Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Share a great recipe or restaurant, ask a question about how to cook something, or mention a good ingredient substitute or packaged food.

Moderators: JeffN, f1jim, carolve, Heather McDougall

Good Intentions Gone Awry

Postby djunamod » Wed Dec 28, 2011 4:15 am

Despite the fact that I complain about my dad a lot in my journals, I do feel bad for the guy sometimes. There are times when he has good intentions in mind but because he has no clue as to what I'm about, they fall flat.

Yesterday, my parents went on a day trip with some retired friends of theirs to the North and were gone the entire day. This morning, my dad couldn't wait to tell me that he bought me a "special" salad dressing. The bottle said something with dates and honey and mustard. Of course, I flipped the bottle around to check the ingredients and nutritional information and saw right away that a serving (2 tbsp, I think) has 14 grams of fat. I said thanks but no thanks, as I don't eat a lot of salads now (which is very true - I just can't seem to find a salad dressing that I like on McDougall, homemade or store bought, so I've moved to cooked veggies and soups, which I actually prefer) and the dressing is too high fat for me.

I didn't wait around to see his reaction, but I know that the rest of the day he's going to be pouting like a little boy because I "offended" him. In the last several years, he's done this whole game with both my mom and I - anything we do that isn't what he wants, he gets "offended". So there's not much I can do about it, as I tried to be nice in rejecting the dressing and explaining to him why I can't take it.
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby djunamod » Fri Dec 30, 2011 2:50 am

Well, I'm battling a migraine today that started last night, so I won't be doing much work :(. However, I will say again that since coming back to McDougall earlier this month, the migraines are definitely much more tolerable. It's in the background now and not debilitating, have-to-lie-down-or-I'll-puke aching. I also took much less OTC meds for it than I did in the past (1 pill 2x instead of 2 pills 3x) which I'm sure made the rebound affect much less.

I've been mentioning here that I think there are issues with the digital scale I am using. So this morning, I weighed myself on the scale that my parents have (they bought a new one after they saw that I stole their old one :D) and then on the one I have. Their scale read 179 (which means 1/2 pound loss from last week - not great but makes sense) and mine read 182.6 (which does NOT make sense at all. Granted I was not perfect this week - one night I had a small bag of pretzels, 6 small cubes of dark chocolate, and 1 small donut. But I feel like I've been losing in spite of that and I don't think that warrants a 2 pound gain).

So I'm going to weigh officially tomorrow morning and use the new scale for a few weeks and see what happens. I'm also thinking about moving to weighing myself once every 2 weeks. That seemed to work better for me, even though the rate of weight loss was probably about the same. I'm also continuing to measure myself, so I have another way to gauge my progress besides the scale.

Despite the fact that I haven't been 100% on plan, I don't think it's so much what I'm eating that is giving me a slow weight loss so far but when and how much I am eating. Originally, I planned a basic menu that turned out to be about 1300 calories (I'm not consciously trying to limit calories, but that's what turned out when I calculated how much and what foods I wanted to eat on the plan). However, I've been playing games with myself, putting off and skipping meals and snacks. Part of the problem has been that I work from home and right now my work load is very low, which means that I have more freedom to get up late in the morning, take a walk, etc. That puts me to eating breakfast very late (sometimes not until noon!) which throws off my eating schedule and I simply end up not being able to fit in all the food (and also not really being hungry for it).

For example, I did a calculation of what I ate yesterday and it turned out 1130 calories! That's way too low, especially given the fact that I go walking for 50 minutes nearly every day. I know it sounds weird, but I've read in many places that going too low in calories does not always result in weight loss but can cause slow weight loss and even stalls (which is what I seem to be experiencing).

So I'm starting to be more mindful of eating all my meals and snacks, meaning waking up earlier in the morning and getting an earlier start. Today I didn't go walking because the weather is grey so I got breakfast in at 10 a.m. (which is still a bit late, but still morning). I'm going to focus on eating all my meals and snacks today and eating at normal intervals rather than ending up eating a lot of food later at night and going to bed at midnight (which I've been doing a lot lately - gotta stay away from the classic movie channel!)

I do think that moving to having mashed potatoes and raw veggies in the morning instead of the oat bran has helped and I certainly enjoy it a lot more :D.

Yesterday's menu:
Morning (well, really afternoon, as I had "breakfast" at 11 a.m): mashed potatoes, raw baby cucumbers and cherry tomatoes, 2 rice cakes with honey, tea
Mid-Morning: nothing
Afternoon: curried cauliflower over brown rice
Evening: potato chopped into big chunks and baked and then dipped into a mix of BBQ sauce and ketchup; minestrone soup
Snack: 1/2 cup corn flakes; 1 medjool date
Exercise: 50 minute brisk walk in the morning
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby djunamod » Sun Jan 01, 2012 2:23 am

First thing's first:

Happy New Year :lol: :lol: :lol:

(hopefully that came out with the font size and color I put...)

Giving 2011 a quick glance, for me, it was a fairly tough year, though not as tough as 2010, mainly because I got a bit of stability with living with my parents, with the issue of the MA program (starting and withdrawing after the summer semester) being the really big change I made. But I also made some decisions about my future this year and pray that I will continue on the path to achieving my goals.

Unfortunately, I can't say I am feeling wonderful for the new year. Since Friday, I have had an off and on migraine, along with lower back ache. That, along with other stuff (like feeling colder than usual and having some hives come up on my inner thighs) usually points to one thing - PMS. It's about that time, too, since TOM for me usually comes the first week or so of the month.

For right now, the migraine is tolerable, though, and pretty much has been these last few days. I'm hoping that's due to McDougalling. I don't think there are certain foods that really trigger migraines for me, other than caffeine (which I've stopped consuming altogether - have moved to caffeine free herbal teas) and chocolate (which I've also stopped consuming).

Weighed and measured today and here are the results:

Weight: 179 (so lost about half a pound)
Bust: gained 1/2 inch, but since I've been exercising regularly and it's PMS, I'm not concerned about that
Waist: stayed the same
Hips: stayed the same

My results are slow, to be sure. Next week's weigh in will mark 1 month since I've been on my 30 pound challenge. My goal was to lose 4-5 pounds per month (since this would get me to my goal of 30 by June), and this month I've lost about 3.5 pounds so far. So if I lose something next week, even if it's only 1/2 pound, I should still be on schedule, which shows me that this plan is working for me. I've also had a lot of tweaks this month with trying to adjust my menu and figure out what works for me and what doesn't and I think I've for the most part figured it out. So hopefully it will be much smoother sailing from here.

Yesterday's menu:
Morning: raw baby cucumbers and cherry tomatoes; mashed potatoes; 2 rice cakes with honey
Mid-Morning: 1 orange and 1/4 cup baked chickpeas
Afternoon: Cooked cabbage and carrots with a tamari/honey/vinegar/orange sauce (recipe) over brown rice
Mid-Afternoon: 2 rice cakes with honey
Evening: potato cut into chunks and baked and dipped into BBQ sauce/ketchup; minestrone soup; 1/2 cup corn flakes and 1 date
Exercise: none :(. Unfortunately, because of the back ache and migraines, I haven't been able to go out walking for the last 3 days.
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby jld » Sun Jan 01, 2012 9:53 am

Good luck with that migraine. What a challenge that must to deal with!

Happy New Year to you, too!:)
A clean life is its own reward.
jld
 
Posts: 700
Joined: Sat Aug 08, 2009 9:22 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby djunamod » Wed Jan 04, 2012 8:44 am

I've been doing a lot of thinking in the past several days. The whole issue of my aunt wanting the money she loaned my dad and brother on the SF apartment back and seeing how both are scrambling to get it (and how my brother wants to put my name on the loan because I'm the only one between him, my dad, and my mom who is making some kind of income, since my parents are retired and he claims that his income from his properties "doesn't count"). I'm also starting to get a little tired of being in Israel. I've been here since October and while it's been great, I don't feel as if I'm really getting anywhere and the surveillance of having my parents so near me is getting to me, in addition to the family obligations that I have simply because they're family and not because I really want to do those things.

Also, I'm feeling a bit guilty because I'm occupying the in-law unit of my parents' place and I've really seen how financially limited they are, something that I wasn't nearly aware of when I was living in the States. Maybe part of it is my dad's attitude and his anxiety over it which is overblown (I've seen in the past year how my own tendency to overblow things doesn't come so much from my mom as from him!) but it's clear that they are not in a financially good situation at all, even before they had to scrape up 40K to pay back my aunt. They could get about 4000-5000 shekels (about $1000-$1100 a month) if they rented this in-law unit to someone who could pay that rent and I know that that would really help them financially. I sometimes feel as if my dad is just on the verge of asking me to pay rent (he's already hinted that he might have to scrape up an additional $200 a month and that he might come to me for it). If I go live in a place that is relatively cheap in the States (like Texas), I can probably swing rental for a one-bedroom for $500-$700, which is better than what I would have to pay him.

Also, it's just so difficult to see how my father treats my mother. I know that my being here is a big support for her, but on the other hand, I also know that my father feels threatened by my presence because he knows that my mom and I bond and emotionally, he's really become very childish, so he's like a child who throws tantrums and get jealous when Mommy pays attention to someone else. I know my mom can handle him - she has been for nearly 50 years - but it's getting very difficult for me to even stand him. We don't fight - we just sort of ignore each other. But lately I've been losing a lot of patience with him and snapping at him because I'm sick and tired of his egotism and his bullying and yelling.

But before I even consider going back to the States, I have to get at least another part-time job, hopefully something more stable than the one that I have. The one I have has been great and I definitely want to continue with it - but it just is very touch-and-go. If they need me, then I have work - if they don't, then I get work with months in between. Luckily, I teach some of the courses that are in most demand, so I haven't had to go without work for more than a few months. But it's still meant to be supplemental work for an income.

So I've started applying for some jobs teaching and tutoring in English and writing online. I really want to stick with online work because I really like it and I think that education online is going to be really opening up in the future and I want to be a part of it (and I might even consider doing a certification in online distance learning development or something similar in the future).

I sent out a couple of resumes for some online tutoring jobs yesterday and I got a nice response from one place, where I was sent more information and asked if I want to continue the application process (which includes stuff like subject knowledge quizzes and sample paper to tutor so they can see my work). I said I did so I'm hoping that that's going to turn into something. Another woman on a message board suggested I try contacting another place which works with conversational English for South Koreans which she says she really likes. So I'll follow up and we'll see. If I can get at least one more online job (and hopefully two more), then I will have enough to be able to go back to the States and confidently afford rent somewhere. I also have a bit of savings, though I'd rather not touch that.
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby AlwaysAgnes » Wed Jan 04, 2012 11:42 am

Djuna,
If you're interested in ESL in the states, you could probably find a lot of jobs in Arizona. You can google it, but here's one site: http://www.az-tesol.org/

I tutored English students at a local community college a million years ago (Okay, maybe it was only 16 or so years ago, but it seems like a million.), and it was interesting to say the least. I tutored a lot of ESL students, but some weren't ESL.

Did I use too much punctuation? :lol:
You don't have to wait to be happy.
AlwaysAgnes
 
Posts: 3436
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:45 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby djunamod » Fri Jan 06, 2012 12:55 am

Soooooo much going on already and we're only 6 days into the new year!

Not McDougall-wise - I am actually doing quite well with that, except for having only started to get back into walking (after various ailments like migraines and back aches) and it is cloudy and rainy today, so I can't go out :(. But otherwise, I have been sticking with my plan and I really feel much happier. It is now much easier for me to refuse temptations, mainly in the form of my parents trying to needle me into going out to eat with them or have junk food with them (like my mom, who asked me if I wanted them to order a pizza for dinner and I firmly said, "not for me" and didn't feel any hesitation - that wouldn't have been true a week ago).

However, I do have to watch myself because the stress level that has been so low for me the past month or so has now suddenly shot up.

I got the materials for this online tutoring place which I need to complete (they call it "completing the interview process" but it's a bunch of quizzes and examples where I have to show what I can do - they do that a lot with online type work, which I can understand. Since they can't see me face-to-face, they need to know that I practice what I preach on my resume). So I'll be working on that all this weekend to get it done and then, supposedly, I am down as a tutor and can put myself in the schedule. I'm not sure if there are any limitations in terms of how many hours I can do (I know it's part-time work), but I hope to be able to do 20 hours a week at least.

So I'm excited about it but also a little stressed because, even though it is based on things I do all the time with my students (help them with their writing, give feedback on writing, etc), tutoring 1-on-1 is very new to me, so I know the expectations are different.

I haven't yet told my parents and, to be honest, I am a little hesitant. As I mentioned, my dad is now in a panic about money (but I don't really feel a whole lot of sympathy for a man who yells at my mom for spending money on a cleaning woman to help her once a week with this huge house because she is nearing 70 and can't clean it alone but always has money for restaurants and what HE wants) and I wouldn't be at all surprised if, when he finds out I am getting more income, he does one of his theatricals and "sits me down to talk to me" and basically asks me to pay him something as rent every month. I will not lie here - if he does that, I will tell him "no problem. I'll be looking up the price of a plane ticket back to the States" because I would rather pay rent on a place where I have some peace and privacy than pay my parents (and also, if I do move out, they can get full rent on the in-law unit which would give them a lot more money monthly anyway).

I have already begun looking at places in the States where I can live cheaply for a few years, until I can move back to SF. I wouldn't be moving probably until this summer or early next year (which would give me a chance to start earning with the second job and possibly even getting a third job picking up more online tutoring hours somewhere else) and saving some money.

Here are my needs (so anybody who happens to read this journal, if you know of a town, please feel free to suggest something!)
- I would like a nice mid-size town that isn't a huge city but isn't a rural town either
- I am a single 40 year old woman, so safety is essential! I have to be somewhere where I feel safe living there and, if I happen to go to a concert or some other event at night, I would feel safe coming home alone
- I will not have a car (and don't want a car!) but I would be totally open to having a bike. Since I would be working from home, traveling to and from some employment wouldn't be an issue.
- Because I won't have a car, I would like an area where shopping is fairly close by - preferably walking distance. By shopping, I mean a good supermarket (and, ideally, a health food store), drugstore, dry cleaners, hair dresser - the usual type of stuff you need for everyday life. Also, having a cafe or even a few of them and a bookstore or even a few of them would be extra nice :D.
- I'm fairly flexible with weather, though I would prefer mild weather. As long as there isn't a danger of tornados and hurricanes by the dozens during the season, I'm OK.
- I'm also looking for a furnished apartment. My stuff is in storage in San Francisco and I don't think it's worth the hassle of getting it out, hauling it to wherever I'll live, then hauling it back in a few years. There is nothing in my stuff that I am really attached to, as it is mainly stuff I've used when I was a student. I plan on selling off most of it once I get settled in my SF apartment for good and using some of my savings to buy real furniture, not stuff from Ikea and Walmart that is about ready to crumble and looks fit only for a freshman college student!
- The rent I would like to pay is $500-$700/month, though I would be willing to go a bit higher if needed. I know that's not much at all, but it's a rent I am comfortable that I can pay even if I whittle down to just one job and it takes me a while to find a second job.

So far, here are a few places I've been looking into:
- Austin, Texas (this has actually been on my list for a while)
- Tempe, Arizona
- Glendale, Arizona
- Davis/Sacramento, California (though this might be out because CA tends to be pricier than other places)
- Lubbock, TX (if no other option, since I know the town quite well and feel safe in it)

Just form the list, it's clear that I prefer the Southwest/West Coast area. I actually got quite attached to the Southwest when living in Texas and I wouldn't mind sitting out the few years until I can go back to SF there. I have Austin down, but I'm really open to other towns in Texas, though I haven't quite researched them yet.

Phew! Lots to think about!
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby djunamod » Fri Jan 06, 2012 1:00 am

AlwaysAgnes wrote:Djuna,
If you're interested in ESL in the states, you could probably find a lot of jobs in Arizona. You can google it, but here's one site: http://www.az-tesol.org/

I tutored English students at a local community college a million years ago (Okay, maybe it was only 16 or so years ago, but it seems like a million.), and it was interesting to say the least. I tutored a lot of ESL students, but some weren't ESL.

Did I use too much punctuation? :lol:


Hi AlwaysAgnes,
Thank you so much for the tip! I just posted a note here about places I'm researching to come back to and Arizona was right on my list :D. So this will certainly be useful.

I don't have a TESL certificate, unfortunately, though I did send an application to do a CELTA at a college in San Francisco. But I sent it for the summer programs there, so I'm guessing it's going to be a while until they respond, since we have lots and lots of time. But I did notice that there is information on the website you provided about a teacher training program in TESL through the University of Arizona, so that might be an option as well.

Thank you again!

Djuna
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby AlwaysAgnes » Fri Jan 06, 2012 11:54 am

Djuna,

For what it's worth, I didn't have any kind of certification when I worked as an English tutor at the community college. I would think there'd be a lot of different options for you since you have experience. There are many different colleges, universities, schools, learning centers, etc., here where you might find employment. There's also private tutoring. You could be your own boss.

I'm in the Phoenix-Metro area. As you may know, because of outward growth/sprawl all the cities/towns kind of blend together. There are tons (yes, I weighed them) of people and more traffic than I'm comfortable with, but I'm a hermit. I tend to stay on the west side--West Phoenix, Glendale, Peoria, Sun City--so I don't know much about Tempe. My SIL lives in Chandler, and we get over there maybe twice a year. I just hate the freeways! There's been a lot of growth since I moved here almost 20 years ago. Summers are very HOT. August is hell month. Winters are pretty mild. You might see a few very cold days where you have to cover outdoor plants, but compared to where I'm from (Michigan) it's heaven. We get haboobs (dust storms) and have our monsoon in the summer where some areas see flash flooding, but for the most part the weather in the valley is pretty good, as long as you like HOT. It isn't called "The Valley of the Sun for nothin'." :lol: If you need snow, just head north to Flagstaff.

As for safety, that's really a state of mind. There are crazy folks and criminals even in the best neighborhoods, best towns, best states, best countries. You know what I mean. 8)

Many people ride bikes here, though I wouldn't, unless it was on a bike trail. They have those some places here, too. There is also the metro bus system and a light rail. The way most neighborhoods are set up, there's usually (at least) a supermarket close by. To find what you'd consider "good" for shopping etc., you'd really have to check out the different neighborhoods for yourself. I wouldn't want to have to commute a long way to work, though many here seem to do exactly that.

Here's an example of an apartment that might meet your needs (if the link works). This one's in Glendale. It's not far from Glendale Community college and ASU West.
http://www.apartmenthomeliving.com/apar ... 306-190043
Of course, it's just an ad. Ads are worth what they're worth. You'd really have to see a place and walk through it in person. :mrgreen:

I was up in this area (a mile or so north) this past Wednesday. They hold a twilight farmer's market in the Citadelle shopping plaza http://www.citadelleplaza.com/ up there on Wednesday evenings. I bought some organic carrots (with their greens still attached!) and a head of heirloom leaf lettuce (with a weird name I can't remember now) from one vender. From another vender (Lebanese) I bought some hummus and tabbouleh (which I've been stuffing into pitas with the leaf lettuce). I bought a 5# bag of oranges from someone else. Very sweet. I also bought a cabbage roll for my husband. We plan to go back in a couple weeks. I guess they were short 8 venders that day, so I'm hoping next time to see more produce.

Have a great day!
You don't have to wait to be happy.
AlwaysAgnes
 
Posts: 3436
Joined: Sat Sep 03, 2011 12:45 pm

Confession Time :-(

Postby djunamod » Tue Jan 10, 2012 2:54 am

Things have not gone well for me in the past five days. Basically, I gave in to junk food temptations and even though I have taken a step towards getting away from the kind of binge eating I did in the States, it still was not great.

I've been very stressed the past five days because of this new job. I still haven't been hired yet, as this online job, like others I have applied for, has a very lengthy "interview" process that basically consists of filling out a ton of HR paperwork, doing some questionnaires about the company policies, and doing some sample writings. It's a lot of jumping through hoops with basically no guarantee of getting the job, though I think it's not often that a candidate doesn't get the job if they are asked to do all of that, since the company wouldn't be providing a candidate with all that if they didn't think they were qualified. Still, it's a lot of stress and one of the behaviors I need to work on is not giving in to soothing stress with food.

So I didn't binge the whole day (as I would have done in the States - beginning with a mocha and muffin or scone in the morning, big deli cheese sandwich and chips or burrito and chips in the afternoon, pizza in the evening, and lots of junk food like chips, cookies and candy bars in between and a massive binge eating on the junk food after dinner well into the night). I ate pretty close to McDougall throughout the day and mainly snacked on the junk food in the evening and that consisted mostly of white bread spread with Nutella, cookies (what the British call "biscuits", which are plain and actually vegan), and chocolate.

Sorry to be so graphic with the food here, but it's mainly so that I can see for myself how my behaviors are slowly changing. I know what I've done isn't good but I also know it's not going to work if I beat myself up for it. What I need to do now is consider this a clean slate and a new day, put it behind me, and work through my stress without resorting to food.

One thing that I think didn't help matters was that I don't have food in the house that I find particularly tasty. While I like to experiment with different recipes in general, I think that doing this while I know I'm in a stressful period isn't a good idea. I made some red and green cabbage in a soy/vinegar/mustard-based sauce and it turned out without enough sauce and I think the strong flavor of the red cabbage just overtakes everything, so I haven't been very motivated to eat it. I also made some spinach/ginger/lime juice soup that I got from a recipe in the Recipes forum here. While the flavor is interesting, I think the combination just isn't my thing so I haven't been motivated to eat that either. So it's made it easier for me to turn to junk food and my mom's food (which is vegan but not fat free) in the past few days.

So one thing I want to get done today is to do some cooking of old standards that I know I'll enjoy. For example, there are a few SNAP meals that are easy to make and that I really like so I'll make one of those today for my afternoon meal. Also, I seem to like more standard soups (vegetable, tomato, minestrone, etc) so I'm going to make a vegetable soup today, just very basic and standard without a lot of fancy flavors in it.

Another thing I want to do is to take some time to set down some goals for 2012. I feel as if I've been floundering around for a few years now and I'm not getting anywhere. That was allright in my 20's but in my 40's, I frankly don't have time to waste anymore. One problem is that I have a very bad concepts of time. I am not good at estimating how much time it is going to take me to do something (which is a bad trait to have when you're working online, since you have to manage your time). I'm not too bad at managing my time day-to-day, but when it comes to trying to manage my time for a longer period than, say a week or two, it's tough for me to gauge that. So I'm going to try and look for some books on Amazon that talk about setting long-term goals and see what goals I can set for this year. These include career goals, housing goals (i.e., where I want to be living in a year), writing goals, and, of course, health goals.
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

When people are not upfront...

Postby djunamod » Fri Jan 13, 2012 2:20 am

This is my venting space, so this doesn't really have much to do with the McDougall plan, other than the fact that it gives me a place to get out my frustrations so that I don't turn to junk food to do it.

So I applied for this online tutoring job and was very thrilled to hear back the same day. I did all the paperwork, the tests, the samples, everything they asked of me within the first few days. I was then told to email my preferred schedule to someone and also that I could pick up papers to review in my email.

So I emailed the people asking when peak times were so that I could maximize my hours. I didn't get a response and, afraid that I would miss out on scheduling, emailed them yesterday my preferred schedule, indicating that I work from home so my schedule is flexible if they need me.

I got an email from them this morning telling me that they didn't need people in my field to tutor right now but that I could pick up some extra work if there was an urgent need sent out via email or pick up overflow during peak times if I logged in.

Well, why the ***bleep*** didn't the recruiter tell me that when I was hired??? I was under the impression that they needed people and that I would have some steady hours tutoring but now it seems this is not the case at all and I am left with picking up "whatever comes", if I'm lucky.

Also, about reviewing papers - I quickly discovered that they are "first come first serve" - that is, they basically go out to the email of everyone who is approved to review papers like me and whoever snaps them up first gets to review them. So far, I have only reviewed one paper because every time I get notifications in my email that there are papers in my box and then go to my box, someone else has already snapped them up.

Again, this is NOT what I was led to believe would happen. My impression was that the papers would be assigned to specific tutors and if you didn't accept something, it would go to someone else. There is nothing in the materials they gave me about it being sent out to everyone and whoever gets it, gets it.

Now, I totally get how online jobs work. They are exploitative in some respect in that there are a lot of people who want the convenience of working online and many companies work on a "we don't owe you anything" basis. I get that. But what I cannot accept is that they were not honest with me and up front about how they work.

The good thing is that, just as they don't owe me anything, I don't owe them anything either. Since the work is "whatever you can pick up" basis, I'll work with it on my schedule, not theirs. If I get some stuff, great. If I don't, I am not going to stress about it and, most importantly, I'm not going to rely on them as extra income. Because there are quite a few online tutoring companies out there and I have heard of a few that are good and I am still going to send out resumes and be on the lookout for something more reliable and stable.

Now I'm very glad that I didn't tell my family that I got the new job. I was going to tell them this weekend, but now that I know it's just a "fly by night" type of thing, I see no reason for letting them know, since I don't anticipate that I'm going to be getting any significant income from them.

It's just so damn frustrating!!!
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby Riva » Fri Jan 13, 2012 3:35 am

Hi Djuna,
I would like to suggest that you add a LOT more green leafys to your daily routine. And consider eliminating the rice cakes and bread products. Just as an experiment. Many people on this board have found that eliminating processed foods like these can make a big difference.

You could, as I do, have 2 cups of broccoli (I use frozen and cook it in the microwave) in the morning along with your oatmeal etc.

Then for lunch, have either a huge salad or 2 cups of spinach (again I use frozen and cook it with water in the microwave)

Dinner - another big salad with whatever else you are eating.

Couldn't hurt! May help.
Riva
Never Ever Give Up
User avatar
Riva
 
Posts: 849
Joined: Fri Oct 20, 2006 9:00 pm

A week of frustrations

Postby djunamod » Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:49 am

I'm starting to really see how I have had selfish people all around me for so long that it's no wonder I have been very selfish myself and very determined not to rely on others.

In addition to the frustration with the online tutoring job, I've also had some with my brother. Basically, in looking for other online tutoring jobs, I discovered that many of them require a PC and I only have a Mac. I do have access to my mom's laptop PC, but it is a very old one and most of the time the specifications don't meet those required for the jobs.

So I've been thinking for a while now to buy a laptop PC to add to my laptop Mac. It would open doors of employment for me and it would also be a good backup computer to have if something went wrong with my Mac. In addition, I also have some good discounts with my present online job, as faculty members get discounts on Dell and Toshiba products.

The problem is that I'm in Israel and having a computer shipped here is a problem because it will cost mega mega bucks for customs. So when my dad has had to have something shipped like that, he's usually had it shipped to my brother in San Francisco and had my brother ship it to him. I know my brother absolutely hates this so I've never asked him to do this for something this big.

But I emailed him and asked him this time, mainly because I need it ASAP, since I can't apply for many jobs without it. I explained this to him and asked him if he was willing to receive a computer that I had shipped to his address and then bring it with him when he came here in April. So he doesn't even have to mess with shipping the thing - he can just bring it with him.

Of course, I got an email this morning with a ton of arguments as to why I should order one in the States and have him bring it (the guy is one of those smooth-talking sales people - he can get anybody to buy anything). He argued that it was better for me to get it in Israel so I could try out the computer on my own rather than order one blind, that it wouldn't cost all that much more in Israel, and that I had my dad to consult on it (God forbid!)

Here's the thing - a computer in Israel isn't a practical idea for me. While it's true that it probably wouldn't cost that much more than one in the States, it would probably cost me more since I'm getting a discount with what I order from Dell or Toshiba. Also, computer in Israel are geared towards people in Israel - the electricity in Israel is like that in Europe (i.e., 220 rather than the 110 in the States), which means that I would need a transformer in order to plug it into the wall in the States. Also, it would probably have most of the stuff on it in Hebrew, since people use it in Hebrew here, and that isn't appropriate for me, since I need one in English.

So we'll see what happens with that. I don't want to rely on him because I see that he basically doesn't want to bring it because he doesn't want to drag it with him to Israel. I can understand that but I wouldn't ask if it weren't important.

All of which brings me to the conclusion that I don't have people around me that I can trust - it's that simple. I could never trust my father or my brother because they are two of the most egotistical personalities that I ever met. I can trust my mom but the problem is that my mom will do whatever my dad wants because she's been trained to do that and she knows that he won't be considerate of her or anyone else so she's the one who has to give up. So I can trust her but only to a certain point.

I think it's time for me to get out of Israel - seriously. I would ideally want to move this summer so we'll see what happens. The problem is that I need a second job and a steady second job in order to do it. I did send out a few resumes yesterday, including one for a place that I actually did get accepted to work with in 2008 and even started their training but had to pull out because of other commitments at the time. I'm hoping that's going to work in my favor, as I did mention that when I emailed them. It's a 10-12 hour/week steady job (at least, from my understanding) and if I could start with that and get into it soon, then I could move this summer.
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Non-McDougall Rant

Postby djunamod » Tue Jan 17, 2012 8:36 am

I'm pretty upset right now and it has to do, as usual, with my parents (my dad in particular).

As I mentioned in previous posts, right now, he and my brother are scrambling to try and pay back a big loan that they borrowed from my aunt to buy the apartment that is supposed to go to me in San Francisco. So my brother is trying to see if he can refinance the whole building with the bank.

So my Dad sat me down today and said he wanted my name to be on the loan for the refinancing so that I would be "like any other person", paying back part of the loan rather than have it be on my brother's name and the money for the rent (because it's being rented out just now) going to him.

The argument was that this would be better for me because it would mean a much lower mortgage that I would have to pay, even if over a longer period of time (like 30 years instead of 15).

WHAT?????

First off, my understanding in this whole thing was that the only money that we owed was a chunk amount to my brother which would be paid up in another 3-4 years. After that, from my conversation with my brother, the apartment would only have property taxes and the like on it. This is why I want to move in once the mortgage is paid.

Now I'm being told that he (my dad) wants me to basically pay a monthly sum for the refinanced apartment (which is a part of the whole building) that will continue long after the 3-4 years and that this is good for me because it means that I "will have a much lower amount per month to pay".

And this is the apartment that my parents are giving me as a gift...

As usual, my dad has no tact and no ability to explain things clearly and no sense of efficiency (although he thinks he does), so I didn't quite get his explanations. So I asked him, "so what is this getting me on the refinanced loan going to do, in general, period?" He said, "well, it's going to first allow me to pay back everything I owe and then it's going to be good for you too, honey, because your name will be on the loan and the bank will see that you're paying the mortgage every month and this will be good for your credit rating..." I stopped him right there and said, "look, don't feed me that kind of soap. Just tell me the bottom line - it's going to help you pay back your loan. Fine. But don't feed me this garbage about it being good for me." (I didn't use that kind of language with him - I was much more polite). At that point, he slammed his hand on the table and said, "you know what? If that's what you think, then my conversation with you is over. We have nothing to discuss." I almost wanted to say, "Well, hello, we've had nothing to discuss for 40 years!!!"

What really upsets me is his attitude. It's still "you're my little girl who is stupid and doesn't know anything so Daddy has to do the thinking for you." He is evasive and hides things and complicates things so much that you end up not understanding a damn thing (he does this with everything and everyone). Not to mention his extremely obnoxious and offensive response when I called him on his BS because I know, egotist that he is, he doesn't really give a damn whether it's helping me or not - he's thinking about himself and how he can pay back his loans.

So I get all that, I really do. But I'm going to talk with my brother this weekend and ask him to explain it to me so that I can understand what's really going on and why a 3-4 year loan has suddenly become a 30 year loan that I have to pay back for an apartment that my parents have bragged to everyone about how they're "buying for me".

And I never want to hear from him that he's "buying me" an apartment. He's not buying me a damn thing!

Djuna
**************************************************
Starting Weight: 187.4
Current Weight: 182.2
Goal Weight: 120-125
User avatar
djunamod
 
Posts: 563
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2009 12:34 pm

Re: Djuna's Thirty By June 2012

Postby kirstykay » Tue Jan 17, 2012 9:39 am

I'm sorry for your frustration. It is really understandable why you feel hurt-betrayed, really. I strongly urge you NOT to sign on that loan! Your history with your family seems to point in the direction that this will be good for THEM, not for you!

My heart aches for you because, like yours, my father is a narcisist. He is incapable of thinking of others, and only handles situations based on himself. It is very painful to be the daughter of someone with this personality disorder. I have had to learn (through many years) how to forgive him for not ever being the kind of father that I have needed or wanted because he is simply not ABLE to be. At the same time, I have had to also learn how to set up appropriate boundaries in our relationship to protect myself from getting hurt over and over again. It has a lot to do with my own expectations and desires, and valid needs that have to get met in other ways. I highly recommend the book "Boundaries" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend...if you read and apply it to your life, it will give you the tools you need to deal with your dad in a healthy way. It's so hard when we are dealing with years of pain that needs to heal.

I realize this is unsolicited advice, but I hope it helps in some small way. You can find peace and healing with your father, but not by expecting him to ever be different. You can change the way you react and relate to him, and take steps to protect yourself in a healthy way from more hurt. I know, I've done it, and it's been difficult, but well worth it.

Peace
"Remember, It's the food." ~Dr. McDougall

Image
kirstykay
 
Posts: 2233
Joined: Mon Oct 19, 2009 6:20 pm
Location: South Carolina

PreviousNext

Return to Food, Recipes & Meal Planning

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests



Welcome!

Sign up to receive our regular articles, recipes, and news about upcoming events.