Psoriatic Arthritis Journal - 2.5 year Update Page 63

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Searching for True Hunger - Nicole's Psoriatic Arthritis Jou

Postby nicoles » Mon Jul 23, 2012 12:10 pm

My husband has been really trying to eat only when hungery and only until just full, not stuffed, over the last week, and he lost a quick 3 pounds that way - putting him at his lowest adult weight! (still healthy range though.)

Inspired by him, and after my last fast, when I know my metabolism has slowed down a bit and will be slower for 3-4 weeks, I am now committing once again to searching for my true appetite and satiety levels. I have done this before, but gotten off track, and I need to recommit.

Starting Stats:

Weight: 122 pounds


Day 1: Breakfast


Woke up very full still, after eating a lot (too much) food yesterday and over the weekend (family gatherings are the hardest to not just keep eating at, even when the food is all OK for me to eat.)

Did not eat breakfast until about 10: 15 am, my usual smoothie. As I ate, I stayed aware and realized I was full about 2/3rds of the way through, so I put the rest in a bottle and into my freezer for later or tomorrow morning. finished about 11 am. We'll see how long it takes for me to get hungry after that light breakfast.

Lunch/ Dinner

Didn't get hungry until about 4pm, am now eating at 5pm.
The hard part now is not getting stuffed. I am chewing well and pacing myself. It sounds hard, and it is hard, but I never thought this would be easy. :lol:

Finally, about halfway through what I had prepared, I had to admit I was full. I went beyond and ate another half apple, because I had a hard time not just continuing to eat, but then I stopped myself. Not hungry at all - at least not biologically! "Hungry" for something though, and I am not sure what. Have yet to identify the lack I feel, which is probably either emotional or circumstantial, but I know enough to see it is not hunger for food.

I remember when I was growing up, we did not have much junk in the house, like ice cream. We'd go out to eat ice cream, as a special thing, maybe once or twice a week in the summer, and not at all the rest of the year. We'd have cake or chips on birthdays, holidays or family gatherings, and when we ate out we never got dessert unless it was a special occasion.

When i was srounf 13, my mother got a job that she did not like becasue we needed money. My father started doing the cooking and shopping, and he was more inclined towards cooking really decadent foods and buying ice cream.

I remembered yesterday my Mother sitting in the kitchen during that time, around 10 pm most weeknights, just spooning down double-chocolate chip ice cream. Sometimes she'd eat a whole pint, sometimes not.

It was clear to me when I remembered this image that this was when the emotional eating started for her, and one of the places I learned to do that. From then on, whenever there was a "hard" time for anyone, we'd turn to treat food - I'd get Nutella or ice cream when something bad happened(like getting a bad grade, for heaven's sake!!!), and my mom would get cake or ice cream. My Dad would just stuff his face standing up in the kitchen at night, or drink Irish whiskey.

This weekend I made Irish soda bread for my Father-in-law's 75th birthday party. I used Kerry Gold butter, and when I was melting it in the pan for the bread, I was struck by all these memories of eating butter on everything - pasta with butter, peanut butter and butter sandwiches, nutella and butter on toast, ham and butter sandwiches, macaroni and hunt's tomato sauce with tons of butter - the list goes on!

I managed not to have any, but the craving it set off caused me to overeat A LOT this past weekend.

Today I read this amazing post on Page 7 of Deb's journal, written by Norm:

"And I knew it was because it triggered fond memories. I wouldn't eat that chicken because it appealed to me then and there, because quite honestly, it didn't.. I would have eaten it trying to capture the pleasure I felt before. And I knew that wouldn't be possible. I learned from my addiction to alcohol many years ago that many people drink ever increasing amounts of alcohol trying to recapture the initial pleasure alcohol brought them in the past... and requiring more and more alcohol while bringing them less and less pleasure... Then I was sad for about 30 seconds before I remembered I'd already gone through this process and let it go, went back to eating my potatoes, and all was well with the world.
The process I'm referring to is the letting go of foods and relationships to foods I've had in the past. it's a grieving process, much like you go through during a divorce. People who do not go through this process after a divorce carry much more baggage into their future that will plague them forever, causing them to make bad decisions and hinder their ability to "get it right" the next time. Same thing with the relationships we have with food. If we do not properly say goodbye, if we do not grieve their loss then we're likely to make a bad decision when we find ourselves sitting at the same table with them.
I'd gone through that process and that plate of chicken might as well of been my ex-wife... Still looked good... still smelled wonderful.... but I wasn't touching it. Hell no!!

-Norm
"

It really hit home for me. Thank you Norm, for saying exactly what I needed to hear!
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Tue Jul 24, 2012 10:16 am

True Hunger - Day 2

Breakfast

Sat down to eat at 9 am. That is about 15 1/2 hours without eating, so a mini-fast.

I am eating until full, really paying attention to when I AM full, and I am astounded by how little food I need. Very interesting. It is at least half off what I was typically eating.

Made my shake, half is leftover. Made some squash, peas, asparagus beets with onions and garlic last night, had some this morning from the leftovers and looks like it will last three meals instead of one!

Pretty wild. And very interesting.

Lunch

Ate lunch from 1:30- 2pm. Finished breakfast around 9:30 am, so a four hour break between the two.

Felt a rumbly tummy for the last two hours before lunch, and was very tired, but I did not sleep well last might so that could be part of the tiredness, especially since I have now eaten and am still tired.

Still working on the salad and soup leftovers from last night, might be my dinner as well. Still have leftover breakfast shake from today.
Got to a point where I was statisfied and full-ish, but not stuffed. I can really feel the emotional desire to keep eating, and how it is detached from the biological desire for it.

I am reading the Shrink Yourself free ebook, and these quotes I found very helpful:

"It's [eating emotionally] a short circuit in many ways. It's the fastest route to feeling better, so in that way it is literally a short circuit. But it is also a short circuit in another sense. The more you use this mechanism, the more you bypass some essential work of life, and short circuit the new learning and new ways of managing your feelings that can make life more fulfilling and a lot easier. you are trading short-term gain for a real long-term loss."

And:

"...The more you eat, the more you avoid doing what is necessary to resolve the stress, depression, and anxiety in real life. The more you avoid, the less you learn about how to manage your mind and your life, or at least those critical parts of you that have not fully matured and been brought under rational control..."

So I suppose all this biological attention to true hunger may result in some real emotional growth and maturation. That is a nice thought.

Dinner

Ate dinner sound three hours after lunch, and i was feeling like eating by that point. Might have overeaten a little, since I feel decidedly full, but still have eaten less than I normally would, and do not feel as full as I normally would feel. Finally finished up all of yesterday's food.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Wed Jul 25, 2012 10:13 am

Day Three Searching for the signals of true hunger

Breakfast

Had about 4 oz veggie juice, a green shake and some peas, sweet potato and apple cooked with asparagus and onion for breakfast today. Ate at about 8:30 am, finished eating last night around 6:30 pm, so a 14-hour "fast" overnight.

Definitely woke up interested in food, so I might be coming closer to eating appropriate amounts. The whole idea is not to overtax my digestive system, but be hungry for each of my two to three meals, and I haven't been feeling stuffed in the last few days, so that is good.

Still eating less food, so we'll see the impact on the grocery bill and weight at the end of the week. (I don't want to put myself through the mental ups and downs of daily weigh-ins.) I started at 122, which is getting high for me. Ideally, I should be from 114 to 117 pounds, to be the best BMI for my height/body type.

I had leveled off at about 117-118 pounds for awhile, three months or so, then my uncle died suddenly and few other things happened in quick succession (don't they always?) so I got off track. Before my fast I was running 125-128 pounds, so the weight was absolutely coming back on, and fast!

I remember the moment I decided to "let" myself binge due to the stress - it was the day he died, 10 weeks ago. I kept at it, and ws gaining something like 2 pounds a month, which could add up to nothing good, fast!

Lunch


"Lunch" might end up being dinner as well, today, becasue I ate late (2:30) and was hungry so am quite full, and now it is just 4pm and I only just finished. Not stuffed, but borderline overate at this meal. Especially on blueberries. ;-)

Dinner

Definitely overate, eating emotionally when not hungry. Ah well. At least it was all very healthy food. Good part is - I know why I did it! A project at work is causing me anxiety. Now I just need to work on my skills at actually coping with the anxiety/problem, rather than "stuffing" it down with food.

I am updating this the morning after, and have noticed a few things about overeating - I slept late, I have sinus congestion and am feeling very dry. Used to feel all theses things a lot. Wonder if overeating had much to do with the symptoms?
Last edited by nicoles on Thu Jul 26, 2012 10:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby blue » Wed Jul 25, 2012 11:48 am

Hey Nicole :) Interesting reading on your fast!

Wow 117! Am I being too nosey if I ask how tall you are?
Success using WFPB diet to avoid steroid treatment for polymyalgia rheumatica. I don't hurt anymore :)
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Wed Jul 25, 2012 1:39 pm

blue wrote:Hey Nicole :) Interesting reading on your fast!

Wow 117! Am I being too nosey if I ask how tall you are?


Nah, not too nosey at all! I am 5' 4" - 5' 5", depending on the doctor I am seeing! I thought I was 5'6" for the longest time, but was recently disabused of that notion by a yearly physical. I'm melting..... :lol:

I want to stay on the low end of the healthy range of BMI to keep the autoimmune activity in check, so I am aiming for an 18.5 -19 BMI weight. Although those numbers look low to me, too. We'll see how it goes.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Thu Jul 26, 2012 11:40 am

Day 4

Breakfast

It is 10:30 am now, 15 hours since I finished my dinner, and I still have not eaten. Not very hungry, a sign that I did indeed eat more than I required last night.

I am bout to make my shake for breakfast, we'll see how much I need.

- Ended up eating a half shake for breakfast, along with a medium sized bowl of peas, sweet potatoes, carrots and apples cooked with onion. Ate til full, not stuffed, and got kinda tired after eating. perhaps my digestive system is a little exhausted still from yesterday?

Noticed that when I eat when hungry and until full, it usually takes me about 20-30 minutes to finish my meal. When I eat mindlessly, or overeat, a meal can extend to a 60-90 minute or two hour period.
This is good to know about myself.

Lunch/Dinner

Started to become aware of interest in eating at about 3:30, but by the time I prepared it and sat down to eat it was 5 pm. Ate a nice, big dinner - salad, soup and brussels sprouts covered in bean sauce - then finished it off with frozen berries run through the cuisinart to make a sorbet. A little full, but quite satisfied, and not stuffed like yesterday.

Also, dove right into that work project right away this morning, so there was not any time for me to get anxious and overeat. This strategy was very effective for curtailing food-as-distraction.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Fri Jul 27, 2012 11:28 am

Day 5

Breakfast - ate at 9:30- 10, a 16-hour gap in between dinner and breakfast. Felt hungry this morning, but still did not need to finish all the food I made. Had veggie juice, green shake and butternut squash with peas and broccoli, and some ground flax.

I think soon I will explain more about the reasons behind my searching for this "sweet spot" of eating when hungry, until full, because looking over my posts this past week, I think I might be coming across as eating-disordered, and while that is a serious thing, my motivations are not about appearance or "being good" or anything like that, really they are about health.

Or am I protesting too much? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Lunch/Dinner

I was out all day , and it got to be 6 pm before I even noticed I might want to eat. That is 6 1/2 hours between breakfast and next meal. Goes to show, some of my hunger is boredom.By then I was really hungry. My dinner was excellent! Ate a little too much, in that I felt pretty stuffed afterwards, but then again I had 2 pints of berries for dessert :wasted:
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Sat Jul 28, 2012 4:19 pm

Day 6

Breakfast

Ate green smoothie (romaine, collards, parsley, cucumber, red onion and raspberries with a 1/4 avocado and 1 Tablespoon flax seed,) Some steamed Kale in white bean sauce (white beans, caramelized onions and garlic, small amount sesame seeds and cashews) and some leftover peas, asparagus and butternut squash. 'Twas YUM.

Ate at about 11:30 am, so approx. 15 hours between dinner last night and breakfast.

Also - got my weight vest in the mail today! thanks to Katydid for letting us all know about this deal. I plan to wear it while walking and around the house to build muscle and bone strength throughout the day.

However, I am going to have to wear something over it when I go outside, since I look very paramilitary-crackpot-mass-shooter in it otherwise. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Dinner/Lunch

Well, it does get easier! It was 5 1/2 hours between finishing breakfast and starting to eat dinner, and while I was hungry-ish, I was by no means starving. So the idea of repeatedly only eating when hungry and until full helping one to find "true hunger" might have something to it.

I am starting to feel a bit of a subtle sensation in my throat and mouth when hungry, which might be the one described. We'll see. It hasn't happened enough for me to be sure.

Dinner was: leftover smoothie from the morning, a large salad, brussels sprouts with the rest of the bean sauce I had with kale for breakfast, and an avocado and cucumber brown rice sushi roll. Dessert was a half apple. Tasty!

*Later* after dinner I ate about 2 cups of blueberries, as a treat that blossomed into a face-stuff fest. I planned to give myself a little more room on weekends, and boy, does the overeating demon take hold when I do! Something for me to keep in mind.
Last edited by nicoles on Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby linreynolds » Sun Jul 29, 2012 9:21 am

Hi Nicole,

I finally finished reading your journal, and I seriously think Dr. McD. should hire you to be his counselor/motivator to all of us on the forums! Your story is very inspiring, the time you have taken to document the details of your struggles, your meal plans, your ups and downs has helped and motivated me, and I am CERTAIN countless other people who have read it. I can't wait until I have the same problem as you...making sure I am eating enough good fat to maintain my weight! :lol: I look forward to reading about your continued success!
I have had much success with this new WOE!
Started no animal products on 6.24.12 at 240, 34 days later am 226!
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Sun Jul 29, 2012 5:30 pm

Hey Lin! Thanks for stopping by :-D I am glad this journal was helpful - to help others and remind me of the whole process was why I started it originally.

Day 7

No breakfast until 11:30 am, until after we went to our religious observance this morning. Had a green smoothie (kale, blueberries, blackberries, 1/2 pomegranate and...flax!) with split pea soup and 1/2 apple for breakfast. I was pretty hungry, but I also wore the weight vest for a few hours yesterday, and let me tell you - it is work! My appetite probably increased a bit due to the extra exertion.

Ate lunch only 3.5 hours later, an indulgence I am allowing myself on one weekend day, until perhaps I am not feeling in any way deprived by waiting for real hunger.

My lunch was a large salad and homemade sushi, using black rice, red onion and sliced cucumber and avocado in the sushi. It is seriously good! So good I ate three rolls, definitely overeating. :oops: Anyway, mistakes are a part of the process, and I can say this - it has only been a week and I am already less comfortable feeling stuffed than I was a week ago.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Mon Jul 30, 2012 11:38 am

Day 8 "Finding True Hunger"

Breakfast - ate at 10 am, about a 15-16 hour break between dinner last night and breakfast. 1/2 green shake (kale, baby bok choy, 1/2 pomegranate, frozen blueberries and raspberries, about 2/3 cup each, and a cup of steamed broccoli and 1/4 cup POM juice + 2 tablespoons flax seed and 1 tablespoon sesame seeds, ground) and steamed brussels sprouts and about a cup of bean sauce( white beans, chasews, toasted sesames and sauteed onion and garlic, blended til smooth.)

Words cannot express how delicious this breakfast was.

Lunch/Dinner aka "Linner" (better than "Dunch" :lol: )

Ate Linner from 3:30 pm to 4:30, over the course of an hour because I was seriously hungry and was eating salad while I was also making the rest of the meal. I had a veggie juice, salad with peas and beets, veggie soup and steamed kale with bean sauce, plus the leftover am smoothie and an apple for dessert.

My hunger was very high I think because I exercised this morning (walking with the weight vest and full body weight training) for the first time since the last fast. That'll jump up the ole' appetite.

Still and all, I think I ate too much because I am stuffed.

Weight Vest:

I have been wearing the weight vest with an extra 9 pounds of weights in it (it goes up to 20 pounds, I think) for a 45-minute walk each day, and around the house for a little bit (because I forget to take it off.) I must say, my muscles are feeling it, and that is very cool! I am psyched.


Meditation

I went to my first ever meditation class last week, and have been meditating for a short time each morning and each evening since. I decided to go because I have always been curious about the connection between the mind and the physical symptoms and signs in the body, and because I noticed my own mind "creating" the symptoms of hunger when I was not actually hungry, but was anxious. So I thought - "This can be used for good as well."

Well, it was really interesting. The teacher went over lots of stuff but said one thing that really jumped out at me - that he had lowered his own blood pressure and cholesterol through his meditation practice, without making any other changes. I am a firm believer in diet being able to do those exact same things, but I was very excited at the possibility of utilizing both diet AND meditation to move towards better and better health.

The teacher also said that the practice of meditation is very life-changing, although he was vague and did not list any other specific examples from his own life, except the biological ones I just mentioned. I like that idea, having gone through one or more transformations this past couple of years, I welcome positive life-altering experiences even more than I ever would have in the past.

So we'll see how this goes.

*Edit* Ended up having enough energy to go for a brisk 30-minute walk, without the weight vest, and to do some yoga in the evening before bed.
Last edited by nicoles on Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:23 pm

Day 9

Breakfast

Woke up fairly energetic, and not ravenously hungry.
Ate breakfast from 10-ish (am) t0 10:40 am, after meditating 30 minutes and walking about 45 minutes with my weight vest. Since I finished eating last night at 4:30 pm, that is a 17-1/2 hour "fast" between the two meals.

Had 4 ounces of veggie juice, about 2/3rds of my smoothie, some kale and bean sauce, plus a bit of split pea soup and flax seeds, ground up. Had a much better handle on my appetite today - which was large! - but by chewing carefully I did not overstuff myself. Leftovers of all different aspects of the meal.


Lunch

Had lunch again at 3:30- around 4: 15 pm. Pretty much the same lunch as yesterday, and like yesterday, I ate a bit too much. Nothing terrible, but too much. And I think I realized why I did, at least today. I plan to do yoga later in the day, and I did not want to eat right before but I had ANXIETY about whether I'd be hungry AFTERWARD and not wanting to eat too late, I ate too much.

Wonderful logic, huh?

But the important part is that it was the ANXIETY about being hungry that got me. I am not usually ever hungry enough for it to be problem anymore, so that seems to be leftover scarcity mentality.
Last edited by nicoles on Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby Chile » Tue Jul 31, 2012 12:51 pm

nicoles wrote: Meditation
I went to my first ever meditation class last week, and have been meditating for a short time each morning and each evening since. I decided to go because I have always been curious about the connection between the mind and the physical symptoms and signs in the body, and because I noticed my own mind "creating" the symptoms of hunger when I was not actually hungry, but was anxious. So I thought - "This can be used for good as well."

Well, it was really interesting. The teacher went over lots of stuff but said one thing that really jumped out at me - that he had lowered his own blood pressure and cholesterol through his meditation practice, without making any other changes. I am a firm believer in diet being able to do those exact same things, but I was very excited at the possibility of utilizing both diet AND meditation to move towards better and better health.

The teacher also said that the practice of meditation is very life-changing, although he was vague and did not list any other specific examples from his own life, except the biological ones I just mentioned. I like that idea, having gone through one or more transformations this past couple of years, I welcome positive life-altering experiences even more than I ever would have in the past.


This was very interesting. I've had a regular meditation practice in the past but haven't been able lately to manage to get my butt on the cushion, as they say. However, the subject keeps coming up, like a poke in the face to remind me that I know this is good for me.

I'm currently reading Geneen Roth's book, "Women, Food, and God," and just hit a section that makes me think (not for the first time) that my current food intolerance issues may have roots in my mind and emotions as much as in my body. Re-establishing a meditation practice, especially a mindfulness-based one, is going to be critical, I think, in dealing with this.

Okay, now that I've said that, I AM going to go put my butt on the cushion. Right now.
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby nicoles » Tue Jul 31, 2012 5:36 pm

Chile wrote:I'm currently reading Geneen Roth's book, "Women, Food, and God," and just hit a section that makes me think (not for the first time) that my current food intolerance issues may have roots in my mind and emotions as much as in my body. Re-establishing a meditation practice, especially a mindfulness-based one, is going to be critical, I think, in dealing with this.


This is very interesting, Chile. I have wondered about some of my food symptoms being a product of mind and emotions and their interaction with the processes of the body, too. Haven't read any of Geneen Roth's books, but I have heard a lot about her. I'll have to check them out.

Chile wrote:Okay, now that I've said that, I AM going to go put my butt on the cushion. Right now.


How'd it go? :-D
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Re: Nicoles Psoriatic Arthritis Journal

Postby Chile » Tue Jul 31, 2012 6:20 pm

It went pretty well. I actually laid down on the floor rather than sat on a cushion as my low back has been hurting. Doing this was good because it made me aware that stretching out like that caused pain in my lower abdominal area. I did some palpating (pokin' around) and realized there was hardness/rigidity where there shouldn't be. I pointed that out to the doc, who concurred that "something" is there, so I'll have an ultrasound done next week.

So, this makes me worried, but also feel better in a way because it has seemed so odd that almost anything I ate lately has caused problems of one sort or another. I kept thinking, something's not right. Well, something is not right! While waiting to find out what is wrong, I am NOT going to panic. I am going to meditate at least once a day and continue eating healthy food.
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