Still trucking on. I'm eating whole, vegan, low fat foods right now. Not quite MWL because I just cannot seem to limit my fruit, but other than that, it's pretty much MWL:
millet, quinoa, brown rice
yams, potatoes
fresh fruit
raw veggies
seaweed
Mrs. Dash, and nutritional yeast (my only seasonings right now)
occasional brown rice cakes, unsalted (with sliced banana)
I ate jam, and gluten free BBQ sauce and some tabasco sauce on my millet for a couple of days, but stopped that again. Simpler is better for me.
Overall, i'd say i'm stopping at satisfied more often. But, about every 2-3 days I feel like I can't get enough and I eat until I'm stuffed.
On Friday, I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I was comfortably full. About twenty minutes later, I started feeling like I just was not satisfied. I tried to avoid eating more because I didn't want to stuff myself. Well, I fought the urge for about 12 hours (I kept waking up every hour throughout the night, wanting more, but not wanting to feel stuffed), and when I finally got hungry and allowed myself to eat, I felt insatiable. I ended up eating chex cereal and gf cookie dough (which I just mixed with water, so it was basically water, refined sugar, and refined gf flour)!!
And yes, I went to the store to buy it and make it. i'd already eaten some whole foods at home and just felt like I needed calories without fiber at that point.
I felt miserable with myself later for filling my body with crap.
I have vowed to myself that if i feel the need to eat until i am stuffed, I will allow myself, but I will stick to only MWL foods.
So I'm back to my tried and true rules:
1) Eat only when I'm hungry
2) Eat only MWL foods
The only darn two rules I seem to be able to stick to. The other rules I fail at. For example:
1) Eat only 2-3 pieces of fruit per day (FAIL)
2) Eating only one serving of starch per sitting (FAIL)
3) Always stop when full, not stuffed (FAIL)
Oh well. I guess this is just where I'm at right now.
I've also really been struggling with feeling fat. I have only gained three pounds so far, and I am still at a BMI of 18, so technically, underweight. But, I feel incredibly fat. i hate this weight. i hate feeling bigger. I have a very hard time accepting this. But i also know I can't feel satisfied eating only yams, fruits, and veggies for life. I know the grains help me feel better, and my body seems to be tolerating them well. I know they are healthy too. I just hate that I might have to accept being a 'healthy' weight. I feel better about my body when I maintain an underweight BMI.
There's this crazy conflict in me: I want to be super skinny, but I also want to have energy and be healthy. I want to be in control of my food, but i also can't stand feeling deprived or perpetually unsatisfied. I wish I could eat yams and fruits and veggies for life and feel strong and satisfied, and maintain a super low BMI. I just don't have the willpower. I feel weak and like I am a slave to my hunger or my appetite, and that my body is out of my control. I know this all sounds crazy to most people, but i just need to send it out there and get it out of my head.
Thanks for listening
lfwfv