Frustrated by Ignorance

[mgrossy]

Hi everyone. If this is a rant I apologize in advance. My question is how do you handle the real world ignorance of people who just think eating whole food plant based is wrong? A friend of my fiancé is in her early 40's and looks to be in excellent health. I said looks to be. She has been a runner for over 20 years and is a vegetarian. She went and met with a nutritionist and some things she mentioned I didn't agree with. Like adding a 3rd egg white to her breakfast or adding a protein shake. She had some good advice like telling her to add beans to her daily salad. But I just mentioned that she was literally starving herself and certainly had some metabolic issues because she has started to have aches and pains and that is why she was looking at going to a nutritionist to see what she was doing wrong. I got literally blasted by her friends telling me to look at how healthy she looks and how she could out run me and why don't I go look in the mirror and stop pushing my beliefs on her. I was like what? Talk about killing the messenger. I said she didn't have to see a nutritionist because she isn't eating enough. If I bring up eating healthy to family or friends I get looks like I'm an alien. All I was trying to do was help someone out. I do read a lot about health and nutrition and for me it's very enjoyable. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut more often but to be truthful, that is very hard for me. I like to call a spade a spade and if someone is clearly being ignorant I (sometimes) mention it...maybe I should go back to my little cave and let the naysayers continue to be sick while I'm eating my potatoes and rice....thanks for reading and have a great day! Mike

[patty]

When we get into someone's food it is like getting in-between their God and their face. And at the same time is important not to get caught in justified anger as it is just as harmful as unjustified anger. When on the top of the mountain, you see all paths lead to the top. I work with the elderly, and it is all about fall precautions and infections, some times it is easier to think you are dead already:) Then there is no worry, no hurry:) Space and time is effect of smoking the weed called mind:)

Aloha, patty

[colonyofcells]

Ruth Heidrich was also a runner when she got breast cancer. It is good to be concerned about the health of other people. Can try get them to avoid refined substances and junk food like animal products which all have 0 fiber. Just advise people to take b12 and they can reduce or eliminate junk food like animal products. Most of the cancer in america is probably caused by overconsumption of animal products. The american empire tends to overconsume pretty much everything.

[Lesliec1]

It just takes a while. You'll get it after some time. You'll learn that most people don't care or that keeping a friend is more important. It took me a long time because I am opinionated and outspoken. Eventually, I learned to just shut my potato-hole. I only talk about my diet if someone asks me directly AND THEY NEVER DO. If someone starts going on about their meat diet, I try to not react but just change the subject.

Next time she talks about her regime, say "la la la la" inside your head so you don't hear the unsavory details.

[dailycarbs]

It just takes a while. You'll get it after some time. You'll learn that most people don't care or that keeping a friend is more important. It took me a long time because I am opinionated and outspoken. Eventually, I learned to just shut my potato-hole. I only talk about my diet if someone asks me directly AND THEY NEVER DO. If someone starts going on about their meat diet, I try to not react but just change the subject.

Next time she talks about her regime, say "la la la la" inside your head so you don't hear the unsavory details.

This describes my approach 100%!

My life has improved considerably since demoting myself from pope of nuturition to "who me? I don't know a thing." I went from informing people who don't have any desire to be informed about this woe to instead asking about their kids, their jobs, and anything else that doesn't have to do with food, nutrition, the environment, animal cruelty or politics.

Disclaimer: If your friends and family are different or you have the power of persuasion, more power to you. Me, not so much and I'm not wasting my time.

[nicoles]

Oh yes, yes, yes! The Frustration is Real!

Now, I do things just like LeslieC1 and dailycarbs. I only answer if asked (which is exactly never, just like Leslie said) and I've come to make the littlest fuss possible about my food in social situations. I don't mention a dang thing. I go out to eat with people, "oh, I'm not hungry" is all I say. People talk about their paleo this and low carb that and I say, "Good for you, hope it works!" or smile as if I'm saying that. I like having friends who feel comfortable around me. They don't if I talk about diet.

At first I wanted to tell EVERYONE. THIS IS AMAZING, I wanted to shout it off the rooftops. YOU CAN BE WELL, IT'S SO EASY!!! But it was not appreciated. not at all. I am not sure that I blame anyone, really.

You might have noticed, in general people are really protective of what and how they eat.

[Sunny58]

I feel your pain ... When someone asks what I am doing to lose weight I explain then it's that couldn't be good for you !!! Now I just say I am McDougalling and they look at me funny, I say look up Dr. McD

[mgrossy]

Thank you all for the great responses. At least we have each other because I think I'm going to just sit back and let my results speak for themselves. I'm really not good at keeping quiet (not just regarding food choices) but it really only hurts me. They don't get upset, I do. I need to smile and as the great poet once said, Shut the F up..lol
Thanks again and have a great day

[roundcoconut]

How people eat is a lot like how people parent their children. Everyone's doing their best <cough cough>, and most are making a horrible mess of things.

Still, everyone you talk to will say they're a good parent, and we all nod like, "Of course you are, honey." You really can't say, "Your kids haven't learned any manners", "Your kids have a sense of entitlement" or "You give your kids no boundaries." These just aren't things you can say.

You know what's another parallel? Parents who have a horrible relationship with their kid will say, "I've tried everything", meaning they've tried every horrible idea talked about on mainstream talkshows.

And that''s how it is with food. People say they eat well, when they don't, and you're supposed to allow them their polite fictions. People say they've tried everything, which usually means they've modified their SAD diet in a few different ways, for a few different lengths of time, and that they've joined a gym or had a yoga class for some length of time. (I've never met anyone who says they've tried everything, who have actually tried a diet of whole natural foods -- it's just an idea they would ever think of on their own.)

[roundcoconut]

On a side note, I've been at this way of eating for a fairly long time (four or five years) and am very out about my way of eating. I allow other people their choices and opinions, of course, but if a topic comes up, I express my opinion about it (kinda like on these boards).

So, if someone raves to me about some new juice blend they're buying at Whole Foods, I do honestly tell them that I have a thing about packaged, processed foods -- how I pretty much don't buy crap in packages and that's something I love doing and feel good about; how juice isn't the best idea for someone like me who fills up on fiber (fruit not juices) and doesn't do any intensive exercise. Etc.

Doesn't ever need to be confrontational -- these are just your personal opinions and your personal choices -- same with how we spend money, how we decorate our apartments, how we choose our clothing -- but you can bring yours into the conversation assuming that topics that are interesting to you, are interesting to the other person as well (unless you are getting hostility signals from them).

I WAS talking to a guy I know recently, and said about frozen desserts, "I just think it's not natural" -- because if you go back a few thousand years, people weren't churning ice cream OR blending up bananas with date paste. The guy said, "I like to think that people can eat all the ice cream they want, as long as they are willing to milk the cow, skim the cream, harvest the sugar and hand-churn the ice cream. All you can eat, baby!"

[mgrossy]

How people eat is a lot like how people parent their children. Everyone's doing their best <cough cough>, and most are making a horrible mess of things.

Still, everyone you talk to will say they're a good parent, and we all nod like, "Of course you are, honey." You really can't say, "Your kids haven't learned any manners", "Your kids have a sense of entitlement" or "You give your kids no boundaries." These just aren't things you can say.

You know what's another parallel? Parents who have a horrible relationship with their kid will say, "I've tried everything", meaning they've tried every horrible idea talked about on mainstream talkshows.

And that''s how it is with food. People say they eat well, when they don't, and you're supposed to allow them their polite fictions. People say they've tried everything, which usually means they've modified their SAD diet in a few different ways, for a few different lengths of time, and that they've joined a gym or had a yoga class for some length of time. (I've never met anyone who says they've tried everything, who have actually tried a diet of whole natural foods -- it's just an idea they would ever think of on their own.)

Great advice and thanks. Even tho it's so true about parenting I do keep my mouth shut...

[katgirl55]

I think I am turning into a curmudgeon in my older age. I can be quiet about things, other things I am pretty vocal about - but mostly when it comes to MY choices. For example, I was at my 70 year old aunt's house, and I had brought a reusable bottle and was going to get some water. She told me she had no filter and pointed to a case of water in plastic bottles. I refused to take one and said I do not drink out of plastic bottles. Well, I probably seemed snobby and rude, but to me that just seems lazy and wasteful. While I didn't tell her that SHE shouldn't buy bottled water, I made my choice clear.

This is pretty much the attitude I have about discussing diet with people too. I have to make clear boundaries for myself, but stay hands-off when it comes to their choices. Patty has a point that diet is almost like religion to some people, and they can get very offended at being told what they should eat. It is vice versa for me too, I might research and watch videos on what to eat etc, but my hackles get up at people telling me in person what to do. EVEN IF IT IS WFPB. For some reason it puts me on the defensive and I want to tell them to shut up. I will pay good money to see Dr. McDougall et al tell me what to eat, but the average Joe Blow better stay off the subject.

[Vanilla Orchid]

Don't waste your time telling others what to eat unless they actually want to know. Plenty of people do want your help. They are the ones who will ask how you manged to lose weight or do whatever it is that you needed to do to visibly improve your health and life. If they want to know give them an honest answer, but not a lecture. If they ask for more, give it to them. Invite them to a meal, or whatever it is that may help them. Don't be offended if they decline or aren't interested in a change. It's not really your business.

How would you feel if people kept pressing you to have a little bite of steak?

The real problem is if your doctor tells you that you really do need to eat something you know is off plan, or take supplements or some drug you know will harm you. The real problem is where to find credible medical advice for your particular needs. Dr. McDougall can't serve all of us and frankly isn't an expert in every malady. That's the problem. Look inward and you will see that there is plenty to work on in your own life.

[veg tom]

Once people find out I do not eat meat etc. they do not talk to me about food.