Anna's Journal

[Anna Green]

I'm doing so well for the most part with food. The girl's birthday was vegan but pretty fatty...a friend cooked and I ate. No bday cake though and that was just fine. I noticed the next day that I had cravings for fried chicken. So I just got back to it and the cravings passed and I'm all good now.

Last night....Friday night....the night everyone knows drags me under in the past was all good. I got the E2 pizza crust and made a Mexican style pizza with refried beans, pico, cruciferous crunch with kale and other veggies from Trader Joes(omg it gets crispy and delish!), cilantro, red bell pepper, and garnished with avo...not too much but enough to give it some pizza creaminess. It was the Shaz! (don't ask just makin shit up)

Now...the drinking needs some work..alcohol and coffee. Too often this past week. So none for the weekend. Well...a little coffee. I just can't totally give that up...nothing better than sitting on my couch on Sat morn when I don't have to go anywhere or rush to do anything and just sipping that coffee. But the alcohol just isn't necessary to relax and so I'm praticing relaxing without. This past week I realized once again that I was stressed with the girl's surgery and everything else and was using it again to relax. I don't want the fucking calories! Plus I know the health risks.

So...speaking of health...it is clearly getting better and I am pleased. I have to say though that my brain is quieter in that those pesky debilitating cravings are just waning as long as I stay the course. I just don't think about SAD so much. I love that! And I need to remember how much I love it.

My plan for the weekend is to make Berbere stew, prep salad veggies, bake potatoes, make a dressing and sauce, and perhaps a quiche for the girl from the FOK magazine. She needs some richer food.

[Anna Green]

I was on Clean Eating and Regular Training's journal and they said something about caring for yourself as if you were caring for someone else. This isn't a new concept to me as I've thought before that I care for others better than myself sometimes. But for a moment I considered myself as someone I'm caring for and all of a sudden I felt this gentleness and lost the judgment. I could see how well I've been doing. For instance yesterday I was in a funk that would have supported very bad eating and drinking in the past but I kept to my veg soup and stuffed peppers (not that good) that I had just made. Small miracle but it's what I've been doing and my habits are changing for the good. I was prepping like I usually do on the weekends. Lost another lb today but didn't feel good about it till I saw myself with these new eyes. Normally all I can see is the weight that shouldn't have been there in the first place and can't congratulate myself on losing another lb. That's bullshit. With that attitude I would never feel good about myself. OMG the shit I've been doing to myself! Here I've been eating well for awhile and the fear that I'll stop and the regret of not being further along have kept me from enjoying my success. This has got to stop. I would beat sense into anyone else for this because I recognize that if we don't embrace the change and feel good about the positive results why do it? I need to unleash that joy. Yesterday I was gaga over my beautiful breakfast salad...so good with grated beets and hummus and thick balsamic vinegar. I loved my oats and mushroom bowl which I want everyday now because it is the shaz! I'm taking the time to prepare the food that will give me life and I'm enjoying it in part because I've changed my tastes though I think this stuff is so good a SAD eater would like it. Anyway, I'm doing this and pretty consistently. When I've backtracked I didn't let it go over to the next meal or use it as an excuse to eat bad all day. I exercised this weekend. Perhaps I'm on the road to success?

[Anna Green]

Dang...I just read my first post from 2009 and said this...." Yet here I am not wanting to die young because I eat crap and too much of it. What I want to do is to live well, with gratitude and generosity. The first thing I am going to do is stop doggin myself cause it only makes me want fried chicken."

I guess a decade almost has passed and I'm still learning the same lessons. Felt some shame after my last post just showed I'm still working on the same stuff. But the point is to let go of the shame and get on with it right?

I had forgotten how journaling helps me. Glad I'm here.

[Anna Green]

It's been a good Saturday. I've been a bit lazy. Did some shopping though and have a house full of food. Plan to make Susan's pimento cheeze hummus, sushi rolls, salad prep, some kind of veg stew or beans and greens. Dunno. We'll see what I feel like tomorrow. I have to prep. I did not do so well last night...don't even want to say what it was...but I'm back on track. Overall I've been doing pretty dang well. Lost some weight. Feeling better.

The girl is healing. She'll be heading back to Seattle in about 10 days. I have to keep feeding her veggies because she will most likely go back to her pasta everyday when she gets there. sigh. I need to find one of those veggie delivery deals so I can send them to her. Yah I know...she's grown but she's still my baby and I still have the urge to feed her.

My bro is trying to adjust. He sends me pics everyday of what he's eating. Sometimes he does ok but I think he''s in shock that he's not supposed to have oil. I keep having to say...read the labels, read the labels. We know that I of all people understand. Last week he sent me a pic of fried chicken to mess with me and then told me it was his friends meal. He's such a brat. Anyway, Dr. Ornish has a program in his hometown so he may go there to see if they'll accept him. I hope so. So worried.

I'm off to bed. I'm looking forward to this week. I just had a blip yesterday. I really am loving this eating well. I love especially the cravings for the good stuff...the greens, the potatoes, the rice.

[Anna Green]

I started to order some meals from Plantpure to send to my brother. Damn they are high in fat. Only a few are under 10%. I am not sure what they are thinking. They need to have at least half that would be recommended by our docs.

Anyway, he did get the E2 stuff from Whole Foods. I'll look for other things. I just wanted to give him some stuff so he would have a break from having to think so much about it. It seems simple to us but for him it's such a drastic thing. Really I just need to go see him and cook for him and stock his freezer. I think when he gets the hang of it he's going to be better at it than I am.

So this is insane but I'm going to say it here in my journal. Some of my enjoyment of eating SAD was the going out for it in an impulsive manner. So now I am allowing myself that pleasure but with food that will give me life. Today I wanted pizza so even though I have a ton of stuff to cook in the house I went for the E2 pizza crust. Oh well...whatever it takes. My girl and I are having pizza!

[Anna Green]

Checkin in quickly. I remember why this journaling helped so much before. It's a grounding in reality. I'm doing well. Eating well. Gardening was my exercise yesterday and I even started my day off with meditation. Both were unplanned and kind of accidents. I enjoyed. Gotta get to work.

[bunsofaluminum]

So this is insane but I'm going to say it here in my journal. Some of my enjoyment of eating SAD was the going out for it in an impulsive manner. So now I am allowing myself that pleasure but with food that will give me life. Today I wanted pizza so even though I have a ton of stuff to cook in the house I went for the E2 pizza crust. Oh well...whatever it takes. My girl and I are having pizza!

I guess E2 pizza crust must be pre-made at the store or something? Because if E2 means Engine 2, it is compliant. Which means WIN! yay Anna! Impulsive convenience food + McDougall safe. Well done!

[kirstykay]

I was on Clean Eating and Regular Training's journal and they said something about caring for yourself as if you were caring for someone else. This isn't a new concept to me as I've thought before that I care for others better than myself sometimes. But for a moment I considered myself as someone I'm caring for and all of a sudden I felt this gentleness and lost the judgment. I could see how well I've been doing.

Normally all I can see is the weight that shouldn't have been there in the first place and can't congratulate myself on losing another lb. That's bullshit. With that attitude I would never feel good about myself. OMG the shit I've been doing to myself! Here I've been eating well for awhile and the fear that I'll stop and the regret of not being further along have kept me from enjoying my success. This has got to stop. I would beat sense into anyone else for this because I recognize that if we don't embrace the change and feel good about the positive results why do it? I need to unleash that joy.

Perhaps I'm on the road to success?

Hi ANNA!! Just spent some time catching up on your journal, realizing it's been awhile since I've been here, and I'm so glad I did! I LOVE this GEM of a post! It doesn't matter how many times we need to remind ourselves of the truth. It's the TRUTH! And I want to thank you so much for "beating sense" into me last week when I was in the dumps. It helped me more than you know. I've had a much better week this week, still not perfect, which I'm coming to terms with. But I LOVE this message of gentleness and non-judgement for myself as though I was talking to someone else.

Also, just gotta say, you're doing AMAZING!!! I'm loving your food AND your vibe! It feels really good and healthy and strong. I really appreciate you! Keep rocking it! You're AWESOME!!

[Anna Green]

kirstykay! Thanks. I have done well for the most part. I've gone off the deep end a few times but quickly saw the insanity and got back to it rather quickly. Overall this is the best I've done in the last decade. You and many others here have helped me beyond any expectation.

I'm tired achy and a little depressed. So I've got to watch myself. I hear what the gurus say...that these things aren't the reason we eat SAD but I know myself. It's under these conditions that I am more likely to say eff it and go to taco hell with the kid or sit outside with crawfish and beer and probably a poboy. So I'm planning Sunday dinner I just decided as I'm writing this. Although I was impulsive the other day and bought the E2 pizza crusts we didn't eat them. Ate my curry instead. So perhaps that would be the way to go today. I need to get some exercise too.

That's all I got.

[Anna Green]

Feeling happy. Yesterday at our UU retreat, my friend told me she is doing the Forks Over Knives cooking class and it just made me so so happy. My worlds are merging a bit. Plus I asked that since we are celebrating Earth Day we talk about the UN's recommendation for a plant based diet and though I'm not attending service today I'm hoping one of the Revs mentions. If Unitarian Universalists won't move toward plants I'm not sure who will within the church world. We are a bunch of tree hugging liberals (though really I'm not real found of the pandering liberal actions lately so I'm not sure we all fit under that title) and if we don't want to be a bunch of hypocrites we need to do this as a community. At least we need to make some change in that direction. I see it already but it's not so much an intention stated by the church and that's what I'm looking for.

ok...I'm doing ok. I'm stumbling some but still with it and just excited that the world is changing and I am too. It's Sunday...got a fridge full of veggies...got my starches...plan to prep some salad, veggies for stir fry or roasting or something...a veg soup...cook some potatoes and rice and quinoa and then make a couple of sauces at some point. Nothing complicated. The soup will be mostly frozen stuff I can throw in a pot with a few chopped veggies and tomatoes...seasoning of course...after all I am who I am and we don't like bland food. I'm hoping my friend makes some good food she will share with me and I will do the same. I'm not much of a cook but sometimes I do good.

I got some exercise in this weekend. Today I'm going to do some relaxing too. Don't care if all the cooking gets done as long as I have enough each day to stay the course and nourish my body.

[Anna Green]

Realized it's been a minute since I journalled I'm doing ok. Don't really feel like journalling but thought it might be a good idea. I've been spending time on the facebook groups and watching wfpb videos. I got into a bit with someone about Dr Esselstyn's greens list. The person was saying the recommendation to eat greens at every meal should be from that list and I just said it was a bit limiting...there are so many more greens out there. An Asian lady said she was trying to adhere to the recommendation but wishes the greens she grew up on and currently eats were on the list which caters to a caucasian palate. And I agree. The response was this is not about race. I felt sad. We white folk are so clueless sometimes. It's part of our privilege that we can't get that it could be a game changer for someone to feel like they are doing well when they eat foods from their culture....healthy shit mind you....water spinach, gai lan, etc.

Anyway....I'm eating good. That's all I got.

[Rosey]

Realized it's been a minute since I journalled I'm doing ok. Don't really feel like journalling but thought it might be a good idea. I've been spending time on the facebook groups and watching wfpb videos. I got into a bit with someone about Dr Esselstyn's greens list. The person was saying the recommendation to eat greens at every meal should be from that list and I just said it was a bit limiting...there are so many more greens out there. An Asian lady said she was trying to adhere to the recommendation but wishes the greens she grew up on and currently eats were on the list which caters to a caucasian palate. And I agree. The response was this is not about race. I felt sad. We white folk are so clueless sometimes. It's part of our privilege that we can't get that it could be a game changer for someone to feel like they are doing well when they eat foods from their culture....healthy shit mind you....water spinach, gai lan, etc.

Anyway....I'm eating good. That's all I got.

I have found that no matter what your doing someone or group of someones finds something to argue about. I go barefoot most the time but because I don't 24/7 I've been kicked out of barefoot groups. Some Vegan's have told me I'm not Vegan because I drive a car and ride a bicycle. Some people call me extreme Minimalist and others say I'm not Minimalist enough. So I take arguements with a grain of salt and learn from people like, McDougall, Esselstyn, Novick, etc... etc... etc... and do my best to do what I learn.

[Principality]

People do really Love to argue. It is maybe the one thing I don’t like about the internet as it give everyone and their brother a platform to be critical of someone else. I had to give up reading comments sections everywhere because the trolling upset me. I believe that just because we have an opinion doesn’t mean we need to share it unless we think it will be helpful. On the flipside it would also be nice if people were not so ready to be offended. Lol, being human is hard and communicating with other humans is harder still.

[Rosey]

People do really Love to argue. It is maybe the one thing I don’t like about the internet as it give everyone and their brother a platform to be critical of someone else. I had to give up reading comments sections everywhere because the trolling upset me. I believe that just because we have an opinion doesn’t mean we need to share it unless we think it will be helpful. On the flipside it would also be nice if people were not so ready to be offended. Lol, being human is hard and communicating with other humans is harder still.

AMEN to that. I'm always telling people if you read it and it offends you try reading it another way because most times people aren't trying to offend but other times you have the trolls that are just out to cause issues and if you respond the way they want they just get worse.

[Anna Green]

Rosey, thanks. So right.

It's Friday and I thought I'd check in and say I'm going to do well this weekend. That's it. Just writing it...to plant it so it can grow. Plan to cook so I don't waste the money I spent on good food and don't waste my life by eating SAD just because it's the weekend. My treat Monday morn will be feeling good because I enjoyed butter beans and greens and the like.

That's all I got.