lfwfv's journey: MWL, GF

[lfwfv]

Hello everyone,

Well, I've been reading these boards for many months now. I officially switched to a vegan diet on June 21, 2009 after reading the China Study. I read the book after discovering I was gluten-intolerant and seeking out information on whole-foods eating. I was never a meat fan (I ate it only because I was supposed to) and I've always been sensitive to dairy. I stumbled upon McDougall after seeing his name referenced in the China Study. I did read ETL as well and I like Fuhrman's emphasis on veggies, but don't want to eat nuts every day.

Anyway, so I have a few issues that I thought other people might either be able to identify with, or maybe offer some advice on, so here are some more facts about how my eating is evolving.

1) My husband is incredible. He read parts of the China Study, McDougall, and Esselstyn and he is, for the most part, 100% on board. Heart disease runs in his family, so he is loving how this diet is protecting him. He eats bread (which I bake so it has no oil etc.), raw nuts, dried fruit, and granola bars and pretzels (which I can't get him to give up). But he's doing pretty good. I so appreciate his support.

2) I eat only whole foods. I realized, about a month into McDougalling that I was eating an MWL, gluten-free diet. I eat absolutely no processed foods and no nuts/seeds/dried fruit/flours. Since then, I've also discovered that several foods were causing my skin to breakout in rashes and acne. I used a modified elimination diet, and read through Burgess' blog to try to pinpoint the trouble foods. Basically, my diet now consists of veggies, fruits (which I tend to eat way too much of and am considering reducing), root veggies, squashes, quinoa. I eat no other grains right now, no beans, nuts, seeds, or dried fruit.

3) I try to eat only when I'm truly hungry and stop when I'm satisfied, but I struggle with the stopping part a great deal. I often eat until I'm incredibly stuffed, and I hate that. I have debated counting calories, restricting myself etc. but I just don't have a great solution that seems to curb my urge to overeat longterm. So, for now, I just do my best and try to stick to my safe, MWL foods. I have dealt with eating disorder behavior (though I'm more and more convinced that what is usually labeled as a 'mental disorder' is greatly helped by eating a very healthy diet). I think McDougall calls what I do 'volume eating', I call it bingeing or overeating, and I have a hard time knowing whether or not it is related to true hunger, or if it's just my brain/emotions wanting food.

4) I eat an enormous amount of raw veggies at the start of almost every meal. I love love love munching through my raw veggies.

5) I am very lean right now. I haven't weighed in a few weeks because my husband and I agreed that I wouldn't count calories or weigh myself for a while (he thinks it fuels my eating-disordered thinking...I don't know if it does or doesn't). Last time I weighed, I was about 107-109 at 5'5.5" which is technically a little underweight. I like being thin and I like that eating MWL foods allows me to maintain a lean weight but still feel energetic and strong and healthy.

6) I do sometimes have very strong cravings for calories. That's honestly what the urge feels like...it's not really for a specific food, but I usually end up going for nuts, nut butter, dried fruit, or gluten-free processed junk. It's as if I'm driven to seek out high-calorie, low-bulk foods that go down easily. It's only happened three or four times in the last year, but it's very upsetting and distressing when it happens.

7) I still drink 2 cups of black coffee each morning (I love it and can't imagine giving it up), and I also have rekindled my addiction for artificially sweetened tonic waters (Fruition's from Giant Eagle). I cut out the artificial sweeteners a while back and now I am hooked again.

I run about 15 miles per week. It really helps me feel strong, and evens out my mood and energy.

Anyway, I'm sure I could go, but I just wanted to post here, see if anyone could relate, and hopefully post somewhat regularly so us long-term MWL'ers have a place to compare notes.

Thanks for listening
lfwfv

[lfwfv]

Good morning everyone.

Last Tuesday, i ate vegan, gluten free junk, some nuts and dried fruit, and I even ingested a bit of gluten. Because of that, I have been feeling out of sorts all week (both digestively and mentally) and my eating has seemed out of control. I am eating only MWL again, but I can't seem to stop eating before I am stuffed. I started panicking about this because I could feel myself gaining weight, but then I realized that it was probably mostly due to my body going nuts because of all the junk I fed it. Starting yesterday, i was a little less hungry and I'm hoping things will continue to even out.

I have only eaten off-MWL-plan about four times this whole year. Most of the time, I am not at all tempted to eat off plan. I like my simple MWL food and I feel good. i think i was emotionally distraught and overly hungry last Tuesday (I had just experienced a major disappointment, travelled, and was on vacation which can actually feel stressful to me because of the lack of structure). I ate as a reaction to that. I regretted it for days.

I feel better after having been completely on plan for almost a week again now. I have been tempted to count calories to try to control myself and start eating more reasonable amounts, but I decided against it. The only two rules I follow are:

1) Wait until I feel true hunger before eating.
2) Eat only non-inflammatory, non-allergenic MWL foods (for me this means fruits, veggies, root veggies, squashes, quinoa).

I do allow myself to eat until I'm stuffed if necessary. This keeps me from reaching for foods that harm my body or cause me to break out in rashes/acne.

Have a good day everyone,
lfwfv

[bunsofaluminum]

hi, you sound like a person who is deeply in touch with your body and appetites, hunger signals, etc. You're going strong!

this is a good place to keep encouraged and accountable. writing it in a journal, reading others' journeys. good stuff

[lfwfv]

I am in the process of watching bits of documentaries about aspartame and I'm ordering a book called Sweet Poison. When I am completely convinced that something is bad for me, I find it much much easier to let go of because my whole heart is committed to letting it go. It is when I am unconvinced of the evidence that I struggle with back-sliding.

As of today, I have ridded our house of all aspartame-containing drinks and even gum. I know I need to get off of this stuff as I am sure it's contributing to some skin issues and possible even energy, stomach, and sleep disturbances. The rest of my diet (except for daily black coffee) is 100% clean and unprocessed, so I know this poison ingestion needs to stop.

As of today, I am aspartame-free and I intend to treat my compulsion to drink diet drinks as an addiction...hence I will not ingest any products containing aspartame at all (even gum). I will report back here with my progress as I continue my abstinence commitment!

My plan:
1) Drink a lot of water so I'm not tempted to ingest diet drinks to quench my thirst.
2) Avoid all aspartame so I don't keep the addiction alive.
3) Fill my head with knowledge and research about the dangers of aspartame.
4) Report back here for accountability.

lfwfv

[lfwfv]

Struggling today...I haven't eaten anything non-MWL, but I felt very very tired all day. My stomach felt weird and upset all day and I didn't get hungry until late in the day. When I finally did get hungry and ate, I just could not get satisfied. Even now, I feel utterly stuffed, but like I still want more calories. This is so frustrating to me...I don't know if it's a physical need (seems impossible considering how much food I have eaten), or if it's emotional.

When these urges to eat and eat come, it seems I am not driven to any single food, though when i get very full I start debating eating nuts/dried fruit because i feel like I still need more calories but am completely stuffed and can't tolerate more bulk. I don't usually eat anything calorie-dense (nuts, sugars, dried fruit etc.)-it's only happened a few times in the past year-so I just stuff as many bananas, apples, and yams into myself as I can tolerate in an effort to stop the overwhelming urge to eat more. It's a little different from a true compulsive 'binge' because i feel completely in control of myself. I choose to eat more, but I also feel somewhat like I have to because, even when i wait two-three hours after the initial urge to eat more hits, it will not go away until I eat until I'm stuffed. I am frustrated because it seems like this must all be in my head...

Sorry for the rant, this just really upsets me.

[sksamboots]

I don't have an answer..Have you tried emailing Jeff or Dr. Mcdougall ?

[lfwfv]

Hi everyone,

I am debating predetermining meal amounts and just not allowing myself to eat until I'm hungry again after I've eaten my allotted amount. The trouble is, I am afraid to try this because I'm afraid I'll feel deprived and binge, I'm afraid I'll feel weak and tired, and I'm afraid I'll obsess about food. Here's a sample idea of what a meal would look like:

1) romaine lettuce, carrots, broccoli, green beans, celery, 2 yams, piece of fruit
2) romaine lettuce, carrots, broccoli, green beans, celery, quinoa with nutritional yeast, piece of fruit

I am getting sick of always having a distended stomach, but I also get sick of feeling unsatisfied. I really do wonder if my need to eat beyond full is stemming from an emotional hunger...perhaps anxiety, fatigue....I don't know. I hate not knowing or understanding myself.

lfwfv

[kirstykay]

IMO, you should not try to restrict the amount that you eat. Everything Dr. McD says indicates that you shouldn't need to. It does seem to make sense to make sure you are getting enough starchy vegetables: potatoes, yams, etc...I don't know for sure, and I'm certainly no expert, but if it is emotional, try being gentle with yourself. Try talking to yourself like you would your best friend. What would you tell her if she came to you with this challenge?

I agree with a previous poster who said you should post this question on Jeff's board. I think others have experienced what you are going through.

Also, I read this article yesterday from the newsletter archives that helped me so much. I really related to what you said about needing to understand the "why" behind things. This article may help you.

http://www.drmcdougall.com/misc/2005nl/ ... ushing.htm

Good Luck! Hang in there!

[lfwfv]

Thanks Kirstykay,

Yeah, I feel like I don't want to be enslaved to restricting myself again, but I guess I really do feel out of control. I just wish I knew whether or not it was really possible that I needed the amount of calories I'm ingesting...i think that would help me feel less crazy. It really does feel like my body/mind demands the food and no amount of manipulation or willpower can override it (i can override it for a while, sometimes even 1-2 months, but eventually i give into the urge to eat the amount it 'compels' me to eat).

I posted this on Jeff's board yesterday, so we'll see the response.

Thanks for your thoughts,
lfwfv

Still unsure what to do about the overeating thing, but some type of restriction seems like it might be necessary. On the plus side, I have not had any diet drinks or aspartame for three days now! Yipee!! I can feel my brain cells rejoicing

[lfwfv]

Hi everyone,

We are enjoying a beautiful sunny day here! I am still off of my diet drinks and gum and I bought some seltzer water today to indulge in when a craving hits.

I have decided to try restricting myself somewhat for the next few days. I have predetermined what i will eat for each day using Cronometer as a guide and I plan on eating a meal each time I get hungry and stopping when i am done with my allotted amount. It might not be a long term solution, but I am hoping it will break the overstuffing cycle I seem to be caught it. I will let you know how it goes as I progress. So far, i'm almost through day 2 of this plan and I feel less anxious and a lot less stuffed physically. I don't fee like I'm nearly as out of control.

In other parts of my life, I've been making some changes. I tend to push myself very hard in every area...extremely disciplined. But there's a part of me that is very sensitive and needs more rest, more fun, more relaxation, more freedom than i allow it. I tend to belittle that part of me and wish it would go away. The result has been bit of burn-out in the last several months.

Now, my schedule has legitimately lightened up enough that, if I don't add more to my plate right now, I can take a bit more time to relax and refresh myself in the next few months. I am trying to do things at a slower pace, to think of hobbies I might like to pursue, to spend more time on these boards, to go on hikes with my husband, to spend more time with my friends, to call relatives from back home.

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of their day!
lfwfv

[lfwfv]

Ate more than I intended to last night...extra 2 bananas, apple, quinoa. I just felt so unsatisfied, despite feeling stuffed after tons of veggies and 2 yams that I'd had 2 hours earlier. Oh well.

I am wondering if this battle with eating what I want (which would probably mean eating fewer veggies because even though i love them, they stuff me until I hurt...and more starches...fully embracing eating more calories) has to do with the changes I'm making in the rest of my life. I'm listening to myself, I'm trying to meet my needs, i'm trying not to force myself to be someone I'm not.

I feel like I have a Jeff's voice in my head right now, trying to convince me that I can choose my calories-per-day just by eating more and more veggies until I can't fit in more calories of anything else. Well, I feel like I'm gonna explode, I can't ever get satisfied, and I think my body is fighting to regain some weight.

I want to be skinny, I want to be in control of my eating, I want to believe that we can totally control our bodies and make them whatever we want them to be, just by manipulating our food. There seems to be a limit to that though. It seems right now, and I could be making this up to excuse overeating, but it seems like my body is fighting me, trying to get me to eat more calories. I am fighting every way I know how, more and more veggies, waiting until I'm truly hungry, trying not to eat more than I set out to.

Maybe it's time to give in...giving in would mean eating MWL, but eating fewer veggies, allowing myself more starches, so hopefully i'd get in as many calories as I need but would not feel so horribly stuffed after. It would mean not trying to limit myself. It would mean accepting a body that is not underweight, and maybe even a BMI of 19 (which, for my eating disordered head, can feel 'too big').

I am still debating about all this. I hate feeling crazy with food.

Thanks for listening
lfwfv

Found Jeff's take on the subject in an old post that veganmother posted about ideal weight:
viewtopic.php?f=22&t=15071&start=15

Basically, Jeff thinks we can manipulate our body to be whatever we want it to be and that the body will never force us to seek more calories. So, that would mean it's just my mind that is craving more food. Maybe somewhat like Fuhrman's idea about toxic hunger? More food for thought....

[sksamboots]

Well, I think you need to do what is best for you. You are at a healthy weight. What would more starches hurt? I think if that's what it's going to take to help you feel more satisfied then you should do it. My understanding is once a person is at goal weight they may need more starches to feel more satisfied and to maintain or gain some weight. Mcdougall talks about it somewhere. You gotta do what works for you. Try it out for a couple of weeks and see how you feel. Have a good one

[lfwfv]

Just checking in...been restricting my intake somewhat for the last 4 days. In some ways i feel better...less mental anguish about 'should I eat more, should I eat less' etc.. However, I realize this may not be a sustainable way of eating...I don't think I can monitor calories for life. I like using cron-o-meter though and I think it suits my obsessive personality. I'm still always waiting for a good clear hunger signal before I eat.

Anyway, today is a long day at work. I am a musician, so i spend usually 3 hours per day practicing, and then teach kids group/private/theory/early childhood music etc. the rest of the day. I love my job, but it's also exhausting at times and some families are difficult to deal with. All in all, I love what I do though. On Tuesdays, I have one chance to eat during the day and then it's nothing again for 6-8 hours! So, I'm usually quite hungry when I get home. I have today's meals planned out already though, so hopefully I can stick with that.

I do feel a little less bloated restricting my food this way, although I still am sometimes very bloated for a few hours after a meal. I may also take some probiotics for a few days (I had gluten poisoning a few weeks ago and I think my digestion might still be a bit off).

Anyway, still feeling a little crazy and unsure of myself, but so far I guess this somewhat restrictive eating is helping for now.

Have a great day everyone!
lfwfv

[lfwfv]

Still struggling...currently I am eating an MWL, GF diet and trying to restrict my calories to 1900 cal/day to offer myself a semblance of structure. Yesterday, I felt I could not get enough food (not sure if it was mental or physical). i fought the urge for hours, talked to my husband about it, and ultimately caved and allowed myself to eat several servings of nuts and raisins, along with some MWL fruits/veggies/yams/whole grains. I will probably not end up getting hungry all day.

I am frustrated because I went for months eating only MWL foods and now, in the last several months, I've had several incidences of feeling like I just feel starved and I end up eating nuts/dried fruit in order to try to ingest more calories.

I really am wondering if all this food stuff is linked to something emotional. I wish I knew why I was being so crazy.

My plan is to just get back on track, eat MWL, continue to plan my meals somewhat and restrict to 1900 cal/day for a while.

I re-read Jeff's threads on BMI, satisfaction etc. and it seems my plan is reasonable.

All the turmoil I'm feeling around food really must have more to do with emotions than with what i'm eating/not eating. I should certainly be meeting my energy and nutrient needs with the food I'm eating.

Off to do some more practicing....
lfwfv

[raven]

Hi lfwfv. Your troubles do sound emotional to me. Many of the journalers here have specific triggers of particular foods that they can't eat a little of. I have triggers of situations that i feel emotional about, then i want chocolate or just something rich, fancy, or unusual. I usually stop before i devour the whole package, and put it in the freezer and am okay until the next emotional day. I wonder if you are like me in this regard.

Sometimes it takes a lot of watching to figure out a behavior, but usually it reveals itself if you watch long enough.

Best wishes on having an easy time with it.
Raven