Surviving Christmas ~ 20 Days

[blue.eyed.mary]

I never imagined I could break an addiction to cheese.

Isn't that cool?

I am really impressed with what you have accomplished for yourself in a year. And you had opposition.

Pacificfords, you have changed who you are with the victories you have earned this year. This hard won achievement over meat and cheese isn't just about food, it is about learning who you are and becoming the person you have the capacity to be.

I believe when we do what we know is right, we find a whole other side to our character. Your determination is going to pay off in other areas of your life. Relationships. Work.

You are going to be one cool old lady with valuable life experience.

[Pacificfords]

@ fulenn ~ Thank you. I am ready to get the oil out. I am throwing what is left out today. No more. I realize that it is simply a choice. Planning is key.

@ Mary ~ I really appreciate you and your thoughts and comments. Thank you so much. I have changed... and I find that one of my challenges is that other people are not as comfortable and accepting of that change as I expected. They say they want me to be healthy. They say they want me to achieve my goals. Yet, their actions speak much differently. It is almost like they are threatened. I realized recently that I have a voice. They listen to me and in all these years I have been somewhat of an instigator or initiator of things. I wouldn't say leader because I don't see it, but I do tend to "plan" lots of things. In changing who I am ~ it is changing the dynamic of my friendships and even my relationships with my husband and son. I am treading cautiously so as to not jump without realizing how they are all feeling, but at the same time, they are going to have to deal with it because it is who I am becoming. I like the person I am becoming and they will too... given time.

[blue.eyed.mary]

They say they want me to achieve my goals. Yet, their actions speak much differently. It is almost like they are threatened. I realized recently that I have a voice. ... I am treading cautiously so as to not jump without realizing how they are all feeling, but at the same time, they are going to have to deal with it because it is who I am becoming. I like the person I am becoming and they will too... given time.

WoW! I am grinning ear to ear as I read your post.

The warrior woman in you is intriguing, and I love it! I have found when we stand up with our backs straight against the wind, people respect who we are. Sounds like you are able to do this with grace, as you also seem to be a nurturing empathetic woman who is careful of others feelings.

In my marriage, I would do whatever it took to help him fulfill his life goals. It was a hard life. I would lay down my own thoughts, feelings, and dreams, and I lost the essence of who "I" was! I thought I was showing him respect and love. I was amazed when I realized he didn't admire me for it!

I wonder at who we are as people. Most people I am around, I trust to be good people. Yet the fact, that your family says they want to encourage you, but then their actions do not back this up...is not nice. Threatened? Maybe because they know they need to change, but really don't want to? So, if you don't make it, then they were right all along and they don't have to make that effort to be healthy after all.

If you look at this like a battle between good and evil...you are saving your families lives by continuing on with your plan. Be on the look out for saboteurs.

Carry on soldier!

[Pacificfords]

So, if you don't make it, then they were right all along and they don't have to make that effort to be healthy after all.

If you look at this like a battle between good and evil...you are saving your families lives by continuing on with your plan. Be on the look out for saboteurs.

Carry on soldier!

That is powerful. Gave me goosebumps. That could very well be true. They won't be able to deny it anymore when I have achieved my goals.

[blue.eyed.mary]

Thank-you, I am listening toHealing Cancer from the Inside Out http://www.theopensource.tv/mike-anderson/healing-cancer-from-inside-out-video_c7ec563d3.html.

My sister died in June of this year of a horriblely painful spinal fluid cancer. The lump in my throat threatens to pour out in tears. She was so courageous. I watched as she slowly succombed in a short 7 months from diagnosis.

At this moment, I am taking a break from throwing all processed foods from my cabnets, while I have a bowl of millet with home-made applesauce. the documentary is very compelling.

I am going to continue to educate myself. Like Mike Anderson says, "Had I known then, what I know now". We can be a living beacons to our families and friends.

One day at a time.

[Pacificfords]

@ Mary ~ I am so sorry to hear about your sister. Cancer is so horrible. I have watched family members fight and lose the battle. Sadly, many of them just don't realize that maybe they could do things differently and survive. My hope is that my future encounters with family and friends in a similar situation will allow me to share what I have learned... and maybe, just maybe... someone will be helped by the information.

I seem to be adding to my journal more lately. I guess it is a good place to celebrate change and vent. Tonight I will be venting. Today was an interesting and semi-frustrating day. I struggled with my husband's attitude again. He was angry because, in his words, "all you do is research and find all of the things that are bad for us." (in response the cancer movie and other things I have been finding)

He seems to be on board and then his frustration surfaces again and again. Part of the issue is that he isn't letting go of his junk food at work, so it is not allowing his tastes to change so he enjoys the healthy food more at home. He is having major caffeine and sugar crashes at home because he has a beverage bar at his disposal when he is working and loads on sugar beverages and coffee, choosing not to eat all day. He is resentful and he acts on it in a very passive-aggressive way that makes me want to throw things at him.

We have great days and then it takes a dive. I thought my enchilada night was such a success... and it was. Then we had to take about 5 steps backward today. I know it will take time and I really am trying hard to be patient.

On the flip side, my son has embraced this way of life like he was born for it. I thought it would be a harder transition for him, but he is doing fantastic. I enjoy his attitude and excitement. He talks about the things I cook as "a little piece of heaven." He grabs healthy snacks of fruits and veggies and he is getting really good at recognizing gluten as an ingredient in things. It helps me so much to have him happy and excited about the permanent changes in our house. (He has always had choices because of my healthy eating and his dad's unhealthy eating... so now that I have taken over the house and there is no unhealthy food... he has just adapted wonderfully.)

I adore my husband and we have a great relationship. We have always been best friends. It feels very much like there is a bit of a wall between us now with the changes and I don't like it, but I am not willing to go backwards anymore just to keep him happy. I know he is unsettled because he didn't expect me to last this long in keeping all junk out of the house. Little does he know... He better get used to it. Cause this healthy girl isn't backing down ever again.

[blue.eyed.mary]

Caffeine and sugar makes a person adjetated and onhery. I know, I thrived on it, not realizing I could be free. Didnt think I could live without it.

"All you find are things that are bad for us". Poor guy. Food is supposed to be the least of our everyday worries. Until we find out we have been sleeping, while the fox is in the hen house eating off our hard earned budgets. Hopefully it will start ringing true with him. Our food industry preys on our our despondancy. A despondancy caused by so many things that are bad for us, coming from the very people we were raised to trust. It is confusing.

Sweet entry. All the way from "a little bit of heaven"...just priceless!...to "little does he know".

[Pacificfords]

Well... today was good. I got to the bottom of my husband's anger. It was one of those moments when I was glad I pushed a little. So... his anger stems from one simple thing. I "have made food about survival, not about fun." I actually felt bad for what he is going through. Food has always been a connecting point with us and yes... always FUN, FUN, FUN. Food has been the focal point of everything.

It is really simple. Food is now about eating to live, not living to eat. He is adjusting. He reminded me of how much he admires me and that he just needs time to adjust. He has had some really incredible changes this past three months - getting promotes three times at his new job in three months. He is in management now, and with that comes great responsibility. I have always had a career outside the home until this past year and he feels very intense and a little stressed about being the sole supporter of our family now. I had to give him credit for being able to handle all of the changes so well. He is going to try harder to be more accepting and involve himself in the process of making our life healthier (as much as he can.) I am going to cut him some slack and just continue on in my planning and preparing to make this family as healthy as we can be in the new year.

[jld]

It sounds like you're both making progress, P. Good for you!:)

You know, I bet someday your dh is going to thank you for your leadership.

[Pacificfords]

It sounds like you're both making progress, P. Good for you!:)

You know, I bet someday your dh is going to thank you for your leadership.

I hope that someday soon he will just start feeling better and realize this is the best way... and that he will be around to grow old with me.

[fulenn]

I hope that someday soon he will just start feeling better and realize this is the best way... and that he will be around to grow old with me.

This is what I want for my SO and family, too.

Fulenn

[blue.eyed.mary]

Incredible communication between you two.

[Pacificfords]

Incredible communication between you two.

It sure doesn't feel that way sometimes.

[Pacificfords]

Fantastic day! I did two things today that were very important in my journey to the new year and the new me. I dumped out my salt. I didn't just put the container in the garbage. Sadly, I know myself too well and didn't want the humiliation of dumpster diving later. I poured it in and then had my husband take out the trash. It is one of the things I have been neglecting to let go of and I know it isn't good for me.

The other was to get rid of the last little bit of oil in the house. It is gone. No more. I won't purchase it again. I know that for a fact. Out of sight ~ out of mind.

Onward to the most horrible dinner I have ever made...lol. I had to throw the rest of it out. I tried to make my own spaghetti sauce to put over rice pasta. It was horrible. I don't know why, but it was. Next time I am loading it with vegetables, lots more spices, and letting it simmer in the crock pot all day. That is what happens when I am in a hurry and just throw something together. Planning is SUPER important in this house!!!

[MmmCarbs]

Hey, good for you for tossing the salt & oil. Sorry your sauce didn't work out. Did you use tomato paste? That always helped mine.