Discussion Board

Been struggling a bit with food since Easter. Here's to a NEW DAY and a NEW OPPORTUNITY to make a better choice.

Happy McDougalling, Everyone!

kirstykay, I like what you are talking about here. I have been thinking lately too that struggle is just a part of life and I need to stop resisting it so much and looking to eat it away. Your quote from The Last Addiction reminded me too of how I have worked with folks w/o a home struggling with mental illness, etc. In the beginning of the relationship it doesn't really matter what we tackle together. It just has to be what they choose and we need some kind of success. The experience of accomplishing something fuels hope and develops skills needed to do something even bigger like holding on to an apartment. I think this is why when I exercise I also tend to eat well. The movement is toward health. There is the feeling of accomplishment and the desire for more follows. It's a big mistake for me to let it all go because of a poboy or some days not exercising. Others say it here too....Jim with "success begets success", kk talking about the dominoes, etc. And you with this wonderful journal.

I'm really enjoying your journal, it is very encouraging. can't wait to see your blog.

Had to face the reality of the scale today which betrayed the fact that I have fallen into some old, bad habits...mostly related to bread, nuts and some snacking. I'm frustrated with myself today, but not completely discouraged. I am grateful for the weight-loss group that I needed to report a gain, and not just continue in this destructive pattern. So, today is a new day, and I am feeling a renewed sense of determination...the feeling of losing each week is SOOOOO much better than the fleeting pleasure of eating off-plan foods. Today, I have been saying NO to myself a LOT, which makes me realize how much I had been allowing myself to mindlessly snack for the last 2 weeks. I think, in a sick and distorted way, I felt like I "deserved" it for meeting my goal. Well, how's that for wrong thinking???

What I DO "DESERVE":
The PLEASURE of watching the scale go DOWN and not UP!
The PEACE of knowing that I am living in Freedom from addiction.
The JOY of feeling GOOD about myself and not ashamed.
The HAPPINESS of liking what I see in the mirror.
The COMFORT of knowing I am promoting HEALTH in my body and not disease!

Off-plan food brings me only misery. I need to keep that truth in the FRONT of my mind instead of dismissing it when there is some food that calls my name.

I am a work in progress.....

You deserve all those things, Kirsty. I am so impressed with your willingness to show up and be honest.

I want you to know that I have been on-plan since you "spoke" with me on Wednesday. I've been to the grocery store twice with the intention of buying something off-plan but didn't do it. I'm not entirely sure why. I had already told myself it was OK. I feel very sad. Kind of like the way you described your feelings after Easter. I feel like I'm experiencing some sort of internal shift in acceptance and I'm mourning the loss of some old beliefs. Anywho, coming here and reading your journal has helped get me to this place. I don't know if I'm "there" yet but I feel something changing. Thank you!!!

Hey K,

Can I say--I have been there and done that. I can so relate to your last post. I'm not sure what it is about getting to a certain weight and being comfortable and letting foods slip back in. It happens to the best of us. I learned my lesson one too many times. I can't slip up, I can't have a little of this or a little of that, I'm just not that kind of person. The good news is you learned something new because we do each and every time and we just get better and better. Keep on keepin on

Kelly, I wrote a long,(brialliant ) post in response to you yesterday and when I hit "submit" it disappeared! At that point, I had run out of time. Basically, I wanted to thank you for being here on this journey with me...for encouraging me at all turns, and for never giving up. I appreciate you! And I'm glad if anything I say can help you. I hope you are doing well this week, friend!

Boots, it's always such a treat when you stop by and comment on my journey. You have such a heart of encouragement, and your input really does help me!

I am doing well this week! I have gotten back on track with my eating, and I have done a lot of processing and thinking about my "issues" with food and my responses to myself in light of them.

Here's something interesting that Dr. McD says in his new book:

The biggest mistake dieters make: "Believing the fault is their own. They must stop believing that there is something psychologically wrong with them; that they are obsessive-compulsiveovereaters. There is nothing wrong with the hunger drive. What is really wrong is the food that they are choosing to satisfy their natural cravings."

I read this and I decided that he is right. I am overthinking this and spending too much time and energy on trying to figure it all out. When I am eating correctly and on MWL, it becomes easy to follow and stay on track. When I deviate from MWL, I feel miserable, like a failure, and stuck...psychological or physiological? I believe Dr. McDougall knows what he is talking about, and he has helped so many people overcome their obesity and disease...I'm going to trust that he is right, and just stop spending so much time thinking about all of this! How liberating to just eat the proper food and get on with my life. What a trap it is for me to over examine every craving and internal motivation!

Ok...let's get on with it, then, and git 'er DONE!!!!!

Have a Happy McDougally Day, everyone!!

I haven't got that book yet but I totally agree with that quote. and someone's been watching Larry the Cable guy. laugh.

I agree that all we can do is try to stay on plan. Try not to deviate. Try to have faith that following the plan will bring us joy and health. Try to string enough days together that the physical cravings will stop.

What I disagree with, and it's really only relevant if you find yourself in this spot again in the future, is that issues with food are not always hunger based. They are if we're not prepared and actually get hungry and have no MWL food but that is often not the problem. People do not fall off the wagon (in terms of alcohol) after 20 years of sobriety because they were thirsty. Likewise, anyone here who has strung together 30 days or more and then fell off the MWL wagon probably didn't do so solely from natural cravings. There are physical cravings (which are natural and cannot be changed) and there are emotional cravings (which can be equally powerful but can be changed). If you find that despite all efforts to follow the plan you repeatedly deviate, even under ideal and well-prepared conditions, then maybe it's worth taking a minute to figure out what you can do different.

It's definitely true we can get stuck in thinking. We don't want analysis paralysis. We need to think about our issues just long enough to develop of plan of action and then move on to implementation. If you find that each time you've struggled it was simply because you were hungry and didn't have any MWL food then that's easy. You just make sure you always have MWL food around. I hope that's all you ever have to do.

For me, it hasn't been that simple. I went from uncontrolled eating to uncontrolled drinking to uncontrolled smoking to uncontrolled shopping and back to uncontrolled eating. I doubt I have a natural biological drive to own 27 handbags but that never stopped me from buying them. I can't afford to compulsively shop. It harms me financially and psychologically but I still do it. I need to learn how to face my fears without reaching for something harmful to make the journey easier or softer. But that's me. I'm just saying for some people there's more to it than physical hunger and ignoring that can lead to years of trying the same thing over and over and repeatedly failing. On the other hand some people use "analysis" as an excuse to stay stuck.

I think we need to pick a plan we think will work and then really, truly, seriously try it. If it doesn't work we can look over what happened. Think of something we can do differently and try again. That's the best any of us can do and you are always a shining example of what that looks like. That's why so many of us come here to read your journal.

Kelly,
Thanks for the insightful post. Of course, I know you're right. As long as I can remember, I have eaten for reasons other than hunger. I have continued to eat long after my stomach ached from over-stuffing it. That is not the hunger drive. I think that quote appealed to me when I read it today because I have been in analysis mode for a couple of weeks, and I am tired of thinking about it all. I think it appealed to me because I WANT it to be that simple.

I do think there is some truth in what Dr. McD said...that being that if we continue to feed our addiction with the wrong things, we will never be able to break free from the physical pull toward food that will harm us and keep us stuck in the cycle of overeating. But, you are right, of course. I don't fall off the wagon after weeks and weeks of compliance just because there is no MWL food available. There is more to it than that.

Thanks, once again, for speaking the truth! I like the way you explained that there are physical cravings and emotional cravings...both need to be dealt with.

I agree, Kirsty. In addition to continuing to feed those cravings I think Dr. McDougall was also referring to people who have tried and failed using the standard American weight-loss plan or those who eat "healthy" but continue to struggle with their weight.

Most weight-loss plans state you can continue to eat whatever you want you just have to limit the total calories you consume. So people who adhere to a weight loss plan faithfully but continue to select SAD foods are not going to feel satisfied on the lower calorie allotment. They will be left feeling hungry and eventually that hunger will win and they'll eat the rest of the "low fat" ice cream in the fridge and feel like a failure.

I remember going on Weight Watchers years ago and I really tried to eat healthy. I wasn't gaming the system by eating only Oreos but staying within my points range. I was eating chicken breast and baked potatoes with low fat sour cream and grilled cheese sandwiches with low-fat cheese and the spray-on butter. I ate salads with low fat Thousand Island dressing. I really thought I was doing it right and I was always hungry. If you are doing everything right and you're still starving then there must be something wrong with you, right?

If you're not on a weight-loss diet but you eat "healthy" foods until you're satisfied chances are you'll be over-weight. Again, you feel like something is wrong with you because you always want to eat more even though you're clearly consuming too many calories.

Anyhoo, I agree with Dr. McD. For those people who have yet to discover this WOE, those following what they have been told is a healthy diet and still not achieving an ideal weight, they probably do feel like something is wrong with them. What you and I are struggling with, on the other hand, is more on the lines of disordered eating with origins other than hunger. But, like we discussed in my journal yesterday, we also have physical hunger and following this plan is more difficult if we are not prepared. So, we need to do what we need to do today to provide healthy food options while, simultaneously, working to find alternative strategies for dealing with stress and other emotional triggers that lead us down self-destructive paths.

I feel so much more positive being able to share this journey with you.

Kelly,
Yes! That is a really great summary of putting it all into perspective. Not everyone who can't control their weight is a compulsive overeater...the diet industry in our culture just makes most people feel like they must be!

It is good to work all these things out, and then to get on with applying what we've learned!

You're great!

Today we picked my son up from finishing his first year of college! I can't believe how this year has FLOWN by!!! He had a great year, has grown up a lot, and has an excellent fulltime summer job all lined up that he starts on May 1st. It's nice to have him home.

And, I'm happy to say that I did GREAT with food on our "road trip." I feel like I really am back on track now. I'm ready to keep moving forward from here.

Oh yeah, BTW--I didn't win the bike. Oh well, it was a long-shot. My dh said he'd buy me a new bike...but it won't be a $5000.00 one!

I am down .4 pounds this week. Not a huge amount, but a significant one because I am finally back on track after Easter and ready to get on with the business of "finishing strong" and living in freedom!

I have been spending a lot of time meditating on a Bible verse that my friend shared with me last week. I've looked it up in several different versions and thought about it a lot and I think it offers so much wisdom in my battle over my own wants and desires.

I like the way The Message is worded the best because it relates so well to what is really going on with my eating. I wrote this in my personal journal a couple of days ago, and reflecting on it has helped me to make better choices this week:

I Peter 4:1-2 (The Message)
"Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more; learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want."

There is a moment in time when we choose. Choose to yield to God or to indulge in sin. There is a moment. It begins with a thought. It is followed by another thought. And that progression of thought leads to a choice. A moment in time when a choice is made. Whether I am fully awake, aware of what I am doing or in denial, I am making a choice. What will I indulge in? My flesh or my God? Which do I love more? My sin or my Lord? Make no mistake, there is a yielding taking place. Will I choose to suffer for a little while, or to indulge in to what I want in the moment, only to regret it later?

I like Webster’s definition of INDULGE. It helps me realize the reality of what is really taking place:
…to give free rein to; to take unrestrained pleasure in; to yield to the desire of; to gratify…

Shall I give free rein to my flesh? Shall I take unrestrained pleasure in my sin? Shall I gratify my lust, my gluttony? Or yield to the tyranny of my wants? Where has this gotten me so far?

Oh, but there is a better way...Christ’s blood has afforded me the freedom to give free reign to the Lover of My Soul; to take unrestrained pleasure in the One who knit me together in my mother’s womb and numbers the very hairs on my head; to yield to the desire of the One who knows what is best for me at all times and holds me in the palm of His hand...

There is a moment in time when we choose. I get to choose whom I will serve. I cannot serve two masters. There is no such thing as a small indulgence…there is only tyranny or freedom. It’s my choice.

I love, love, love, love, LOVE this post. I will be stealing pretty much the whole thing and writing it down in my own private journal. It reminds me of the 3rd Step prayer in AA (and inspiration for the title of my journal):

"God, I offer myself to Thee to build with me or do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always."

I also like the 7th step prayer:
"My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen."

I used to say those prayers when I struggled with food but haven't done it lately. Thank you for reminding me.

The passages you quoted also reminded me of the book "Siddhartha" by Herman Hess. I told someone 2 weeks ago I was going to read that book again and then forgot all about it. How quickly I go from inspiration and willingness to completely forgetting I was going to do anything. Geez.

That's why I have to keep coming back. I need to be reminded daily about why I chose this life for myself. I need to renew my commitment to follow this WOE every day.

I love both of your posts. This is something I needed to hear. I love what you said about yeilding to the flesh or yeilding to God. I too often yeild to my flesh. I am going to try an experiment today. I am going to put a rubber band on my wrist as a reminder to pray before I eat and when I am tempted to eat when I am not hungry. I too often eat just out of something to do, just to eat, not because I am hungry. Thank you so much for what you said. I too need to write that down.
Kathy