 2013 10:08 am

Hi Lynn! I know, right? This place is awesome!!

John, thank you, as always. I'm feeling much better now.


Announcement:

In case you haven't stumbled across it yet I've decided to start a new journal. So, if you're interested in a (hopefully) more positive/action-taking version of this journal you can find it here:

viewtopic.php?f=21&t=39791

See you there!
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HW: 220 lbs BMI=36.3
CW: 162 lbs BMI=26.5
GW: 135 lbs BMI=22.3
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Posts: 1223
Joined: Tue Aug 12, 2008 9:05 am
Location: Iowa City

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