A little story

For those questions and discussions on the McDougall program that don’t seem to fit in any other forum.

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A little story

Postby veg tom » Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:00 am

I was a boater, and after we put the boats to bed my brother invited everyone over for a bbq right up my ally right. I looked at it as a social thing. He collected money for some high end steaks [he knew not to ask me for some reason :lol: ] I have been doing the veg thing for a long time. At that time I did boka burgers [I no longer do for some time] So we are hanging out drinking some pops and the so called cook [a brother-in law] who worked in a restaurant started cooking. He was cooking them on low heat messing them up. I could not stand that he was screwing them up so I stepped in and turned up the heat and they came out perfect. Everyone said they were great. The brother In law was trying to take credit for them [ brother in laws right] Well after I was done I did the boka burgers and sat down to eat. My brothers kid started to look at me funny, and I said what,[I know he wanted to say something] He said you have b--ls of steel, and I asked him why. He said he was watching my and said you did not even try a taste of the steaks. I was laughing and said it never accured to me to try then. The moral of the story is if some people have a hard time with this woe it will change with time. I could never see my self eating a sad diet ever
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Re: A little story

Postby bbq » Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:26 am

A taste of the steaks while putting our lives at stake? Nah, maybe some celery sticks or just a little bit of breadsticks here and there.

Steaks for sticky arterial plaque, I'm gonna pass without making a mess.
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Re: A little story

Postby dteresa » Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:50 am

People always notice when there is a change for the better and always want to know your secret. Until you tell them you eat wfpb no fat. Oops. You can see the light go out of their eyes. All I want is for my precious children to be healthy. One daughter started this woe and lost eleven pounds. But no more. She does not eat meat but evidently is not following this woe because she has not lost anymore weight. A lot of people hope to change the world. I would be so happy to see my loved ones on the path to good health.

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Re: A little story

Postby roundcoconut » Sat Apr 18, 2015 6:55 pm

didi, why not just wish for your familty to as happy as possible? People who set their mind to improving their health will go at it like a bat outta hell, but those who would like to work on other things about their lives are doing just as important work!

I don't know. I also wish for the people to turn to this way of eating (so I *do* know where you're coming from), but I just think it's more pleasant when you accept that they just want you to love them, not change them.
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Re: A little story

Postby dteresa » Sat Apr 18, 2015 7:25 pm

Well, you are absolutely right. Now if only I weren't a worrier. If I got paid for it I would be very wealthy.

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Re: A little story

Postby bbq » Sun Apr 19, 2015 4:46 am

A little quote from Stephen R. Covey that could be relevant here:

http://www.worldcat.org/title/youve-got-to-read-this-book-55-people-tell-the-story-of-the-book-that-changed-their-life/oclc/223820330
You've got to read this book : 55 people tell the story of the book that changed their life

When I read A Guide for the Perplexed, I was teaching at Brigham Young University. I liked the book so much that I made it required reading for my classes in Organizational Behavior and Management. I taught personal responsibility by having students write their own contracts with me, outlining what they were going to accomplish in the class, and, more importantly, what contributions they would make. Then they decided what kind of accountability system they would set up, so that they were accountable not only to their own conscience but also to the people they lived and worked with.

Putting the responsibility for learning back on these students literally transformed their lives. They often gained a new level of mastery over themselves, not just academically but also in terms of getting exercise, eating right, and living by their consciences. Many of them were sloppy and undisciplined and knew they needed to do these things. And since they had to evaluate themselves and be accountable to the people around them, they knew they couldn’t scrape by in the old way—by simply playing the game and doing the bare minimum to pass.

I once had a student who had gotten by for years on his popularity, his good looks, and his athletic prowess. One day he came in to ask me how he was doing in class. I said, “Don’t ask me. What does your conscience say? What about the people you go around with? What do they say?”

“Oh, you know . . . ,” and he gave me all these excuses for why he wasn’t doing well. I said to him, “Look what you’re doing. You’re telling me you are a victim of your circumstances. You’re doing the very opposite of what we committed to up front. I’d say that you deserve the D-minus you’re getting.” Later that student told me, “You can’t imagine the impact that had on my life, that someone would hold me to the responsible course in life.” And like so many others who discover the link between personal responsibility and effectiveness in life, he went on to get an education—rather than just good grades.

Another important concept I discovered in A Guide for the Perplexed was the difference between convergent and divergent problems, a distinction I use constantly in my consulting work with organizations and individuals. I’ve learned that it’s vital to know which type of problem you have, as they require entirely different solutions.

With a convergent problem, you just need more information. Let’s say you have a problem with your car. You gather more data about what’s wrong, and eventually everything converges to the solution. As you gather information, you eliminate options—it’s not the fuel line, it’s not this, it’s not this . . . oh, here’s where it is. Eventually you come to the solution.

But with a divergent problem, you’ve got to go deeper and discover the underlying values that are causing the divergence. More information will not solve the problem. Everyone has been in the situation of arguing with a partner, a spouse, or a child, and the more you talk to each other, the worse it gets. Both of you are treating it like a convergent problem, thinking, “I’ll just give you more information. If you just understand more, you’ll see I’m right.” But the real problem is that you’ve got values that are divergent. That’s what is causing the clash. So the first step in solving a divergent problem is to recognize that it’s a values—not an information—issue. Then, if you can find a bigger, higher value that both parties agree on, you can take a convergent approach.

In my book The 8th Habit,® I talk about the idea of a “third alternative.” If you say to the person you’re arguing with, “Would you be willing to search for a solution that is better than what either one of us has been proposing?” you change a divergent problem into a convergent one. It puts you both on the same side of the table—looking in the same direction—and then you can start sharing information in a creative way, rather than being defensive and protective.
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