Feast Days

[Tatterhood]

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but as a longtime fan of Miss Manners, I never, ever comment on another person's weight for several reasons. First of all, I think it's rude to even suggest that I notice another person's weight. Commenting on a loss means I've been paying attention to their weight (and how will they feel if they gain the weight back?) and other people's bodies are none of my business. Second, people lose weight for all kinds of reasons, including grief and disease. My mother got a lot of compliments after my father's sudden death, and it was disturbing and hurtful to keep getting told how great she looked when her world had fallen apart. You could have lost ten pounds because you found out your husband was cheating on you. You're using the word "colleague" here, so it doesn't seem like you're referring to close friends.

To your point, I don't comment on people's weight, either, unless they are actively talking about it themselves. I know how sensitive a topic it can be for lots of people both thin and heavy. It's just been so much the focus of my last six weeks, that I guess I was wanting SOME kind of validation. According to Dr Lisle...we are wired to want it...in fact, we seek and need it. And to say that we don't, according to what he said in the interview I listened to today, "is pure BS".

I know this is going off topic, but it was a big part of that interview and wildly fascinating. Dr. Lisle spoke extensively about how we get our motivation and esteem--different from self-esteem from the validation we get from others in our lives.

A large measure of a woman's self-esteem comes through her weight. Not because of societal expectation necessarily. His take was really eye-opening. It had to do with getting positive feedback from potential mates. But he made a strong point with this, whether male or female, that we need to pay attention to the inner validating voices...the self-esteem mechanism to strengthen our resolve, especially in the beginning stages.

It was a fascinating talk. The link is somewhere earlier in this thread. Or, it's on you tube...It's Chef AJ interviewing Dr. Doug Lisle.

[vgpedlr]

Vgpdlr--Are there specific talks that address what I'm talking about here that you would recommend?

The two that come to mind are "Getting Along Without Going Along" and "Losing Weight Without Losing Your Mind." There are others.

I was not suggesting that YOU eat a SAD taco, only that they're available for whoever wants one.

[Jack Monzon]

Feast days -- defined by Dr. McDougall in various newsletters as OFF-PLAN eating -- are permitted on this program. They are to be extremely rare. One can find McDougall's definitions easily by searching the site.

Eating on-plan foods like avocados and nuts in abundance is not a "feast day," according to McDougall's definition. It certainly may be a "feast" in the dictionary-definition sense of eating a lot of tasty food or whatever, but it is not a "feast" in McDougall nomenclature.

[sjsilver]

Your husband is having a hard time with this. I imagine it's his issue that he's transferring onto you. Maybe he's worried that he should be doing this as well? Maybe he's feeling left behind? Maybe he just doesn't like the attention this might engender? I don't know. The point is, stick to your guns. Going off the plan for 3 days and just winging it is insane—especially since you've been at it for mere weeks. It will not end well if you attempt it, I promise you. Don't argue with him, just say this is what you're doing and he needs to get over it. I had to say that to my MIL when she wouldn't let up about dinner at her house. "You only visit rarely and you should make an exception." Um, no I'm not. Never came up again. People learn quickly if you put your foot down and end the conversation. I see resolve in your posts and I think you will find a way to stay on plan and make it work. Good luck.

If you make an exception just once, it will be expected each time you have company. People need to know that you are serious about what you are doing. My daughter and her husband made this mistake with his family. Now they are constantly trying to sabotage their efforts of eating a healthy diet.

Two months ago we made a trip to British Columbia to visit family, for a week. I ate on plan as much as possible, but we had to eat several meals in restaurants. I gained 5 lbs in that week. This may not seem like much to people, but it took 2 months to rid myself of those 5 lbs again. It was such a relief to finally lose it, but it really makes me dread traveling.

[veg tom]

I follow the beat of my own drummer. We use to eat crab for birthdays etc. but the last time [years ago] it was strange to me I will still buy it and cook it for woman but I will not eat it. It kind of bugs woman but I will not eat anything I do not want.

[Tatterhood]

Here's the ironic thing. Dealing with diet and food has always been an issue with me ever since I met my husband nine or so years ago. He had to get used to the fact that I can't drink because I get migraines, not always, but sometimes from beer and wine. So, I gave it up because drinking is like Russian Roulette. So social situations where wine is served is always a little awkward, but people always understand. Sure, I would love to have a little wine with a good meal from time to time, but the price is just too steep, and I'm the one who pays. And having to take pricey prescription drugs that make me feel a lot worse before I feel better just aren't worth it, so I've learned to stand my ground.

Then, I went vegan. It was an uncomfortable shift for him for a while, but then he joined me, and hasn't looked back.

Now, I'm ditching oil. And while he's seeing all positive changes...and, in fact, I even suspect I'm having fewer migraines because of giving up the fats (please, please, please let this be true) he still misses us sharing dinners together. And now there is the added social pressure, which I know the family will be fine with.

Once we settle into the new normal, and he reaps the benefits of a healthier, happier partner, I think he's going to settle down and stop pressuring me to "live a little" when clearly sticking to it is allowing me to actually live a lot more and better.

[dailycarbs]

In social situations, booze is easier than food. You can walk into a bar and say that you're a recovering alcoholic and people will bend over backward to accommodate you. Nobody in their mind would tell you a little drink isn't going to hurt you. Try that with oil in a restaurant.

[Tatterhood]

Nobody in their mind would tell you a little drink isn't going to hurt you. Try that with oil in a restaurant.

Try telling ANYBODY that and they look at you like you have two heads!

[Spiral]

Nobody in their mind would tell you a little drink isn't going to hurt you. Try that with oil in a restaurant.

Try telling ANYBODY that and they look at you like you have two heads!

If you try that with Gluten in a restaurant, they will work with you. But with oil ? Not a chance.

[sjbell]

I have just had one and I feel horrendous!!
I rarely 'cheat' these days as it completely derails my self esteem, I feel terrible and struggle with cravings once I eat something 'off plan'.
This is how it happened- a few 'mistakes'
1) I went to the gym before church yesterday morning but had no time to eat breakfast before going to church- didnt feel hungry particularly but I feel missing breakfast after a workout was part of the problem that I hadnt eaten enough nutritious food to start with
2) I was at my mums for sunday lunch- the main meal was perfect- potatoes, salad, home made on plan falafel, baked beans etc all good until the rest of my family start on dessert- I am not tempted by the 'typical' desserts/ cakes that everyone else eats but my mum buys dark chocolate especially for me and encourages me to have a few squares after dinner as a sunday treat- and there's is the problem. \Once I eat a few squares, the desire for more doesnt leave me all day. I know this from the past but yet in the moment, I am convinced by my family that a few squares ' wont hurt' , but the problem is I am left with unbelievable cravings that don't leave me for the rest of the day. All of the rest of the evening I had cravings for sweet food/ junk food like I have never had before. I actually couldnt sleep thinking about how I could get a bar of chocolate and a can of diet coke. The irony is that at 11.30 pm, there are very few options available to me- the local petrol garages close at 11 pm I think and no where else I know of is open late on a sunday evening. I did seriously contemplate getting dressed and driving to see if anywhere was open but the shame I would face from my husband put me off this notion. Thankfully I dont keep much junk food in my house- I had eaten a few of my 2 yr old son's 'treats' which I have determined not to buy again but my options in my house are verylimited. Thankfully. So the moral of the story is, dont start. Perhaps some people can handle a few squares of dark choc and not have cravings- I am not one of them and despite knowing this about myself, I continue to try moderation which doesnt work for me,
3) I was emotional. I am 33 weeks pregnant and tired- food cravings and tiredness are never a good combination. I feel I deserve a few treats now and then... and so the psychologial torture begins!!!
SO overall my advice is, enjoy the contentment of good food, not being tortured by cravings, guilt, regret and enjoy the on plan food

[Tatterhood]

Sounds awful! I can just imagine that feeling of wanting to go on the hunt for chocolate after hours. Though with me, it would be for chips and salsa. My addiction tends towards the salty/sour end of the spectrum, and hand me a damn bag of salty corn chips and a jar of salsa, and watch it disappear. I really have to go nowhere near the stuff...not even one chip. Bangs all my pleasure receptors and I'm hooked like a junkie. Even worse, a vegan can get away with telling herself that it's "vegan".

And yes, the emotional component can be very strong. I know this can be very powerful for lots of us, especially when there are other pressures weighing in. Luckily, I've gotten a running start with this WOE while on summer break from school (I"m a teacher). I'm going to have to shore up all I've got when I return to school because there are temptations lurking around every corner. And I often come home completely exhausted at the end of every day. I know my danger times. So, I'm already thinking about ways to support myself at those times, like having healthy foods ready and available so that I'm not reaching for "crash" foods at 3 p.m. or how to structure my workout times, so that I'm not lulled into not doing them out of sheer exhaustion or bad weather setting in come November.

So many slippery slopes out there.

[colonyofcells]

Pretty much anybody can eat tons of chips and salsa. I can easily eat lots of chips even without the salsa. A healthier alternative could be whole grain sourdough pretzels with water. Instead of tortilla chips, I now prefer to boil my corn tortillas so I can increase my liquid consumption.

[sjbell]

Yes -i was recalling the cravings to my sister and she was telling me that aparently they pass after 15 minutes- not in my experience. Maybe my cravings came in waves and each 'wave' was 15 mins but they definitely didnt disappear!
Interestingly, I couldnt tell you the last time I bought crisps/chips- they have zero appeal to me. I have a few family bags of sweet chilli sensations in my house which have been there since Christmas, prob brought by friends and remain unopened. It's funny how they would never tempt me but chocolate of any kind is a whole different level of temptation!! I remember as a child eating my mum's baking chocolate out of her food cupboard secretly, swapping my fruit at school for a friend's chocolate biscuit and 'stealing' sweets at my grandparents house as I knew where they hid them. The traits have been with me for some time , but its definitely something i need to address.
For the crunch factor, I have found having carrot sticks helps- you could have salsa with them, perhaps?

[JohnLarson]

Thanks for posting this topic.

I used to be a strong promoter of feast days and would quote the newsletter about them. That article isn't for those following his plan, it is for those having trouble completely giving up SAD. It is a New Years resolution article. I, of course, read what I wanted to read.

So I set out a plan to "reward" myself with SAD feasts when I met certain points. I tried to line these up with holidays or special days. "If I am under 235 on Thanksgiving then I will eat some Turkey and pie." This did seem to sort of work until I got under 200 pounds and had some changes to my environment. I found myself "rewarding" myself for almost any reason. Not all this was meat and dairy. Often it was PB&J on white bread or chips & salsa. I also went on a Boca burger kick for a bit. Soon the weight came back and I struggle to stay on plan, there always to be some reason to not be on plan. Mostly social situations.

My wife and I eat differently, we can go to a handful of restaurants where I can eat on plan. Today, she wants me to follow this way of eating, way of life. It has not always been that way, but she has seen the results and has seen what happens from not following this plan.

I have no plans to eat SAD ever again. No more planning cheat meals/days. It didn't work for me. I can feast on all sorts of on-plan foods. The food is really great. Eat the foods you enjoy and if that means making multiple meals to keep the peace, it is worth it. Oil is fairly nasty stuff.

[Tatterhood]

Just an update:

So my in-laws arrived, and my sister-in-law noticed right away that I had dropped weight (13 lbs since I had seen her). She and I had seen each other just a few months ago and had been talking about how hard it was to lose weight at our age (both 50 and both a good 15-20 overweight). I'm fortunate in that these guys are all very easy and open-minded about food, and mostly healthy in their habits in terms of choices. They also love to get out and exercise everyday as well.

Anyway, after describing what I had been doing over the last 8 weeks, she decided to do my WOE for the duration of her visit! So, she and I have been eating my plant/starch-based meals, while the rest have been eating regularly and it hasn't been a problem. She's been amazed at how well she feels and how easy to prepare, and tasty the food is.

Everyone has been enjoying my fat-free salad dressing.

So all's well that ends well.