New Year, New Me!

[fulenn]

That was so powerful! Thanks again for posting something so very helpful. I like the part about eating for the 135lb woman you are becoming. It is so true! You are telling me EXACTLY what I am needing to hear right now.

Keep up the great work!

Fulenn

[MmmCarbs]

Glad you could relate, Nom and Anna! Thanks for stopping by to comment!


I'm posting this here so I can find it later and remember it. It's from the Star McDougaller thread, and one of the MOST helpful things I've read!

For me that's exactly what it means. If I take a 1/2 cup of rolled oats, cook it up in a couple cups of water, add a TBS of ground flaxseed and a mashed banana, I get a large bowl of oatmeal. That's all the oatmeal I need - a big bowl of oatmeal and tea is breakfast. Lunch is a big bowl of steamed vegetables, beans, greens and a starch. Sometimes its 1/2 cup of brown rice, sometimes its a handful of frozen sweet potatoes, sometimes a cup of shredded hashbrowns. It's a lot of food. You can see a picture of today's lunch on the Holiday Excursion discussion topic. For dinner, I have a large salad with ff dressing, a full bowl of soup and another starch. Either a whole sweet potato, half a large winter squash or 3 small baby yukon gold or red potatoes. It's enough food so that I'm only a tiny bit hungry when finished. If I eat till I'm satisfied - well I can't eat till I'm satisfied. I can eat enough for the 300 pound woman I used to be and still want more. Something inside me is broken. I think that's true of many former morbidly obese. I eat enough so that I can go 6-8 hours between meals to allow for digestion and detoxification and be truly hungry for my next meal. It's really not a big teeth clenching, nail biting thing for me. I don't carry a calculator around with me (OK, that's a lie. I'm a chemist - I do carry a calculator around with me ) But you get what I mean. I just eat a reasonable amount of whole food at mealtime and then get on with my day. What constitutes a reasonable amount for me may be different for someone else. You have to be willing to experiment a little to feel out your own needs.
Kate

I feel like now I can "quit my crying" and grow up a little bit. Yes, there are people here that have lost their weight more effortlessly than I seem to be able to....Yes, there are some to whom it seems to just "clicK" while I tend to struggle and struggle to fight for each pound I lose...Yes, life is unfair. Get over it! Get on with it! Wake up and realize that you are no longer feeding the 255.5 lb. woman you once were. You are now feeding the 135 lb. woman you ARE BECOMING! Sometimes, that leaves the 255.5 lb. woman angry and feeling sorry for herself. TOO BAD! I am not powerless. This is NOT too hard for me! Just "eat a reasonable amount of whole food at mealtime and get on with your day!" I LOVE IT!

Hi Kirstykay, that was a great post from Kate and I really liked your reply in that thread as well. It bugs me that it will likely get deleted due to that forum's rules. I'm happy you got such a jolt of inspiration. And I'm in awe that Kate is able to eat to less than full meal after meal and overcome that "broken" appetite regulator.

[WeeSpeck]

Awesome post, KirstyKay! Spot on.

[kirstykay]

Fulenn, WeeSpeck, MmmCarbs: Thanks for commenting on my post. I'm glad you all had the same reaction to it as I did. It really points out how we're all in this together, and that change can be hard, but totally worth it!

I haven't posted in a few days, not much really to say, but thought I should today 'cause my journal went to pg. 2!

I'm doing really well. I've begun to feel a shift in the way I'm thinking, and I like it...really trying to apply the things I've posted recently. It's working. I'm listening to my hunger in a way I haven't really been successful doing before, and it's making a difference. I've lost my Thanksgiving weight, and back down to my ticker weight, so I'm very happy!

I'm increasing the amount of exercise I'm doing because I want to try to lose weight like a "Biggest Loser." Not sure how much I'll be able to do, but it's my newest "experiment"! I guess I just need these kinds of things to challenge myself and keep things fun! Also, we are giving my mom a family portrait for Christmas, and I want to look AMAZING! Well, as amazing as possible. It's a couple weeks away, so I'm just seeing how fit I can get in that amount of time. I have a memebership to a great gym, so I'm taking full advantage of all the classes they offer, and trying to do at least 2 of them daily plus put in some time on my elliptical. Tomorrow, I meet with a personal trainer (got 3 free sessions with my membership)...I will do the three sessions and try to get her to give me a plan for strength training. I do really well with the classes, but the strength is more sporadic. I think it's because I don't really have a plan.

Eating has been really good. I've had a few things I've had to put in red in my food journal, so I'm working on getting to 100% adherence, but I'm happy with the progress I'm making toward it.

[kirstykay]

I read something from the "Vibrant Vegan" website that really stuck with me...I'm not quoting here, just how I remember it:

When you try to lose weight without exercising, your sending the message to your body that preserving muscle mass isn't that important. On the other hand, exercising regularly tells your body to burn FAT, not muscle because the muscle is being used, even built. I've never thought of it like that before. Not only that, but muscle burns way more calories at rest than fat (50 calories vs. 5!). Just another reason to get moving and stay fit!

I had a great eating day yesterday! And am planning another one today. I'm meeting a friend at Panera and plan on having the classic salad without dressing and the black bean soup (or veggie soup, if that's all they have). Dinner tonight is my 5 bean chili with brown rice over spinach-YUM! I had steel cut oats today for bkfs, and my tummy is happy. I'm trying to really focus on the calorie density and see how full I can get for the fewest calories! It's like a game I'm playing with myself! Keeps things interesting.

[kirstykay]

I am learning something new. I am learning to listen to my body. I feel like a baby learning to walk, and I fall down a lot, but I am growing stronger everyday. Maybe some day, that part of me that has been broken my whole life, that part of me that I've ignored and not wanted to listen to, will be fixed. I am learning. Some moments I just say to myself, "Stop. Are you really hungry? What is it you need in this moment? Is it food? Of course if it is, you can have it, it's always available...but if it isn't, is that what you really want? Because if it's something else that you really want, shouldn't you get that instead? Shouldn't your need be met with what will really meet it instead of the counterfeit? Because your needs matter. Your needs are real. And mostly, there is an appropriate way to meet them. But food? Is that what you really need? Is that what you REALLY want?"

This is completely new for me. It's a work in progress. Sometimes my answer to myself is, "Yes. FOOD IS WHAT I REALLY NEED! Shut up and get out of my way!" But more times these last few days my answer to myself is, "Thanks for bringing that up...let me think...no, my stomach isn't hungry. What IS it that I want? What IS it that I need? Really? My needs can be met with something else--something real? Okay, I'll give that a try."

Tonight I took a long soak in the tub. Complete with candles and a new book to read. It felt better than food that I wasn't really hungry for. Go figure.

[kirstykay]

Been a while since I've posted. Kids and dh all home and we've been enjoying the break from real life.

I held my own this holiday season! I'm very happy that I haven't used the celebrations as an excuse to give in to going off plan. I took f1jim's pre-Thanksgiving post to heart and decided I wanted this year to be different! So thanks for the challenge, Jim, and for the inspiration!

I am very happy with my progress this year. I was reading my old posts from last January, and I was stuck around 220. Now I'm in the 170s, and looking forward to going the rest of the way this year! I do feel like I've become a "New Me" this year. I'm planning for 2012 to be the year of finishing what I've started!

I've been re-reading the MWL book this week, and boy, is it motivating! I highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't read it yet or hasn't read it for a while! It's such a great reminder of why this program really works and how to keep it really simple. I'm thinking about cooking my way through it next month...I think someone else on these boards did that, and I thought it was brilliant!

Hope everyone has a very happy NEW YEAR!!!!!! I'll see you in 2012!!!

[wife2abadge]

That's great! I love reading such an upbeat post, rather than the "I screwed up over the holidays" variety that so many of us have probably posted over years past.

[kkrichar]

Hi Kirsty,

I just wanted to stop by and say "hi" and to let you know I'm here.

[kirstykay]

Happy New Year, Kelly!!! It's so great to see you! I'm glad you are back, and I look forward to continuing this journey with you and finishing strong this year! How are you???

[kkrichar]

I'm doing good. I'm really focusing on compliance and I always feel better when I do. I was just thinking about the line between total motivation and half-hearted efforts. If a doctor said I would die in 28 days if I didn't follow this plan exactly would I do it? I think I can safely say I would. Once I determine there are conditions under which I would/could adhere to the plan completely the question becomes where is that line? For example, if the doctor said 6 months would that change anything? No, I don't think it would. I mean I don't think it would change my answer. I would most definitely follow the plan rather than die in 6 months. What about a year? Two years? Five years?

Clearly, I don't think I'm going to die anytime soon. I have this belief that the plan can fix any damage I do and, therefore, I can put off following it for awhile. After reading Dr. McDougall's essay about Steve Jobs I realize the program can't overcome everything and there may already be something cooking inside me from 10-20 or more years ago. Every day that I fail to adhere to the plan may be one day I'm taking off the end of my life and I just don't have the luxury of seeing the truth about my choices. So, I decided if I can follow this plan under some conditions I can follow it under any conditions.

I was also thinking about quality of life. A heroin addict would think life would not be worth living without heroin. However, someone who has never tried heroin would not think their life wasn't worth living without it. In fact, the idea would seem ludicrous. Most likely, a recovered heroin addict would also discover life was worth living without the drug. So, the only people who think life would be miserable without heroin are the ones who are currently engaging in their addiction or are suffering the early stages of withdrawal. Those of us who know what life can be like without heroin would pray the addict would just stick it out long enough to discover the truth. We would be so sad to see them slip and prolong their suffering or maybe even die from their addiction.

I've seen this a lot with alcoholics and it is sad and tragic and frustrating. However, more people every year are killing themselves with food than drugs or alcohol and I believe many of them believed life wouldn't be worth living without fat and sugar and animal products. I don't want that fate any more than I wanted to die from my alcoholism or smoking. It's time to walk the walk. I want to see what the view looks like from the other side of compliance. I just need to get through the early days. The hard days. All the old timers and Star McDougaller's promise peace with food is waiting there for me. I just have to believe and hold on long enough to find out for myself.

[kirstykay]

Ahhhh...you are BACK!!! Well stated, as only you can! You are absolutely right, and I am right there with you. I am ready to get to the other side once and for all and completely. This is our year, friend! Keep posting and keep plugging along these first hard days, and you will get there. I know it, you know it...you've done it before. You've come so far, and now, you're building on your success instead of desperately clawing out from a place of failure. The path is clearly laid out before us, and once we get on it, it gets wider. I think the difficult time in the beginning, when the path is narrow and it's easy to slip off.

In fact, there is actually a physiological truth here..the pathways of habit, or addiction that are formed in our brain are actually very deep ruts and forming new "ruts" or pathways is extrememly difficult, although possible...as you are well aware. Picture a wagon trail in the wild west: the trail that has been formed by years of use is MUCH easier to follow than trying to form a new one on untrodden terrrain...that's what we are trying to do here...form new pathways of healthy eating only for nourishment... but our brains are quite fond of the old, well formed "ruts" that reach for fat and sugar for comfort, pleasure, and a number of other reasons that don't serve our interests. The good news is, we CAN form new pathways...and this WOE is the fastest and "easiest" way to do that!

It's so good to have you back here. I've really missed you!

[kirstykay]

I was going to start a new journal for the new year, but I decided to keep this one, because it's name is appropriate, and I am in no way starting over.

I stated in another post that 2011 has been a transforming year. It started out slowly, in terms of weightloss, but the last several months of the year propelled me toward my goal. And, more importantly, I am changing from the inside out. A shift has occured in my mind and deep in my soul, and I am ready to finish strong in 2012! I held my own during the holidays, and now I am poised and ready to do what needs to be done to reach my goal of 135 pounds and living in freedom from the bondage of food. So...2012, here we go!

I want to have this lecture from Doug Lisle available, so I'm posting the link here. Thanks for posting it in another journal, F1jim!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxf4kj8Rb6Y

-Dr. Doug Lisle-The Pleasure Trap

[Anna Green]

Hi, I think this is the year for you too. I hear it in your words. I will enjoy cheering you on!

[kkrichar]

We've got this!