Mary's weight loss ramblings

[MaryW]

Hey Jan! Thanks for the concern. Unfortunately my job is the same. Very stressful, lots of junk food. The absolute worst situation for a person with food issues! I came back from a meeting yesterday and found a little Easter gift basket on my desk. Very cute. I gave to to another coworker. There's a sweet old man at work who would always give me "treats." Candy bars, mini pies, junk. Do I look like I need a treat!?!? I would tell him thank you and give the item to someone else. But just having a candy bar in my hand was messing with my head. I found myself binging later on junk. In the past, I have successfully given up things for Lent. So at the start of Lent this year, when the sweet old man came up to me with his candy bar, I told him I had given up junk food for Lent, so i would have to decline. I think my refusal really offended him! But I can't worry about that. I have to lose more than 150 pounds! I have to think about myself. Will one little candy bar kill me? YES!!

I'm leaving today to go to my mom's house for Easter. I'm very nervous about this. I've just gotten back on the wagon, and here comes a holiday focused on food. Is there a holiday that is NOT focused on food?? Maybe Arbor Day, but it's not very popular is it? I bet if we ate chocolate on Arbor Day, it would shoot right up there with Halloween! Anyway, being around my family just makes me crazy. I'm so self conscious, and I feel like every one is watching me (whether they are or not). If I only eat on plan foods, someone will say "Is that all you are going to eat?" If I choose to eat something off-plan, thankfully no one usually says "Are you sure you should eat that?" but the looks I get say enough! I just can't win! Geez, I'm freaking out already and lunch isn't for another 30 hours!!

But am I going to throw up my hands and eat everything anyway? no! Am I going to comfort myself with junk food? no! But I might get an eye twitch.

[MaryW]

Things didn't go too bad today. I made black bean salad and a big tossed salad to take to lunch. Had a few jelly beans too. : )

I've been thinking about making a video of my weekly experiences following the program. I'll probably never post them anywhere. Too embarrassing. But just a record for me to remember things by. I enjoyed the contestant "confessionals" during the first year of the Biggest Loser. I don't think they do that anymore. I looked at weight loss videos on youtube the other day to see what others had posted. It was pretty depressing! Most of them started off "Today was a bad day..." and ended with "...so I gained a pound."

I really like success stories. I've been cutting weight loss stories out of magazine and putting them in a notebook. Very inspirational for me to look at. I want to keep my spirits up and keep my momentum going. So far so good!

[MaryW]

I've been back on plan for one week today. Yay! I'm down 11.6 pounds. I'm sure a lot of that was water weight from all of the salty junk food I had been eating. But I will take every loss I can get! I know my weight loss will slow down now. I just have to keep this in mind and not get discouraged.

I feel good physically. The scale is moving in the right direction again. I'm exercising and I don't feel as winded throughout the day as I used to. I also feel good mentally. I'm glad that I've come back to the plan. I'm glad that I'm eating healthy food. I feel optimistic and empowered. I can do this!

[MaryW]

I have a doctor's appointment on Friday which I am positively dreading. I've gained about 30 pounds since my check up last year. I've gained and lost more than that, but according to the doctor's records, it's about 30 pounds. Also, my blood pressure has been high at my last couple of visits. She has suggested pills, but I flatly refused. I don't want to start on a pill regimine! I mentioned this to my coworkers and they all said, why not take the pills? What's wrong with pills? They are all on multiple prescriptions, so I'm sure it seems normal for them. I know there are many factors affecting my bloos pressure. My weight, obviously. My age (I'm 35, not old, but getting older). And of course job stress. I really think that's the main reason. I can feel my pressure go up as soon as I walk in the building. My eyeballs throb all day. When I get home, I try to relax, but I replay my work day over and over again. Not good. I have to learn to let things go. I need to learn how to relax. And I have to learn how to deal with things without turning to food!!!

Yikes, my eyeballs are throbbing again! Maybe I can take a few deep breaths at the doctor's office so my pressue won't spike like it usually does. Eeek!

[f1jim]

There is a truism that applies to your situation: Success breeds success and failure promotes failure. It seems to me the trick is to have a period of time in which you have an unbroken stretch of accomplishment. Many people never see that without a roller coaster ride up and down with their health or their weight, Your BP may not come down till you have reached a point closer to your ideal weight. We can rarely do much about our stressful additions to our life other than techniques like meditation to address our reactions to those issues. But focusing on some short term goals might prove helpful. What can one do to insure a transition period of significant success over the next 30-60 days? What can be done to reinforce the positive events like strong, long term weight loss? Look at your daily routine, see what might be contributing to a break down in following the program. What steps might work to heading those things off in advance? Getting through the tough part of this lifestyle program requires planning, planning, and planning. Look at your activities through the eyes of a calendar. Get one and post it if that's helpful. Whatever it takes to make the transition into this as a daily lifestyle you no longer have to even think about. You have to develop a mindset that is unshakeable no matter the behaviour of those around you. When you see success, over an extended time period it will reinforce the daily decisions that tend to derail you. You also have to see yourself and your life as bigger and more important than those little things that tempt you. Some issues and concepts that transcend the little daily crap keeping you from your goals. Be unshakeable, no matter the social cost. You are already paying a huge social cost letting things continue as they are. Nothing is worth your ultimate goals. Not for a minute of self indulgence or the soothing of a friends social well being. All must come second to the most important need. Your good health both physically and emotionally. They will both be fulfilled at the same time when you achieve the success you deserve. It is all within your grasp and only you can decide if you will let them be taken from you. Mary I have come to befriend almost a dozen Star McDougallers over the last four years and all of them will tell you that it's far better over on this side! Come join us. Do what you need to do to succeed. We need you helping that next person with the struggle.
f1jim

[Adele001]

Wow - Jim. That is a post that went straight to the heart of the matter for me!
I realise now that I am so used to failing here, (and with every thing else that I have tried to lose weight), that when an obstacle appears I just give in, and accept failure.
Planning is my greatest downfall. I need to plan my food, plan my exercise and plan my life!

I'm off to fill in my calendar, and plan my dinner!

- Mary, I hope your Easter went well. It is tough that all the holidays revolve around food - but I guess we can always change the type of food that they revolve around....

Adele

[MaryW]

Well, today is the day. I'm going back to the scene of the crime, so to speak. The place where The Chair Incident occurred. My friend is very sweet, but I'm still quite embarrassed and nervous. But I need to get back on that horse and get this over with so I can move on! Wish me luck!

[MaryW]

Well, tonight went very well at my friend's house. I didn't break any more furniture. She fixed a very nice veggie meal, and we had a lovely time chatting. So maybe now I can stop freaking out about last summer and move on.

[MaryW]

I keep toying with the idea of joining some kind of weight loss support group. I'm surrounded by unhealthy, unsupportive people who think I'm nuts for being a vegetarian. The people I work with can be down right mean. I spend so much of my day at work, in that caustic atmosphere. No wonder I comfort myself with food! I need to spend time around healthy, positive people. Or at least people who are TRYING to be positive. I can't afford Weight Watchers. But there are TOPS and OA groups near me. I just have to work up the guts to go!

In the mean time, I'm trying to learn new, constructive ways to deal with my stress, anger, frustration, etc. It's a long hard road. But only I can walk it. And walking burns calories, so it's all good!

[MaryW]

Had a rough night last night. Kept nibbling on jelly beans. Finally ended up eating some fresh asparagus. Very tasty. Nervous about the doc visit today. Just keep moving forward! Or just keep swimming!

[f1jim]

You can't make progress if your house is filled with jelly beans! The way this works for most every successful McDougaller is to empty your house of the garbage foods. Fill it with only healthy foods and make it where you have to get up and drive to purposefully find junk food. You cannot rely on willpower when the junk food is within easy reach.
This is what everyone that struggles eventually comes face to face with. This doesn't reflect any weakness on your part. It just means you are human like everyone else. Either you take the steps to make this work or you will eventually get so frustrated you quit. That is the reality for us. What have you chosen to do?
f1jim

[MaryW]

I found a DVD of the old Bob Ross Joy of Painting series at the library. I checked it out, and I'm quite enjoying watching Bob go! I got one of his painting kits when I was a teenager. I followed his directions and--son of a gun!--I made a painting! My mom still has it. It's hanging in her living room. She keeps bugging me to make her another one. Maybe I will! I've only ever done the one painting, but it was fun. Painting is an expensive hobby though. And messy! I don't think my landlord would appreciate paint specks all over everything. Maybe I can figure out something else to do. Watercolors? Colored pencils? I have some crayons and a Pooh bear coloring book. Maybe I'll start there. Definitely need to work on some hobbies, keep those hands busy!

Things were OK at the doctor today. My blood pressure was 134/78. Not my "normal" pressure of a few years ago, but certainly better than last year! I'll have some blood work done next week to check my blood sugar, cholesterol, etc. The doc was concerned about my weight gain, as am I! We talked about a few things. I feel better. She's very nice. I need nice people in my life right now.

[MaryW]

I stopped by the farmer's market yesterday to get some fresh peas. Peas and asparagus are two of my favorite vegetables, and I can only get them fresh this time of year. Sometimes I go crazy at the farmer's market and buy more than I can deal with. But I'm proud of myself. All I got was peas, new potatoes, and a bunch of beets. I eat the beet roots of course, but I've never tried cooking the greens. I have a lot of veggies in the fridge that need to get eaten. Maybe I will make a pot of soup. That's a good way to use up vegetables. And I can freeze leftovers. Always good to have something ready to go in a pinch.

I also need to get in some exercise. I was doing really well with regular exercise until I took a couple of days off for Easter. I'm finding it hard to get back in my schedule. I have a gym membership, but I haven't been in months. I love using the ellyptical machine, but I hate driving all the way there just to use it, especially with gas prices going up! I really like using exercise videos at home. But my floor is squeaky and I'm very self-conscious. I wonder what the guy downstairs is thinking! But I've just been gritting my teeth and doing it lately (and avoiding the squeakiest places).

I like The Firm videos, but they use weights, and they say don't do weight training every day. So I've been looking for things to do on the off days. I bought some videos from a woman on craigslist, Turbo Jam and Kathy Smith's Project You. Eh, they're OK. I also have a Leslie Sansone one but it's 4 miles, which is sometimes too much. I checked out a 3 mile from the library. I need to try it out. But mostly I just want to do The Firm videos I have. I found a Firm one that is all cardio and no weights. It's called Cardio Dance Slimdown. It's really dance-y! I have as much funk as a school marm. So I struggle trying to get the moves. I know the point is just to move and burn calories, but I want to do what they do on the screen! I struggle with the Turbo Jam too. She says "shake it!" Well, I shake enough already! I'm trying to get rid of the shake.

[sksamboots]

Mary,

I went to the farmer's market today myself. I struggle with buying too much also. It's hard. I love all the fresh fruits and veggies. It's the perfect time of year to start walking-do you like to walk? I would walk with you. Maybe we can be virtual walking buddies. Keep on keepin on

[MaryW]

I don't usually walk outside. I don't live in the greatest neighborhood. So I don't feel comfortable walking around. I could drive to a park or a better neighborhood to walk, but at that point, I might as well go to the gym. I tend to stroll when I walk outside. I'm easily distracted by everything!

I bought some house plants at Lowe's this weekend. I need to bring a little of the outdoors in! I love spring too. I wish I had a yard to dig in! But houseplants make me happy.

I tried to make peas and dumplings with the peas I bought at the farmers market. This was something my mom made when i was a child. I looked online for a recipe, but they were full of fat and dairy! I made soup with the peas, carrots, onions, zucchini and garlic. I made some dough out of whole grain baking mix and soy milk, which I dropped into the soup. it turned out pretty good. I've been snacking on these mini sweet peppers I found at the store. I first bought them at Trader Joe's, but Walmart has them sometimes too. They are great alone, or with hummus or salsa.

Tomorrow I have blood work done. I hope things turn out OK. I'm not worried. My blood pressure was my big concern. But I'm still interested to know what my numbers are.