So there are a few reasons why I am starting this journal, but first I want to explain how I got here....again.
Back in February 2008 my story was featured on this website. It was a very proud moment for me considering up to that point most of the things I had done were nothing to be proud of. That night my mom called and she seemed to be happy for me, but in the middle of the conversation she brought up the worst mistake I made in my life, one that I still pay for to this day. So what I took from that was no matter what I accomplished I will always be looked at through that mistake, it is very disheartening to believe that.
So as the weeks progressed I cared less and less about being and eating healthy. By the end of the year my doctor felt I was decompensating and switched my medication around.
Next thing I knew I was ravenous and nothing could sate my hunger. I was eating everything and none of it very good. I watched as all the weight I had lost came back, and I felt helpless to do anything about it.
Medications were changed again and again, each yielding different problems for me. One medication that I took for two years made it so all I could manage to do was lay on the couch. It was nothing like depression, because I would try to do things only to be blocked mentally by what felt like a chemical restraint. Which I guess it was. There is an old journal I started back when this was going on and you can kind of see what I am talking about.
This January I decided I had had enough and stopped taking the medication. The next day I noticed a dramatic difference. I could do things again. The doctor told me not to stop the medication and that I would surely end up in the hospital in a month.
It is now 11 months later and I have not been to the hospital, as it turns out the mental illness I was said to have was actually being caused by the medication. This would explain why so many doctor disbelieved my symptoms as they did not match my diagnosis. Every time a new set of medications were given I would manifest new symptoms, and then a viscous cycle would start of medicating those symptoms with new medication etc.
So now that my mind is completely my own again I can now work on my physical well-being. At the beginning of October I started the McDougall Plan again. So far it has been going fine, except a curious oddity of the scale saying I haven't lost weight this month when I know I have. (I posted my question about that in the MWL forum.)
I exercise everyday, walking in the morning. Which was a near impossibility last year.
I am not the best at keeping up with journals, but I will try with this one.
On a side note, if you want to read my original story it is here, http://www.drmcdougall.com/stars/teresa_rodriguez.html
Also for any of you wondering, I have since been diagnosed with just PTSD after the medication was stopped. It is a long story about why the medication was initially started 15 years ago, and one I have no desire to share in a public forum, but let's just say I was not given it to help with a mental illness.
I imagine this entry is rather long and if you made it this far thanks for reading. Hopefully my future entries wouldn't be as long-winded.
(Which means tomorrow I go to the store and buy more)
