Setting my course

[blue.eyed.mary]

Totally blew it last night.
I have been studying all week for a 25pt quiz in Anatomy. Literally all week...we are snowed in.

I guess I just snapped. I am trying to see a pattern. But not "getting it" yet. I guess when I am under pressure, I want comfort food. Need to create my own version of comfort food. Something good for me, but off my MWL lifestyle (Im not on a diet...cant use that word).

I had done well up until dinner time. My son was preparing his meal and I told him to go downstairs and get me a bean and cheese burrito to microwave. It was so good I made two homemade ones with "no fat" refried beans and left over yellow cheese. I waited for the bomb. Montezumas revenge. And I felt so bloated....white flour.

I would love to know how the refried bean people can call their product NO FAT when it has soybean OIL included in the ingredients.

So, today is a new day.


bedeepadee! That's all folks.

[blue.eyed.mary]

I have been doing pretty good. Not perfect, but good.

I went to a function with my daughter and we went out to eat. I got an avacado wrap with veggies and a Greek salad with Balsamic Vinegar...feta cheese. Oh well, it wasnt that much. And everything else was on target.

I made a wonderful wonderful soup. Sliced potatoes, onion, carrots and celery. I ad my spices to each bowl. A little Balsamic vinegar, and herbs.

Bought some pre-washed spinach and add to it while steaming hot.

Today, I have done really well, except for peanut butter. Probabaly 3T with some apples.

The big baddie is I took my son out to a restaurant of his choice. Don't even want to document what I ate.

I went clothes shopping...that cured me. Have only had one pair of blue jeans for 6 months. Trying on pants was no fun. I was starving, but that object lesson kept me headed home for a big bowl of soup.

Hope y'all are doing better,
Mary

[blue.eyed.mary]

Happy with my progress. I wake up to a big bowl of oatmeal and a bit of honey. If I am still hungry, I will eat some left over soup.

Not much else to report. Had a lab quiz in Anatomy, so kinda tired.
Mary

[blue.eyed.mary]

Typical stress response. Life is in my face these days. My son is moving out. I am very happy for him. It's just after almost 30 years of raising 6 kids and the last 12 years of that was as a single mom, well I feel out of sorts. I go to the grocery store and I just buy for me...nobody to think about...hmmm think he would really like this.. .. bla bla Now I know how a widow feels. You didnt expect after all those years of service to be left alone looking for a room to rent.

This actually relates to my journal. With the stress I find myself not caring what I eat...I just want comfort. There isnt anybody to hold onto and tell me, "It's going to be OK." So, I grabbed some fo the orangic hamburger I bought for my son. Last night and this morning. So, I know exactaly what I am doing. I also enjoyed it immensely. That's the whole point isnt it? For years I have been comforting myself with with the wrong foods. It's all about pleasure. So, it makes it really clear, I need to find new comfort foods. Because I am not a stoic type person who thinks I should just "get over it" and eat to live, not live to eat. Naw, I like textures and color and tastes. Why kid myself?

One thing for sure, all the food my son likes will be going with him. I will only have in my house food that is MWL.

On the flip side of this sad stuff going on in my head and emotions, I am also really looking forward to a new adventure. No kids to keep track of. I play the mandolin (a little bit...enough to make me happy) and I am learning to play the harmonica. I know how to play the piano and would like to pick that up again. And I have a hammer dulcimer I inherited from one of my sons I like to play a bit. I own a beautiful red motorcycle called Baebe. These pasttimes alllll bring me immense pleasure. Now I dont have to worry that I am bothering my son with my mandolin or harmonica. I can just play. I can get on my bike and ride...not worrying if I am spending too much time away from my son.

Life is wide open, I wonder what it will bring my way!

[Pacificfords]

I sure enjoy the balance of your thoughts Mary. You have a way of identifying the issue, accepting it and them moving forward into the realm of change and things you will look forward to doing. I really like that you don't beat yourself up, but just accept where you are. I wish I was better at that.

I wonder how much easier it will be for you with only MWL foods in the house. I find it easier in my house, no doubt about it. Oh... and have you seen this video?

http://youtu.be/5VWi6dXCT7I

I enjoyed it so much and actually want to watch it again. It is about 40 minutes, but packed full of some really good information about food addiction... might give you some insight into the "comfort food" eating. It sure did for me.

Looking forward to hearing more of your journey and you going after the things your really enjoy in life.

[blue.eyed.mary]

http://youtu.be/5VWi6dXCT7I
I enjoyed it so much and actually want to watch it again. It is about 40 minutes, but packed full of some really good information about food addiction... might give you some insight into the "comfort food" eating. It sure did for me.

Debi, I never even thought of the food I used to eat as a food addiction! Wow, you hit it RIGHT on the head. I thought after the hamburgers I would go back to what I was doing, but like an alcoholic, it became a lot easier to pick up other things for lunch and dinner. Even a Coke! Cheese, hard saugsage, beef and vegetable soup. So hilarious!

You saved me, Debi...like plucking me out from falling into a fire. I so apprecriate your kind words, knowing I will get back on track and adding the movie, because it meant so much to you.

So very interesting.

Ok, so tomorrow, is a new day. I dont want to just bloat up into a cow...what so I can be comforted by food that is going to kill me? Or give me kidney stones, or diabetes?

Yippee!

Ok, so tomorrow I am going to a potluck. I know what I am going to do. I have to bring a dessert, but I will also bring a big salad with balsamic vinegar on the side. You know people just pick at that stuff, so there will be plenty for me. Plus a big pot of rice.

And for snacking, cut up veggies to munch on. I am going to go bake some potatoes right now and then cut them up tomorrow and bake them for eating right out of the bag.

I knew I was "in"...just got sidetracked by grief and the need for comfort. We sure need each other don't we?

Mary

[Pacificfords]

Good for you!!! I sure enjoy your journal posts. They inspire me to stay on track too. I am a slave to food. I see that now. I have been having some long talks with my sister and she has really been helping me see my habits and how I continually repeat them, even now.

We are on the right track and it isn't easy, but it is rewarding, huh?

I am glad you are dealing with your pain. It has to be hard to go through such changes and eating comfort foods is our body's typical response. I have been focusing so much lately on my habits. My husband often reminds me of a quote - the definition of insanity - doing the same things over and over and expecting a different response. That is so true. I do that all the time and then I am surprised something didn't work. So now I am looking at changing major habits in my life... to create real change.

I appreciate your insight, your enthusiasm and your drive to stay on track. Have a fun potluck and enjoy your healthy foods.

I posted a funny thing on my Facebook yesterday... but it was really something that spoke volumes to me.

Saying "Oh.. I've already ruined my healthy eating today, so I'll just eat crap" is like saying, "Oh, I dropped my phone on the floor. I'll just smash it till it breaks."

Have a fabulous day!!!

[blue.eyed.mary]

I am so happy,
I need to do some hard studying...was going to pick up some chips.

As I was looking at them...hmmmm Baked should be ok...cant be too much oil. I asked myself: I thought you were all in. What is it you are looking for? How about some of that Garbanzo Dip you made with veggies strips, you can add some oil free salsa!



Thanks Self....mmmm good.

Thank-you for the kind words Debi!
Off to study!
Mary

[Pacificfords]

I am so happy,
I need to do some hard studying...was going to pick up some chips.

As I was looking at them...hmmmm Baked should be ok...cant be too much oil. I asked myself: I thought you were all in. What is it you are looking for? How about some of that Garbanzo Dip you made with veggies strips, you can add some oil free salsa!



Thanks Self....mmmm good.

Thank-you for the kind words Debi!
Off to study!
Mary

[blue.eyed.mary]

I continue in great amazement as I watch myself divert the crisps chips and sugary pops. Is it just that I am single minded? Is it just that I finally understand the risks?

This is my story:
I sat in a total blood sucking class were the teacher allows food and <gasp!> laptops....were I hear a steady barrage of potatoe chip bags rusting around and wonder what the latest episode of ER must sound like through those ear phones Daniel is wearing.

School is a lot differnt.

I come unprepared with my own food to get me through a grewling 4 hours of boredom...my mind is only on going to Safeway and picking up some Toms Chips. I meander to the pop machines during break...I want a Dr. Pepper... 13 Tbls of sugar...do you really want it? I get a "healthy" Sobe. I drink it. My stomach starts to feel nauchious. Dr. Peper wouldnt make me feel nauchious. Whats in this? Skim Milk? What the heck is the expiration date? Looks like Egyptian heirogliphics...oh my how do they preserve milk in a bottle for eons like this? My stomach is feeling really bad....I drop it in the bathroom waste receptical during break and it isnt even empty, that is not like me to through away good food. (Mary...pssst it's NOT food!) Oh ya.

But Toms Chips...hmmm what else do I want? I dream of the treat that is in store for me after school.

Class is over.

I get to my car and snap out of the self imposed nightmare. I hop in my car and drive home to left over wild rice with organic zucchini and mushrooms! And I throw my new comfort food in...Peas! mmmm

I guess I'm in!
I have lost 7lb never to see again.

Mary